A few reviews!
The Review Guy: Welp, those aren't the real words. I kinda made it up. But it is better than the real version!
NessacusGirl: Faye seems to defend herself better when she's mad. Maybe that's a good thing! I don't think Faye-Faye will get jealous yet!
IluvRikku12: Nah, Sheryl's not gonna be there… pretty song though!
Katie: Icky, Snot Soda! Andy didn't have any problems with drinking it though! I don't really like Vanilla Coke that much…. Oh wow, they kinda do resemble them don't they?
Gucci Kissa: Well, the Spike/Faye facefaulting thing was kinda alluding to the love that everyone thinks they have, while Andy and Faye don't really have those kinda feelings at all yet. Kinda hard to explain. I might have them facefault later though!
JasperRed99: So you got the Triple H/Shawn Michaels one? Faye slammed the poor carjacker's head into a window just like poor HBK got slammed… owie! Ryoko's a good space pirate, not a bad one. I'd like to see Faye and Ryoko wrestle though! ^_^ Maybe a lingerie paddle on a pole mud match? That would be fun! The males would be the real winners, of course.
Woodstock: Jared will always be around! He's an immortal pop culture icon. I think I'm gonna put him into one of the episodes. ^_^
Lem: Jet on Joe Millionaire? Hmm, he really doesn't look like a millionaire. He would need more hair. ^_^
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Disclaimer: I don't own Cowboy Bebop or any of the characters. I also don't own Kid Rock or any of his songs. Geez, that dude can sing anything…
Warning: For the purpose of comedy, most of the characters are OOC. Just warning you now.
---
In the Bebop's cockpit, Andy was piloting the ship toward Mars' tiny moon Deimos. The moon was covered with deserts and cacti.
"And there it is," Andy said. "The moon Deimos, owned entirely by the Oniyate family. Since they're all dead, it's owned by me!"
"Wow, Andy owns his own moony moon!" Edward said. "That's cool!"
"Here's what I say to your moon," Applederry said, dropping his pants and exposing his rear end toward Deimos. "Ha!"
Applederry pulled up his pants. Edward giggled.
"That's not funny!" Andy yelled.
"Yeah," Faye said. "Forcing everyone on that poor satellite to look at your darriere."
"We're landing now," Andy said. "Deimos' gravity used to be almost nonexistant, but the addition of a huge gravity well in the planet's core makes the gravity equal to that of Earth's. Isn't that cool?"
"Not really," Faye said.
"Oh well," Andy said. "Okay home, I'm coming back!"
The Bebop hovered over Deimos and landed safely.
---
Session 41: Space Kid's Rock
---
Andy and the others stepped out of the Bebop and onto a large hill. They climbed to the top and looked out to see a huge mansion next to a large fenced-in area.
"That mansion is mine! It's Oniyate Mansion!" Andy said.
"Whoop-de-doo," Faye said. Andy pointed at the fenced-in area.
"And those are the Oniyate cattle!" Andy announced.
"The moo-moos are all gone," Edward said. Andy gasped.
"The cattle! Oh no!" Andy yelled. Andy, Faye, Ed, and Applederry ran down to the fence. It appeared to be broken on one side.
"Did they get away?" Applederry asked.
"They were stolen," said a voice behind Andy and the others. They turned around to see a long-haired man in a cowboy hat, smoking a cigarette.
"Who are you?" Andy asked.
"My name is Kid Rock IV, and I saw the whole thing," Kid Rock IV said. "Some dudes in black hats came, broke the fence, and stole your cows. I could have stopped them. Wanna know why? Because I'm a cowboy, baby!"
"If you could have stopped them, why didn't you?" Faye asked.
"Shut up!" Kid Rock IV yelled. "I'm not a cowboy."
"But you said you were," Andy said.
"No I didn't," Kid Rock IV said. "Look, the rustlers ran to the nearby town."
"Oniyate Town!" Andy said. "Of course! They're the ones that take care of the cows. Maybe someone there can help me!"
"He even has a town named after him," Applederry said. "Spike never had a town named after him."
"Spike!" Faye cried, breaking into sobs.
---
Meanwhile, in a tall building overlooking Oniyate Town, an evil man was plotting. The man had long black hair and an evil-looking handlebar mustache.
"Did the cattle rustlers steal the Oniyate cattle herd yet?" the evil man asked.
"Yes sir, Mr. Mayor sir," said the evil man's assistant, a small fat old man.
"Good," Mr. Mayor said. "Very good! Bwahaha!"
---
Andy, Faye, Ed, and Applederry walked into Oniyate Town. Oniyate Town was a small Western-style town, complete with a saloon and a huge water tower. Upon arrival, Faye eagerly ran into the saloon.
"And she's gone," Andy said.
"Can we see Faye-Faye, father-person?" Edward asked.
"No, kids should not be in saloons," Applederry said. "Let's go to the Kiddie Corral!"
"Edward doesn't want to go to the Kiddie Corral!" Edward protested. "Ed wants to see Faye-Faye!"
Applederry picked up Edward and lifted her onto his shoulder.
"We're going to the Kiddie Corral," Applederry said. "You find those cattle, okay?"
Applederry laughed and walked off to the Kiddie Corral, carrying Edward with him.
"Well, time to find those cow rustlers," Andy said. "You know, Kikome was a horse rustler. Maybe if I find the cow rustlers I can find Kikome and I can find Onyx! But probably not."
Andy walked into the saloon.
---
Inside the saloon, there was a bar along with several tables and several slot machines set up. Faye was at one of the slot machines, losing money fast.
"Andy, I need some lucky charms!" Faye yelled. "Hurry!"
"Aye, ye can't have me Lucky Charms," Andy said. "Ye are always after me Lucky Charms!"
"Stop that," Faye said.
In the corner of the saloon, a fast-paced piano song was being played by a beautiful young woman sitting on a stool in front of the piano. She had long, flowing brown hair and beautiful blue eyes. She wore a pretty blue dress and wore a red scarf around her neck. She saw Andy and smiled.
"You're Andy Oniyate, aren't you?" the woman asked. "I've heard so much about you! You own this town!"
The bartender stood up.
"Andy Oniyate? As in the Oniyate Ranch Andy Oniyate?" the bartender asked.
"Uh oh, here we go…" Faye sighed.
Everyone in the bar began to cheer for Andy.
"Now now, no cheers, I just came to find some cattle that were stolen," Andy said. Everyone in the restaurant gasped.
"Your cattle were stolen?" the bartender asked. "We are on the case! Alright everyone, let's get Andy's cattle back!"
"Yeah!" the bar patrons (except for Faye, of course) cheered.
"That's fine, that's fine, I'll do it," Andy said. "You people can go back to your drinking and cheating at cards. I'm going to catch those cattle thieves! I'm Cowboy Andy!"
Andy pulled up a chair and sat down next to the piano-playing woman.
"Well, hello there, little lady. What's your name?" Andy asked.
"My name's Catherine!" the woman said. "I've heard about your famous family!"
"Yes, and it's awfully sad. They died in that freak elephant accident a year ago… but now I own this place, so that's pretty good, I guess," Andy said sadly.
"Too bad about your cattle," Catherine said. She put her face up to Andy's ear and whispered to him. "I think it might be the work of Mr. Mayor."
"Mr. Mayor?" Andy shouted.
"Shhh!" Catherine hissed. "We're not allowed to talk bad about Mr. Mayor."
"Wha?" Andy whispered. "Did this guy do something?"
"When your family died, he took over the town," Catherine whispered.
"But everyone seems so happy. And they're all so happy to see me!" Andy said.
"It's all a trap," Catherine whispered. "I heard. Mr. Mayor sent his men to steal your cattle and get you to this town. He's going to kill you, Cowboy Andy!"
"How'd you find this out?" Andy asked.
"I'm Mr. Mayor's… um…."
Catherine's face turned red.
"Yes?" Andy asked. "Mr. Mayor's what?"
"Not again!" Faye yelled. Andy turned around to see Faye sitting at a poker table.
"Uh oh," Andy said. "Hold on a second, will you, Catherine?"
Catherine nodded. Andy walked over to the poker table.
"Faye, are you gambling away your money again?" Andy asked.
"Shut up," Faye said. She picked up two cards. "Hmmm…"
Faye placed 20,000 wulongs on the table.
"I'll raise you," Faye said, a smile on her face. "Ha! Ha ha!"
"Hoo boy," Andy said.
"I'll raise you 30,000," said one of the other players. He put out his chips.
"I'll see that," Faye said. She put down her cards. "Four sevens! Read them and weep!"
"Boo hoo," the other player said. "Four nines. Can you dig that, suckaaaaa?"
"No!" Faye shouted.
"I'll leave you two alone," Andy said, walking back over to Catherine. "Now, what are you again? You and the mayor?"
"Nothing," Catherine said. "Good luck, okay?"
"Er, I guess," Andy said. "You know, since my female companion is currently busy at the moment… want to come with me?"
"I don't know," Catherine said. "Mr. Mayor might get mad…"
"I'm going to fight Mr. Mayor and I'm going to win!" Andy declared. "Because I'm Cowboy Andy!"
The bartender picked up a phone.
"Mr. Mayor," the bartender said. "We got trouble."
---
Meanwhile, at the Kiddie Corral, which was actually a small Chuck E. Cheese-like pizza restaurant….
"Dad, this place is fun!" Edward said, jumping into a large pit of multi-colored balls.
"I told you," Applederry said. He sighed. "Fun for you. This place is boring."
Suddenly, a man in a gray mouse costume stepped onto the stage.
"Hello! I'm Kidd E. Corral, and I'm going to sing for you!" the mouse said. "Oh… I'm a mouse! Pizza rules! Pizza rules! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!"
"That does it," Applederry said. "I'm going to go kick Kidd E. Corral's butt."
Applederry got out of his seat and walked toward the stage.
"Father-person, what are you doing?" Edward asked.
"I'm going to… uh… the bathroom," Applederry said. "To poop."
"Have fun!" Edward said.
Applederry turned back toward the stage. Kidd E. had disappeared.
"Wha?" Applederry said. He looked around until he saw a door marked 'Employees Only'. "Bingo!"
Applederry walked to the door and went inside.
---
Meanwhile, Andy and Catherine were walking toward the mayor's house.
"I don't think this is such a good idea," Catherine said. "If the mayor sees us-"
"He wouldn't kill me," Andy said. "I'm Cowboy Andy! Just relax. So Catherine, tell me… how did you get to be so good on the piano?"
"I've been playing since I was a little girl," Catherine said. "Your mother taught me how to play! When she was still alive, of course. She was the best piano player ever."
"She was!" Andy said. "Wait, I think I remember you. You were that little girl that always came by my house to play the piano! You were great!"
"And you were that little boy who ran around the house shooting things," Catherine said. "I remember that one time when you were running around the house, and one of your little caps from your guns hit me in the eye! And your mom starting yelling at you, and I told her not to yell at you, and then I was crying and you were crying and-"
"We kissed," Andy said. "I remember that kiss. It was my first kiss!"
"Oh, Andy…" Catherine sighed. She walked up to Andy.
"Hey yo, how you guys doin'?" Kid Rock IV yelled. He walked up to Andy and Catherine. "'Sup? I'm still trying to be a cowboy. Actually, I am!"
"Go away, Kid Rock," Andy said.
"Yo, you disrespectin' me!" Kid Rock IV said. "I'm gonna waste you, beeyotch!"
"Andy, let's go," Catherine said. "This guy's disturbing me…."
Andy and Catherine ignored Kid Rock IV and walked into the mayor's house.
"Ignore me?" Kid Rock IV said. "Oh yeah?"
Kid Rock IV took a bottle of 150-proof whiskey out of his pocket and chugged it down. He then passed out.
---
Inside the mayor's house…
"We're here to see the mayor," Andy said to the mayor's fat henchman.
"Well, well, well, it's you," the henchman said. "And Mr. Mayor's concubine!"
"Concubine?" Andy asked. "What's a concubine?"
"Um…" Catherine said, slightly embarrassed. "You see…"
"It means she has sex with him all the time!" the henchman said.
"What?" Andy yelled, shocked. "Catherine?"
"Actually, she's sort of a concubine in training. They haven't made whoopie yet. But today's the day!" the henchman said. He turned to Andy. "Wanna watch?"
"I'd never let that filthy cowboy watch anything I do," yelled an evil sounding voice from above Andy and Catherine. They looked up to see Mr. Mayor standing on a balcony above them. Mr. Mayor jumped down and laughed.
"Are you the evil mayor of this town?" Andy asked.
"Oh yeah!" Mr. Mayor said. He took out a tape recorder and pressed the play button.
"Oh yeeeeah…." the tape recorder said. "Oh yeeeeeeah. Oh yeeeeeah."
"I can't believe that's actually a song," Andy said. "It's just a guy going 'oh yeeeeah'. And some drum beats. I can sing real music!"
"Well, don't," Mr. Mayor said. He turned to Catherine. "Hello there. Remember me?"
"Yes, I do…" Catherine said. "Give Andy his cows back!"
"Bwahaha!" Mr. Mayor laughed. "I'll give him his cows back! Wait, no I won't."
Suddenly, ten vicious looking men surrounded Andy and Catherine.
"Meet my cattle rustlers!" Mr. Mayor said.
"Darn, Kikome's not here," Andy muttered to himself.
"Now, capture them!" Mr. Mayor shouted. The ten men ran at Andy and Catherine. Andy quickly leaped out of the way, leaving Catherine by herself to fight off the ten men.
"Crap!" Andy shouted. "I forgot that I was with someone else!"
The ten cattle rustlers grabbed Catherine and ran off.
"You may have escaped this time, but-" Mr. Mayor began.
"I'm right here," Andy said. "So-"
"Shut up. Come to the railroad tracks if you ever want to see Catherine again! Bwahaha!" Mr. Mayor said victoriously. He walked off. Mr. Mayor's fat henchman turned around to face Andy.
"You're going to kill me, aren't you?" the henchman asked.
"If I was Spike, I would," Andy said. "If I was Faye, I would. If I was Jet, I would."
"Are you any of those guys?" the henchman asked.
"Nope," Andy said. "But I have to knock you out."
Andy karate chopped the henchman, knocking him out.
"Now to rescue the little lady!" Andy declared. "Catherine, here I come!"
Andy ran off.
---
Meanwhile, in the 'Employees Only' area of the Kiddie Corral…
"Here, rat rat rat," Applederry said. "Come on, you rat!"
Kidd E. Corral stepped out of a huge rathole in front of Applederry.
"Hello! You're not supposed to be here! Why are you here? Have some pizza!" Kidd E. said cheerfully.
"You're dead, rat. You've been annoying the heck out of me and now you're going to pay," Applederry said. "Pheer my mad skillz!"
Applederry leaped up and kicked at Kidd E.'s head. Kidd E. dodged the kick.
"Oh yeah?" Kidd E. said. "You tried to attack me, and now I'm calling security! Pheer my walkie-talkie!"
Kidd E. took out a walkie-talkie.
"Hello? Security?" Kidd E. said into the walkie-talkie. "There's a crazy guy here!"
"You suck," Applederry said. He punched Kidd E. hard in the back of the head. Kidd E. fell to the floor, knocked out. "Oh yeah! Hey, I wonder who he is?"
Applederry reached down and took off Kidd E.'s mask. He gasped.
"Faye?" Applederry said, staring at the back of the purple-haired woman's head. "Uh oh…"
"Unnh…" Faye said, rubbing her head. She stood up and turned around. "Idiot! It was me! Couldn't you tell?"
"You were using a crazy cartoon voice," Applederry said. "I had no idea!"
"Well, I AM played by Wendee Lee, after all," Faye said. "When I lost the poker game, they made me work here!"
"Why'd you call security?" Applederry asked.
"I don't know," Faye said. "Let's get out of here!"
Faye took off the rest of the costume and ran out of the room with Applederry. Edward gasped.
"Faye-Faye!" Edward said. "You came!"
"Your dad knocked me out," Faye said.
"I'm sorry!" Applederry yelled. "Right now we have to go!"
Applederry, Edward, and Faye ran out of the restaurant.
"By the way, I didn't really call security," Faye said. "That walkie-talkie was out of batteries! Ha!"
"So?" Applederry said. "I don't think anyone cares."
"You cared," Faye said.
---
Meanwhile, at the railroad tracks…
"Bwahaha!" Mr. Mayor laughed. Catherine was tied to the railroad tracks.
"You won't get away with this!" Catherine yelled.
"I'm gonna waste you, Mayor Beeyotch!" Kid Rock IV yelled. He rode up to the railroad tracks in a decked out Escalade.
"It's Kid Rock!" Mr. Mayor shouted. Kid Rock IV hopped out of the car.
"I'm a cowboy, baby!" Kid Rock IV shouted. "Oh wait, no I'm not. I'm just drunk!"
Suddenly, Mr. Mayor's ten cattle rustlers jumped on top of Kid Rock IV and beat him silly.
"Bwahaha!" Mr. Mayor laughed. "No one can stop me!"
Just then, the sound of a moped revving up could be heard. Mr. Mayor and Catherine looked up to see Andy, riding a moped across the desert.
Cowboy walkin'
You've done it now
You've gone and made a big mistake
You stole my cows
And kidnapped my first girlfriend oh yeah
So turn around
And face the piper you're gonna pay
The end is now
Because you pissed off Cowboy Andy
You're gonna pay
You're gonna pay
"Why did you steal Undertaker's theme song?" Mr. Mayor asked.
"Without my horse, I can't use my theme song! I've got an image change!" Andy said. He hopped off the moped. Immediately, Mr. Mayor's rustlers got off of Kid Rock IV and ran at Cowboy Andy.
"Watch out!" Catherine yelled.
"I've got it covered!" Andy said. "Take this!"
Andy leaped up at one of the rustlers and knocked him out with a kick to the head. The other nine rustlers dived at Andy.
Five minutes later…
"I beat your men!" Andy declared, standing in front of a pile of ten KOed ruffians. "Now I'm going to beat you!"
"Andy had mad skillz," Catherine said.
"Well, I have mad skillz too!" Mr. Mayor shouted. "When that train comes, Catherine will get squashed flat! Aw man, and I'll have to get a new concubine too. That sucks."
"That train hasn't come for two years," Andy said. "Without any Oniyates to fill it up with stuff, it has no reason to go!"
"Darn," Mr. Mayor said. "Well then, I'll…"
"You've got nothing," Andy said.
Kid Rock IV stood up.
"I'll waste you…" Kid Rock IV said drunkenly. He stood up and shot Mr. Mayor in the head, killing him.
"What was that for?" Andy asked. "I was going to let him go! Well, to jail at least."
"Shut up," Kid Rock IV said. "I'm a cowboy! I'm the American Badass!"
Kid Rock IV laughed and stumbled off.
"I don't understand either," Catherine said.
---
Later, at a ceremony being held in the town square, Andy was honored for his heroism.
"I'm telling you, Kid Rock IV killed the evil mayor!" Andy said.
"It's true," Catherine said.
"Now now, you're the hero! No need to be modest!" the bartender said. He put a 'Medal of Heroism' around Andy's neck.
"But I'm not a hero!" Andy protested. "Well, actually, I am, but not here!"
"You're a hero, yeah yeah, whatever," Faye said, grabbing Andy's arm. "I wanna go back to the Bebop. Ed and Applederry are waiting."
"Wait," Andy said. "Faye… I want to ask you if it's okay if Catherine joins Bebop."
"What?" Faye yelled. "No way."
"It's okay," Catherine said. "Since I'm your first girlfriend, they made me the new mayor! Isn't that great?"
Faye slapped Andy.
"You didn't tell me you had a girlfriend!" Faye yelled. "Grrr…"
Faye grabbed Andy by the ear and dragged him to the Bebop.
"Call me!" Andy yelled. Catherine giggled.
"I will!" Catherine said.
"Wait a second," Andy said. "If you guys all were working for Mr. Mayor before, why did you give me a medal for killing him?"
"He was oppressive," the bartender said.
"But you warned him about me!" Andy yelled. "Explain that!"
"C'mon, Andy," Faye said. She dragged Andy into the ship. The door closed, and the Bebop took off.
"Hey! Hey!" yelled a drunken voice running toward the town square. Kid Rock IV stood in the middle of the town and looked up. "Can I join Bebop? Please? I'm a cowboy! I swear!"
See you, space cowboy…
---
Edward: Next episode of Bebop, we go to a nursing home to track down our oldest bountyhead ever!
Faye: That's right. He's so old he's got old man's disease!
Andy: You made that up.
Edward: While there, Edward Wong Hau Pepelu Tivuruski the 4th meets Edward Wong Hau Pepelu Tivuruski the 1st!
Applederry: An old Edward?
Edward: Yep!
Applederry: She's crazy!
Andy: It's the most fun we'll ever have at a nursing home!
Faye: Can I stay home?
Edward: Next time on Bebop, "Degeneration Ed"!
Applederry: Let's get ready for this episode to suck!
Faye: It was better than the episode where I was ticked off at everyone. I'm always happy! Grrr…