The One Left Behind
by S. L
Perhaps no one thinks about the man who survived it all. Then again perhaps they don't know how close I was to falling, too.
They all remember Lily, who died bravely protecting her only son, and they all remember James who had always been our strength. Peter they remember easily, poor Peter whom died trying to save them all. Even Sirius is remembered. Sirius Black, who had been such a wonderful boy and the best of friends, but who somehow, went astray in the end. Then of course, they all remember Harry, who lost a life with the most wonderful family anyone could imagine before he could even learn to speak their names.
Everyone is remembered but me. Even though in one single night, I, Remus J. Lupin, lost them all.
"What do you think we'll be doing when we grow up?" A little boy once said. I can still see the boy that was me, perched dangerously on the edge of a cliff. Or at least, that's how I had seen it back then, in truth it was just a narrow rock on a sort hill that overlooked a little trickling brook.
Below had been others, just as old as myself. One was a boy with careful brown eyes and a daring smile who dipped his toes into the water. Another had an innocent face and eyes that told of trouble, he sat lying across a large rock as he stared at his reflection and made faces in the water. Then there was a fourth boy who sat a little apart from the rest, not quite willing to get near the little brook himself, but not wanting to be left out. So he sat a way back in the grass and took everything in hoping that someday he too, would dare to join in.
"What do you mean Remus?" James had asked me as he splashed his feet a bit in the clear water.
I sighed, used to explaining myself. "I mean, where will we be, will we still be friends?"
"Of course," snorted Sirius, looking up from his funny faces for just a moment. You could tell from the intense look on his childish face that there wasn't a doubt in his mind that he was right. "Why wouldn't we be?"
James nodded firmly. "I agree, but as for me- I'm going to be well known and respected when I grow up and I'm going to have a nice family who loves me very much. My friends will come over every night for dinner and we'll all talk and have fun and after dinner we'll go out back and play a good game of Quidditch."
"Which is good," Sirius added as he stuck out his tongue. "Cause I'll be playing for England by then, but I'll be sure to go easy on all of you so you don't feel too bad when you lose."
There was a small silence while Sirius emphasized his statement with a nod before both boys looked up to where I was, still sitting on my rock. "What about you?" James asked, propping his head up on his hands innocently.
"I dunno," I had answered truthfully as I glanced down at my feet. "I think for now I'm just happy being a boy with my friends."
"I think you're right," James had said softly. "That's all that we need after all, each other. No matter what, we'll always have that."
But childhood fades faster than memories and alas that is all that I am left with. All I have now are images that eat away at my mind and dance through my dreams. Those memories of four little boys, friends from the start, spending their days growing up together and learning all that life had to offer.
The true people that I had known are gone, but I will always have their memories. Back then, when thinking of what my life would be like down the road, how could I have known that when I grew up even my friends would be gone? Especially when I needed them the most?
"They're dead Remus," the words had been chilling, and doing more damage than he had ever thought mere words could do.
"You're wrong sir, you're wrong!" I murmured to my old headmaster, not wanting to believe what I was hearing. At the time I hadn't believed it possible. They couldn't be dead. "I know you're wrong!"
A gentle hand found it's way onto my shoulder and it was all I could do not to shake it off. "Listen to my Remus," the gentle voice soothed. "You knew that it was bound to happen as well as I did. He came for them and that's all that there is."
"But that's not all that there is!" I had argued hopelessly. "It can't be! It isn't supposed to be like this! We're supposed to have each other and how can that be true if they're dead?" I shook my head. "We're grown up now, its not supposed to be like this!"
It is hard to suffer such a blow. To lose your three best friends who had been there throughout your entire life, all in one day. Then to lose another of your closest friends and a little boy whom had found his way into your heart, but would now be forced to live away from everything he could have know.
When anyone thinks of that day they think of those who were lost and what was gained from their sacrifice. Still, they never think of me and what their loss meant to me. In one day I lost them all; James, Lily, Harry, Sirius and Peter, but never, ever will I forget their memories.