When Omniscient, Omnipotent, Omnipresent Beings Attack!

Like the Borg, Nine is a Perfect Square.

Umm…

The kangaroo blinked at Tuvok, and he blinked back at it.

Tuvok scratched his nose. "Didn't that used to be a penguin?"

Q shrugged. "I got bored."

"Oh."

B'Elanna sat on the bed, feeling much better now that she was wearing one of Tom's t-shirts. "Um, need me to replicate a towel?"
Tom pondered this. "No… I'm good."

Vorik was sitting in a puddle, crying over a sock. "No! My poor, poor sock!"

"Ah, Vorik," B'Elanna felt the need to point out, "it was you who burned that sock to begin with."

"The fire!" Vorik wailed. "The fire!"

Tom shrugged. "Out the airlock?"

"Tom!"

The fair-haired lieutenant muttered darkly.

Meanwhile, Harry had taken Tom's place in teaching the Klingons how to sing, Q having gotten bored with him as a kitten. "Zip-a-dee-doh-dah! Zip-a-dee-day, my oh my what a wonderful day…"

"I wish to hit him," a maid-a-milking remarked.

"Hard," a lord-a-leaping agreed.

"TACOS!" the Klingons roared, accepting this word as their battle cry at the insistence of a green dog-like robot.

Tabor was trying to prefect the chicken. "Tuvok, sir, I really need the green…"

"MY GREEN!" Tuvok cried, clutching the pencil (or at least what little he could grab.)

"Um, what happened to the blue?" Tabor asked suddenly.

A nameless ensign was assimilated by a Borg duck.

Tuvok felt a sharp pain in his nose. "I think I know what happened to the blue," he said slowly.

Q sighed. "Are there any females I haven't asked to mate with me yet?"

"Are there any people I haven't asked what motivates an onion yet?"
"HAS ANYONE SEEN THE PINK, INDIGO, OR ORANGE?!" Tabor was in a near state of panic.

Seven stared at the Astrometrics screen sadly. "This night appears to have no cultural background whatsoever."

She inserted a chicken.

It didn't help.

Janeway popped inside an overhead storage compartment.

When the penguin appeared, it pecked her foot.

She did NOT like losing control.

"Moo?" said the penguin.

"Captain?' said Mulcany.

"Penguin?' said the Captain.

"Dog," said Chakotay decidedly.

"ICE CREAM AND MOOSES FOR ALL!" a crewman yelled triumphantly, lord of all he surveyed (which right now was the mess hall), and waving a spatula dramatically.

Someone blasted swing music, and chaos prevailed.

"Hey!" said Tom. "I hear swing!" He began dancing around the room, cheerfully trampling Vorik's sock.


"WHEEE!"

A squirrel sat at Voyager's helm.

"Who's piloting this thing? A squirrel?" complained Tom, grabbed B'Elanna's hand, and raced toward the bridge, leaving Vorik to cry monotonously, a neat trick if you can manage it.

"Yes, I do believe so," B'Elanna said.


Suddenly, the squirrel discovered an ant, and the ship screamed.


Tom engaged in hand to hand combat with the squirrel. It was a jumbo squirrel, making things quite difficult. B'Elanna sighed and phasered him.

The squirrel, not Tom.

"Saves time," she explained mildly, and hurried to tactical to take care of those ducks.

"I always wanted to pull barrel rolls when no one was looking!" Tom said excitedly.

"No, Tom! DON'T!"

"WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!"


The Doctor sighed and wandered around Sickbay boredly. "Isn't there anything to be done to set the ship to rights?"

Tom and B'Elanna appeared, bruised and scraped.

"Well, at least some things are more normal."

"He started it!" B'Elanna insisted.

"I'm not normally a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me, Superman!" Harry screamed as the ship lurched.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Hi! We're back, sort of. If this chapter bears no continuity to the ones before it, it's because Aeryka misplaced the notebook that the original chapter nine was in, but it was found!