Disclaimer: I do not own The Lord of the Rings. It belongs
to JRR Tolkien.
Author's Note
This... is VERY idiotic! It's not even a song! But at least it's Mary-Sue-Legolas Bashing. That means that this song is against the Legolas that will commonly appear in Mary-Sue fanfics. If you are a Legolas fangirl... SURE! Go ahead and get yourself SO frustrated that you'll make a FOOL of yourself and FLAME me. I DARE YOU! However, I don't mind creative critique; I need the creative critique. But if you do give creative critique... I'd prefer that you type normally. I get shifty when people write like this:
"U cn make ur storee bettr bi goin 2 dis site......"
Y'know? Good.
Let the Happy Legolas Torture Song begin! FANGIRLS, FLAME ME! I DARE YOU! They will all be posted on my Legolas Torture site.
The Happy Legolas-Torture Song!
One day Thranduil died,
And all Canon-faithful cried,
To see such a good elf tried,
Even though he had too much wine,
So Legolas became King,
To all of Mirkwood realm,
The Mary-Sues rejoiced,
Because their lover took the helm,
O what an age had passed,
Legolas king of wood,
Fangirls came out of hiding,
Just to see if they could,
Ensnare the king,
With flowers and grace,
Singing fifty-two love songs,
All over the place,
Ensnare the king,
With wine and champagne,
Perhaps if he was drunk,
Then they would get laid,
Ensnare the king,
With beauty and false love,
Committing the crime so defiant,
To Heaven above,
Ensnare the king,
Until we all DIED,
Of sickness and disgust,
And our brains will be fried.
Of course, the Valar,
Would not accept this,
So they sent Legolas a curse,
And it went like this:
Ooooohhh....
Six straight weeks of not-perfect hair,
Nine full moons of unclean underwear,
An hour and a half of burning on a pyre,
With additions of electrical wires!
Sixteen cannon blasts that go to his head,
Put forty dozen centipedes in his bed,
Drop a rock onto his car,
So that he and his fangirls won't get far!
Place a sign upon his back,
Which in Khuzdul will say, "Give me a smack!"
Throw every book on every shelf,
From the library of Elrond the elf,
Orcs will dance around his house,
Stain his new fangirl-addict blouse,
Smash his vases and burn his hair,
And confiscate all his clean underwear.
And Legolas died so tragically,
That everyone just laughed,
Though all his wimpy fangirls cried,
And put him on a raft,
Sailed him down the Anduin,
Singing laments in fake Quenya,
And tragically shot themselves dead,
With Galadriel's Ring, Nenya,
O, Legolas died so tragically,
And we laughed until his death!
THE END
For more Mary-Sue-Legolas torturing, visit my site, LEGOLAS' VIOLENT DEATH.
The monthly publish will be launched on 2/28. Have a nice day!
~Naheka
Author's Note
This... is VERY idiotic! It's not even a song! But at least it's Mary-Sue-Legolas Bashing. That means that this song is against the Legolas that will commonly appear in Mary-Sue fanfics. If you are a Legolas fangirl... SURE! Go ahead and get yourself SO frustrated that you'll make a FOOL of yourself and FLAME me. I DARE YOU! However, I don't mind creative critique; I need the creative critique. But if you do give creative critique... I'd prefer that you type normally. I get shifty when people write like this:
"U cn make ur storee bettr bi goin 2 dis site......"
Y'know? Good.
Let the Happy Legolas Torture Song begin! FANGIRLS, FLAME ME! I DARE YOU! They will all be posted on my Legolas Torture site.
The Happy Legolas-Torture Song!
One day Thranduil died,
And all Canon-faithful cried,
To see such a good elf tried,
Even though he had too much wine,
So Legolas became King,
To all of Mirkwood realm,
The Mary-Sues rejoiced,
Because their lover took the helm,
O what an age had passed,
Legolas king of wood,
Fangirls came out of hiding,
Just to see if they could,
Ensnare the king,
With flowers and grace,
Singing fifty-two love songs,
All over the place,
Ensnare the king,
With wine and champagne,
Perhaps if he was drunk,
Then they would get laid,
Ensnare the king,
With beauty and false love,
Committing the crime so defiant,
To Heaven above,
Ensnare the king,
Until we all DIED,
Of sickness and disgust,
And our brains will be fried.
Of course, the Valar,
Would not accept this,
So they sent Legolas a curse,
And it went like this:
Ooooohhh....
Six straight weeks of not-perfect hair,
Nine full moons of unclean underwear,
An hour and a half of burning on a pyre,
With additions of electrical wires!
Sixteen cannon blasts that go to his head,
Put forty dozen centipedes in his bed,
Drop a rock onto his car,
So that he and his fangirls won't get far!
Place a sign upon his back,
Which in Khuzdul will say, "Give me a smack!"
Throw every book on every shelf,
From the library of Elrond the elf,
Orcs will dance around his house,
Stain his new fangirl-addict blouse,
Smash his vases and burn his hair,
And confiscate all his clean underwear.
And Legolas died so tragically,
That everyone just laughed,
Though all his wimpy fangirls cried,
And put him on a raft,
Sailed him down the Anduin,
Singing laments in fake Quenya,
And tragically shot themselves dead,
With Galadriel's Ring, Nenya,
O, Legolas died so tragically,
And we laughed until his death!
THE END
For more Mary-Sue-Legolas torturing, visit my site, LEGOLAS' VIOLENT DEATH.
The monthly publish will be launched on 2/28. Have a nice day!
~Naheka