Author's note:  Yay. Another chapter is here! Good thing that I have a little more free time now. Heh. Or else I'd go crazy without writing. Darn that school. Trying to drive us all insane, I tell you! Wait. I am insane. Disregard that last comment. They're trying to annoy the living hell out of us! There. That sounds more accurate. On with the shocked silence!

Chapter 11 – Shrimp on the Barbie

"What what?" I said to Tidus.

"What?" he repeated.

"I don't remember seeing any ancient Greek mythical women around here…" Lulu said.

"Nope, just an echo!" Rikku chimed.

~STARE~

"What?" Rikku asked, looking at us like we were plotting.

"What?" Wakka asked, confused about the reference to mythology, not being the brightest guy around.

"Anyone else feel like saying what?" I said.

"What?" Auron asked, just as confused as Wakka.

"You're the last person I expected to say that, Auron." I told Auron.

"What?" Joatha said, befuddled, just like everyone else.

"Shut up everyone! If I hear the word what one more time, I'm going to get pissed off! And you don't want to see that! It's not a pretty sight!" I yelled.

"What?" Myena asked.

Grunt. Snort. "Gah! Dammit, what the he…who are you?" I asked Myena.

"Mye! How'd you find us!" Joatha called, running up and hugging her friend.

"Ummm…you've been here for days, Jo." Myena pointed out.

"Hmmm…that's true." Joatha pondered. "Oh, and you know that was a rhetorical question, right?"

"No…" Myena said, with eyes subtly glancing upwards.

"Well, it was." Joatha declared unnecessarily.

"Oh." Myena said.

"Whoa, you know what, before you go on, would you like to have some manners and introduce your friend, Jo?" I questioned with a slight wink.

"Oh, umm…sure. This is Myena. The person that I got the moonshine from." Joatha said.

            And so it went. Handshakes and greetings all around. And then a random comment from none other than Wakka.

"Hey, weren't we supposed to have a barbeque, ya?" he asked.

"Oh yeah! Let's go! What does everyone want to eat?" I called as I started walking towards the camp.

            At this point, plenty of umms and durs came from the group, all trying to decide what they craved. And then shouts.

"Fish, ya!"

"No, chocobo!"

"Veal!"

"Beef!"

"So what are you going to cook?" Joatha asked me, running to catch up, with Myena following.

            And so, being the incredibly intelligent and mature individual that I am, I said,

"I dunno."

"Hah, hey, cook something that wasn't mentioned. That'll kind of annoy them." Myena suggested.

"I'm beginning to like the way you think." I said as I plotted. "How about shrimp? No one requested it, but then again, they shouldn't complain."

"That'll work." Myena consented.

"Sounds good to me." Joatha said.

            So it was decided. Shrimp. I got the fire started with a good old fashioned tinderbox, trying to keep my little plan concealed from the others. Except, of course, for the ones that already knew. Namingly, Joatha and Myena. They certainly had to know, as they were the co-conspirators of this little scheme. Not an evil scheme, just a scheme. Nothing more than a weird notion that this would be slightly and subtly annoying to the others, the plan conjured in the depths of Myena's most likely twisted mind. Just like mine. Well, okay. If her mind was more twisted than mine, then I'd scream "Apocalypse!" and throw myself in a ditch…but after deciding that a ditch wouldn't help at all, and thinking just exactly how different apocalypse was from a tornado, I thought that I was probably flawed in my psychological evaluations, I got back to the task of pulling a bag of shrimp out of my mess kit that I had brought along and sticking them over the now satisfyingly large blaze. And every time that someone would come along, Joatha or Myena would stand to block their view of my culinary activities. It always helps to have accomplices. And so that fact made itself clear as they kept me from all suspicion until the meal was finished roasting. It wasn't what they wanted, but to me, it looked like I deserved a five-star chef badge. See, one star for insane, one for disturbed, one for random, one for sarcastic, and one for…something. And then I remembered that I already had that badge. No need for another.

"Food!" I called. Did I really need to say anything more? Of course not. It was like a shining beacon, summoning all to my vicinity. Naturally, I had the dishes covered. With napkins. And it wasn't really a table that we had them set on. Just a fabric topped folding table-like object.

"Mmmm…smells good, ya? And smells like seafood!" Wakka declared.  

"It sure does smell good. I may not like you, Trau, but I have to admit, I feel like this is going to taste pretty darn good." Tidus said.

"Oh, I'm sure you will." I replied. And reading the look on his face, I added, "No, there's no poison. I'm too lazy right now." And he actually appeared satisfied with my answer, like he trusted me. It was quite a strange moment.

            So, with all that said, all the plates were uncovered. Nobody present said anything about the main course, but Myena, Joatha, and I shot glances at each other acknowledging that we had seen it in their eyes, the irritation of not getting what they wanted. Of course, even if I did cook something that hadn't been requested, I still couldn't have made everyone happy. Looking back, I realized that though it was rather amusing, it might have also been the smartest choice I could have made, not to feign favoritism. Or what could be construed as such.

            After taking their first bites, comments poured out in a torrent.

"Hey, this is really good." Rikku said, the first to compliment.

"Yeah, great stuff, brudda." Wakka added.

"I actually like it…" Tidus declared.

"Hmm…not bad. Spicy." Lulu said.

"Hmph." grunted Auron. "Quite satisfactory."

"Whoa, lighten up, dude." Myena told Auron. "Listen to yourself: Quite satisfactory. Just say, 'Hey, this shit is good!' No need for your fancy-talk, right?"

~STARE~

"What?" Myena asked.

"Ugh. Not this again." I groaned. Not like anyone heard me. Myena's satire of Auron's voice had the others threatening to fall out of their chairs laughing. But not me. I had already fallen out of mine. There was no need to do it again.

            The rest of the meal proceeded in relative quiet. Tidus actually shut up for once to eat. I guess he liked my laxative-laced potato salad. He ate quite a bit of it. So did the rest of the group.

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This really cracked me up. I never expected that kind of ending. REVIEW! Tell me if you want more. Or you could ask to be in it, although you'd have to give me a nice name. But that shouldn't be a problem. Right? Review.