(A/N: Two spelling errors in the last one. I'm sorry that I didn't correct them. My computer is farting at me when I try so… I apologize for the other night's stupidity. I'm really trying, honestly. BTW, Katie [called Bob because she went into a sudden stupidity spree as her alter-ego, me, often does] is a human GIRL who luckily wasn't transformed into something hideous like Sarah was. Haha Sarah, she is going to be so pissed off that I turned her into Gimli!!!!)
Chapter Five: Council of Elrond
"Ugh." I moaned and sat up in the infirmary. Elrond was saying some elvish stuff and pouring liquid down my throat. I coughed and pushed him away. "What is that vile icky stuff?"
"That is your medicine. You put on quite the performance last night."
"I am better now." Dizzy, yes, better enough to run away.
"Good, for there is a council… er… something I must attend now. Sleep and rest, Bob." He patted my head and left. After I was sure he was gone, I put my shoes on and followed him. I wanted to go to the council; Sarah would need… my… spying talents. In the books it had happened differently than the movie so I was eager to see which it would be. Elves were all over the place. I didn't want any to see me so I dodged from shadow to shadow until I finally found pillars that would hide me and allow me to watch the council unfold. It looked like the one in the movie, but the book didn't really have pictures after all.
"I call you all today for a very serious reason." Elrond explained. "The One Ring is here."
"Oh my goodness gracious!" Someone squeaked.
"Hush up boloney head." Another person whispered. The council continued. I saw Frodo sitting next to Bilbo and… another hobbit? Merry, Pippin, or Sam? No, I could see Merry and Pippin, hiding behind other pillars next to mine. They waved to me and I returned the favor.
"It was brought by two brave hobbits and their three comrades who are not present at this meeting." Merry and Pippin covered each other's mouths to refrain from laughing. "Blubbo and his brother Frodo." Sarah looked really worried. She knew nothing of Blubbo, who as far as I knew didn't exist in the books but who knew? Maybe JRR Tolkien's editor actually took something out after all. After much babbling commenced they were finally ready to find out who would take the ring.
A lot of arguing happened and suddenly Blubbo and Frodo stood at the same time.
"We will take the ring! Though… we do not know the way." Blubbo said.
"It is a dangerous path you are to take." Elrond said. "Do you know of what you speak? What perils lie ahead?"
"Yes," said Frodo, "I actually don't want to go, but Blubbo will beat the hairy feet off of me if I do not. What's worse, orcs or…."
"Shut up, Frodo, you're ruining an epic." Blubbo hissed.
"Sorry." Frodo ground his toe into the stone.
"I will travel with you, and make sure that Blubbo and Frodo get to Mount Doom safely." Gandalf bowed all important-like. GANDALF! THE SOLVER OF OUR PROBLEMS!
Then Aragorn the sexy beast stood in front of them, getting onto one knee.
"If by my life or death I can protect… WHOA!" Aragorn ducked as an arrow flew out of nowhere and hit Blubbo in the chest. Blubbo looked down at the blood as he fell and died.
"There goes another Baggins." Sighed Merry quietly. "But he was a prick any how."
"Yes, wouldn't even let us drink any of his wine. He liked the Sackville-Bagginses. Invited them for tea."
"Hush up Pip, they're saying something."
"Anyway… I was talking to Frodo." Aragorn looked at Frodo, suddenly turning pink with embarrassment. "If by my life or death I can protect you, it shall be done."
"SORRY ABOUT THAT!" Someone shouted from the roof. "My arrow! A bit windy!"
"Oh Aureolus, you need to be more careful! But don't worry; it was just the fat one."
"Bilbo?!" He shouted.
"No, Blubbo."
"I am not fat!" Wheezed Bilbo. "I'm just big-boned."
"If you're big-boned than I'm a dwarf." An elf said.
"You say that like it's a bad thing!" Sarah said. Apparently Legolas had made the comment.
"Shut up Sarah." I whispered. I knew she couldn't hear me but I wanted to strangle her.
"CONTINUING!" Elrond shouted for silence.
"You have my bow!" Legolas said, walking over to Frodo.
"Ooh! This is my line!" Sarah squeaked. "And my ax!" She picked it up and her eyes widened as she realized what she was holding. "It's sharp!"
"Yes, it was forged in the mines of Moria, you idiot lad." Mumbled Flagodirt.
"I suppose if you are to travel, you have Rohan and myself at your side." Boromir came up.
"Then with this group…." Elrond was cut off.
"Wait! Mr. Frodo isn't going anywhere without me!" Sam, a pudgy little hobbit, ran up to Frodo's side. They exchanged a more than friendly glance. No shocks there. Is the whole Fellowship gay?
"Apparently not! You can't even leave his side when he is summoned to a secret meeting and you are not!"
"We're going to!" Merry and Pippin ran down to join the gathering crowd of travelers. "After all," said Pippin, "you need people who can think on this sort of… quest… mission… thing."
"That cuts you out Pip!" Said Merry.
Elrond looked horrified at their sudden appearance.
"Nine men, I see…." Elrond said. Sarah was flushed with excitement and fear. Then I realized that I wasn't just watching a movie.
"Okay, all right, I see what this group needs!" I came down and everyone gawked.
"Who else is behind the pillars?" Someone asked.
"Sauron." I mumbled. There was a collective gasp. "I'm just joking! I'm the last of the pillar-spies. Anyway, this group needs a bit of feminine… wisdom…."
"And her marvelous songs of Choir!" Bilbo said. He started humming to Hit Me Baby One More Time! Oh jeez.
"Father! You said that women couldn't go!" Arwen poked her head from behind a tree.
"ARWEN! I thought I told you to STAY IN YOUR ROOM YOUNG LADY!" Elrond stood, red in the face.
"But Daddy…."
"No buts about it! Bob can go because she came with Gimli anyway."
"Fine! I'm not talking to you ever again!" And she stormed off. "Aragorn! Meet me in my room."
"Of course, sweet thang." (A/N yes, thang, not thing, recognize that I knew what I wrote.) "Er… my lady…." Elrond gave a look that was going to kill Aragorn soon.
"Ten people. We shall have to call this the Fellowship of the Ring, but… there is a female, causing problems…."
"Oh, Bob doesn't count as a girl." Sarah said helpfully. "I mean, she's no more a girl than I am."
"Shut up Gimli. I don't care if it's called Fellowship. In my native lands of Choir fellow is used to talk about… friends." LIAR!
"All right! Perfect! You shall set out tomorrow at dawn!"