When Omniscient, Omnipotent, Omnipresent Beings Attack!

Seven's Spontaneous Spontaneity of Something Spontaneously Spontaneic.

"Whee!"

"Who's piloting this ship?" Janeway demanded.

"WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

Volunteer Fireman sat at the helm, his delighted screeches echoing throughout the comm system.

"This button won't stop blinking! I'll fix it!" Repair Man-man-man-man announced, grabbing a sledgehammer from his belt.

The lights in the Jeffries tube went out.


In Peru, a monkey screeched.

"Hey! Who stole my shoe?" Q demanded. Maggie chewed contentedly.

Back in the other tube, B'Elanna stared at the mooses who were being very moosey at her on Tom's boxers.

"B'Elanna!" he whined. "Can I stare at your butt NOW?"

"No, Tom," she replied wearily.

"On the count of three!" Tuvok said, grabbing the end of the colored pencil stuck in his aura tract.

"One... Two..."

"SEVEN!" Harry yelled, just because he was getting the feeling that everyone had forgotten about him, and he felt the need to spout off some pointless randimosity.

Tuvok, Vulcan that he was, looked crestfallen because now he couldn't pull the pencil out unless someone counted correctly. "Ow," he said, as the pencil jammed into his brain.

"Oops," Q replied. "Wrong way." Then he, along with everyone else, promptly forgot about Tuvok's predicament to demand that Q give them light so that they could continue their game of Monopoly and find out ho had eaten Marvin Gardens.

"Seven, aren't you supposed to be rescuing your trapped crewmembers?" Carey asked, finding refuge in Astrometrics because he assumed that it as the only place that wasn't on fire or filled with total chaos and insanity.

Instead, what he found was Seven having a lengthy conversation with Pickle Man about how she thought his maladjusted antisocial tendencies ere the product of his berserk pituitary gland.
Pickle Man smiled, nodded, and offered her a pickle.

Carey wanted to run out of the room screaming at the top of his lungs.

But Vorik was out there, and a pyromaniac Vulcan was a very scary thing.

With a sigh, he accepted a pickle.

Vorik leaned in, gentlemanly lit it on fire like a cigar, and ducked out again. "Can someone help me melt Tom's teddy bear?"

In a corridor, Rain Robinson appeared, but she was run over too quickly by stampeding potatoes shaped like mooses to really do anything.


Tom sniffed at the air. "Do you smell something burning?"


The thunderous thundering of something thunderous was STILL thundering and Janeway couldn't figure out what was thundering so thunderously.

"My name is Betty Ann BonGO! I sing this little sonGO! I sing it ALL DAY LON-GO!" This said (sung), Tuvok and Harry got into a fistfight over who was the real Betty Ann, which was only slightly hampered by the fact that neither of them seemed to be able to form a fist.

The computer was getting annoyed by the fact that Repair Man-man-man-man kept destroying all her consoles, and cursed at him in [337. "4[13|\| |\/|0|\|90053!!"

"Help. I'm trapped in a turbolift with mutant onions," Neelix said blandly, as Volunteer Fireman ran by, completely oblivious to the Talaxian because he was in hot pursuit of Vorik (who was proudly displaying his "Pyromaniac" t-shirt, because Janeway was not out here and none of them were wearing their uniforms anyway, so she couldn't do anything about it even if she anted to) because Vorik had melted Tom's teddy bear and was demanding a lock of Tom's hair for ritual sacrifice.

He made a stop at an engineering console and frowned calmly; he pushed a few more buttons. There had to be a file on voodoo doll creation somewhere in the ship's database.

"Oops," he said idly.

Volunteer Fireman screamed and hacked his ay right out of the ship. He'd never been on fire before; it proved too disconcerting for him to take.

B'Elanna was STILL trying to resist the urge to crawl into Tom's lap.


Carey sighed and smoked his pickle.

Meanwhile, Q was getting antsy. No new and really spontaneous ideas were coming to him to torment the Voyager crew.

He snapped his fingers and...

"Hey! Someone's been burning my stuff!" Tom yelled, kneeling in the center of his quarters by a confusing pile of photographic ash.

B'Elanna began to root around in Tom's drawers for a t-shirt to steal. Being underwear-clad in Tom's quarters was not her idea of a good... no, it was... NO! IT WASN'T!

Q smiled. That as much better. No more Oscar Meyer Wieners, and endless chaos a la Tom and B'Elanna.

"Mooses!" he said cheerfully.

He turned his attention to Janeway and Chakotay. SNAP!


Tuvok, meanwhile, was STILL trying to sit tight. He had managed to squeeze himself inside a bulkhead. The green pencil was REALLY starting to hurt.

"Oooh!" The Vulcan had found some rubber bands.


"Harry," said Ensign Jetal nervously, "could you please stop whittling reeds in here? You keep... missing." Indeed, the bulkhead nearest Kim was in shreds. Luckily, right about no a rubber band shot the knife out of Kim's hand.


A sock lit Repair Man-man-man-man on fire. He proceeded to smash into bulkheads.

Janeway and Chakotay ended up in a turbolift with Neelix and his mutant onions.

"Ah, Captain, commander! What motivates an- aww, nuts, I already asked you. Oh well. Would anyone like a bowler hat?"

Torres was huddled in one of Tom's t-shirts, utterly paralyzed by the smell of soap and adorable maleness.

"Mooses," Tom muttered as he vacuumed.

"Eek..."

"MOOSES!!"

"Screw it," B'Elanna growled and managed to restrain herself from doing anything more than giving Tom a big hug.

"YAY!"

Vorik replicated an obscenely large amount of Pixi Stix.

"Are they flammable?" an onion asked.

I knew I shouldn't have let them talk me into all that candy, Vorik thought.

He stared at the Pixi Stix, and said finally, "Yes. Yes they are."

"Help!" yelled Repair Man-man-man-man from underneath a pile of Pixi Stix wrappers.

Vorik descended upon the Pixi Stix with a lighter.

Harry finally managed to escape from the tube, a song in his heart, and unfortunately also in his vocal cords.

"Hi, Seven!" he said, then, "B flat! Ahem." He assumed a regal pose. "The night is young, and you're so beautiful!"

Seven pondered this statement with a furrowed brow. "What cultural background does this night originate from?"

He pondered this for a moment. "TIMBUKTU!" he screeched, and net screaming "The Sound of Music" songs down the corridor.

Carey marveled as to ho a corridor echoed yet again, but again, nobody noticed Carey.

He leaned down. "Has anyone lost a clarinet?"


Tom was snuggling B'Elanna, which made the knowledge of his burnt teddy bear much less painful. B'Elanna was trying as hard as she could to not enjoy it without much success.

A loud crunching made everyone (except Janeway, but she tried as hard as she could) look up.

Pickle Man had discovered how to work the comm system.

"Pickled onion?" said the turbolift in a voice like Neelix's.