Author's note: Let's get something straight, right off the bat. I suck. No matter what I'm writing or when, I invariably get hit with a month long bout of writer's block. I really wish they'd start showing new eps of Evo again, it makes inspiration much easier. For whatever reason, I'm back, and I know what to write next. I'm sorry to all of you who've been waiting for an update since Decemberween, here it is.
I have half a mind, it's cracked and breaking
It's recommended, it's great for tasting
Spit in the face of the tried and true and
These are things that I'm gonna do.
My cave is lit with tiny lights
I climb the stairs and catch the sights
Of other people down below
I've heard of them, they think they know
I make no friends, I've got no spark
In my defense I take apart
What's put together easily
This is all true, I'll make it be.
-Rasputina "Things I'm Gonna Do"
Emma had offered to put them all up in a hotel, but they'd declined. Maybe they were uneasy that the strangers swarming their house would tear it down if left to their own devices. That night, Pietro and Rogue lay side by side, fingers intertwined, while a breeze rustling all the tarps and whisked away the smell of paint fumes.
"What are you thinking about?" Pietro asked.
"How in the hell we're gonna kill your dad. What are you thinking about?"
"What we're gonna do when we're all fifty. I want to slap every kid who's ever said that they want to be a superhero when they grow up," Pietro replied. He paused. "I found some books under the bed."
"Oh."
"You been shopping?"
"Maybe a little," Rogue sighed, leaning over the side of the bed and pulling out the white plastic shopping bag. "I can always bring 'em back."
Pietro reached into the bag and pulled out the first book. GED prep.
"You thinking of going back to school?" he asked.
"Hell no," Rogue said. "Not to Bayville, anyway, and where else would I go?" She reached over and took the book from his hands. "You know I don't remember a whole lot from before about a year ago, right?"
"I figured our magnificent relationship might've overshadowed everything you'd ever experienced," he smirked, twitching his eyebrows suggestively. She leaned over and scruffed his hair, kissing his cheek.
"I'm sure that's it," she said wryly. "But for real. I don't really know why," she sighed as she pulled out the other two books, a guide to the SAT I and II. "But it really feels like this is important to me. I mean, let's just say on the outside that in five years everyone's come around and mutants are as common as crabgrass. I really don't wanna be working fast food for the rest of my life just cause some crazy old men conned me into thinking I was a superhero, you know?"
"I know exactly. Sides, high school was boring anyway. I burned through those textbooks in a couple weeks. But, you know, seeing as you already got the books and all, can I please be your study-buddy? Your white hot sexy smoldering study buddy?"
"Why not? You could put a whole new spin on rushing a frat."
"That was a godawful pun, and a horrifying thought, so I'm going to kiss you," Pietro replied, and followed through.
Three days later, the renovations were done, and the architects, the painters, the carpenters and the caterers all left with enough money to comfortably retire. The Brotherhood sat on the porch, which could have hosted a tennis match without feeling cramped, in large cast iron chairs at a matching table, drinking coffee.
"God, Emma, how much coke did your sister do?" Rogue asked, surveying the intricacy of the molding along the edges of the house. Emma shrugged.
"Two, maybe two and a half cartels worth. Some people will do anything to throw a good party."
"So what's next for our intrepid band of heroes, huh?" Todd asked aloud, gazing up at the clouds.
"Well, we were gonna kill Magneto…" Pietro said.
"Still are," Wanda added in a dangerous voice. Emma rested her chin on her hand.
"Do you suppose we could kill Gambit too?" she asked.
"Absolutely!" Pietro said. "Great plan."
"Hey, I thought we were gonna try and keep the body count to a minimum!" Rogue protested. Pietro smooched her cheek, then immediately turned to the others.
"All in favor of killing card-boy raise your hand."
Emma, Pietro, and Lance all raised their hands.
"All not in favor," Rogue retorted. She, Todd and Freddy formed the opposition. "Wanda, you didn't vote."
"I'm abstaining."
"Why?" Pietro pouted.
"'Cause I don't care," she replied. "Kill him, don't kill him, makes no difference to me."
"Fine, we won't actively try to kill him-" Lance said.
"Ohh!" Emma sulked.
"-but if some accidentally opens a big fault, and then he trips on his shoelaces, it'll be very sad, but we'll all accept that these things happen."
"Goody!" Emma smiled. Wanda rolled her eyes.
"Back to the matter at hand. Killing Mister-the-Man," she said. Mister-the-Man had become Magneto's unofficial nickname among his would-be assassins. "We have to figure out a way to keep his little brute squad busy while someone- preferably me- hands him his trachea. Ideas."
"Telepathy. Brainscramble," Lance said. Emma tapped her temple.
"Helmet. Won't work on Magneto, but I could take out a few of the others."
"Maybe you could seduce him," Freddy said to Emma.
"I don't think that would work," Wanda replied. "And it's too disgusting to consider."
"Outside of Magneto, who poses the biggest threat?" Emma mused. "Colossus?"
"I don't think Colossus could kill someone if it came down to it," Rogue said. "When we were on the rescue mission, he was being as gentle as possible with the soldiers."
"He's slower in metal form," Pietro added.
"Ooh, I love big slow stuff that ain't gonna kill me, lemme at 'im!" Todd said, waving his arms in the air.
"Sabertooth is definitely the most likely to remove someone's head from their body.
"I'll take him," Freddy said. "He's all claws and teeth, and I don't cut."
"Two down," Wanda said.
"I'll take Gambit!" Lance exclaimed.
"Like hell you will!" Pietro protested.
"Shut up," Wanda said. "Pietro, you're gonna take out Pyro. Lance gets Gambit. Emma's going to back up the boys, keep the Acolytes off balance."
"Oh come on!"
"Which brings us back to the original question: how do we kill Mister-the-Man?" Rogue said. Wanda just looked at her with a dark smile. "What?"
"I hold him, you drain him, and then I don't care who cuts his throat."
"That's a pretty basic plan," Rogue said.
"The more complicated the plan, the easier it is to fuck up," Wanda said. "The only question is when."
"I can take care of that," Emma said.