A few reviews!

Katie: Yup, they still like Meifa! I hope so anyway! But now Alisa 'likes' Meifa. Hee hee! Yeah, people come back to life and then they die again! Only in this story! (And DBZ, of course.) I saw that Tiny Toons ep! It's one of my favs!

NessacusGirl: Glad you liked the chapter! Thanks for granting me the use of your characters! *hugs and kisses* Go Gabby! Go Jet! Hee hee! Yes, Rick is a roodypoo jabroni! BTW, a jabroni is the name that the Rock made up to call people he didn't like. Gabby whooped everybody! And of course, Rick was only able to pick up the sledgehammer because Jericho worked out with him before the match. That dirty Chris Jericho! But now he's gonna be out of the picture for a long time! Kikome in the Olympics! Yep!

Trunkz: Yeah, I use a lot of inside jokes in my series. Glad you like it anyway! I take a lot of pride in my fight scenes!

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Disclaimer: I don't own Cowboy Bebop or any of the characters. I also don't own the Olympics. If I did, small countries would get to win more! Well, maybe. And I also don't own that Istanbul song. It's owned by They Might Be Giants! So, are they Giants? Jeremy Shockey's on the Giants. He is mean!

Warning: For the purpose of comedy, most of the characters are OOC. Just warning you now.

---

"I've done it!" yelled Andy's jubilant voice from the Bebop's main foyer. Faye, who was watching TV in the next room, yelled back.

"What have you done?" Faye yelled.


"Eureka, I've done it!" Andy shouted.

"Tell me what you did! So I can fix it!" Faye yelled back.

"I can't believe it! I found it!" Andy yelled.

"You found your brain?" Faye asked.

"I've found that dirty criminal!" Andy yelled.

"The guy who designed your outfit?" Faye shouted.

"She is going down!" Andy yelled.

"Who's she?" Faye asked angrily. "Andy!"

"I've found my horse and the criminal that took him! Yay!" Andy shouted.

"Oh, you found your horse," Faye said. "I don't care!"

"The Olympics? No way! Why would they let criminals like that in the Olympics?" Andy shouted. "And with my horse!"

"That does it," Faye said. "Andy, I'm coming out there!"


Faye ran out into the foyer and stood right in front of Andy. She growled at him angrily.

"Oh, hello Faye!" Andy said happily. "Did you hear the good news? That woman that stole my horse has entered into the Olympics on New Istanbul, Mars! Isn't that great? I can find her and get my Onyx back!"

"I heard," Faye said. "I don't care."

"You don't care about my horse?" Andy asked. "You're mean!"

---

Session 45: They Might Be Horse Rustlers

---

The Bebop flew into the spaceport in New Istanbul. Andy, Faye, Applederry, and Edward stepped out.

"I was in the Olympics once," Applederry said. "Of course, back then it wasn't called the Olymp-"

"Yes it was," Faye said.


"Faye-Faye is right, Applederry-person!" Edward said. "The Olympics have been around since 776 B.C. in Ancient Greece! After hundreds of years of competition, the Olympics were stopped, only to be revived again in 1896, with brief breaks in 1940 and 1944 due to war and in 2024 due to the lack of humans caused by the Goku Fart Disaster! They were revived in 2028 as a solar system-wide competition, and-"

"He's wrong, Ed," Andy said. "That's all that matters, right?"

"Hey!" Applederry yelled. "But I was in the Olympics."

"Actually, weren't you one of the Roidly Nine, kicked out for illegal steroid use in the 2060 Olympics in Port Pond, Ganymede?" Faye asked.

"But I was in the Olympics," Applederry said.

The four members of Bebop approached the arena where the Olympics were being held. Suddenly, an ISSP agent stopped them.

"Sorry," the ISSP agent said. "Standard security check. There are rumors of terrorists attacking the Games."

"Terrorists?" Andy asked. "I'm Cowboy Andy, and I can thwart any terrorist!"

"Andy is a terrorist," Faye said nonchalantly. The ISSP agent immediately tackled Andy to the ground.

"You're under arrest, punk!" the ISSP agent yelled. "You're under arrest for being a terrorist!"

"I was just joking," Faye said.

The ISSP agent got off of Andy and tackled Faye to the ground.

"You're under arrest, punkette!" the ISSP agent yelled angrily. "You're under arrest for joking about other people being terrorists!"

"Stop that!" Applederry yelled.

The ISSP agent got off of Faye and tried to tackle Applederry to the ground. He failed miserably.

"Uh, you're under arrest for obstruction of justice," the ISSP agent said. "Could you please assume the position?"

"I assumed your mom last night," Applederry said. The ISSP agent began to cry.

"I was just doing my job!" the ISSP agent sobbed before running off.

"That was mean," Andy said, getting off of the ground and brushing himself off.

"Father-person, you wouldn't cheat on mommy-person, would you?" Edward asked innocently.

"I don't know about that," Faye said. "What about those prostitutes on-"

"Er, now you know me better than that, Edward!" Applederry said, pushing Faye aside. "Let's just watch the Olympics, okay?"

"And get my horse back!" Andy yelled.

---

Inside the Olympic stadium, the equestrian competitions were just about to start. Kikome was taking Onyx on a warm-up ride around the stadium.

"Now Onyx, it's been my life's dream to win the Olympics!" Kikome said, stroking Onyx's face gently. "And we both know that a silver medal in the wrestling event isn't quite enough."

Onyx neighed.

"I know it was the men's event and I should be proud," Kikome said. "But I wanted to win!"

Kikome continued to ride Onyx around the stadium. Meanwhile, Faye, Applederry, and Edward had taken seats in the stands, while Andy was standing outside the "Athletes Entrance" gate.

"You have to let me in!" Andy yelled to the guard standing by the gate.

"How do I know you're not a terrorist?" the guard asked.

"I'm Cowboy Andy!" Andy yelled. "You know, the guy that helped catch Osama Bin Laden?"

"You're Osama Bin Laden?!" the guard yelled. He tackled Andy to the ground. "I caught Osama Bin Laden!"


"Bin Laden's dead!" Andy yelled.

"Are you threatening me?" the guard asked.

"He's not a terrorist!" Kikome shouted from beyond the gate. "Hiya, Andy!"

"Kikome?" Andy said.

"Let him in," Kikome said. "He's okay!"


The guard opened the gate. Andy walked up to Kikome.

"Kikome, uh…. it's nice to see you, but you took my horse, and I'd really, really, really like it back," Andy said.

"Oh Andy, I'm so sorry! I really am!" Kikome said. "It's just a reflex, stealing horses and all. But winning the Olympics is my life's dream! And Onyx is a pretty good wrestler too. So… look, Andy… I'll give Onyx back right after the race! I promise!"

"Alright," Andy said. "I really miss my horsey! Onyx…"


Onyx whinnied and nuzzled up to Andy.

"Alright, it's time for the race!" Kikome said. "Wish me luck!"

---

Andy, now in the stands, watched intently from the stands as the race began.

"Faye, I trust Kikome and all," Andy said. "But could you please stand in front of the exit out of there to make sure she doesn't leave with Onyx?"

"I don't want to," Faye said. "If someone like Edward asked me-"


"Please?" Edward asked longingly.

"Fine," Faye said. She got up and walked down to the "Athletes Exit" gate.

"How did you do that?" Andy asked.

"Ed has a special gift!" Edward said.

---

Inside the stadium…

"And these horses are just about to race!" the announcer shouted. "This event is just a simple run down a 1-mile track! So let's begin!"

A trumpet sounded. The ten horses in the competition, including Onyx, ran out of the starting gate and began to circle the track. Onyx ran into the middle of the pack.

"And Death by Letters is in first! Saving Grace is in second! Baseballcapflowershipping Forever is in third, with Onyx and Dead Reckoning running side-by-side for fourth!" yelled the announcer.

"Kikome's in fourth!" Edward yelled. "Oh no!"

"It's good Onyx isn't in first right away. It's called pacing," Andy said. "Look, Onyx is making a run!"


Sure enough, Onyx began to come up on the outside as the horses passed the quarter-mile mark. It edged out Baseballcapflowershipping Forever to move into third. However, it was quickly passed by two other horses.

"Onyx tried to make a run, but here come Simon Is A Mean Jerk and Peace Icon on the inside! They're moving into second and third! Death By Letters is slipping back down the pack! Saving Grace and Simon Is A Mean Jerk are dueling for second while Peace Icon is in third! And here's the half-mile mark!" called the announcer.

"Oh no, Onyx isn't gonna win!" Edward yelled.

"C'mon, Onyx, let's go!" Kikome shouted. "Please?"

Onyx neighed and sped up, passing Peace Icon and catching up with the leaders. The horses passed the three-quarter mile mark and headed down the home stretch.

"They're going down the home stretch! Saving Grace is in the lead by a length! Now it's Simon Is A Mean Jerk in first! And now… now Onyx is coming out of nowhere! It's passed Saving Grace! Simon Is A Mean Jerk and Onyx are neck-and-neck! It's gonna be a photo finish!"

"We can win!" Kikome shouted. "Go, Onyx, go! C'mon! This is for Andy!"

"Aw, how sweet!" Andy said.


"It's going to be a photo finish! Simon Is A Mean Jerk and Onyx! Onyx is ahead! Now Simon Is A Mean Jerk is ahead! Onyx! Simon! Onyx! Simon! And… ONYX IS THE WINNER! ONYX WINS!"


Onyx crossed the finish line and neighed victoriously.

"Yay!" Kikome shouted. "I'm a gold medalist! Yes!"

Inside the exit gate, Faye was clapping.

"You go, girl," Faye said. "About time a girl won one of these things. I bet Andy couldn't win this event. He couldn't ride a horse if it bit him in the-"

Suddenly, a huge explosion ripped through the gate where Faye was standing. The blast blew open the gate and went into the stands. Fortunately, the fans sitting in the sections affected by the blast were able to dive out of the way. But that doesn't help Faye, does it? DOES IT? *cries*

"FAYE!" Andy yelled in horror.

"Faye-Faye, no!" Edward shouted.

"Chick with the big boobs! No!" Applederry yelled. "Er, I mean, uh… Faye, no!"

The explosion faded, leaving a badly burned Faye lying on the ground. She wasn't moving. Onyx galloped over to her. Kikome hopped off of Onyx and knelt at Faye's side. Andy, Edward, and Applederry hopped out of the stands and ran to be with Faye.

"She's hurt bad," Andy said, noticing the tears in Faye's clothing and the cuts, bruises, and burns on her skin.

"She's hot," Applederry said, especially noticing the tears in Faye's clothing. "I mean, uh… she was hot when she got caught in that explosion. In a, uh, temperature sense."


EMTs ran out to the stadium and lifted Faye onto a stretcher.

"Terrorists did this!" Andy declared. "I'll hunt down the terrorists that hurt Faye, and I will single-handedly make them pay! With Kikome's help, of course."


"I'd be glad to help!" Kikome said. "Anything to help my friend's girlfriend!"

"Aw, Andy and Faye-Faye are so cute!" Edward said. "Catch those bad guys!"

"I'm going to sleep," Applederry said. "Night night!"

Applederry immediately fell asleep and collasped onto the ground in the stadium.

"He's not going to help, is he?" Kikome asked.

"No," Andy said. "Too bad. He'll miss the wet t-shirt event. Welp, shall we go avenge Faye?"

"Alright!" Kikome said. Kikome and Andy hopped onto Onyx and rode out of the stadium. Meanwhile, Edward, doing what kawaii little kids do, wandered out into the parking lot. She climbed into the backseat of one of the cars.

"Edward will take a nap too," Edward yawned. "Nap nap nap for Edward…"

Edward curled up and fell asleep. As she did, two men wearing ski masks hopped into the front seat of the car.

"That will teach those infidels to name this town Istanbul," one of the men said. "This time is rightfully named Constantinople!"

"That's right," the other man said. "By the way, what are our names again? I forgot."

"You're an idiot," the first man said. "My name is Terro, and your name is Rist."


"Oh yeah," Rist said. "I totally forgot. I wonder why?"

The terrorists drove off, completely unaware of their pink-haired stowaway.

---

Meanwhile, in the Olympic Metropolis…

"First it was the Olympic Village," Andy said. "Then the Olympic Town. Then the Olympic City. Then the Olympic Capital."

"And now it's the Olympic Metropolis," Kikome said. "I heard that when it got up to 500,000 athletes, they'd rename it the Olympic Megalopolis and they get a big statue of Mario to place in the center!"

"A statue of Mario," Andy said. "Man, I'd love to have one of those. Anyway, where's the first place to look for terrorists?"

"The Iraqi headquarters, of course," Kikome said. "Let's go!"

---

Inside the Iraqi headquarters…

"I'm telling you!" yelled the Iraqi team captain. "Ever since George W. Bush and the United States nuked us into a crater in 2003, we've been a peaceful land of rainbows and fuzzy bunnies!"

"Sure," Kikome said. "So… WHERE ARE YOUR HIDDEN WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION, YOU SICK TERRORIST FREAK?"

"There's a hidden weapon of mass destruction in my pants, if you know what I mean," the team captain said suggestively.

"You heard him," Andy said. "Off with his pants!"


Andy yanked off the man's belt. Kikome stopped him.

"He was joking," Kikome said. "I don't think the terrorists are here."

"You're right," Andy said. "Bye!"


Andy and Kikome left, leaving the Iraqi team captain without a belt. His pants were down to his ankles.

"And I didn't wear underwear today," the Iraqi team captain said. He had a neutron bomb strapped to his groin. "Now how am I gonna hide this thing from the weapons inspectors?"

---

Meanwhile, Terro and Rist's car had just pulled in to the United States (of Mars)'s Olympic headquarters. The two men walked around to the trunk of their car and pulled out a large bomb.

"This'll make a real impact!" Terro said. "Then they'll have to rename this city Constantinople!"


"Shouldn't we blow up Turkey's headquarters?" Rist asked. "They're the ones in charge of this sort of thing."


"You're right," Terro said. "But we already planted the bomb! Let's get out of here!"

Terro and Rist hopped back into their car and drove away. The bomb inside the US Olympic headquarters detonated, blowing the building to smithereens.

"Darn it!" Andy yelled, watching the explosion from across the street. "They blew up something else!"

"I can see their parachutes!" Kikome said, pointing up. "They're okay!"


"Those aren't parachutes, those are body parts," Andy said.

"Oh, I forgot! We're not on Toonami, we're on Adult Swim! Silly me!" Kikome said. "Onyx, follow whoever blew up that building!"

Onyx's advance horse eyes locked onto a red car headed away from the explosion. Onyx neighed and chased after the car.

---

"Well, at least we blew up something," Terro said. "They'll have to name this city Constantinople now!"

"Yay! Explosions!" Rist shouted. He looked back.

"Go Go Cactus Man" started to play. Terro and Rist looked back to see Andy and Kikome chasing them.

"There's a horse chasing us!" Terro shouted. "Crap!"

"Go Go Cactus Man" ended. "Istanbul, Not Constantinople" started to play.

Istanbul was Constantinople

Now it's Istanbul, not Constantinople

Been a long time gone, Constantinople

"Stop now, terrorists!" Andy shouted. "I'm Cowboy Andy!"

"And I'm Cowgirl Kikome!" Kikome yelled. "Hey, that was cool!"

Now it's Turkish Delight on a moonlit night

"Darn it, speed up!" Rist yelled.

"This car only goes at horse speed! It's got 1 horsepower!" Terro shouted.

"Whaheh?" Rist said in a puzzled tone.

"I got it for a bargain, okay?" Terro said.

Every gal in Constantinople

Lives in Istanbul, not Constantinople

So if you've a date in Constantinople

She'll be waiting in Istanbul

Suddenly, a loud yawning came from the back seat of the terrorists' car. Edward sat up.

"Where is Edward?" Edward asked. "Aaah! There are two bad men in the front seat!"

"Edward?" Andy said. "Is that you?"

Even old New York

Was once New Amsterdam

Why they changed it I can't say

I guess they like things better that way

"I don't," Terro said. "There's a little girl in the back seat!"


"Let's tie her to a bomb or something and drop her in front of the heroes as a villainous distraction!" Rist said.


"Edward has a better idea!" Edward yelled, jumping onto Terro's head and clawing at his eyes. The car began to swerve.


"Now's our chance!" Andy yelled. "Onyx, go!"


Onyx galloped and galloped until it reached the side of the terrorists' car. Andy and Kikome leaped into the car and slammed onto the brakes.

"You guys are under arrest," Andy said. Edward slid off of Terro's head and into the back seat of the car.

"Yay, yay, yay! The bad men are captured!" Edward yelled.

"Not bloody likely!" Terro said. He and Rist hopped out of the car. "Terrorists always win! Mwaha-"

Hundreds of ISSP agents tackled the two terrorists to the ground.

"They finally got the right guys," Andy said.

"Finally," Kikome yelled in exasperation.

---

At the hospital…

"Faye, are you alright?" Andy asked, sitting in a chair next to Faye's hospital bed. She had been awake for several minutes.

"Andy, is that you?" Faye asked. "Andy…"

"We used the bounty money that we got from the terrorists to pay for plastic surgery for you," Applederry said. "You'll look exactly like you did before the explosion! Thank goodness. We also had enough money left for a boob job."

"Which I promptly refused," Andy said.

"Aw, you'd do that for me?" Faye asked. "How did you know I didn't want my boobs getting any bigger?"

"Actually, it was my wholesome cowboy morals that influenced my decision! So I spent the boob money to get Kikome a new horse," Andy said.

"Now I don't have to steal his!" Kikome said, riding her new horse inside the hospital room.

"You're not supposed to have horses in the hospital," Andy said.

"Yeehaw!" Kikome shouted.

"Never mind," Andy said. "I like it when you say yeehaw!"

"Thanks again for helping me out, Andy," Faye said. "You know, I almost like you. Almost."

"Why, you're welcome, little lady!" Andy said. "Anyone else have anything to say?"

"Can I say something?" Applederry asked.

"Is it something perverted?" Faye asked.

"Yes," Applederry said.

"Then no," Faye said. "Not until my burnt leg is at 100% groin-kicking capacity!"

Everyone laughed.

"Oh, by the way, I have to go!" Kikome said. "Your horse is outside!"

Kikome's horse galloped out of the room.

"She's a nice girl," Andy said. "She would have re-stolen Onyx if I hadn't bought her a new horse, but other then that, she's nice. So Faye, when do you recover?"

"Five months," Faye said. "At the least."


"That won't do," Andy said. "Can you recover by tomorrow? That's when our next adventure is supposed to be…"

"Oh," Faye said. "Recovery, here I come!"

"Yay!" Andy, Applederry, and Edward cheered.

See you, space cowboy…

---

Andy: I've got my horse back!

Onyx: *neighs*

Edward: Cool, man!

Faye: Huh?

Edward: Radical, dude!

Applederry: Son, where'd you pick up that strange stuff?


Edward: Groovy-oovy! Totally rad!

Andy: Is that pot I smell?

Applederry: ARE YOU SMOKING POT, FRANCOISE?

Edward: Next episode, "Cool Awesome Radical Tubular Reggae"! Cool!

Applederry: Hey, this stuff's not half bad!

Edward: But Edward isn't smoking it…


Applederry: Shut up, dude.