An MGS2 Comedy: Chapter 2: Press the Action Button Slowly to Open the Door
Slowly. WTH?
Rating: PG-13 for mild language and other stuff.
Snake stood in front of the door to the crew's quarters on the tanker Discovery. His Codec beeped like a cell phone.
"Snake, press the action button to open the door. Press it faster to open it faster, and push it slower to open it slower," Otacon said.
"Okay, first off, what the hell is an action button, and second, why would I need to open a door slowly?" Snake questioned.
"Just stick to the script, Snake and the author won't get confused."
"What author? Where? Authors scare me Otacon," Snake whimpered and he got into the fetal postion and stuck his thumb in his mouth and rocked back and forth.
"Him." Otacon pointed toward a computer screen. Max waved at Snake, and Dave covered his face up.
Snake, stop acting like a freakin' fool, yo. You're supposed to be the ultimate ass-kicker. You're being a baby. No, wait...I'm making you that way. I am such a dumb-ass sometimes.
"Snake, he's right," Otacon said. "You'll be fine. We'll just look the other way, okay?"
Snake nodded with a confused face. He took small baby steps towards the door and he slowly reached out towards it. He poked it and he screamed and brought his finger back and kissed his "boo-boo".
Okay one, two, three. Awwwww...*everybody in 6th grade joins in the "awwww" chorus*.
A Russian soldier was patroling the aft deck, port side of the tanker. He saw Snake; only the hero was bashing his head against the door, screaming, "I CAN'T TAKE IT ANY MORE!!! SOMEONE PUT ME OUT OF MY GODDAMNED MISERY!!!"
The soldier shrugged, walked over to Snake, and proceeded to snap his neck. Snake did a spinning kick, knocking the soldier up against the metal railing.
"GAAAAAHHHHH!!!" Snake screamed from the torture. He ran to the railing and jumped over into the water. The Russian soldier slowly stood up, shaking his head.
He peered over the edge, and pulled his helmet off to reveal the author, Max Mason.
(")Meh, good ridance. He was getting pretty damn annoying.(") Then he went back to patrol duty.
The "Game Over" screen appeared. "What's going on?! Snake? Snaaaake?!?!"
However, in reality, there were some smooching noises coming from a dark room. Snake and Otacon were...well, uh...anyway...Snake spotted a video camera filming them because he was wearing night vision goggles. Snake ran out of the room, the light from the door briefly revealing that Snake was...well, you get the idea.
"Snake, where are you going?! Snake? Snaaaaake?!?!" Da da dum dum dum. TO BE CONTINUED --Next, Newspaper Says, "The Stock Market Crashes." What does that mean?
Snake stood in front of the door to the crew's quarters on the tanker Discovery. His Codec beeped like a cell phone.
"Snake, press the action button to open the door. Press it faster to open it faster, and push it slower to open it slower," Otacon said.
"Okay, first off, what the hell is an action button, and second, why would I need to open a door slowly?" Snake questioned.
"Just stick to the script, Snake and the author won't get confused."
"What author? Where? Authors scare me Otacon," Snake whimpered and he got into the fetal postion and stuck his thumb in his mouth and rocked back and forth.
"Him." Otacon pointed toward a computer screen. Max waved at Snake, and Dave covered his face up.
Snake, stop acting like a freakin' fool, yo. You're supposed to be the ultimate ass-kicker. You're being a baby. No, wait...I'm making you that way. I am such a dumb-ass sometimes.
"Snake, he's right," Otacon said. "You'll be fine. We'll just look the other way, okay?"
Snake nodded with a confused face. He took small baby steps towards the door and he slowly reached out towards it. He poked it and he screamed and brought his finger back and kissed his "boo-boo".
Okay one, two, three. Awwwww...*everybody in 6th grade joins in the "awwww" chorus*.
A Russian soldier was patroling the aft deck, port side of the tanker. He saw Snake; only the hero was bashing his head against the door, screaming, "I CAN'T TAKE IT ANY MORE!!! SOMEONE PUT ME OUT OF MY GODDAMNED MISERY!!!"
The soldier shrugged, walked over to Snake, and proceeded to snap his neck. Snake did a spinning kick, knocking the soldier up against the metal railing.
"GAAAAAHHHHH!!!" Snake screamed from the torture. He ran to the railing and jumped over into the water. The Russian soldier slowly stood up, shaking his head.
He peered over the edge, and pulled his helmet off to reveal the author, Max Mason.
(")Meh, good ridance. He was getting pretty damn annoying.(") Then he went back to patrol duty.
The "Game Over" screen appeared. "What's going on?! Snake? Snaaaake?!?!"
However, in reality, there were some smooching noises coming from a dark room. Snake and Otacon were...well, uh...anyway...Snake spotted a video camera filming them because he was wearing night vision goggles. Snake ran out of the room, the light from the door briefly revealing that Snake was...well, you get the idea.
"Snake, where are you going?! Snake? Snaaaaake?!?!" Da da dum dum dum. TO BE CONTINUED --Next, Newspaper Says, "The Stock Market Crashes." What does that mean?