Guilt
By Miss Becky
Disclaimer: Drizzt and Cattie-brie belong to R.A. Salvatore and Wizards of the Coast.
Feedback is always desired. Review or write me at beckyg19@yahoo.com
Author's Note: This is a missing scene from the end of R.A. Salvatore's Starless Night. I enjoyed that book greatly, but I felt the ending was too rushed. I wanted to see this scene, for some closure, but also for myself.
**
Entreri had been gone for a whole day, but still Drizzt said nothing. Cattie-brie walked through the tunnels under the starlight of the Cat's Eye, and bit her lip to stay silent. She respected her friend too much to push, but it was growing harder and harder not to say anything.
Cattie-brie wanted to talk. She needed to talk. What had happened in Menzoberranzan would haunt her for the rest of her life. It seemed wrong to relegate it to the back of her mind and forget about it. The events in that city had changed her, and it wasn't right to ignore them.
Still, for Drrizt's sake, she tried. She supposed he was ashamed of what had happened, that she had seen him at his weakest, that she and his bitterest enemy had been forced to rescue him. She had known more proud people in her life, but Drizzt possessed more than his share of the trait.
They moved quickly through the tunnels, heading toward Mithril Hall and Bruenor. Cattie-brie allowed herself to imagine her father's reaction when he saw her again, and couldn't help grinning. He would be furious, she knew, probably hurl every curseword he knew at her. And she would stand there smiling and wait for him to run out of words, and then hug him.
Thoughts of the joyful reunion gave Cattie-brie courage. She took a deep breath. "Are ye ever going to talk to me again?" she asked.
Drizzt gave her a narrow look. "What?"
She stopped walking. They needed to talk, and they needed to do it right. "Ye've ignored me since we left Menzoberranzan, and since Entreri's been gone I might as well not even be here at all." She lifted her chin. "And I'll not have gone all the way into the Underdark for ye, only to be forgotten about once I'm not needed anymore."
It was the absolute worst thing she could have said. Fury glinted in Drizzt's eyes. "Not needed?" He took a step toward her, gliding so smoothly she never saw the motion, only realized that he was suddenly closer.
She had the sense to be afraid then, but even through the fear, a part of her cheered to see the drow's anger. She had begun to fear that they had truly broken him in Menzoberranzan, that he would never be the same again. "Ye heard me," she said bravely.
"You are needed," Drizzt said, his voice low. "We will all be needed before this is through. There is a war coming--"
She finished it for him. "And it's all your fault."
The elf rocked back on his heels, his face expressionless. But he could not hide the pain in his eyes, and Cattie-brie knew that he utterly believed this to be true.
Something twisted in Cattie-brie's chest then. She loved Drizzt, and she hated to see him suffering. Those minutes in his cell in Menzoberranzan had been among the worst in her life. "That's not true," she said.
Drizzt said nothing, silently challenging her to prove him wrong.
"The drow hate everybody," Cattie-brie said. "Sooner or later they would've come for us. We are underground like they are, and we're just as successful, but we do it without killing each other. We mock everything they are."
Drizzt wasn't buying it. "They came here for me."
"And we stopped 'em," Cattie-brie snapped. "We did it once before, we'll do it again."
"Not this time," her friend said.
"Why?" she demanded.
"Because they know too much," Drizzt said.
Cattie-brie frowned, suddenly on unsure ground. She hadn't expected this argument. "Are ye saying--?"
"They know about Mithril Hall," Drizzt said. He turned away from her.
"Ye told them," Cattie-brie whispered. It shamed her then, the anger she felt. She should not blame Drizzt, she knew that, she had seen what they had done to him, but she couldn't help it. He shouldn't have told.
"No!" Drizzt spun back toward her. "I would never, Cattie-brie." His eyes implored her to believe him. "But I--" He shuddered. "Baenre had a mind flayer."
Cattie-brie stared at him in horror, suddenly understanding. Her anger remained, but now it was not directed at him, but at the ones who had dared to hurt him. She hoped they might be among the drow who attacked Mithril Hall, if only so she could lift Taulmaril against them, see their faces lit by the shining silver of her arrows in the seconds before she killed them.
"There was nothing I could do," Drizzt continued. "It took the information right out of my head. I couldn't stop it. Now the drow know the layout of Mithril Hall, its weaknesses, its strengths. All because of me."
"But that wasn't yer fault," Cattie-brie burst out. "Ye can't blame yerself."
But he did. She could see that very clearly, and suddenly his silence over the last few days made sense. She knew if she didn't do something right now, he would forever hold himself responsible for whatever befell Bruenor and the dwarves of Mithril Hall.
She walked up to him and put her hands on either side of his face, forcing him to look at her. "This war is not yer fault, Drizzt Do'Urden. Never did ye betray us, and I'm not believing ye would think so of yerself. Ye're stronger than that."
"I--"
She stopped him with a firm shake of his head. "I'm talking," she said. "So ye weren't strong in the dungeons. Who would be? They tortured ye, Drizzt, near unto death, even. But still they had to take from ye by force. Ye didn't tell them willingly. Ye never betrayed us."
Drizzt stared at her, desperate to believe her words.
Cattie-brie lessened her grip on his face, knowing the time for forcefulness had passed. "Ye won, Drizzt. They may have defeated ye, but ye still won."
She dropped her hands back to her sides. "Now there's another battle to be fought," she said. "And me father needs knowing about it."
Drizzt nodded absently; he was still thinking about what she had said. Cattie-brie held her breath. The fiercest battles, she knew, were not the ones waged against demons and warriors, but against your own self.
She started moving down the tunnel, heading for Mithril Hall. She trusted Drizzt to catch up to her, and walk by her side again.
When he was ready.
***
Author's Note 2: I am only a third of the way through Siege of Darkness, so events in that book might contradict this story. I hope you enjoyed it anyway.
By Miss Becky
Disclaimer: Drizzt and Cattie-brie belong to R.A. Salvatore and Wizards of the Coast.
Feedback is always desired. Review or write me at beckyg19@yahoo.com
Author's Note: This is a missing scene from the end of R.A. Salvatore's Starless Night. I enjoyed that book greatly, but I felt the ending was too rushed. I wanted to see this scene, for some closure, but also for myself.
**
Entreri had been gone for a whole day, but still Drizzt said nothing. Cattie-brie walked through the tunnels under the starlight of the Cat's Eye, and bit her lip to stay silent. She respected her friend too much to push, but it was growing harder and harder not to say anything.
Cattie-brie wanted to talk. She needed to talk. What had happened in Menzoberranzan would haunt her for the rest of her life. It seemed wrong to relegate it to the back of her mind and forget about it. The events in that city had changed her, and it wasn't right to ignore them.
Still, for Drrizt's sake, she tried. She supposed he was ashamed of what had happened, that she had seen him at his weakest, that she and his bitterest enemy had been forced to rescue him. She had known more proud people in her life, but Drizzt possessed more than his share of the trait.
They moved quickly through the tunnels, heading toward Mithril Hall and Bruenor. Cattie-brie allowed herself to imagine her father's reaction when he saw her again, and couldn't help grinning. He would be furious, she knew, probably hurl every curseword he knew at her. And she would stand there smiling and wait for him to run out of words, and then hug him.
Thoughts of the joyful reunion gave Cattie-brie courage. She took a deep breath. "Are ye ever going to talk to me again?" she asked.
Drizzt gave her a narrow look. "What?"
She stopped walking. They needed to talk, and they needed to do it right. "Ye've ignored me since we left Menzoberranzan, and since Entreri's been gone I might as well not even be here at all." She lifted her chin. "And I'll not have gone all the way into the Underdark for ye, only to be forgotten about once I'm not needed anymore."
It was the absolute worst thing she could have said. Fury glinted in Drizzt's eyes. "Not needed?" He took a step toward her, gliding so smoothly she never saw the motion, only realized that he was suddenly closer.
She had the sense to be afraid then, but even through the fear, a part of her cheered to see the drow's anger. She had begun to fear that they had truly broken him in Menzoberranzan, that he would never be the same again. "Ye heard me," she said bravely.
"You are needed," Drizzt said, his voice low. "We will all be needed before this is through. There is a war coming--"
She finished it for him. "And it's all your fault."
The elf rocked back on his heels, his face expressionless. But he could not hide the pain in his eyes, and Cattie-brie knew that he utterly believed this to be true.
Something twisted in Cattie-brie's chest then. She loved Drizzt, and she hated to see him suffering. Those minutes in his cell in Menzoberranzan had been among the worst in her life. "That's not true," she said.
Drizzt said nothing, silently challenging her to prove him wrong.
"The drow hate everybody," Cattie-brie said. "Sooner or later they would've come for us. We are underground like they are, and we're just as successful, but we do it without killing each other. We mock everything they are."
Drizzt wasn't buying it. "They came here for me."
"And we stopped 'em," Cattie-brie snapped. "We did it once before, we'll do it again."
"Not this time," her friend said.
"Why?" she demanded.
"Because they know too much," Drizzt said.
Cattie-brie frowned, suddenly on unsure ground. She hadn't expected this argument. "Are ye saying--?"
"They know about Mithril Hall," Drizzt said. He turned away from her.
"Ye told them," Cattie-brie whispered. It shamed her then, the anger she felt. She should not blame Drizzt, she knew that, she had seen what they had done to him, but she couldn't help it. He shouldn't have told.
"No!" Drizzt spun back toward her. "I would never, Cattie-brie." His eyes implored her to believe him. "But I--" He shuddered. "Baenre had a mind flayer."
Cattie-brie stared at him in horror, suddenly understanding. Her anger remained, but now it was not directed at him, but at the ones who had dared to hurt him. She hoped they might be among the drow who attacked Mithril Hall, if only so she could lift Taulmaril against them, see their faces lit by the shining silver of her arrows in the seconds before she killed them.
"There was nothing I could do," Drizzt continued. "It took the information right out of my head. I couldn't stop it. Now the drow know the layout of Mithril Hall, its weaknesses, its strengths. All because of me."
"But that wasn't yer fault," Cattie-brie burst out. "Ye can't blame yerself."
But he did. She could see that very clearly, and suddenly his silence over the last few days made sense. She knew if she didn't do something right now, he would forever hold himself responsible for whatever befell Bruenor and the dwarves of Mithril Hall.
She walked up to him and put her hands on either side of his face, forcing him to look at her. "This war is not yer fault, Drizzt Do'Urden. Never did ye betray us, and I'm not believing ye would think so of yerself. Ye're stronger than that."
"I--"
She stopped him with a firm shake of his head. "I'm talking," she said. "So ye weren't strong in the dungeons. Who would be? They tortured ye, Drizzt, near unto death, even. But still they had to take from ye by force. Ye didn't tell them willingly. Ye never betrayed us."
Drizzt stared at her, desperate to believe her words.
Cattie-brie lessened her grip on his face, knowing the time for forcefulness had passed. "Ye won, Drizzt. They may have defeated ye, but ye still won."
She dropped her hands back to her sides. "Now there's another battle to be fought," she said. "And me father needs knowing about it."
Drizzt nodded absently; he was still thinking about what she had said. Cattie-brie held her breath. The fiercest battles, she knew, were not the ones waged against demons and warriors, but against your own self.
She started moving down the tunnel, heading for Mithril Hall. She trusted Drizzt to catch up to her, and walk by her side again.
When he was ready.
***
Author's Note 2: I am only a third of the way through Siege of Darkness, so events in that book might contradict this story. I hope you enjoyed it anyway.