A few reviews!
Retro: Yes, you do need Glad bags! They make you glad! Faye needs a few…
Lem: That show was awesome! Too bad it got canceled… glad you liked the moment where Faye kissed Andy. Oooh, they might fall in love very soon!
Katie: Yep, it was! And uh-huh, horse rustling is horse stealing! And Jet and friends were locked into a bathroom with just a toilet. Very small.
Gucci Kissa: Hiya! Nice to see you review this! BTW, were you convinced of Sammy and Ami's love by the final chapter? Anyway, nope, Kikome isn't like Julia. She's kinda a female version of Andy. Hee hee!
NessacusGirl: *hugs and kisses* I'm so happy you got the 100th review! I was hoping you'd get it! And the pirates will return in this chapter… as crossdressers! Bwahaha! ^_^
Trunkz: Meh, something my sister used to say that I hated. So now I made it something Andy says that Faye hates!
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Disclaimer: I don't own Cowboy Bebop or any of the characters. I also don't own Survivor or the concept of voting people out. I wish I could vote fanfics out of this website. But not any of yours, of course!
Warning: For the purpose of comedy, most of the characters are OOC. Just warning you now.
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At a small bar on Mars, Andy was crying into his soda pop.
"I lost my horse," Andy sobbed. "I can't believe it."
"You gonna drink that there, buddy?" the bartender asked. "I just saw some snot dribble into it…"
"Really?" Andy said. He looked down into his soda. "Ewww…"
"I told you," the bartender said. Faye walked up and sat down next to Andy.
"Aw, Andy, are you sad?" Faye asked tenderly. Andy nodded his head.
"My horse is gone," Andy cried.
"Well, I'm mad. My sexy wardrobe is gone," Faye said. "And I'm going to get it back."
Sitting in the seats next to Faye were Jet, Applederry, and Edward.
"Uh, kids aren't allowed in here," the bartender said, pointing at Edward. Edward jumped onto the bar and pinched the bartender's cheeks.
"Edward is no kid, no no no! Ed is 21 and a half years old!" Edward said. Applederry laughed.
"That's my boy!" Applederry guffawed.
"She's a girl," Jet said. Suddenly, Faye stood up. She had a look of intense rage on her face.
"I can't believe you guys!" Faye yelled. She pointed at Jet. "You come back, and my wardrobe gets stolen by space pirates!"
Faye pointed at Applederry.
"You're a drunk, perverted idiot that doesn't even know the sex of your own kid!" Faye shouted. Applederry stood up.
"Hey, my boy has never had sex in his life, and I know that for a fact!" Applederry shouted. Faye turned to Andy.
"I believe the correct term is gender," Edward said. "Gender fender bender!"
Ignoring Edward, Faye pointed her finger right in the face of the still-crying Andy.
"And you're crying over a stupid horse! I lost my whole wardrobe!" Faye shrieked.
"That's nothing," Andy said, sniffling.
"That does it. If you guys aren't going to go after the space pirates, I'm going after them! Alone! So there!" Faye shouted, walking out of the bar angrily.
"Andy, she's going to get kidnapped," Jet said. "And then you'll have to save her."
"I can't save anyone without my horse," Andy said. "If she gets kidnapped or something, she's screwed."
"Andy cussed!" Edward gasped.
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Session 40- Hell Hath No Fury Like Faye-Faye
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Outside the restaurant, a very angry Faye stormed through the streets of the town, mumbling angrily. Just then, a man came up behind her and tried to put his hand over her mouth. Without looking, Faye grabbed the man's wrist and crushed it in her fingers, then pushed the man away and continued stomping off, angrily. Another man got to the side of Faye and tried to grab her from the side. Again without looking, Faye kicked the man hard in the crotch. The man doubled over. Faye continued to stomp off until she got to the Redtail. She climbed inside and closed the top of the ship. A man behind her put a gun to her head.
"This is a shipjacking!" the man yelled. "Don't try anything-"
Faye angrily grabbed the man and opened up the ship. She dragged the man over to a parked car, then slammed his head into one of the side windows. The man slumped against the side of the car. Faye got back into the Redtail and flew off, still mumbling angrily. The owner of the car that Faye had slammed the would-be Redtailjacker into walked up to his car.
"Hey, my window's broken!" the man yelled. He looked down at the unconscious criminal. "I thought the Triple H/Shawn Michaels feud was over."
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Back aboard the Bebop…
"No word from anyone about Faye-Faye yet," Andy said. "You guys think she can go off somewhere alone without getting into trouble?"
"No way," Jet said. "Pretty soon, we'll get some sort of a phone call or something demanding money."
"Faye-Faye's tough!" Edward said. "She can protect herself, Ed knows it!"
"She looked awfully mad when she left," Applederry said.
"I noticed that," Andy said. "Hey, my horse got stolen, and I didn't go yelling at people!"
"You're yelling now," Jet said.
"You're right," Andy replied. "I need to just calm down. Take a chill pill."
"The chill pills are gone," Edward said. "Father-person took them all!"
"I might as well face it," Applederry said. "I'm addicted to depressant drugs."
"No you aren't," Andy said.
"Shut up," Applederry said.
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Meanwhile, aboard the S.S. Arrgh, out in space, Captain Hookbeard and his 5-man crew were celebrating their latest haul by playing a game of dress-up with Faye's sexy wardrobe.
"These clothes are nice, cap'n!" said a fat pirate, wearing one of Faye's nightgowns. The seams had begun to rip because the gown was obviously way too small for the obese pirate wearing it.
"All this booty really accentuates me booty!" Hookbeard said, wearing a shimmering blue party dress of Faye's. "Good work, boys!"
The six evil pirates began to sing.
We be pirates and we ain't dumb
Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum
We be pirates and we ain't small
Yo ho ho and a C-cup bra
Women's clothes are nice and comfy
That's why we wear 'em
Maybe we shouldn't let Fatty put 'em on
Because he always tears 'em!
"Hey!" the fat pirate yelled, standing on top of a torn nightgown.
We be pirates, yes we be
We rule over the seven galaxies
We be pirates and we ain't small
Yo ho ho and a C-cup bra
Yo ho ho and a C-cup bra!
The pirates laughed evilly.
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BIGGERSHOT- The NEW Show For Bounty Hunters
The NEW Paunch: Ahoy, mateys!
Crazy Judy: Paunch, why are you talking like a pirate?
The NEW Paunch: It's the NEW Paunch to you, Judy! And I be talkin' like a pirate because today, we're going after a ruthless group of space pirates with a big bounty on their heads!
Crazy Judy: Pirates? Scary!
The NEW Paunch: These guys are dangerous! Captain Hookbeard himself has a 10 million wulong bounty on his head, and his crewmembers have bounties of 1 million each, with a 3 million bonus for bringing in all six!
Crazy Judy: That's 18 million wulongs!
The NEW Paunch: Good luck, mateys!
Crazy Judy: Arrrgh! *tackles the NEW Paunch*
"Good thing I just got a TV in here," Faye said, watching the TV that was now built into the Redtail's equipment panel. "That 18 million dollar reward kind of cheers me up… but not much. I'm still mad!"
The Redtail continued to cruise out into space, toward Hookbeard's vessel.
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Back aboard the Bebop…
"I have an idea," Applederry said. Andy, Jet, Ed, and Applederry were sitting around the Bebop's card table.
"What's that?" Andy asked.
"We kick Jet off the ship," Applederry said.
"What?" Jet yelled. "Why I oughta-"
Edward stepped inbetween Jet and Applederry.
"Now now, no need to fight each other!" Edward said. "Wait until Faye-Faye comes back!"
"I have an idea," Applederry said. "Let's play Survivor. We each get to vote someone off the ship. Whoever gets the most votes has to leave forever."
"That's ridiculous," Andy said. "Anyone's welcome on the Bebop!"
"But not Applederry!" Jet yelled. "Let's do it!"
"Alright!" Applederry said.
"Oh no, no!" Andy yelled. "I'm the leader of Bebop, and I won't allow it!"
"Actually, I own the Bebop," Jet said. "It's my ship and my rules. We're voting!"
"It's gonna be funny when you still own this ship but you're not allowed on it," Applederry said. "Let's vote!"
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Back out in space…
"I'm getting nowhere fast," Faye said to herself. "Now I'm even more mad! Argh!"
The Redtail zoomed through space at an incredible rate of speed. Finally, Faye spotted something.
"That's Hookbeard's ship alright," Faye said. "Or at least, I think so. It's a ship. Out of all the ships in the universe, it's Hookbeard's. Well, it could be someone else's. Or- aw, what the hey, I'm gonna crash into it. I'm mad!"
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Meanwhile, in the main hall of Hookbeard's ship…
"Well, men, do ya all have yer new garments on?" Hookbeard asked, still wearing Faye's sexy red dress.
"Aye aye, cap'n!" the other five pirates yelled. Four of them were wearing Faye's clothes. The fat pirate was standing on top of a large pile of ripped dresses, gowns, and bras.
"Well, you're fat, you can't help it," Hookbeard said. "Have ye tried goin' on the Jared diet?"
Suddenly, a large crashing noise was heard. Sirens began blaring aboard the ship.
"Somebody's crashed into the poop deck!" Hookbeard yelled.
"That's where are the toilets are!" another pirate shouted. "How are we gonna use the bathroom now?"
"Let's get the mangy scalawag that destroyed our bathroom!" Hookbeard yelled. "Come on!"
The six pirates rushed toward the poop deck.
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Faye climbed out of the Redtail into a room filled with toilets.
"It stinks in here," Faye said, holding her nose. "Now I'm even MORE angry!"
Faye stomped out of the poop deck and into one of the halls of the ship. She stomped down the hall, tearing portraits off the walls and smashing any vases she could find. She turned a corner… and was immediately confronted by Hookbeard and his crew.
"Yarr, it's the intruder!" Hookbeard shouted.
"You took my wardrobe!" Faye yelled. The five crewmembers lunged at Faye. Faye tried to take them all on, but they immediately tackled her and knocked her out. Hookbeard laughed evilly.
"Yo ho ho!" Hookbeard cackled. "Make her walk the plank!"
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Meanwhile, aboard the Bebop…
"I voted for this person because I had no choice," Andy said, holding up a piece of paper to a confession booth. "I'm sorry, but you've gotta go…"
Andy walked back to the couch. Edward crossed her arms angrily.
"Edward refuses to vote!" Edward said angrily. "No one is leaving Bebop-bop!"
Jet walked up to the confessional, wrote down his vote, and held it to the camera. The piece of paper read "APPLEDERRY" in big, bold letters.
"He thinks he's tougher than me," Jet said. "He thinks he owns this ship! I own this ship! I'm Vince McMahon, dangit! I mean, uh… I'm Jet."
Jet walked back to the couch. Applederry ran up to the confessional and jotted down his vote. He held it to the camera. It read "BIG FAT UGLY SMELLY JERK, WHO I HATE. AND HE SUCKS. HE SUCKS!!!" in big, bold letters.
"He's a jerk. I hate him," Applederry said. He started to walk back to the couch, but turned around and faced the camera once more. "AND HE SUCKS!!!"
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Faye stood on the edge of a large wooden plank suspended above a huge swimming pool on Hookbeard's ship. Her hands were tied behind her back.
"Why are you making me stand on a diving board?" Faye asked.
"Arrr, it's a plank!" Hookbeard yelled. "Now walk it!"
"I'm already on the edge," Faye said.
"Walk it!" Hookbeard commanded.
"Okay," Faye said. Suddenly, she turned around. "Wait. I'm mad. I'm really mad!"
Faye broke free from her bonds and jumped off the other side of the diving board, making a clean landing in front of Hookbeard's five soldiers. Faye immediately took out her gun and shot all five dead.
"Yaaaargh!" Hookbeard shouted in terror.
"You stole my clothes!" Faye shrieked, pointing the gun at Hookbeard. "I'm mad!"
"If you want them back, they're yours!" Hookbeard yelled, taking off the dress he was wearing and setting it down at Faye's feet. "There!"
"Well…" Faye said, contemplating Hookbeard's fate. Suddenly, her eyes traveled over to the large pile of ripped clothes that the fat pirate had ruined. "MY CLOTHES! HALF OF THEM ARE DESTROYED!"
"Er, those," Hookbeard said. "Well, ya see…"
"Now I'm mad! You're dead!" Faye yelled. Hookbeard fell to his knees and began kissing Faye's feet.
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Just don't shooooot!" Hookbeard pleaded.
"I'm mad!" Faye yelled.
"Please?" Hookbeard begged.
"There's a 10 million wulong bounty on your head," Faye said. "Shooting your men cost me 8 million. I won't make the same mistake with you."
Faye put her gun away and took out a pair of handcuffs, which she used to secure Hookbeard.
"I'm mad, but money makes me glad!" Faye said. "And you're worth a whole bunch!"
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"Remember, once the voted are tallied, the decision is final, and the person voted out will be asked to get the F out of the Bebop," Andy said, holding a large bucket of votes. "I'll tally the votes."
Andy pulled a piece of paper from the box.
"First vote… Applederry," Andy said.
"Yes, yes!" Jet cheered.
"Next vote… Jet," Andy said.
"Ha ha!" Applederry laughed. Andy pulled the final piece of paper from the bucket.
"And the final vote, and the first person voted off the Bebop is…."
Andy held up the vote. It read "BIG FAT UGLY SMELLY JERK, WHO I HATE. AND HE SUCKS. HE SUCKS!!!" in big, bold letters.
"Anyone know who this vote means?" Andy asked.
"It means Jet!" Applederry yelled.
"Andy, you screwed me!" Jet shouted, standing up. "One of those votes came from you! Jerk!"
"So it was Jet," Andy said. "Sorry pal, but I've known Applederry longer… the tribe has spoken."
"Whatever," Jet yelled. "You guys suck anyway."
Jet walked up to Edward.
"Except for you, of course!" Jet said, patting Edward on the head. "I'll miss you!"
"I'll miss you too, Jet-person!" Edward said. "Bye bye…"
Jet walked to the airlock and got in his Hammerhead. Then, he left the Bebop. Just then, Faye walked in, wearing a stunning blue bikini.
"Wow, Faye, you look nice!" Andy said.
"Thank you, Andy," Faye said, smiling at him. She turned to Edward and Applederry. "How are you guys doing?"
"Is Faye-Faye mad?" Edward asked.
"No, she's not," Faye said. "Faye-Faye used the money she got from turning Hookbeard in to buy a brand new wardrobe!"
Faye took Edward's hand.
"Want to go get ice cream?" Faye asked.
"Ooh, ooh, ice cream with Faye-Faye!" Edward said excitedly. "You scream, I scream, we all scream for ICE CREAM!"
Faye and Edward skipped off happily.
"She's not mad anymore," Applederry said.
"And she likes Edward more than me," Andy said. "It figures. I want my horse back!"
See you, space cowboy…
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Andy: Next episode of Bebop, I get back to my cowboy roots when we visit the Oniyate family ranch on Mars' moon Deimos!
Faye: I thought your family was dead.
Andy: Well, yeah. I visit it because a band of cattle rustlers plan to steal all the cattle!
Applederry: Is Kikome one of them?
Andy: She's a horse rustler, Applederry. But she might be there! Also, an evil Wild West-style villain is terrorizing the residents of the nearby town! Including a beautiful young piano-playing starlet that yours truly has to rescue. Because I'm a cowboy, baby!
Edward: With a tall black hat and the sunshine shining! Yay!
Faye: I'm more beautiful.
Andy: Well of course you are, little lady! Next time on Bebop… "Space Kid's Rock"! Guest starring Kid Rock IV!
Faye: Kid Rock? KID ROCK?
Edward: Yay!