A few reviews!
NessacusGirl: Yep, Andy and Faye-Faye will be together! I hope anyway! And Chuck E. Cheese is cool! I went to it when it was still called Showbiz! Remember that? Uh oh, concubines! ^_^
Blooknaberg: Heh, yep, jealous Faye! I hate when Misty does that. She should let Brock flirt with whoever he wants! Well, maybe.
The Review Guy: It was in Pokemon I think. Why didn't Misty drag Brock away from her sisters? He's not worthy of them! Bwahaha!
Trunkz: Yep, a first Ed! Degeneration Ed! Hee hee! Maybe the 4 Eds can form a group and beat people up.
Katie: Aw, too bad about that person… I wish I knew what happened, but maybe you're right, it shouldn't be posted here. Unless you want to. Hee, Faye's VA is very versatile! She was Patamon in Digimon! Or was that T.K.? Ah well. I forgot all those cartoons. Musta been at school while they were on!
Nowhere Man: Apple Deli? That sounds like a restaurant or something. Or an episode of Rocko's Modern Life! (The best episode ever, of anything.)
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Disclaimer: I don't own Cowboy Bebop or any of the characters. I also don't own uh… a nursing home. If I did Ed would visit all the time! Yay!
Warning: For the purpose of comedy, most of the characters are OOC. Just warning you now.
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BIGGERSHOT- The NEW Show For Bounty Hunters
The NEW Paunch: *walks up to Crazy Judy on crutches* Guess what?
Crazy Judy: You got hurt?
The NEW Paunch: *slowly* I'm ooooold. Just like our newest bounty!
*The very wrinkled face of a very old man appears on the screen.*
The NEW Paunch: At 113 years of age, Bill Oldenstein is our oldest bounty ever!
Crazy Judy: Wow, he was born in 1958! During the baby boom!
The NEW Paunch: He's the last baby boomer still alive! And he's a bad guy! He's rumored to be the kingpin of a gang that goes around putting poison in elderly people's medicine bottles!
Crazy Judy: *gasps* That's terrible! *bites Paunch on the arm*
The NEW Paunch: Why?
*The TV flashes off.*
"He's got an 11 million wulong bounty, and we're going after him," Faye said.
"Who made you captain?" Applederry asked.
"I think we should go after this old guy too," Andy said. "Anyone that poisons the elderly is an evil, evil man!"
"Oldenstein is rumored to live in the Elderly Hills Nursing Home on Jupiter's moon Europa," Faye said.
"Yay! Oldy moldy people!" Edward shouted. "Let's go!"
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Session 42: Degeneration Ed
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The Bebop parked outside the Elderly Hills Nursing Home. Andy, Faye, Applederry, and Edward stepped out.
"Ed, this is a nursing home full of elderly old senior citizens who don't want to be disturbed," Applederry said. "So-"
"Isn't running in there with your guns disturbing too?" Edward asked.
"We're not taking out our guns until we find Oldenstein," Andy said.
"Just behave yourself, okay?" Faye asked.
"Wait in the waiting room or something," Applederry said.
"Alright," Edward sighed. The crew of the Bebop walked into the nursing home. Edward sat down in a chair by the entrance while Andy, Faye, and Applederry walked up to the receptionist.
"We've already had twelve bounty hunters come in here today," the receptionist said. "You can't come in."
"We're not bounty hunters," Andy said. "We're, uh… hounty bunters."
"Oh, hounty bunters!" the receptionist said. "I'm very sorry. Go right on in."
"Thank you," Faye said. Andy, Faye, and Applederry walked past the receptionists and into one of the hallways of the nursing home, where the patients were resting. Meanwhile, Edward continued to sit on the chair, twiddling her thumbs.
"Edward is bored," Edward moaned.
---
Andy, Faye, and Applederry walked down the hallway. Andy turned toward one of the patient rooms and looked at the room number.
"Room 275," Andy read. "I bet he's in here."
"That's just a guess!" Faye yelled.
"I'm going in!" Andy declared. He opened the door. "Alright old lady poisoner, reach for the-"
"Wheel! Of! Fortune!" blared the TV in the room. Lying on the bed facing the TV was an aged old man with a perplexed look on his face.
"Get out!" the man yelled. "I'm watching the Wheel!"
"You're Bill Oldenstein, the man that's been poisoning all those old ladies!" Andy shouted.
"I'm Mark Maceniwitz!" the man shouted. "Oldenstein's in room 432. Now get out!"
A 'Bankrupt' sound blared from the TV.
"Let's go, guys," Faye said. "You heard what he said. Room 432!"
Andy, Faye, and Applederry ran out of the room and dashed toward Room 432.
"Hey, close the door!" Maceniwitz yelled. "I can't hear the wheel! I can't hear anything… I'm old…"
---
Meanwhile, Edward continued to sit out in the lobby.
"Ed is so bored…" Edward sighed. "Edward doesn't want to sit out here not having fun!"
Edward looked around until she spotted a large room. The sign next to it read 'Games and Activities'.
"Games? And activities?" Edward said, a smile crossing her face. "Edward is there!"
Edward dashed inside the game room. Inside, several card tables were set up, as well as an area for shuffleboard.
"These games aren't fun," Edward said. She turned to walk back to the lobby.
"You got that right, young'un," said a voice behind Edward. Edward turned around to see an elderly woman with tanned skin and wild pink hair. She was wearing a raggedy-looking green dress.
"Who are you-oo-oo?" Edward asked, turning her head.
"My name is Edward Wong Hau Pepelu Tivuruski," the woman said. "I made it for myself."
Edward gasped.
"That's Edward's name! You took it!" Edward yelled. "You stole Ed's name from Edward! Why did you do that?"
"Wait a second, young lady," Edward I said. "What's your name?"
"Edward Wong Hau Pepelu Tivuruski the 4th!" Edward IV shouted. "You look like Ed and you stole Ed's name!"
"Edward took this name for Ed's self," Edward I said. "Back in the year 2003. This name belongs to Edward!"
"That's right!" Edward IV shouted. "Me Edward!"
"You're Edward Wong Hau Pepelu Tivuruski the 4th," Edward I said. "And Edward is Edward Wong Hau Pepelu Tivuruski the 1st. So…"
"Why'd you pick the name Edward, like Edward did?" Edward IV asked, walking up to Edward I and looking at her in fascination.
"Thought it was cool, I guess," Edward I said. "And it is cool!"
"It IS cool!" Edward IV said. "Wanna be Edward's friend?"
"Sure!" Edward I said. "Let's get out of here, though. This room is no fun for Edward!"
"And Edward!" Edward IV said.
"Edward's room is 118," Edward I said. "Let's go!"
"Alright! Adventure!" Edward IV cheered.
---
Andy, Faye, and Applederry approached Room 432. They walked inside and pointed their guns at the bed.
"Alright, Oldenstein! You've poisoned old ladies for too long!" Andy yelled.
"Nobody's here," Faye said. "He saw us coming!"
"I thought when you got old, the sight was the first thing to go," Applederry said. "How could he… see us?"
"It was a figure of speech," Faye said. "Idiot."
"He KNEW we were coming," Applederry said. "Idiot. I meant Faye, not Andy."
"What?" Faye yelled.
"Guys, he left a glass of water on the table!" Andy said, picking it up. "Maybe we can track him with this!"
Andy lifted it up to his lips.
"Don't drink it!" Faye yelled. "It's probably poisoned!"
"Ah, he set a trap," Andy said, setting the water down. "Very resource-"
Suddenly, a net dropped from the ceiling and fell on Andy, trapping him. Faye and Applederry ran to his side.
"Help!" Andy yelled. "I fell into the real trap!"
"Well, get out of it, idiot!" Faye yelled. "It's just a net!"
Two small balls attached to the net opened up, spraying knockout gas on Applederry and Faye. The two bounty hunters… er, "hounty bunters" fell limp to the ground, unconscious. Bill Oldenstein walked into the room, laughing.
"Bwahaha!" Oldenstein laughed. "Looks like they let a few bounty hunters in after all. And I caught three of them!"
"We're hounty bunters," Andy said.
"Oh," Oldenstein said. "Well then, you can go. Wait, no you can't!"
"Well, I tried," Andy said to himself.
---
Meanwhile, in Room 118, Edward the 4th was marveling over Edward the 1st's wonderfully decorated room. The room was adorned with pictures of animals, and it had pink wallpaper on the walls.
"This room is super-duper pretty!" Edward IV said, amazed. "Edward loves it!"
"Edward thought Edward would like it!" Edward I said.
"Edward really loves Edward's doggy pictures!" Edward IV said. "Edward has a doggy too! Ed wanted to bring it, but pets aren't allowed in nursing homes…"
"That's really mean of them," Edward I said. "Edward's old. If Ed wants a doggy in here, Ed can have a doggy!"
"Doggy woggy!" Edward IV shouted.
"Hey, does Edward want to go on an adventure with Edward?" Edward I asked. "There's this big meanie running around poisoning all of Edward's friends!"
"That Oldy-woldystein?" Edward IV asked. "Ed's friends are bounty hunters who came to find the old person! But they didn't let Edward help…"
"Maybe if Edward and Edward find Oldy-stein first, Edward's friends will respect Edward again!" Edward I shouted. "Let's go! First stop… the cafeteria!"
---
Meanwhile, down in the deepest, darkest recesses of the nursing home (i.e., the basement), Andy, Faye, and Applederry were trapped in a large metal cage.
"All three of us captured," Faye said. "Usually it's just me. And sometimes Andy."
"One time it was me!" Andy yelled.
"I've never been captured," Applederry said. "My perfect record, right down the freaking toilet!"
"This is just lovely," Oldenstein said, walking into the room. He carried a glass of water in his hand. "Know what I'm going to do?"
"I don't care," Faye said angrily. "We'll escape."
"Silence! I'm going to make you drink poison!" Oldenstein shouted.
"The old man's going to make us drink poison," Applederry said. "And just how are your going to do that?"
Oldenstein took a sip out of the glass of water.
"This isn't the poison," Oldenstein said, indicating the glass. He climbed up onto the stairs leading out of the room, and turned to a large red button next to the door. "This is the poison. The room will fill slowly with it."
"That would drown us," Andy said. "You wouldn't need to put poison in there."
"Oh," Oldenstein said. "Well, I need something to do with the excess poison."
Oldenstein pressed the button.
"And now, I'm going to sit here and watch you die," Oldenstein said, sitting on the top stair as poisoned water began to drip into the room. "See, most people would just leave. But not me!"
"Wow, he's a smart one," Faye said as poisoned water began to flow around her feet. "Guys… WE HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE!"
---
Meanwhile, in the cafeteria…
"Weeee!" Edward IV shouted, sliding down the rack that was supposed to be used for sliding trays. "This is fun!"
Edward I ran into the room, jumping up and down.
"Edward tossed pudding on the floor outside!" Edward I declared. "The cafeteria workers all left to clean it up! We can play!"
"Alright!" Edward IV yelled. "Let's play!"
The two Edwards grabbed food from the top of the cafeteria table and tossed it to each other like a father and son playing catch. Edward I tried to catch a large bowl of jello, but the frozen desert evaded her grip and plopped to the floor.
"Oops," Edward I said. "That's no good…"
Edward IV climbed behind the cafeteria table and looked around. She saw a large hatch on the wall, used for depositing dirty trays. She opened it up.
"Oooh, wonder where this goes?" Edward IV cooed in amazement.
"I wouldn't go in there," Edward I said. "It looks dangerous!"
But Edward IV climbed into the hatch anyway. The hatch snapped shut. Edward IV was no where to be found.
"Oh no!" Edward I shouted. "Edward is coming!"
Edward I ran over to the hatch and opened it up. She squeezed inside.
"Aaah! Plastic hip!" Edward I shouted, sliding down the hatch.
---
Meanwhile, the basement continued to flood with poisoned water. It was now up to the bounty hunter's waists.
"Andy, we're gonna die!" Faye shouted. "I just wanted to say one thing before I died…"
"What's that, little lady?" Andy asked.
"Andy, you're a smelly jerk!" Faye yelled.
"That wasn't nice!" Andy whined.
"Stop fighting," Applederry said. "We have to find a way out of here!"
Suddenly, the door behind Oldenstein opened. Edward IV walked onto the top stair and looked around.
"Edward slid into the basement," Edward IV said. "Ooh la la…"
"Help us, Edward!" Faye shouted.
"The water's poisoned!" Applederry yelled.
"Really?" Edward IV asked.
"That's right!" Oldenstein said, pointing at Edward IV. "Now get in the cage!"
"You're a bad man!" Edward IV said. She began to dance. "Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na BAD MAN!"
The door opened again. Edward I limped into the room.
"Edward's plastic hip broke," Edward I moaned. "Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na PLASTIC HIP!"
"Aw, poor Edward Wong Hau Pepelu Tivuruski the 1st," Edward IV said. Andy, Faye, and Applederry gasped, taking in large breaths of water. They spat the water out and struggled to stay above the rising flood, floating at the top of the cage.
"Hurry!" Faye yelled.
"Who's the old version of Edward?" Andy asked. "Oh, and hurry."
"Okay!" Edward IV said. She kicked Oldenstein into the water. "Edward helped!"
Oldenstein flopped around in the poisoned water.
"Help me!" Oldenstein shouted.
"You have to let Edward's friends go!" Edward IV said.
"That's right!" Edward I said. "Let Ed's friends go!"
"The button's right there," Oldenstein said, pointing to a green button under the red one. "Help me!"
Edward IV pressed the green button. The cage fell apart and the water in the room drained out.
"Yay!" Edward IV said happily. "Victory for Edwards!"
Edward IV did a dance of celebration, while Edward I did a limping dance of celebration.
"This is the most (censored) up thing I've ever seen," Faye grumbled.
"Oooh, potty-potty mouth!" Edward I and Edward IV shouted, pointing at Faye.
"Oooh, potty-potty mouth," Andy said.
"Shut up," Faye replied.
---
Outside the nursing home…
"Well, Oldenstein's been locked up in a nursing jail," Andy said. "Now he can never hurt anyone ever again!"
"Who did he kill, anyway?" Faye asked.
"It turns out that the poison wasn't lethal," Applederry said. "Everyone who drank it should be fine in a few days."
"Edward used the bounty money to get Edward a new hip!" Edward IV shouted.
"That's right!" Edward I said, dancing a jig. "Edward's new hip is great!"
"I'd whine, but since the money went to a good cause, I guess that's alright," Faye said. "As long as I get to catch the next bounty!"
"Edward," Edward IV said, turning to Edward I. "Wanna join Bebop? You can be a real live bounty hunter!"
"Nah, Edward is going to stay at the nursing home," Edward I said. "Since Edward helped stop that Oldy-woldy guy, they're letting Edward direct all the fun fun activities! Now this nursing home will be fun!"
"Edward will come visit, okay?" Edward IV promised. "Bye bye, Miss Edward!"
Andy, Faye, Applederry and Ed boarded Bebop and waved goodbye to their new friend.
"Wait, we never really got to know this new Edward," Faye said. "What was she like?"
"Duh," Edward IV said. "She was like Edward!"
"Duh," Andy said. "She was like Edward!"
"Duh," Applederry said. "She was like Francoise!"
Edward IV frowned at Applederry.
"Er, I mean Edward," Applederry said.
See you, space cowboy…
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Andy: Where did it begin?
Faye: And when does it end?
Applederry: Next episode of Bebop, we answer questions.
Edward: Who is Edward's mommy?
Andy: Why are Leroy and I rivals, anyway?
Faye: How was I stupid enough to get zapped into a coma by lightning?
Applederry: Next episode, we go to Titan and find the answers to everything. I think. And I kick butt!
Andy: So do I. And we answer questions.
Faye: If you miss this episode, you'll be completely and hopelessly lost. So read it!
Edward: Next episode, "You've Got Questions, We've Got Bebop"!
Applederry: I'm completely and hopelessly lost.