Authors notes: I was originally going to have Gohan tell Videl in this
chapter, but as I was writing some of Gohan's monologs, I realized how much
potential this section of the story had. So I am going to break it into 2
chapters.
Oh yeah, dedicating this one to Mira-san again. I wouldn't have had this finished till Monday if I hadn't felt motivated by her reviews, thanks!
Chapter 7
I wonder what its like? I mean to have a child hood of carefree life, and fun times. Many thoughts along these lines were running through my head, as I lay on my bed, staring blankly at the ceiling. Even the most enjoyable times in my life, were spent in preparation for great battles. What is it like to not know such responsibility?
I looked at the clock, 11:00, I should try and get some sleep soon; tomorrow is going to be a stress full day. But how am I going to sleep? This is my last true night at home, in 'my' bed. I had thought about these things last night, after Videl had left, but now, the realizations were sinking in. I was leaving home for real tomorrow. I wouldn't be having mom or Goten to come back to at the end of the day. The thought is unsettling to say the least.
The other problem is Videl, I still don't know what, how much, and even how to tell her. Do I tell her about my blood, and hope she doesn't look at me like I'm a freak? Or do I continue to lie to her? A freak? Am I really that? Look at me, look at my past, who has lived like I have? I never even had a real friend until just yesterday. How pathetic has my existence been?
I placed my hands behind my head, sighing. Today was hard, placing my things into there respective capsules, my room, has never felt so empty. Mom and Goten kept up their acts well, but I could see how sad this is making them. Must I always cause pain, even if unintentionally? But they say change is good . . . I don't know yet, I'll have to test that theory.
Dinner was the hardest; I've never seen Goten with such a light appetite. I felt like the lowest life form on earth. I could barely look at either him or mom. I wonder if they can make it without me . . . or even if I can make it without them. If it wasn't for them . . . my life would have ended by now.
I used to wonder a lot what it would be like for them if I ridded the world of the burden that is I. What would it take to accomplish it was always the next thought. Maybe a KI blast pointed at my head, powerful enough to destroy a mountain or something. Or maybe fly into the outer atmosphere, and suffocate my self. Every time I would come close to one of these actions, it was them that held me back.
I shook off the memory of those foolish thoughts, focusing again on the problem at hand. I guess I will start from the beginning when I tell her. The best action should be to tell her all of it. She's either going to like me as I am, or call me a freak and run screaming into the night. I was momentarily saddened by the latter, but shook it off.
What will she say? How is she going to react? Those were the next series of thoughts running through my head. Worse case scenario, she's afraid of me and wants nothing to do with me. I hope that wont happen, but she has a right to know what transpired at the Cell Games. And to eliminate all questions, I might as well just tell her all of it. I will just have to hope things work out . . .
On that note, I closed my eyes, playing with my thoughts until at last I fell asleep.
The sound of my alarm clock greeted me once more. Disabling it, I pulled my self from my bed, maybe for the last time. I drew from my drawers, a white t-shirt, a black button down, and a pair of black denim jeans. Once they lay arranged on my bed, I headed into the bathroom.
I didn't bother looking in the mirror; I could guarantee what I would see regardless. Once in the shower, I began once again, preparing my self for the events that would occur later today. Going over once again, what I would say, I let the water poor down on me. Had I had the dreams again? I feel as though I had, but I can't remember them. Doesn't matter I guess, I'm sure they will come again.
I washed my hair, shutting my eyes as the soap creped down my face. So now, I think the only thing still bothering me, is what happens if she doesn't accept it, or rather me. Granted I've grown accustomed to pain, but id like to think that my Sajin side won't forever prevent me from living a normal life. It stole my childhood, will it consume me my whole life as it has father? Or will I ever find a way to escape it.
Again, I started to think how life would have been should I not have been born like this. I shook my head at the thoughts, while turning off the water. Stepping from the shower, I placed the towel around my waist. I made my way to my room, maybe for the last time.
I walked over to the window, giving a long look out into the scenery I had grown up in. I opened the window and inhaled the air. I sighed and returned to my bed. I got dressed once I was sure I was dry enough. I grabbed the pack of capsules that sat on one of the two pieces of furniture that remained in the room.
I looked down at the desk with a sad smile; I had spent many an hour there, hovered over books. Well, now it was Goten's turn to under go that particular 'pleasure'. Sighing, I turned and made my way through the door. Shutting off the light, I took one last look at the room I had resided in for near eighteen years. I shook my head slightly and closed the door.
I arrived downstairs, going directly to the kitchen. I was momentarily taken back when I noticed Goten wasn't in his seat. I think that's the first time the little guys ever been late for a meal. . .
I saw mom standing over the sink.
"Good morning mom."
"Good morning Gohan. Sleep well?"
"Yep." I lied; sleep was rather illusive last night
"That's good dear. Coming home after school today?"
"No. . . I'm going to go to my place." It felt a little weird, thinking and saying it as 'my' place
"You'll be back this weekend?"
"Yeah, I figure, at the very least, I will be here every Sunday, for dinner"
"That would be wonderful Gohan. You know, one weekend, why don't you invite that Videl girl." She gave me a weird look when she said that
"Sure. . . Ok mom." I said, seriously enough as I cocked an eye at her
"Great." She seems a little over enthused
"Where's Goten?" Ahh, great move Gohan, change the subject
"I think he is outside. Breakfast is just about ready, be a dear and go get him?"
"Ok mom." With that, I went outside, scanning the area for Goten
Upon seeing no trace of him, I felt out for his KI. Got him, by the river. I headed the 200 or so feet down the way to where the stream was located. I could see him there staring into the water. I walked up to him, but before I could speak he beat me to it.
"Brother? Why do you have to leave? I like you living here . . ."
I didn't need to see his face; I could here the tears threatening in his voice well, if I didn't feel like dirt for leaving before, I certainly felt that way now. How should I explain this?
"Goten . . . You know that no matter how far away I am from you, that you are my brother, and nothing can change that; there is nothing as precious to me in this world as you are."
"I know, but . . ."
"Goten, I want to go. It's what I need."
"But . . ." What else can I say to make him understand?
"Goten what if every morning, when mom made breakfast, it made you so sad you couldn't take it? Just the thought of it nearly brought you tears. But at the same time, breakfast brings you so much happiness that you practically live for it." Figure pick an analogy he can relate to
"So, I would still love breakfast, but it would make me really sad?" he said, semi-puzzled
"Yes."
"That would be bad." Perhaps an over simple statement
"So in order or for breakfast to not make you sad, you would have to not have it always right in front of you. This way, after a while, only the happiness would remain. Do you understand?"
"Yes, I understand brother. But what makes you sad?" How can in possibly answer that?
"GOTEN! GOHAN!!! Breakfast is ready!"
Thankfully Goten was distracted for the moment. He tore a path to the house. I slowly treaded after him, watching as he practically bounced his way there. Yeah, he is just like dad . . .
Breakfast went by a little slowly, no one to anxious to be over with it. The clock was counting down, and I had class to go to. Silently, I took my plate to the sink. I washed it, and placed it to dry.
I slowly made my way to the front door, grabbing my bag from where it had been placed. Mom and Goten came over to me. Goten almost immediately attached himself to my leg. I picked hi, up, hugging him hard. After a few moments, I set him down and turned to mom .She looked as though she would cry any second, but wore a proud smile.
Gohan, I want you to have this. She produced, from the counter behind her, a flat brown box. She almost seemed to struggle passing it to me.
"Thanks mom." I said, accepting the box
No wonder she struggled, its heavy, what the hell is in here? I opened the lid. I couldn't believe my eyes. I felt a new surge of guilt, as I looked down upon an exact replica of fathers old GI, complete with waited training armor.
"I know you're a little strong for the waits, and you have your own colors and symbol now, but I want you to have it. It's a keep sake your father would have liked you to have these as well."
If I had been by my self, I might have cried at that point. A feeling of intense pain and at the same time happiness, no gratefulness, had crept into my heart. I was both honored and ashamed to be given such a gift.
"Thank you mom, I don't know what to say." I knew better than to refuse the offer
"You don't have to say anything Gohan."
We sat there a few moments, all silent and watching each other, Goten with an occasional sniffle. Time was winding down, and I had to leave. I said a final good bye, and left. A few feet away, I jetted into the air, tearing a streak in the sky as I soared over the open landscape below.
A/N: All right, that's chapter 7, I will have 8 done by Monday. Thanks again Mira-san for such great reviews, you are an inspiration behind my work. Like I said, nice to know that my work can have a strong effect on some one.
Oh yeah, dedicating this one to Mira-san again. I wouldn't have had this finished till Monday if I hadn't felt motivated by her reviews, thanks!
Chapter 7
I wonder what its like? I mean to have a child hood of carefree life, and fun times. Many thoughts along these lines were running through my head, as I lay on my bed, staring blankly at the ceiling. Even the most enjoyable times in my life, were spent in preparation for great battles. What is it like to not know such responsibility?
I looked at the clock, 11:00, I should try and get some sleep soon; tomorrow is going to be a stress full day. But how am I going to sleep? This is my last true night at home, in 'my' bed. I had thought about these things last night, after Videl had left, but now, the realizations were sinking in. I was leaving home for real tomorrow. I wouldn't be having mom or Goten to come back to at the end of the day. The thought is unsettling to say the least.
The other problem is Videl, I still don't know what, how much, and even how to tell her. Do I tell her about my blood, and hope she doesn't look at me like I'm a freak? Or do I continue to lie to her? A freak? Am I really that? Look at me, look at my past, who has lived like I have? I never even had a real friend until just yesterday. How pathetic has my existence been?
I placed my hands behind my head, sighing. Today was hard, placing my things into there respective capsules, my room, has never felt so empty. Mom and Goten kept up their acts well, but I could see how sad this is making them. Must I always cause pain, even if unintentionally? But they say change is good . . . I don't know yet, I'll have to test that theory.
Dinner was the hardest; I've never seen Goten with such a light appetite. I felt like the lowest life form on earth. I could barely look at either him or mom. I wonder if they can make it without me . . . or even if I can make it without them. If it wasn't for them . . . my life would have ended by now.
I used to wonder a lot what it would be like for them if I ridded the world of the burden that is I. What would it take to accomplish it was always the next thought. Maybe a KI blast pointed at my head, powerful enough to destroy a mountain or something. Or maybe fly into the outer atmosphere, and suffocate my self. Every time I would come close to one of these actions, it was them that held me back.
I shook off the memory of those foolish thoughts, focusing again on the problem at hand. I guess I will start from the beginning when I tell her. The best action should be to tell her all of it. She's either going to like me as I am, or call me a freak and run screaming into the night. I was momentarily saddened by the latter, but shook it off.
What will she say? How is she going to react? Those were the next series of thoughts running through my head. Worse case scenario, she's afraid of me and wants nothing to do with me. I hope that wont happen, but she has a right to know what transpired at the Cell Games. And to eliminate all questions, I might as well just tell her all of it. I will just have to hope things work out . . .
On that note, I closed my eyes, playing with my thoughts until at last I fell asleep.
The sound of my alarm clock greeted me once more. Disabling it, I pulled my self from my bed, maybe for the last time. I drew from my drawers, a white t-shirt, a black button down, and a pair of black denim jeans. Once they lay arranged on my bed, I headed into the bathroom.
I didn't bother looking in the mirror; I could guarantee what I would see regardless. Once in the shower, I began once again, preparing my self for the events that would occur later today. Going over once again, what I would say, I let the water poor down on me. Had I had the dreams again? I feel as though I had, but I can't remember them. Doesn't matter I guess, I'm sure they will come again.
I washed my hair, shutting my eyes as the soap creped down my face. So now, I think the only thing still bothering me, is what happens if she doesn't accept it, or rather me. Granted I've grown accustomed to pain, but id like to think that my Sajin side won't forever prevent me from living a normal life. It stole my childhood, will it consume me my whole life as it has father? Or will I ever find a way to escape it.
Again, I started to think how life would have been should I not have been born like this. I shook my head at the thoughts, while turning off the water. Stepping from the shower, I placed the towel around my waist. I made my way to my room, maybe for the last time.
I walked over to the window, giving a long look out into the scenery I had grown up in. I opened the window and inhaled the air. I sighed and returned to my bed. I got dressed once I was sure I was dry enough. I grabbed the pack of capsules that sat on one of the two pieces of furniture that remained in the room.
I looked down at the desk with a sad smile; I had spent many an hour there, hovered over books. Well, now it was Goten's turn to under go that particular 'pleasure'. Sighing, I turned and made my way through the door. Shutting off the light, I took one last look at the room I had resided in for near eighteen years. I shook my head slightly and closed the door.
I arrived downstairs, going directly to the kitchen. I was momentarily taken back when I noticed Goten wasn't in his seat. I think that's the first time the little guys ever been late for a meal. . .
I saw mom standing over the sink.
"Good morning mom."
"Good morning Gohan. Sleep well?"
"Yep." I lied; sleep was rather illusive last night
"That's good dear. Coming home after school today?"
"No. . . I'm going to go to my place." It felt a little weird, thinking and saying it as 'my' place
"You'll be back this weekend?"
"Yeah, I figure, at the very least, I will be here every Sunday, for dinner"
"That would be wonderful Gohan. You know, one weekend, why don't you invite that Videl girl." She gave me a weird look when she said that
"Sure. . . Ok mom." I said, seriously enough as I cocked an eye at her
"Great." She seems a little over enthused
"Where's Goten?" Ahh, great move Gohan, change the subject
"I think he is outside. Breakfast is just about ready, be a dear and go get him?"
"Ok mom." With that, I went outside, scanning the area for Goten
Upon seeing no trace of him, I felt out for his KI. Got him, by the river. I headed the 200 or so feet down the way to where the stream was located. I could see him there staring into the water. I walked up to him, but before I could speak he beat me to it.
"Brother? Why do you have to leave? I like you living here . . ."
I didn't need to see his face; I could here the tears threatening in his voice well, if I didn't feel like dirt for leaving before, I certainly felt that way now. How should I explain this?
"Goten . . . You know that no matter how far away I am from you, that you are my brother, and nothing can change that; there is nothing as precious to me in this world as you are."
"I know, but . . ."
"Goten, I want to go. It's what I need."
"But . . ." What else can I say to make him understand?
"Goten what if every morning, when mom made breakfast, it made you so sad you couldn't take it? Just the thought of it nearly brought you tears. But at the same time, breakfast brings you so much happiness that you practically live for it." Figure pick an analogy he can relate to
"So, I would still love breakfast, but it would make me really sad?" he said, semi-puzzled
"Yes."
"That would be bad." Perhaps an over simple statement
"So in order or for breakfast to not make you sad, you would have to not have it always right in front of you. This way, after a while, only the happiness would remain. Do you understand?"
"Yes, I understand brother. But what makes you sad?" How can in possibly answer that?
"GOTEN! GOHAN!!! Breakfast is ready!"
Thankfully Goten was distracted for the moment. He tore a path to the house. I slowly treaded after him, watching as he practically bounced his way there. Yeah, he is just like dad . . .
Breakfast went by a little slowly, no one to anxious to be over with it. The clock was counting down, and I had class to go to. Silently, I took my plate to the sink. I washed it, and placed it to dry.
I slowly made my way to the front door, grabbing my bag from where it had been placed. Mom and Goten came over to me. Goten almost immediately attached himself to my leg. I picked hi, up, hugging him hard. After a few moments, I set him down and turned to mom .She looked as though she would cry any second, but wore a proud smile.
Gohan, I want you to have this. She produced, from the counter behind her, a flat brown box. She almost seemed to struggle passing it to me.
"Thanks mom." I said, accepting the box
No wonder she struggled, its heavy, what the hell is in here? I opened the lid. I couldn't believe my eyes. I felt a new surge of guilt, as I looked down upon an exact replica of fathers old GI, complete with waited training armor.
"I know you're a little strong for the waits, and you have your own colors and symbol now, but I want you to have it. It's a keep sake your father would have liked you to have these as well."
If I had been by my self, I might have cried at that point. A feeling of intense pain and at the same time happiness, no gratefulness, had crept into my heart. I was both honored and ashamed to be given such a gift.
"Thank you mom, I don't know what to say." I knew better than to refuse the offer
"You don't have to say anything Gohan."
We sat there a few moments, all silent and watching each other, Goten with an occasional sniffle. Time was winding down, and I had to leave. I said a final good bye, and left. A few feet away, I jetted into the air, tearing a streak in the sky as I soared over the open landscape below.
A/N: All right, that's chapter 7, I will have 8 done by Monday. Thanks again Mira-san for such great reviews, you are an inspiration behind my work. Like I said, nice to know that my work can have a strong effect on some one.