When Omniscient, Omnipotent, Omnipresent Beings Attack!
My Name is Eight. Chapter Eight.
The Doctor poked the bunny. It tried to bite him. He tossed it in the recycler.
"HI!" screamed Harry, popping up. "Wanna play Hamlet?" He brandished a toothpick at Tabor before falling over.
Tabor descended upon the young ensign with a marker. "Handlebar mustache," he said after a moment's thought, and set to work.
"Oh... WE'RE OFF TO SEE THE WIZARD! THE WONDERFUL WIZARD OF OZ!" Neelix screeched and Janeway cringed. She and Chakotay (at least she assumed Chakotay) had been tastefully adorned with bowler hats, mustaches, and very large shoes.
Q decided to wander the ship and find out what was occurring with the others that he had removed from the Jeffries Tube.
He popped into Tom and B'Elanna's space, shrieked, and immediately popped back out into the corridor.
"Hey," said an onion. "Are omnipotent beings flammable?"
Vorik stared at Q for a moment, pondering this. "Yes," he said decidedly. "Yes, they are."
Q ran.
He stopped. "Wait a minute..." Snap!
"AHHH!!" said B'Elanna.
"Mooses?" said Tom.
"Get off my mate!" screamed Vorik, brandishing his sock.
Meanwhile, Carey had managed to lock himself into a supply closet.
"Hello?" he called. "I knocked over a bottle of liquid adhesive in here. It's getting hard to breathe. Can someone let me out?"
A moment of silence.
"Hi! Is someone out there?"
"Hello? Now there's a large rat staring at me. I think it wants to eat me! Can someone let me out? Help!"
There was a long, loud noise and the smell of potatoes. Then silence again.
He sighed. At least the rat had eaten the adhesive.
Seven was staring intently at the viewscreen in Astrometrics; every so often she would tap at a console. She admittedly lacked experience in the area, but Timbuktu seemed to have nice enough nights.
"MOOSES!"
"STAY AWAY FROM MY B'ELANNA!" Vorik yelled, and charged at Tom, armed with a sock.
"MY B'ELANNA!" Tom screamed back, and retaliated with a newly replicated spork.
"MINE!" Spoon.
"Mine!!" Banana.
"MINE!" Moose.
"Hey, that's MY moose, too!" Block of stinky cheese.
B'Elanna blinked. "Uh, Vorik!"
"MY B'ELANNA!"
"Vorik."
"MY B'ELANNA!"
"VORIK!"
"MY B'ELANNA!"
SPLASH.
Vorik blinked. "I seem to be wet," he said calmly.
"You were on fire," she said, and put a bucket down.
"My B'Elanna," Tom murmured defiantly, and curled up on the bed, hugging a pillow.
Meanwhile, the penguins attacked the lettuce.
"Okay," said the Doctor, "Q is here because he wants a mate, right?"
"Mew?" said Harry.
"And if he gets one, he'll go away, right?"
"Purr," Harry said.
"So if I program him a holographic mate, problem solved, right?"
"Right?"
"Harry?"
Harry was crouching under a biobed, ears flattened, trembling.
Q grinned and waved. "Hi, Harry!" he said cheerfully. "Maggie was looking for you!"
"Hiss! MROW!" Harry screeched, and attacked Q's receding hairline.
A moment later, Harry was wearing an electric invisible fence collar and sulking.
Q snapped his fingers, then they both disappeared, invisible fence and all.
"Tom," B'Elanna said patiently, "that's really not nice."
"What?" Tom responded innocently, eyes wide.
"He's cleaning your quarters. Isn't that enough?"
"Come now. Vorik makes a very nice little French maid. The apron really sets off his complexion, don't you think?"
B'Elanna shrugged. "Pass the popcorn."
Vorik muttered something about root beer and bridge domination.
"MOOSES!" Tom heckled merrily.
"Ohhh… I'll take the high road and you'll take the low road…" Ray drawled, and hiccupped.
Maggie burped.
Tuvok sat in a corner, flinging rubber bands at Harry, who was back in the tube, invisibly fenced.
"Mew."
FLING!
"MROW!"
"Haha- ouch!"
"The only green colored pencil in the set, and you choose the exact color I need to shove in your ear!"
"Mew!"
FLING!
"ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWW!"
"Tuvok, have you seen the Lego I need?" Tabor asked.
Tuvok burped and grinned contentedly.
"My creative genius!" Tabor lamented and fell out the hatch.
"Timbuktu, huh?"