A Stupid Wish
Chapter One: Madly Obsessed Friend
There she went again. I couldn't take it anymore.
"Sarah, he doesn't exist, and even if he did, I'm sure he's homosexual."
"Aw, come on Katie! He is so hot! I just drool over him!" She panted with her tongue hanging out to demonstrate her point, for the millionth time that hour.
"Please," I rolled my eyes. Why couldn't she just obsess with existent men? No, it had to be Legolas, the elf from some book who suddenly was hot and on screen for the world to ogle over. Sarah hadn't even read the books. If she had read the books and listened to the CDs she would not be all fawn-eyed over him.
Sarah suddenly squealed and pointed to her flat screen television eagerly. "He's there again!"
"Yes, we've established that he is in this scene. Remember? We watched this movie twice today already. Can we please do something more productive?"
"Like what?"
"Anything but this." I meant watching Lord of the Rings and ogling over a character with a wig.
"Okay," I couldn't believe it! She stopped the video! "Let's go on the computer!"
"Okay. Let's see if anyone is on." I bounced up excited to get away. Onto her computer we went and as it turned on she pulled out a bookmark and sighed at it. "What?" I looked over her shoulder and my question was answered.
"Legolas is so fine."
"I don't know, I think the orcs are sexier."
"Ew, Katie. That's really gross. I'm glad they don't exist."
"But have you seen their firm rumps? I mean, elves just don't have that kind of exposure."
"Whatever." Sarah rolled her eyes. Then the computer finished starting up. She eagerly grabbed the mouse and instead of clicking the expected instant messenger button she double-clicked the internet explorer.
"What are you doing?"
"Nothing." She said unconvincingly. Before I could object, she typed in Legolas on the search engine and a zillion quadrillion items popped up.
"No! No! I refuse to search for pictures of Legolas!"
"Go raid the refrigerator then." Sarah waved me off.
"Don't give me that crap. I didn't come to the middle of nowhere, in other words your house, to eat your food. I don't trust your mother's baking." I slumped resigned in my chair to watch her delve into the endless supply of Legolas articles, interviews and pictures. She liked the fantasy idea more so she never glanced at the actor. I was going to murder her with the keyboard soon.
"I wish that I could make mad love to him. I would give anything for him to love me."
"Careful what you wish for." I pointed at her.
"Oh come on, what could happen that's bad with that wish?"
"You'll get pregnant and you'll get aids."
"Fine. My new wish is that I won't get pregnant with his child unless we really, really want one. And there'll be no STDs, okay?"
"Still…." I didn't want to say the next thing that came to mind. Sarah would get irritable if I kept this game up.
The house began to shake.
"An earthquake?" I asked, grabbing the monitor to keep it from crashing to the floor.
"Weird." Sarah said, running to a lamp before it fell. Then the electricity went out. "Great. Plus, Mom and Dad aren't home to save us with candles, which we aren't allowed to use without them being present."
"Fantastic." I moaned. There was a tinkling noise then. "What was that?"
"I d-…. AHH! HELP!" I leaped out of my chair and promptly tripped over hers. My face was rammed into the rough carpet and I happened to bang my head on the rotating wheels on the bottom of the chair. I swore violently as my vision went blurry, but perhaps it didn't because I couldn't see anyway. Sarah screamed again. I got up and felt my way across the room.
"Shut up, you annoying human." There was a raspy voice coming from the same place Sarah stood/sat/lay down/hopped around madly (couldn't see her.)
"What… what is it Sarah?"
"It's a… a… THING!"
"Thank you for narrowing it down."
"Fine, it's an ugly thing."
"You know what? That probably wasn't a good adjective to use on a stranger."
"She can't even see me in the dark. I chose this form and I can change it again." The raspy voice explained. "I am not here to harm either of you."
"Oh, how reassuring. You appear as the electricity goes off, the earth shakes and you're Mr. Good Guy." I rolled my eyes but that hurt the bump on my head. "Typical."
"I'm the Wish Granter and I heard a wish!" On "wish" the Wish Granter squeaked with excitement. It was uncharacteristic for his earlier raspy tone. His voice had changed all together, though he cleared his throat and tried again. "I'm here to grant one wish to Sarah."
"Really?" Sarah's eyes lit up (or so I imagine they would upon such an offer.)
"Wish for the electricity, Sarah." I insisted.
"That's a dumb wish, Katie. Why would I waste my wish that way?"
"Because… what are you going to wish anyway?" Suddenly I dreaded the answer.
"But she already made the wish… assuming she wants to keep it."
"Oh! I do! I do! I really, REALLY do!" She clapped her hands together.
"Dear God." I rubbed my temples. The Wish Granter was probably a figment of my imagination. I had knocked myself into La La Land.
"I shant mess it up! I will do well on my first granting! Yes! And to give you a familiar face on your journey, I will send Katie with you."
"WHAT?!" I shouted. "I mean, where?"
"Middle Earth!" And there was a snap, flash of light and we were quite gone.