Chapter 7 -- Into the Labyrinth
"Well, it's definitely not what I expected," Giles said softly, staring up at the massive stone building before them.
"It's the Standing Stones," Willow whispered, frowning in confusion.
"This place, it takes images from your own subconscious minds," Tara explained. "The black sand, the wastelands, all of it. The Standing Stones was a place of learning for both of you, so the place of learning here takes that form. That's how it is here. Nothing is original except what is introduced from without. Even those who challenge you will probably take the forms of people you have known in the past."
"Those who challenge us?" Giles asked, raising an eyebrow. "Tara? Something you wish to share with us?"
Tara opened her mouth, then paused, listening to voices that neither of the others could hear.
"No, our daughter. It is not yours to tell, but theirs to discover," the voices echoed and reverberated.
"This is their destiny."
"Their destiny…"
"Leave them to it."
"Let them find their own way."
"Hard though it may be for you…"
"You must prove your love for them thus."
Closing her eyes, Tara sighed deeply and shook her head. "Nothing, no," she told Giles.
Giles knew better. She knew more than she was telling, as Cassandra so often did. And, as was so often the case with Cassandra, someone or something kept her from speaking fully. As much as he would have liked to challenge whatever was keeping her from telling them everything she knew, he knew better. Powers did not, as a rule, take kindly to being challenged by mere mortals. Besides, he got the impression that Tara was not simply a puppet to Them. They had reasons for not wanting her to speak and They had conveyed that to her. The final choice had likely rested with Tara herself.
"Do we go in?" he asked, staring up at the stone structure.
It seemed a hundred times more foreboding and a thousand times less welcoming than the Standing Stones ever had. Willow's subconscious influence, perhaps? He glanced over to the young Wicca and saw the truth of his supposition. Those first days at the Standing Stones, before he had brought her to his own estate, had been frightening ones, marked by uncertainty and trepidation for Willow. It had not been until much later that Willow had realized that, with the exception of Cassandra, the Coven was literally more afraid of her than she was of them. Even then, though, much of her fear had remained as she had been forced to wonder if they would act on that fear, and how.
"Do we have a choice?" Willow asked, managing to keep the waver out of her voice. "We've come this far, Giles."
He nodded, smiling tenderly at her. "Let's press on, then."
"Rupert, Willow. Welcome, both of you, to this hall of knowledge."
"Tinne?" Giles asked, frowning at her.
"No, Rupert." She shook her head. "Not, perhaps, dissimilar in many respects, but not your friend."
"Who are you, then?" Giles asked firmly, stepping between her and Tara and Willow, placing himself between them and a potential threat. "You seek to challenge our entry?"
A gentle smile crossed her face as he placed himself in harm's way for the sake of his friends. It was an admirable gesture, if both needless and unlikely to make a difference. This one had many layers and would, as always, bear careful watching.
"I am the Gatekeeper. I do not challenge those worthy of entry, nor those known to us." She surveyed the group thoughtfully. "Step forward, Tara. You are known to us. Yours is the right of free movement. Yours also is the right to speak for the mortals."
"Weigh your words, daughter…"
Tara nodded firmly and stepped around Giles. When she spoke, her voice was free of the nervousness and hesitancy which had so often marked it in life. Weigh her words? Well, she could tell the Gatekeeper nothing but the truth. It was all any of them had. And it was enough.
"Milady, these mortals are my friends. They seek answers not for their own benefit but for the good of all mankind, to prevent horrible things from happening. Will you let them pass?"
"Perhaps." She regarded Giles and Willow thoughtfully. "We shall see, Tara. Honesty is required in this place. If they are willing to display that, then they shall pass. You, girl-child. Step forward."
Giles gave Willow's hand a gentle squeeze, forestalling her. "If you hurt her--" he warned.
She gave him another gentle smile, not reassuring but clearly amused by his words. "It is not my place to work harm against anyone. Mine is only to grant or deny passage. Step forward, child."
Willow nodded and squared her shoulders, freeing her hand and approaching the Gatekeeper who looked so much like the old priestess. "Yes?" she asked, her voice free of fear or pride. "What would you know of me?"
"What ties bind you to these two? What claim do they have on your loyalty?"
Willow hesitated, then realized that only absolute honesty would do here. Not even the technical truth was acceptable. "Love, the ties of love. I have loved both as friends and equals. I… have loved both as more. Nothing will ever change that I love them in all of these ways and no matter who I love in the future or how I will still love them, exactly as I always have. Nothing else is required to ensure my loyalty to them and my trust in them is absolute."
"Well answered." The Gatekeeper nodded, her expression obscurely approving. "You." She pointed to Giles. "Ripper. We know of you. Step forward."
Giles shivered at her casual use of the old nickname, echoing Cassandra's earlier use of it, but he did as ordered, moving to stand next to Willow. "What?" he growled, scowling at the Gatekeeper.
"The name offends you?"
"What do you think?"
"Giles," Willow whispered, touching his shoulder and shaking her head.
Tara looked on with wide eyes but did not interfere as Willow gave Giles a firm yet infinitely gentle look. Tara recognized a piece of Giles in that look and wondered if either understood how completely they were bound to each other. It was a complex web, the Interconnectedness between Willow and Giles and Buffy and Xander. Love, romantic, affectionate, and familial, was a part of the equation but not the only part by any means. In truth, the ties that bound them transcended love, whether they knew it or not. It was hard to say exactly where Dawn and Tara herself fit into this, except that Tara knew that they did somehow. Beyond that, though, it was just the four. Others would come and go, friends and lovers, enemies and allies, but those four shared a common destiny.
Angel, Cordelia, Oz, Anya, Spike, Faith, Jonathan, Glory, the old Mayor… bystanders, spectators. For better or worse, their destinies were down other paths. They could harry the others, even come between them for a time, but they could not stop them from traveling their appointed path together. This was their first step towards that, she knew. They would fight the coming battles alone and, in so doing, they would learn to better appreciate what they had in each other. They would draw strength from one another, as they always had. As they did now.
"Sorry, Willow," Giles sighed, taking a deep breath and looking up at the Gatekeeper. "What would you know?" he asked softly, pulling off his glasses.
"How far would you go?" the Gatekeeper replied in a low voice.
Giles frowned, not at the question but at the wording. "I don't understand."
"To protect your… children. How far would you go?"
He snapped his glasses back on. "You demand honesty? Well, here it is, then. They are not my children. Willow is my friend and my equal, if not my better. I love her more deeply than I think any man has ever loved a 'friend'. Anya, Xander? Friends whom I would do anything for, but neither are children and I would do them a disservice in supposing them to be so. Buffy?" He hesitated, closing his eyes. He took a deep breath and opened them again, confessing, "There is nothing paternal in my feelings for her and there has not been for a long time. You happy?"
"No more than you are," came the Gatekeeper's gentle response. "You have spoken with honesty, but you have not yet answered the question, Rupert Giles. I put it to you again. How far would you go? What would you give up?"
"As far as I had to. Everything." He nodded firmly. "I believe that I have already proved that, at least as far as Willow is concerned."
"You have indeed proved your willingness to sacrifice everything for the witch. In so doing, you have proved your willingness to pay any price to protect the others. We find your answers honest if not pleasing."
"I honestly don't give a damn if you find my answers pleasing or not," Giles told her, firmly but without belligerence. "You wanted honesty, you've had it. Now may we enter?"
The Gatekeeper bowed her head and stepped aside, holding the door open. "The Oracle awaits your presence in the library. Be on your guard and do not become separated. Comport yourselves at all times with both openness and honesty and kindly recall that there are more fields of battle than merely the battlefield."
"You sound like Cuchulain," Giles murmured as he accepted Tara's offered hand. Willow had already taken the other.
The Gatekeeper smiled. "Give him my regards."
"Cuchulain or whoever in here looks like him?" Giles asked, his voice shaky and laden with emotions, long buried but no longer willing to be denied.
"Both, actually." With a bow, the Gatekeeper vanished into thin air.
"There are more fields of battle than the battlefield," Willow murmured. "I understand what it means, I just don't see how it applies."
"Don't you?" Giles asked gently. "When we've already prevailed on one such field of battle?"
Willow nodded her understanding. The Gatekeeper had challenged them to be honest. But to be honest with her, they had been forced to take a good look at themselves, to uncover truths more comfortably left buried and forgotten. Sometimes truth could be so painful, especially in Giles' case, she reflected. He had been forced to bare his soul, confessing in public things that he had only recently been able to confess to himself. He was still pale, his voice still shaky, and his gentle eyes were shining with unshed tears.
"If one man overcomes a thousand enemy soldiers on the field of battle and another man overcomes only himself, truly that second man is the greater warrior," she quoted.
Cuchulain had been fond of that particular piece of Chinese philosophy and now Willow knew it to be true. Giles would rather have faced a thousand vampires or a legion of demons than be forced to confess one particular truth about his feelings for Buffy. Yet he had done so without hesitation when required to, proving that he would indeed go as far as it took to keep his friends safe.
Tara smiled. "About time you learned that lesson." It was meant as much for Giles as for Willow. He might actually make it after all.
"Sometimes being honest with yourself is the hardest thing in the world," Willow observed softly.
"It can be." Giles nodded, closing his eyes for a moment. He sighed deeply, composing himself. "But frequently necessary. And always easier with good friends," he added, smiling down at Willow.
"Are you going to tell her what Cassandra told you?" Tara asked gently, hating to intrude on the moment but feeling that this particular intelligence was an important one for all of them to share.
"What?" Giles asked, frowning.
"Always before, the three of you have drawn strength from each other…" Tara prompted.
"This time may be different," he whispered, closing his eyes. He had virtually forgotten Cassandra's words of warning. He had not wanted to remember… "We may be required to fight some of the coming battles alone."
"Ah, come on!" Willow protested, shaking her head. "The Scoobies do not go it alone. It's not how we do things, Giles!"
He closed his eyes and nodded. "I know, Willow. We are stronger together. Individually… We're nothing."
Tara frowned at the words, shaking her head. How could he not see how wrong he was?
"You do not believe it, daughter, yet you would let it passed unremarked."
"Why? Why do you do this?"
"Have you learned nothing in your time with us?"
"Nothing at all, or she would not let it pass."
Tara winced at the accusation. "You're wrong!" she snapped. Aware that Giles and Willow were staring at her, she shrugged. It had been meant for the voices, but that fact made it no less true in their case. "You are," she told Giles. "None of you are nothing. It is true that together you are so much stronger, but it does not change what all of you have individually, either. Every one of you has something to make you special, to make you strong. All of you. How can you not see?" she asked gently, shaking her head.
Giles and Willow regarded her with wide eyes. It was probably the most either had ever heard her speak at one time, and she had spoken without hesitation or uncertainty, refusing to back down. Giles glanced over at Willow to gauge her reaction and saw her smiling. He smiled, too, unable to help himself. It made a nice change in Tara, this newfound confidence. He envied her it, even while he was thrilled that she had finally found it. Yes, he decided, it definitely suited Tara.
He experienced a brief pang, realizing that he would probably not see her again after this unless things went horribly wrong in their struggle to prevent what was coming. He missed her quiet presence and gentle ways so much. He missed all of them, of course, but Tara's case was different. Unlike with the others, though, there was no condoling himself with promises of occasional visits and more frequent phone-calls and e-mails, no way at all to 'stay in touch' with Tara. Unlike the others, she truly was lost to him.
Which was when his gaze fell on Willow, smiling proudly at her love, tears in her pretty eyes. As much grief as he felt over Tara's passing, he knew that Willow felt a thousand times more, grief enough to shatter an already-fragile psyche. It was still beyond him how Xander had managed to pick up those pieces or how Giles himself, with liberal help from the Coven, had managed to start putting them together again, but Xander had and they had and she really was going to be just fine. Except for the pain. That would probably never leave her completely, and that awareness made his heart scream in anguish for hers.
Moved by everything she knew he was feeling, Tara reached out and gently squeezed his shoulder. "It's going to be okay," she promised gently, meaning it with every ounce of her being and in both of their cases.
Giles, more experienced with loss, was already well down the road to recovery. He would always remember and miss her, but life would go on for him. And for Willow, though it would probably take longer. With help from her friends, Willow would eventually move forward, celebrating Tara's life instead of mourning her death. Eventually, she might even love again as she had loved Tara. The thought made her happy. Willow needed that. The Wicca thrived on love, giving it as well as receiving it. It was why the presence of her friends strengthened her so greatly. With someone to love, someone to love her, Willow would be capable of facing any challenge the gods threw her way, and she would come through her ordeals stronger.
"Everything is going to be okay," Tara repeated, her voice firm with the conviction she felt.
Giles regarded her for a moment, then nodded faintly. "Yes, perhaps it may yet be. Always assuming you're right about us being stronger than we think…"
Tara smiled up at him. "Oh, Giles, I am. Ask Willow, any of the others, how strong you are. They won't speak of you as the bitter, used-up old sorcerer that you think of yourself as. It's not what they see when they look at you, and it's not what I see." She looked at Willow, nodding confirmation of her words, and smiled. Willow had her own set of doubts and fears. Tara strongly felt that it was time to lay those to rest. "And, Willow, baby… you." Tara smiled and shook her head. "Yours was the courage to stop what you had begun, to come back into the light, to face the consequences of your actions and accept responsibility. It was the hardest thing you'd ever done, but you did it. You're braver than you think."
Willow shook her head. "No…"
"Yes," Giles whispered, squeezing her shoulders and smiling down at her for a moment before gently propelling her into Tara's arms.
Tara held her close, smiling gratefully at Giles and nodding. "Yes, baby. It's true," Tara whispered. "You did slip, there's no denying that, but you turned around and you picked yourself up and you made the effort. I'm proud of you."
"So am I," Giles whispered, giving her shoulder another squeeze. "And we aren't the only ones."
Willow looked up at him with a weak nod, composing herself with a shake of the head. "We should go in now," she suggested. "Before I lose my nerve," she added with a grin at both of them.
"There, now. That is the Willow I know," Giles said with a faint smile, nodding his approval. "Shall we, then?"
Tara nodded and offered one hand to each of them. "Remember what the Gatekeeper said," she reminded them.
Giles nodded. "Comport yourselves with openness and honesty."
"Don't become separated," Willow added. "And the Oracle awaits in the library."
Unspoken, but remembered by all three as they crossed the threshold, was the Gatekeeper's warning. You will be challenged…