Chapter Seven: Out of the Frying Pan and Into the Fire (basically we're still toast)
"Sic him!" Pippin shouted at Aragorn, who was trying to stab the troll with a humongous stick. As in the movie, the troll fell forward and hit the gaping idiot named Frodo. Rewind for a minute: Everyone fought the troll, Legolas shot it a zillion times, Sarah/Gimli tried to impress the elf with her lame axing tactics and everyone screamed a lot.
"AIIIIIEEE!" Frodo squealed as he fell to the floor in a dead faint.
"NOOO! MASTER FRODO SIR!" Sam's cries were drowned out by the troll's wails of pain. Then it died. I felt kind of bad for it, dying and all, but oh well. Everyone rushed over to the fallen Frodo who sat up saying that he was all right.
"That could have skewed a wild boar! You should be dead!" Aragorn said.
"Be grateful he's not, man." I clapped Aragorn's shoulder. "Besides, he's wearing armor under his shirt."
"How did you know?" Frodo unbuttoned his shirt and every gasped at the metal and ooh-ed at it.
"I'm psychic." I mumbled. "It was just obvious okay? Let's get moving!" So we all ran out of the room and (we were literally running, by the way) ended up in a vast chamber with many pillars.
"EE! EE! EE!" Goblins swarmed the ceiling.
"Oh jeez." I moaned. We stopped as the vast herd of goblins surrounded us. Sarah gripped my elbow and I shrugged her off. "Remember the movie." I muttered to her. "How can you not, after all you saw it five thousand times for Mr. Hot over there."
"RARR!" Here came the Balrog. "RARR!" So the goblins fled.
"What is it?" Legolas asked Gandalf. I wanted a head start at running because I knew I would fall if I saw the Balrog crashing behind us.
"A BALROG!" Sarah and I shouted together. We were already running for dear life.
"How did-…"
"Move it Aragorn!" I shouted over my shoulder. Boromir caught up to us and nearly fell off of a sheer drop. Legolas came up behind me, crashed into me and I grabbed Boromir as Legolas grabbed me and we all fell down.
"The bridge is close!" Gandalf said pointing far away.
"You are so full of shit!" I said in a panic. "That thing is waaaay over there! What are you talking about man?"
"Take a chill pill Kate." Gimli said. "We'll make it all right."
"EE! EE! EE!" More goblins shot arrows at us as we ran down another ledge. Narrow! Narrow! Spooky! AHHHHHHH! An arrow grazed my head and Legolas shot a few goblins (never missing.) (Stinkin' elf.)(Maybe not in this case.) Then we came to the great gap between the two rocks. How wonderful. Legolas jumped first. I wanted to jump next before it started chipping away but no, Boromir and then Merry, Gandalf, Pippin, Sam, Sarah (saying "nobody throws a dwarf, but what the hell…." She jumped by herself, trying to impress the elf, I know it.) I was left with Aragorn and Frodo. Stuff fell. SHIT SHIT SHIT! I was going to do that in my pants soon…. I ran and jumped before more rock could break away. Legolas caught me and his hands lingered on my basoomas… was he bisexual or just experimenting?
Ew.
"Come on!" I shouted. CRACK! More rock gone. "Just wait then." I said. It began to rock from side to side, back and forth, diagonally and, oh it gave me the shivers, imagining that I was still there.
"LEAN FORWARD FRODO!"
"What?"
"YOU IDIOT! JUST LEAN FORWARD!" Aragorn's eyes were popping. He looked quite mad, but I would be going insane too in his position.
"Oh…." The rock came crashing at us. When Frodo and Aragorn had hopped off we all ran some more. Then we came to a very, very narrow bridge but I ran anyway. The Balrog would be coming anytime now. Gandalf waited for it, but he was slightly closer to us than he was in the movie, most likely because I had us running earlier.
"YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" The fiery bull stared at Gandalf wondering (probably) why such a puny little old guy would be a problem and why the hell he was standing there all brave like. "GO BACK TO THE SHADOWS!"
"Break!" Went the rocks as the Balrog tumbled into the deep. Gandalf started walking back towards us. I would've shouted for him to run but I knew that since he fell he turned into Gandalf the White and became more powerful. The whip of the fiery Balrog guy lashed up, catching him around the legs. He clasped to the edge.
"GANDALF!" Shouted Frodo.
"You are not going to risk our lives again, little man." Aragorn hissed, holding onto the hobbit tightly.
"FLY YOU FOOLS!" And Gandalf fell.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Shouted Frodo for a very long time. Suddenly there was no sound and sad music started playing as everyone screamed silently running to the outside. The hobbits fell to the ground, sobbing, silently with the pretty music playing in the background. I felt so bad for them, and I was sure that the music was hoodwinking my brain.
I crouched with Merry and Pippin and they sobbed and sobbed and sobbed until I thought I was going to go insane. The music faded and Aragorn said: "Get them up, Legolas."
"Give them a moment! For pity's sake!" Boromir countered.
"By nightfall these mountains will be swarming with orcs, we must make haste."
"Come on, Pip, Merry." I stood with them, feeling bad that they thought Gandalf was dead. Frodo was walking away all alone. I wanted to slap him and tell him how stupid he was being. If they would just give the ring to me I would take it to Earth and pitch it into some well.
"OH NO!" I shouted. And then I started crying.
"It's okay Kate, it's… it's…." Merry started sobbing all over again.
"Kate, what is it?" Sarah asked in an undertone.
"Gandalf…."
"He's not really dead." She murmured. "Even if they did play the dead guy music."
"No, no, I already told him who we are and he said he would help but… but…."
"What?"
"We have to wait until the next book to go home!"
"Oh, oh well!" Sarah said brightly, as we all left the mountains.
"Don't you understand how much danger we're in?!?!"
"Not really." She admitted. "I thought it was pretty bad back there but…."
"It gets worse."
"It… it does?"
"You have to fight orcs all alone, the big ugly ones that you saw at the end of the movie."
"NO!"
"Yes, but I don't because I'm not a real character." Then I realized something. "Galadriel! She can help us!"
"Oh! Yay!" Sarah jumped for joy. Then we all started running again because we were in a big grassy field that was meant for running. After all this running I'd want a big siesta to tide me over. That would make me smile. Then we got into the forest. I noticed Sarah breathing really loudly. When I asked her why she suddenly froze, there was an arrow pointing at my head.
"This dwarf was breathing so loudly that we could've shot him in the dark."
"Oh." I said. She had memorized the lines, after all.
"This forest is perilous! I suggest we leave!" Yes, Sarah really did know what she was talking about.
"Mimble poot shplarf yenta nata!" Said Aragorn in elvish.
"The Lady of the Forest is expecting you." Muah hahaha! Soon we would be free! I resisted doing a victory jig. We walked through the forest for what seemed like ages because an arrow was pointed at my head. "Move it she-human."
"Yeah, yeah, that's what I'm doing, he-elf." I grumbled. POINT! IN MY HEAD! OUCH!
"Don't talk back to me." He hissed.
"Okay! Okay! Point taken!" (A/N: Yes, that was a lame joke.) We continued until we got to that place where Galadriel lived. It was beautiful. Lights went all up the trees and the houses seemed to be a part of the nature. It was all very delightful until we got to the stairs, which we huffed and puffed up for what must've been a half hour. One hundred eighty six thousand and one…. Then we stood in front of more stairs. I moaned and began to walk forward but my elf grabbed my shoulder and held me there.
Two people descended slowly and evilly. Well, just slowly but I wasn't happy.
"When you set out there were n- rather ten and now there are only eight- rather nine. Something's wrong G dog." The man said to Galadriel. G dog? What the boloney?
"Oh!" Her eyes widened dramatically as she talked to everyone in their head. "You are all weary from sorrow and need rest." In my head she said:
Kate… Kate… from the planet of the gods… not so godly though, are you? But that is okay for you are still powerful. You wish to return to your planet…. This I cannot help you with, only Gandalf can and he won't be back for awhile… even longer for YOU! Evil music started and stopped abruptly and I knew more suffering was to come.
BUM BUM BUM BUM!!!!
(AN: Kinda short, I know but I promise to write more as soon as I can!)