A few reviews!
Retro: Well, glad you got to a computer so you could read the story! Thanks for reviewing!
The Review Guy: Maybe… especially if Ness and Lily confessed their love too. ^_^
Katie: What setting do you have on? Kids Only, Teen, Mature Teen? Hmm… sounds fishy. Hope you get your own screen name soon!
NessacusGirl: Hee hee, sugar hyper, yep yep! And go Gabby! And you might like this episode for something besides Crazy Judy! But I won't spoil it yet! And also, I originally had him with 23 trophies, and in the episode preview I forgot.
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Disclaimer: I don't own Cowboy Bebop or any of the characters. I also don't own any of the Hannibal reference I'm using. Bwah.
Warning: For the purpose of comedy, most of the characters are OOC. Just warning you now.
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"Turn on the TV!" Faye yelled.
"Why?" Andy asked.
"I want to watch Biggershot. There could be a big huge bounty, and we could miss it!" Faye shouted.
"I wonder what would happen if the NEW Paunch died?" Applederry asked. "Would the new one be called NEW NEW Paunch?"
"Turn on the TV for Faye-Faye! TV for Faye-Faye!" Edward said, jumping up and down. Edward flipped on the TV.
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BIGGERSHOT- The NEW Show For Bounty Hunters
*Crazy Judy walks up to the camera. However, something is different. Her straight jacket is gone, and instead, she is wearing the blue jacket (with no bra, of course) that she wore for the old Bigshot.*
Crazy Judy: I'm free! Free as a bird! *laughs crazily* And guess what? I'm filming live from the Phobos Asylum, where I've been imprisoned for the last two months! But I escaped!
*A picture of Crazy Judy appears on the screen. Crazy Judy points to it.*
Crazy Judy: The latest bounty… is ME! Mwahahahaha! A billion wulongs for anyone brave enough to come inside this asylum and apprehend me! But all that have tried have failed. I've killed everyone here! And 21 bounty hunters that already tried to catch me!
*Crazy Judy dances around crazily.*
Crazy Judy: So come on… try and catch me… IF YOU DARE! Mwahahaha!
---
"A billion wulongs," Faye said. She began to stutter. "A b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-"
"There's no way," Andy said. "That crazy blonde has already killed a whole bunch of people…"
"I say we go for it!" Applederry said. "I can whoop anyone!"
"And Edward will come too!" Edward said. "Please Andy-person, let's go!"
"I guess a cowboy has to be brave," Andy said. "And if I don't go, Faye'll probably go by herself and get into trouble and I'll have to save her, so… let's go!"
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Session 48: Silence of the Spam
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The Bebop landed on the surface of Mars' tiny moon Phobos. The four bounty hunters stepped out of the ship. The huge Phobos Asylum, which Crazy Judy had made her new headquarters, loomed over them menacingly. Thunder and lightning surrounded the huge asylum.
"Edward is scared…" Edward said fearfully.
"Don't worry, son! Your dad will catch the scary crazy criminal and that will be it!" Applederry declared.
"B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-billion d-d-d-d-d-d-dollars!" Faye stuttered. "That money is MINE!'
Andy, Faye, Applederry, and Edward walked into the asylum. Immediately, they were confronted by two corridors, one that went to the left, and one that went to the right.
"Alright, let's split up," Andy said.
"What do you think this is? Scooby Doo?" Faye yelled.
"It's kinda like Scooby Doo," Andy said. "I mean, this place is scary. And we have a dog!"
"Edward left Ein in the Bebop," Edward said. "You know, none of us has really been paying any attention at all to poor doggy-woggy…"
Andy, Faye, Applederry, and Edward looked down at the floor and groaned guiltily.
"Right now, we have a crazy criminal to catch!" Andy said. "C'mon, Faye!"
"Whatever," Faye said. Andy and Faye walked down the left corridor.
"Alright, Francoise," Applederry said, turning to Edward. "I'm going to teach you how to beat up a crazy person. Wanna do that?"
"Not really," Edward said. "But Edward will support father-person anyway!"
---
Meanwhile, in the security room, which Crazy Judy had recently converted into a room used for planning schemes of pure 100% California evil…
"I see you, Bebop crew!" Crazy Judy said. "You might be my biggest fans, but now, I'll be your biggest… uh… not fan! Mwahahaha!"
---
Applederry and Edward walked down the corridor of the asylum.
"What if we find that crazy-crazy lady before Andy and Faye-Faye? How will we tell them?" Edward asked.
"Maybe we can drive off without them!" Applederry said.
"That's not right!" Edward gasped.
"I was just joking…" Applederry said. "Man, where are all of the crazy people in here? I wanna beat the crap out of something!"
"That crazy-crazy lady probably freed all of them!" Edward replied. Suddenly, a sparking electrical cord fell down from the ceiling. "Father-person, look out!"
Edward stepped in front of Applederry and blocked her father from the cord. However, Applederry stepped in front of Edward.
"Don't worry, I can beat it up!" Applederry shouted. He punched the cord… causing thousands of volts of electricity to surge through his body.
"FATHER-PERSON!" Edward screamed. Applederry turned toward Edward. His hair stood straight up on end. Edward giggled.
"See, I showed it who's boss!" Applederry said. "What's so funny?"
"Father-person's hair is funny!" Edward giggled. "Cool!"
"What? What about my hair?" Applederry shouted. He pulled a mirror out of his pocket. (don't ask) "Aaaaaah!"
---
Meanwhile, in the other corridor, Faye and Andy were searching the rooms, looking for any sign of Crazy Judy.
"Didja find anything?" Andy asked.
"No," Faye said. "I found a comb, and that's it."
"Me neither," Andy said. "She's probably in the very center of this place, in a giant maze of some sort."
"A maze? That's stupid," Faye said. "Why would there be a maze in an asylum?"
"Because maybe she built it?" Andy said.
"She's not Bob the Builder!" Faye yelled.
"Oooh, oooh, oooh!" Andy cooed happily. He began to sing. "Bob the Builder, can we fix it? Bob the Builder-"
"Andy, why the heck are you YES WE CAN! singing about Bob the Builder?" Faye yelled.
"Because he's cool!" Andy replied. "Bob the Builder, can we fix it? Bob the Builder-"
"Bob the Builder sucks! He YES WE CAN! is just a stupid immature kids show! Anyway, we ought to be working harder to find Bob the Builder! Grr… I mean, we ought to be finding Crazy Judy!"
"Fine, fine," Andy said. "See if Bob the Builder builds anything for you."
Faye and Andy continued to walk down the corridor until they reached the end. There, they saw a large metal door marked "SECURITY ROOM".
"Security room?" Andy said. "Hmmm… maybe there are TVs in here! We can see the whole asylum! Crazy Judy can't escape!"
"For once, you're right," Faye said. She pushed the door opened and walked inside with Andy. "Wow…"
Nearly 100 security TVs were mounted on the wall.
"Hey, I wonder if you can get Jeopardy on here?" Andy asked. "Or Bob the Builder?"
"No, no, no!" Faye yelled. "We're trying to get Crazy Judy on here. Duh."
Andy and Faye looked at all the TVs, but there was no sign of Crazy Judy.
"That's weird," Andy said. "She's not on any of these… hey, look! Applederry is picking his nose!"
Faye looked at TV 39. Sure enough, Applederry was picking his nose. Edward was picking the other nostril.
"That is pretty funny…but that's not the point! Crazy Judy's gone!" Faye yelled.
"Yeah well…" Andy replied.
"You think she's not even in the Asylum?" Faye asked.
"I don't know," Andy said. "Maybe she's in this room right now!"
"Bingo!" Crazy Judy said. She was standing behind Faye and Andy. Before they could react, Crazy Judy grabbed the two bounty hunters' heads and knocked them together, sending both Andy and Faye into unconsciousness. "Bwahahaha! Bwahahaha! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
Crazy Judy walked over to the control panel and flipped all of the TVs to Bob the Builder.
"I love this show," Crazy Judy said. "Bwahahahahaha!"
---
"I can't get it out," Edward said, taking her finger out of Applederry's nose. "Maybe father-person should stop shoving pennies in there!"
"But it's FUN!" Applederry whined. "Well, anyway, let's keep looking for Crazy Judy!"
Applederry and Edward continued wandering the Asylum.
"Help me…" yelled a voice from behind Applederry and Edward. They turned around to see the NEW Paunch crawling on the floor behind them.
"Edward knows you! You're mustache-person! Why are you on the floor?" Edward asked.
"Crazy Judy… she broke loose and beat me up!" the NEW Paunch shouted. "You gotta stop her!"
"We have to stop her?" Applederry asked. "Did you hear that, Edward? A call to action! I get to be a hero!"
"What about Andy-person and Faye-Faye?" Edward asked.
"Screw them! The famous person asked me to be a hero! Do you know what that means?" Applederry shouted.
"Edward thinks it means that mustache-person asked Edward to be a hero sandwich! Hero sandwich! Yummy yummy goooood!" Edward said jubilantly.
"Yes, hero sandwich," Applederry said. "Man, I could really go for one right now. Does this place has a kitchen?"
"We need to stop Crazy Judy," the NEW Paunch said. Applederry lifted him up by his shirt collar.
"I want a sandwich and I want it NOW!" Applederry shouted. "And my son wants something to drink… I think. Franc- er, Edward, what do you want?"
"Millions of peaches! Peaches for Edward! Millions of peaches! Peaches for free!" Edward shouted.
"See, she wants peaches," Applederry said.
"Peaches come in a can," the NEW Paunch replied.
"I know that," Applederry said.
"They were put there by a man!" the NEW Paunch said.
"Really?" Applederry asked. "Weren't they supposed to gradually integrate women into the workforce? I'M SUING FOR SEX DISCRIMINATION!"
"In a factory downtown," the NEW Paunch said. "And if I had my way, I'd eat peaches everyday-"
"We know everything!" Edward said. "Father-person, we can't go to the kitchen! We have to catch-"
"This way, son!" Applederry shouted, running down a hallway. "The kitchen is down here!"
---
Applederry sat at a table in the asylum's cafeteria, eating a large hero sandwich. Edward sat across from him, eating a giant peach cobbler.
"You were right, father-person!" Edward said. "This is the best meal that Edward has ever had! Mustache-person, you're the best cook ever!"
"Well, I try," the NEW Paunch said, sitting at another table eating a large pizza. "Maybe we really should try and catch Crazy Judy."
"Nah," Applederry said. "Let Andy and Faye handle it. I wanna eat."
Just then, the TV hanging from the ceiling in the cafeteria flashed on. Crazy Judy appeared on the screen.
"Helloooooooooo!" Crazy Judy said happily. "Guess what?"
"Quiet, guys, she's making an important announcement!" Applederry said.
"Father-person, we're supposed to be trying to catch her!" Edward shouted.
"Oh yeah, I forgot!" Applederry said. "Thanks, son!"
Edward sighed.
"I've captured two very nosy bounty hunters, and I'll be broadcasting their execution to the residents of this Asylum in ten minutes!" Crazy Judy said.
"Oh no!" Edward shouted. "Andy-person and Faye-Faye!"
"Don't worry, they'll catch her!" Applederry said.
"Father-person, she caught THEM!" Edward shouted.
"Oh," Applederry said. "Alright! I get to be the hero! Woohoo!"
Applederry ran out of the cafeteria.
"Father-person, we don't even know where Andy-person and Faye-Faye are!" Edward yelled. "Never mind…"
Edward ran after Applederry.
"And you're leaving me here," the NEW Paunch said. "You can't do that! I'm the NEW Paunch! Brand NEW! Well, actually…"
---
Inside the execution room of the Asylum, Andy and Faye were both strapped onto lethal injection gurneys.
"This really sucks, Andy," Faye said. "You got us captured!"
"Me? You're the one with the bad luck who gets captured all the time!" Andy shouted. "And now it's contagious!"
"Contagious?" Faye said. "CONTAGIOUS? Why you…"
"Let's not fight, okay, little lady?" Andy asked. "We need to concentrate on getting out of this."
"For once, you're right!" Faye said. "Actually, that's the second ti- don't call me little lady!"
"Silence!" Crazy Judy shouted. She held up a chainsaw. "Bwahaha!"
"I thought we were dying by lethal injection," Andy said.
"I don't know how to do that, okay?" Crazy Judy said. "I'm a blonde!"
"There are a lot of smart blondes out there," Andy said. "Like me, for instance!"
"Really?" Crazy Judy said. "You're smart?"
"No," Faye said.
"Now girls with purple hair are the dumbest," Andy said. "Purple makes you stupid."
"WHAT?" Faye yelled.
"Really?" Crazy Judy said. "So…"
Crazy Judy pointed to Faye.
"That girl over there is stupid?" Crazy Judy asked.
"Bingo!" Andy said.
"Andy… you… you… you… ARGH!" Faye shouted. She hopped up, breaking the straps that held her to the gurney. "And- wait a minute… I'm free!"
"Eh?" Crazy Judy stammered, turning around to face Faye
"I finally realized, Andy… your mean words helped give me the anger that helped me break free! Now I know what you were trying to do all along by saying stupid mean cowboy stuff! You were trying to make me stronger!" Faye said.
"That's right, Faye!" Andy said.
"I love you, Cowboy Andy!" Faye declared. Then, she facefaulted.
"Crap," Andy said. "So close."
Faye hopped to her feet.
"I'm gonna kill you, Cowboy Andy!" Faye yelled.
"Oh yeah?" Crazy Judy yelled. "I'm gonna kill you first!"
Judy lunged at Faye. Faye spun around and kicked Crazy Judy to the ground.
"I'm going to give Andy's beating to YOU!" Faye yelled. "Then I'm giving your beating to him!"
Faye ran at Crazy Judy and began stomping on her. Crazy Judy rolled out of the way and stood up.
"Grrr…" Crazy Judy growled, brushing herself off. "I'm gonna kill you, Cowgirl Faye!"
But before Judy and Faye could begin their fight again, Applederry and Edward burst into the room.
"We're here!" Applederry yelled. "I'm the hero!"
"Actually, Faye's the hero," Andy said. "She's whooping Crazy Judy!"
"Faye-Faye's winning! Yay!" Edward cheered. "Andy, why are you tied up? You have to rescue Faye-Faye, not the other way around!"
Judy and Faye ran at each other and began clawing at each others' face with their fingernails.
"Catfight!" Applederry shouted. "Yes! Yes! Yes!"
Suddenly, Crazy Judy grabbed her chainsaw off of the ground. She slammed it into Faye's face, knocking her to the ground. Fortunately, the chainsaw wasn't on.
"Darn it!" Crazy Judy yelled. She turned on the chainsaw and pointed it at Faye.
"Faye-Faye, no!" Edward yelled.
"I'll save you!" Applederry shouted. He ran at Crazy Judy, but backed off when the crazy woman swung her chainsaw at him.
"Never mind," Applederry said, backing off. "You're on your own…"
"I'll save you!" Andy yelled. He burst free from the table and ran at Crazy Judy. "Wow, I freed myself too! Ha! I'm Cowboy Andy, and I am the man!"
Crazy Judy hit Andy with a kick to the face, knocking him out instantly.
"Oh no…" Faye gasped. Crazy Judy lowered her chainsaw toward Faye.
"I'm going to enjoy this! Bwahaha-"
"Judy, don't!" the NEW Paunch shouted, running into the room. "Remember me?"
"Grrr… it's you! My stupid NEW co-host… I think I'll kill you first!" Crazy Judy shouted.
"Actually, I'm your old co-host!" the NEW Paunch shouted.
"No you're not! I killed you!" Crazy Judy yelled.
"Chris Jericho IV didn't use his second Dragonball wish. My mom found the Dragonballs and revived me!" Paunch said. "Isn't that neat?"
"Yep! Now I can kill you again!" Crazy Judy shouted. She ran at Paunch.
"You can change! Be sane! We can host Bigshot again, like always! Please?" Paunch pleaded.
"Well, since you asked nice…." Crazy Judy said, turning off the chainsaw and dropping it to the floor. "Okay!"
Judy ran over to Paunch and embraced him.
"Will you… marry me?" Paunch asked.
"Yes! Yes yes yes yes yes!" Judy squealed. She kissed Paunch on the lips. "I love you!"
Judy and Paunch turned to the crew of the Bebop.
"Au revoire!" Judy shouted. "Our wedding is… uh… soon! Bye!"
Paunch and Judy walked out of the room, leaving Applederry, Faye, and Edward in shock. Andy sat up.
"What happened?" Andy asked.
"I just lost a billion wulongs," Faye said. "I JUST LOST A BILLION WULONGS!"
Faye burst into tears.
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BIGSHOT CLASSIC- The CLASSIC Show For Bounty Hunters
CLASSIC Paunch: I'm CLASSIC Paunch!
CLASSIC Judy: And I'm Classic Judy! Welcome to CLASSIC Bigshot!
CLASSIC Paunch: Anyway, we just want to thank the crew of the Bebop for getting us back together again!
CLASSIC Judy: Thank you thank you thank you! *kisses CLASSIC Paunch*
"I just lost a billion wulongs," Faye sobbed.
"There there, little lady! There's plenty of wulongs in the sea!" Andy said.
"Don't call me that!" Faye shouted. "Andy, look… um…"
"Yes, Faye?" Andy asked.
"You're not really a stupid cowboy… you're a cowboy of average intelligence," Faye said. "There, I said it."
"Alright!" Andy cheered. "I'm average! I'm SO average! YES!"
Andy began dancing happily.
"I'm smarter than the average cowboy," Applederry said.
"You got that right, Yogi-person!" Edward giggled. "Hee hee!"
See you, crazy cowboy…
---
Applederry: Jeanine…
Edward: Mommy-person!
Faye: This is a tale of love lost.
Applederry: I have to find her, I just have to!
Andy: Applederry, are you okay?
Applederry: I loved her so…
Edward: Father-person and mommy-person have to be together, right?
Faye: This may be a bittersweet episode…
Andy: Together, we go looking for the woman that Applederry lost… is she dead?
Applederry: *sobs*
Edward: Mommy?
Andy: Next episode, "Mommy Can't Buy Me Love". This episode isn't funny. OR IS IT?
Applederry: Well, maybe! You gotta read to find out! *cries*