A few reviews!
Nowhere Man: You say Appledelhi, I say Applederry. Wee!
Retro: Yep, 2 Edwards! Maybe 4 if there's a II and III! And no, it won't be a question-answer thing! It's a story with answers worked in. You'll love it!
Lem: Maybe it makes him, uh… an old guy who's in prison! I dunno… staying to watch is sometimes bad if Ed shows up! Or 2 Eds!
The Review Guy: Yes, Ichiro all. And Sabrina! Ichiro and Sabrina! Superstarpsychicshipping forever!
Trunkz: Comedies usually have happy endings. It's a trademark… or something. I dunno!
Katie: Rocko's Modern Life, yay! Wacky Deli's the best episode of anything ever! And didja know David Lucas is also Steve Blum? He tries to hide it but he can't! Uh oh, now the union will be mad at him! They'll send Hoffa and the Teamsters! Aaaah! ^_^
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Disclaimer: I don't own Cowboy Bebop or any of the characters. If the answers to these questions are not to your liking, I can't be blamed, because, uh… I AM ABOVE THE LAW!
Warning: For the purpose of comedy, most of the characters are OOC. Just warning you now.
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The camera zoomed in on Andy's face. He appeared to be sitting down.
"Today, we're going to go on a journey. A journey of discovery. The satellite Titan has harbored many secrets. The war on Titan was one of them. Actually, that wasn't a secret. What I meant to say was that Titan has a lot of history behind it. That's what I meant. Today, we're going on a journey of discovery. Wait, I already said that. What I meant was-"
A knocking on the door interrupted Andy.
"Get out of there!" Faye yelled. "There are other people who have to use the bathroom!"
"Why are you so mean?" Andy asked.
"Because I HAVE TO GO!" Faye shouted.
"There you go," Andy said. "One question answered."
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Session 43: You've Got Questions, We've Got Bebop
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The Bebop hovered over Saturn's moon Titan. Andy, Faye, Applederry, and Edward sat in the main foyer of the Bebop, admiring the view.
"What were you doing in the bathroom?" Faye asked. "And why are we going to Titan, anyway?"
"There are reports that Larry Brown may be on Titan," Andy said. "This could be my chance to capture him once and for all!"
"So Andy, why are you and Leroy Brown rivals anyway?" Faye asked. "You never told us that!"
"Well, you see-" Andy began.
"Titan, Titan, we're on Titan!" Edward shouted. "Landing, landing!"
"Woo hoo!" Applederry cheered. "Let's get out!"
Applederry and Edward ran off the ship. Andy began to walk toward the exit of the Bebop.
"Darn it, Andy! Tell me!" Faye yelled.
"First, you have to tell me the whole story about how you got put into cryogenic sleep," Andy said. "I want to hear."
"Too painful," Faye said.
"Oh, okay," Andy said.
"No, I meant that it was too painful when the lightning hit," Faye said. "They had to freeze me. Here's the whole story!"
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Flashback to 2018, on a golf course in Japan. Two announcers were sitting at a table.
"And we're here for the Nestle Crunch Fan vs. Tiger Golf Match," one of the announcers whispered.
"It's been a surprising event!" the other announcer said quietly. "We're on hole 18, and the fan, Faye Valentine, is leading Tiger 66 to 67 going into the final hole!"
"She's had no previous golf experience except for being the captain on her high-school golf team," said the first announcer. "She's playing the game of her life against Tiger Woods! This must be like a dream come true!"
Tiger Woods stepped onto the green and putted his ball into the hole.
"Yes!" Tiger Woods yelled in jubilation.
Faye approached her ball nervously. She prepared to putt it into the hole.
"If Faye makes this putt, she beats Tiger Woods!" the announcer whispered. "This is HUGE."
Suddenly, it began to rain.
"Uh-oh," the announcer whispered. "But Faye wants to putt anyway!"
Thunder sounded.
"Darn it," Faye muttered. "But I have to hit this-"
"KRACKOOOOOOOOM!!!"
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"Actually, I think it was more of a 'BRRRZAAAAAPP!!!'," Faye said. "No, it was definitely a 'KRACKOOOOOOOOM!!!'"
"What happened after that?" Andy asked.
"I woke up in 2068. Duh," Faye said. "Idiot."
Faye walked off angrily.
"Don't you wanna hear about me and Leroy?" Andy yelled. No reply from Faye. "Wait, that's good. I don't have to tell anyone about MY past! Ha ha!"
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Meanwhile, in a huge crater, Leroy Brown and three lackeys were planning an evil scheme.
"This is gonna be GREAT!" Leroy shouted. "Got the woman?"
"Yep," said one of the lackeys.
"Good," Leroy said. "We'll get revenge on Applederry… using his long lost wife! Dun dun duuuuuuuuun!"
Little did Leroy Brown know that Applederry and Edward were secretly watching from behind a rock.
"They've got mommy?" Edward asked. "Oh no!"
"That does it," Applederry said. "I am going down there!"
"Wait!" Edward yelled, holding Applederry back. "It could be a trap!"
"I don't believe it," Applederry muttered to himself. "Jeanine is back? I thought that…"
"Father-person, you never said what happened to mother-person!" Edward said. "What happened to her? Why has she been gone for 6 years of Edward's life? Ed remembers mother-person leaving after Ed's 7th birthday… nearly half of Edward's life Ed has been mommyless!"
Applederry looked back into the crater. Leroy and the lackeys were gone.
"Oh crap," Applederry said. "They're gone!"
"Where did mommy go?" Edward asked.
"Instead of boring you with a long flashback sequence, I'm going to tell you the truth, Edward. Are you sure you want to hear this?" Applederry asked. Edward nodded her head.
"Where is mommy?" Edward asked.
"Well, Ed, your mother is…." Applederry said, a sad look in his eyes. "Your mother is… heck if I know!"
"Huh?" Edward said, confused.
"I don't know either, son! But this Leroy obviously knows. He kidnapped her! Come on, son!"
Applederry ran off.
"Father-person is as confused as Edward!" Edward said to herself. "And Edward is a GIRL!"
Edward ran off after her father.
"Wait a second," Edward said to herself. "My mommy's name is Jeanine?"
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Meanwhile, Faye had entered a small mining village on Titan. She found a bar and went inside.
"Maybe I'll find some answers for my questions here," Faye said to herself. "But what WERE those questions?"
"Maybe you'll find some answers for your questions here," the bartender said. "But only if you buy a drink."
"I don't have any money," Faye said. "That Cowboy Andy is carrying my money! I'm gonna kill him!"
Just then, Andy walked into the bar.
"Hey Faye," Andy said, pulling out a 10,000-wulong bill. "You forgot your money."
Faye's face grew red with anger. She stomped up to Andy and stared him straight in the eye.
"I believe I had more than 10,000 wulongs!" Faye shouted. "Gimme."
"Huh?" Andy stammered.
"Give me," Faye said. "Gimme gimme gimme!"
"Give you gimme?" Andy asked. "So I can have the money. What's a 'gimme'? Is that a candy? Like a gummi worm? I just love gummi worms!"
Faye screamed and yanked the bill from Andy's hand.
"You still haven't told me why you hate Leroy," Faye said. "Tell me now."
"I tried to tell you earlier, but you completely ignored me," Andy said. "I'm not going to tell you now."
Andy turned around and walked out of the bar.
"Now that you have money, do you want to buy a drink?" the bartender asked.
"Fine," Faye said, walking up to the bar and sitting down. "Give me a gimme. I mean a martini. Oooh, that Andy!"
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Andy walked out of the mining village and sighed.
"If I had my horse, I could find Leroy faster," Andy sighed. "My horse! My kingdom for a horse!"
"Hey there, buckaroo," said a voice behind Andy. "I done heard that dang ol' Leroy went to the mines, mm-hmm."
Andy turned around to see a dirty, disheveled-looking man behind him.
"Uh, thanks," Andy said. "How did you know that?"
The man took out a slingblade.
"Leroy sent me to kill you, mm-hmm," the man said, holding up the slingblade. "He said he'd give me some french-fried taters if I beat you. I sure do love those french-fried taters, mm-hmm."
The man stabbed at Andy with the slingblade. Andy jumped back and kicked at the man, hitting him in the head. The man fell over.
"You beat me, mm-hmm," the man said. "Durn it. Got any french-fried taters?"
"Where are the mines?" Andy yelled.
"French-fried taters, mm-hmm," the man said. Andy sighed, then ran back to the mining town.
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Andy entered the mining town and immediately found the place he was looking for: a McDonald's restaurant.
"Bingo!" Andy said. "French fries, here I come!"
Andy ran into the McDonalds and found himself at the back of a very long line.
"Crap, I forgot. These small towns always have long lines at the McDonalds," Andy said. "This could take a while."
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"Alright," the bartender said, sitting across from an extremely inebriated Faye. "You get three questions."
"Who's the fairest one of all?" Faye slurred.
"A girl from Earth named Lily Waterflower IV," the bartender replied. "Next question."
"Am I drunk?" Faye asked.
"Yes," the bartender said. "One more question."
"Random flashback please," Faye said, swerving back and forth on her barstool.
"Alright," the bartender said. "This is a fun story."
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A very young-looking Spike was playing basketball out on his driveway.
"Yay!" Chibi Spike cheered. "I'm Michael Jordan!"
Just then, a teenaged Jet stepped onto the court.
"Hi," Jet said. "I'm Jet Black."
"I'm Spike Spiegel!" Chibi Spike said. "Wow, I'm meeting a new person!"
Jet grabbed the basketball from Spike's hands.
"Yoink!" Jet said. "Bye!"
Jet ran off, carrying the basketball in his hands.
"Waaah!" Chibi Spike cried.
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"That's how Spike Spiegel and Jet Black met," the bartender said. "Isn't that cool?"
"Shut up, I'm drunk," Faye said, standing up. "Man, I really want to get naked."
Suddenly, Andy stepped into the bar, carrying a bag from McDonald's.
"That line was long!" Andy shouted. "Hey Faye! What are you doing? I went to get some fries, but I got a couple of Big Macs too. Want one?"
"I want you, baby," Faye said drunkenly, sauntering up to Andy.
"Are you drunk?" Andy asked.
"Am I drunk?" Faye asked.
"Yes," the bartender said.
"Andy, take me home," Faye whined. "My head hurts!"
"First, we have to catch Leroy Brown," Andy said.
"My head hurts!" Faye shouted. "Touch me and I'll scream."
"What should I do?" Andy asked.
"Buy a drink and I'll tell you," the bartender said.
"Buy me a drink, baby," Faye said.
Andy sighed. He walked up to the bar and ordered two drinks.
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Meanwhile, Applederry had found the front of a large mine.
"Edward, this must be where the bad guys are hiding. Are you ready?" Applederry asked.
"Ed is ready! Edward is all ready, Eddy!" Edward shouted. "Let's go!"
Applederry and Edward ran into the mine. They didn't have long to run before they entered the end of the mine, a large room where Leroy Brown and his three lackeys were standing next to a tied up crash test dummy with a cardboard cut-out of a woman's face pasted onto it.
"Jeanine!" Applederry shouted.
"Um, father-person, that's not mommy. That's a dummy with a lady's face on it," Edward said.
"Now now, Francoise. I know it's been a while since you've seen your mom, and you've forgotten what she looks like," Applederry said. "Don't worry. Your dad will get her back."
"Ha ha, Applederry! Your wife is ours!" Leroy laughed. "Get him, lackeys!"
The three lackeys ran at Applederry. Applederry kicked one of them in the face.
BIFF!
The lackey fell to the floor, unconscious. Another lackey took a swing at Applederry. Applederry ducked under the punch.
DUCK!
Applederry turned around and chokeslammed the lackey to the hard ground of the cave.
CHOKESLAM!
The final lackey ran at Edward. Edward slid under the lackey's legs. The lackey turned around and ran right into Applederry's fist.
POW!
"Why did that remind Edward of Batman?" Edward asked.
"Because it was like Batman!" Applederry said. "Only I'm much tougher!"
Applederry turned to Leroy.
"Alright, Leroy! It's just you and me now! I'm tougher than Applederry and Batman put together!" Applederry yelled.
"Yeah, but I want to face Andy," Leroy said. "So… bye!"
Leroy pressed a button. A large rocketship crashed through the top of the cave. Leroy climbed into the rocket and blasted off.
"Looks like that bad man is blasting off again!" Edward said. "Yay! Victory for father-person!"
The crash-test dummy had been completely burned up. Applederry ran to the ashes and knelt down next to them.
"Why?" Applederry screamed. "WHY? My darling wife!"
"That's not mommy," Edward said. "Can we go now?"
Just then, Andy ran into the cave, carrying an unconscious Faye.
"I gave her my drink," Andy said. "Took me three questions to get that out of the bartender though."
"Faye-Faye drank too much and passed out?" Edward asked.
"Yep," Andy said. "Where's Leroy?"
"I kicked his butt!" Applederry declared.
"No!" Andy yelled. "I wanted to kick his butt! Ever since that one fateful day, three weeks ago…"
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"I'm Cowboy Andy!" Andy declared, riding his horse around. "Look at me!"
"We're mortal enemies!" yelled a voice behind Andy. Andy turned around to see a very angry Leroy Brown standing behind him.
"Eh?" Andy said. "Why are we mortal enemies?"
"Because you didn't clean up your horse poop!" Leroy yelled. He lifted up his foot. "Look! Poop! You ruined my shoe!"
"I'm sorry," Andy said.
"It's too late! You ruined my shoe! We're enemies, Cowboy Andy!"
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"And right after that, I met you guys," Andy said. Suddenly, Faye's eyes opened. She jumped up, very angry and very sober.
"You mean that if you had been responsible enough to clean up that horse's crap, we wouldn't be dealing with that Leroy guy?" Faye yelled. "ARGH!"
"Sorry," Andy said.
"This whole thing answered a whole bunch of questions for me," Applederry said.
"Really?" Edward asked.
"Not really," Applederry said.
See you, space cowboy?
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Andy: So many questions left unanswered!
Faye: No, we answered them all.
Jet: Next episode, I come back! And guess what? I'm a pro wrestler!
Faye: Jet, you stole Spike's basketball! I hate you!
Jet: Anyway, I'm a pro wrestler! And I've got two beautiful women fighting over me! Meifa, from Boogie Woogie Hong Kong Phooey, episode 21!
Andy: Yay.
Jet; And Gabriella Elisabete Gerardini, from NessacusGirl's story, Sunshine!
Gabby: *waves* Call me Gabby!
Meifa: I'll call you dead! And most certainly NOT Jet's girlfriend!
Jet: Also, that dirty jabroni Rick is back, and he's teamed up with Chris Jericho IV to take my Undisputed Championship!
Gabby: *gasps* Not Rick! Grrr, I'm gonna kill him!
Meifa: Not if I kill you first!
Gabby: Bring it on!
Applederry: Am I gonna be in this episode at ALL?
Jet: It's crossover madness next time on Bebop!
Gabby: Next episode, "You Are My Jabroni"!
Edward: Is that an Italian word?
Meifa: The Rock made it up. If ya smelelelelel… what Meifa… is cookin'!
Applederry: I'd better be in this episode.
Jet: Holla if ya hear me!