Chapter 21 * Someone Else *
Harry stood there, rigidly, between Hermione and Ron, as he watched the long line descending near the coffin. Everyone bent down to say a prayer, shed tears, and place flowers on the black casket.
He felt as if this weren't real. It was some psycho dream, where he was watching someone else's funeral. Like he was watching people he had never seen before mourn for a person he didn't know.
"Harry?"
He heard the whisper as if from far away but he turned towards Hermione, nonetheless. "Yes, love?" he asked, emotionless.
Hermione paused for a moment, examining his face. Her hand found his and she intertwined her fingers with his, giving his hand a small squeeze. "It's our turn, hon. Come on, Ron and I are right behind you," she told him, letting go of his hand and giving him a reassuring smile.
Harry tried to smile back but his lips seemed frozen in a thin line. He began walking, feeling like a robot, and stopped in front of the casket. He fingered the top of the coffin and placed his flowers on top, almost angry that the flowers should be so beautiful on such a horrible day. He bent down slightly and kissed the top of the box that was holding Sirius' body, a shiver going down his back in the process. Harry straightened up and moved away, while he tried to swallow the lump that was forming in his throat. He was not going to cry and that was that.
¤ ¤ ¤
"The poor dear ..."
"His only family killed ... "
"How horrible ..."
"Look at him. He looks awful ..."
All these phrases were on everyone's lips, no matter how hard Molly Weasley tried to shush them. "I'm so sorry, dear," she told Harry, giving him an apologetic look. Harry was like a son to her and Sirius' death affected her, too, though not as much as it did Harry, of course. "People can be so rude. And you do not look awful."
Harry smiled sadly at her. "It's all right, Mrs. Weasley. No harm done," he told her, truthfully. In fact, he had been walking around the room, not actually realizing his surroundings, with a smile pasted on his face. He hadn't heard any of the things Mrs. Weasley disapproved of and he didn't care. All everybody ever did was talk -- about him. Harry just didn't care what anyone said anymore.
"Do you want to go lay down? I shouldn't have let all these people come ...."
"No, that's all right. I might go lay down a bit, though. I'm beginning to get a headache. Thank you, Mrs. Weasley. For everything," he told the older woman, before hugging her. Before she had a chance to respond, he gave her a smile and set off to find Hermione.
She was talking with Neville, Draco, and Ginny. He slid his arms around her and whispered in her ear. "I'm going to lay down for a bit," he told her, wishing she'd come along. He needed some comforting.
"I'll be there in a minut," Hermione whispered back, reading his mind. They smiled at each other before Harry took off in the direction of Ron's room.
"Is he all right?" Ron asked Hermione after watching Harry go up the narrow staircase.
Hermione nodded. "He just wants to lay down for a while. I don't blame him. Where did all these people come from anyway?"
Ron shrugged. "I don't have the foggiest idea. They're all here to pay their respects to Sirius but I wish they would all disappear, too."
Hermione laughed, agreeing with him entirely. "I'm going to go up to Harry. Can you make sure no one bothers us? I have a feeling he wants to talk."
He nodded, giving Hermione a wide smile. "Of course. Take care of him, Herm," he said, sadness dimming his wide blue eyes.
Hermione nodded again and exited the crowded room as fast as possible. Where did all these people come from?
¤ ¤ ¤
Harry sighed as he slouched down on the bed, somewhat numb from everything that had happened. It was only two days after Christmas, but so many things had happened that they were a large blur in his memory.
He never thought he would witness his Godfather's death and he wished he never had to. All their plans flew out the window and he was extremely scared of what the future would hold. He pictured himself graduating from Hogwarts and living with Sirius until he married Hermione. He pictured Sirius at his wedding day, he pictured him there when his first child was born.
It seemed as if fate had it in for him. What did he do to deserve all this? Why must everyone close to him die? This thought made his heart quicken. He loved Hermione, Ron, and the whole Weasley clan more than life. What would happen to them?
Harry shook his head, as if to get rid of these disturbing thoughts. And before more could follow, he heard a soft knock at the door and then Hermione poked her head inside the room.
Harry sat up and a genuine smile lit up his face. He patted the space next to him and Hermione came in, shut the door behind her, and laid down next to him.
Harry turned to his side and placed his head in between her shoulder and neck, wrapping his arms around her as she did the same to him.
"Wanna talk?" She asked him, running her fingers through his hair, gently massaging his scalp.
Harry shut his eyes and nodded slightly. "I'm scared, 'Mione. What's going to happen?" he wasn't embarrassed to let Hermione know he was terrified beyond belief, that's what Soul Mates were for.
"I know, baby, but you have to keep going. Sirius would have wanted you to be happy."
"I know. But I feel so guilty ..." Harry trailed off.
"Because you get to live and Sirius doesn't?" Hermione finished his sentence for him. "I know that feeling. When I was younger, my best friend used to be Katie, my cousin. She was a year older than me but we did everything together. We were best friends and everyone knew it. When I was about six years old, she became ill. I didn't know it then, but Katie had been diagnosed with a rare form of cancer and she didn't have much time to live. Everyone reassured me she was just a little sick and she would be fine in no time. But a couple of days later, she died. It was so sudden I didn't even know what had happened.
"My parents tried to tell me in a way that would make me understand that these things happen, that God needed angels. But I didn't understand why such a wonderful God would take away my best friend. I cried for months, only leaving my room when my parents made me eat. Her funeral was like a slow paced nightmare to me. I had nightmares with them lowering Katie's casket in the cold ground and I didn't get a goodnight's sleep in months. And like everything in life, things went on, and I stopped crying and tried to move on with my life. But no matter what I did, I felt guilty. As if it wasn't right for me to go on living if Katie couldn't."
By now, Harry had sat up on his elbows and was staring intently at Hermione's face as she was retelling this painful story. He reached out a hand and gently wiped away the lone tear that slid slowly down her cheek.
She knew what he was going through and he loved her even more for that. "I'm so sorry ..."
Hermione shook her head and turned to look at him, giving him a sad smile. "No, it's okay. It was a long time ago and though I'll never forget Katie I've learned that she would have wanted me to be happy. I also know she would have loved you," she added with a smile.
Harry smiled back at her and repositioned himself, so her head was resting on his chest. "Everything has gone by so fast," he said, breaking the comfortable silence that had settled between them.
Hermione only nodded, waiting for him to continue.
"During the funeral I felt as if I were watching someone else's funeral," he told her, remembering how he had felt during the ceremony. "I was just dreaming and I would wake up soon and see Sirius Christmas Day like he had promised. We would celebrate and then he would take me, you, and Ron back to our house and we would be happy. I never thought this would have happened," the tears that he had tried so hard to keep in the whole day were finally spilling down his cheeks and falling on the top of Hermione's face.
She looked up at him and sat up. They were now sititng side by side, holding hands. She didn't know what to say and she silently cursed herself for not knowing the right words.
Harry turned to look at her. "It's okay, 'Mione. At least I know Sirius is happy now. You know, when I read his letter, it seemed as if he knew he was going to be killed. He didn't even seemed frightened."
"Well, I know where you got your bravery from," she told him.
Harry laughed then remembered something in the letter that had made him laugh. "He might have been brave but he was sure afraid of you."
Hermione frowned. "What do you mean?"
"Well, he told me that he would be behind me every step of the way unless I got you mad. I wouldn't want to be behind me either if I got you mad ..." he told her slyly.
"Harry!" she gasped, feeling herself go red. She wasn't that bad ...
"But there was also something else he said, " his smile grew serious.
"What was that?" Hermione was afraid to ask.
"He said, and I quote, 'you've caught yourself a good one, Harry, never let her go.' And he was absolutely correct."
Author's Note: Okay, I was going to make this chapter longer and talk about Sirius' will. But seeing that I know nothing about how those work, I decided to leave well enough alone. I also apologize if this chapter seems a bit *weird* ... I was in a bad mood when I started and it was supposed to be a bit more heart felt. I hope it's not too shabby though. The next chapter will be Valentine's Day and I really wanted to post it on the *actual* day but there's no chance that I'll get that chapter out by tomorrow, seeing as I haven't even started. Well, better late than never : )
Thanks again to all my wonderful reviewers -- I apreciate every single review, good or bad. Thanks so much!
Sweetie
Harry stood there, rigidly, between Hermione and Ron, as he watched the long line descending near the coffin. Everyone bent down to say a prayer, shed tears, and place flowers on the black casket.
He felt as if this weren't real. It was some psycho dream, where he was watching someone else's funeral. Like he was watching people he had never seen before mourn for a person he didn't know.
"Harry?"
He heard the whisper as if from far away but he turned towards Hermione, nonetheless. "Yes, love?" he asked, emotionless.
Hermione paused for a moment, examining his face. Her hand found his and she intertwined her fingers with his, giving his hand a small squeeze. "It's our turn, hon. Come on, Ron and I are right behind you," she told him, letting go of his hand and giving him a reassuring smile.
Harry tried to smile back but his lips seemed frozen in a thin line. He began walking, feeling like a robot, and stopped in front of the casket. He fingered the top of the coffin and placed his flowers on top, almost angry that the flowers should be so beautiful on such a horrible day. He bent down slightly and kissed the top of the box that was holding Sirius' body, a shiver going down his back in the process. Harry straightened up and moved away, while he tried to swallow the lump that was forming in his throat. He was not going to cry and that was that.
¤ ¤ ¤
"The poor dear ..."
"His only family killed ... "
"How horrible ..."
"Look at him. He looks awful ..."
All these phrases were on everyone's lips, no matter how hard Molly Weasley tried to shush them. "I'm so sorry, dear," she told Harry, giving him an apologetic look. Harry was like a son to her and Sirius' death affected her, too, though not as much as it did Harry, of course. "People can be so rude. And you do not look awful."
Harry smiled sadly at her. "It's all right, Mrs. Weasley. No harm done," he told her, truthfully. In fact, he had been walking around the room, not actually realizing his surroundings, with a smile pasted on his face. He hadn't heard any of the things Mrs. Weasley disapproved of and he didn't care. All everybody ever did was talk -- about him. Harry just didn't care what anyone said anymore.
"Do you want to go lay down? I shouldn't have let all these people come ...."
"No, that's all right. I might go lay down a bit, though. I'm beginning to get a headache. Thank you, Mrs. Weasley. For everything," he told the older woman, before hugging her. Before she had a chance to respond, he gave her a smile and set off to find Hermione.
She was talking with Neville, Draco, and Ginny. He slid his arms around her and whispered in her ear. "I'm going to lay down for a bit," he told her, wishing she'd come along. He needed some comforting.
"I'll be there in a minut," Hermione whispered back, reading his mind. They smiled at each other before Harry took off in the direction of Ron's room.
"Is he all right?" Ron asked Hermione after watching Harry go up the narrow staircase.
Hermione nodded. "He just wants to lay down for a while. I don't blame him. Where did all these people come from anyway?"
Ron shrugged. "I don't have the foggiest idea. They're all here to pay their respects to Sirius but I wish they would all disappear, too."
Hermione laughed, agreeing with him entirely. "I'm going to go up to Harry. Can you make sure no one bothers us? I have a feeling he wants to talk."
He nodded, giving Hermione a wide smile. "Of course. Take care of him, Herm," he said, sadness dimming his wide blue eyes.
Hermione nodded again and exited the crowded room as fast as possible. Where did all these people come from?
¤ ¤ ¤
Harry sighed as he slouched down on the bed, somewhat numb from everything that had happened. It was only two days after Christmas, but so many things had happened that they were a large blur in his memory.
He never thought he would witness his Godfather's death and he wished he never had to. All their plans flew out the window and he was extremely scared of what the future would hold. He pictured himself graduating from Hogwarts and living with Sirius until he married Hermione. He pictured Sirius at his wedding day, he pictured him there when his first child was born.
It seemed as if fate had it in for him. What did he do to deserve all this? Why must everyone close to him die? This thought made his heart quicken. He loved Hermione, Ron, and the whole Weasley clan more than life. What would happen to them?
Harry shook his head, as if to get rid of these disturbing thoughts. And before more could follow, he heard a soft knock at the door and then Hermione poked her head inside the room.
Harry sat up and a genuine smile lit up his face. He patted the space next to him and Hermione came in, shut the door behind her, and laid down next to him.
Harry turned to his side and placed his head in between her shoulder and neck, wrapping his arms around her as she did the same to him.
"Wanna talk?" She asked him, running her fingers through his hair, gently massaging his scalp.
Harry shut his eyes and nodded slightly. "I'm scared, 'Mione. What's going to happen?" he wasn't embarrassed to let Hermione know he was terrified beyond belief, that's what Soul Mates were for.
"I know, baby, but you have to keep going. Sirius would have wanted you to be happy."
"I know. But I feel so guilty ..." Harry trailed off.
"Because you get to live and Sirius doesn't?" Hermione finished his sentence for him. "I know that feeling. When I was younger, my best friend used to be Katie, my cousin. She was a year older than me but we did everything together. We were best friends and everyone knew it. When I was about six years old, she became ill. I didn't know it then, but Katie had been diagnosed with a rare form of cancer and she didn't have much time to live. Everyone reassured me she was just a little sick and she would be fine in no time. But a couple of days later, she died. It was so sudden I didn't even know what had happened.
"My parents tried to tell me in a way that would make me understand that these things happen, that God needed angels. But I didn't understand why such a wonderful God would take away my best friend. I cried for months, only leaving my room when my parents made me eat. Her funeral was like a slow paced nightmare to me. I had nightmares with them lowering Katie's casket in the cold ground and I didn't get a goodnight's sleep in months. And like everything in life, things went on, and I stopped crying and tried to move on with my life. But no matter what I did, I felt guilty. As if it wasn't right for me to go on living if Katie couldn't."
By now, Harry had sat up on his elbows and was staring intently at Hermione's face as she was retelling this painful story. He reached out a hand and gently wiped away the lone tear that slid slowly down her cheek.
She knew what he was going through and he loved her even more for that. "I'm so sorry ..."
Hermione shook her head and turned to look at him, giving him a sad smile. "No, it's okay. It was a long time ago and though I'll never forget Katie I've learned that she would have wanted me to be happy. I also know she would have loved you," she added with a smile.
Harry smiled back at her and repositioned himself, so her head was resting on his chest. "Everything has gone by so fast," he said, breaking the comfortable silence that had settled between them.
Hermione only nodded, waiting for him to continue.
"During the funeral I felt as if I were watching someone else's funeral," he told her, remembering how he had felt during the ceremony. "I was just dreaming and I would wake up soon and see Sirius Christmas Day like he had promised. We would celebrate and then he would take me, you, and Ron back to our house and we would be happy. I never thought this would have happened," the tears that he had tried so hard to keep in the whole day were finally spilling down his cheeks and falling on the top of Hermione's face.
She looked up at him and sat up. They were now sititng side by side, holding hands. She didn't know what to say and she silently cursed herself for not knowing the right words.
Harry turned to look at her. "It's okay, 'Mione. At least I know Sirius is happy now. You know, when I read his letter, it seemed as if he knew he was going to be killed. He didn't even seemed frightened."
"Well, I know where you got your bravery from," she told him.
Harry laughed then remembered something in the letter that had made him laugh. "He might have been brave but he was sure afraid of you."
Hermione frowned. "What do you mean?"
"Well, he told me that he would be behind me every step of the way unless I got you mad. I wouldn't want to be behind me either if I got you mad ..." he told her slyly.
"Harry!" she gasped, feeling herself go red. She wasn't that bad ...
"But there was also something else he said, " his smile grew serious.
"What was that?" Hermione was afraid to ask.
"He said, and I quote, 'you've caught yourself a good one, Harry, never let her go.' And he was absolutely correct."
Author's Note: Okay, I was going to make this chapter longer and talk about Sirius' will. But seeing that I know nothing about how those work, I decided to leave well enough alone. I also apologize if this chapter seems a bit *weird* ... I was in a bad mood when I started and it was supposed to be a bit more heart felt. I hope it's not too shabby though. The next chapter will be Valentine's Day and I really wanted to post it on the *actual* day but there's no chance that I'll get that chapter out by tomorrow, seeing as I haven't even started. Well, better late than never : )
Thanks again to all my wonderful reviewers -- I apreciate every single review, good or bad. Thanks so much!
Sweetie