I'm back! I have been gone for a long time I would guess only a handful of people know me. Sorry about that, most especially to the readers who have been waiting for me to update on SLJIE. Don't worry, I WILL continue that story. I have started but because I wasn't satisfied with what I've written plus I have a very vague idea on what to add it will take some time.

As an apology I've decided to finish and post one of the stories I've put in the backburner. It may seem weird because I made it have a deeper meaning but I hope you enjoy it. This is my first short story. Actually this has two parts and I will post the next and last part soon. (Soon as in soon not like half a year ^_^) As always, any constructive criticisms or reviews are welcome.

Hey Arnold! Not mine. Enjoy!

"Love… bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails."[i]

That was what Phoebe said to me as she gave me my birthday gift. A small smile appeared to my lips. Only Phoebe would give me a book, a quotations book to be precise but a book nevertheless, as a birthday gift. My frown disappeared as I recalled that later Phoebe told me that Gerald had asked her to be his steady. She happily agreed.

I don't really hate him for taking my best friend away from me. Sure she wouldn't be spending as much time with me as she usually does and the time we usually spent together was already cut down ever since he first asked her out. Forgive me for being selfish but Phoebe was the only other person that didn't cringe at the sight of me or avoided me as if I was carrying a dangerous plague. Well, there's this other person but he isn't of any significance.

It wasn't as if she totally left me, she only agreed to be Gerald's steady after making sure I had another person to do stuff with.

It would have been better if she locked me inside a room with hungry, rabid bears for company.

Now why was I remembering that particular instance? Oh yes, I have to tell Phoebe that that particular quote was a bunch of baloney.

When Everything Went Wrong

By: Jedy

I could understand her reasons for saying that particular quote to me. She confessed to me once that she admired my, quote 'fervent feelings' end quote, for a certain guy; that a girl my age held a passionate love for her beloved for thirteen years.

Love, huh? I never thought I would say this to you, Phoebe, but you were wrong. What I was feeling was never love just a stinking OBSESSION!

I close my eyes as I tried to calm down. Criminey, Helga! It's been almost two weeks. You have got to let go!

Let go… I took a deep breath and released it. Maybe a little fresh air would do me good. Ye… no! He would there. I'll just stay here. That's it. I took another deep breath as I scanned my room looking for something to occupy my mind.

Well, the room is still spotless. I guess, after barricading myself on my room I am limited to my actions. Maybe a little book would do. I rolled off my bed as I head over to my collection of books. I felt a slight pang as I remembered that I've misplaced the book Phoebs gave me. I remember bringing it three weeks ago. The week was pretty hectic because…

I closed my eyes. Oh yeah…

I opened them again. Focus, Pataki. Focus. What was I doing? Oh yeah. Let's see… My Shakespeare collection. Hmmm…. 'Mansfield Park', more of my Jane Austen books… Oh, how about Jane Eyre. I was about to pull it out when I remembered what it was about… Ugh! A love story, although the style is a bit suited to my mood. Hmm…

I'll just see what other books I have. Fanny Burney's 'Evelina'… Nah! What about 'The Mysteries of Udolpho?' This has possibilities. I've only read this twice… Wait a minute, I also have 'Vanity Fair'.

I took the 'The Mysteries of Udolpho from the bookcase and plopped myself on the bed. I turned to the first page. Two minutes later I was still on the same page. I groaned and dropped the thick book on the bed. My mind wasn't into reading.

Augh! Then what should I do? I took a quick glance at the clock on the wall. It's 2:03 in the afternoon and I can't find anything else to do! I closed my eyes briefly regretting the vow I made two weeks ago to never leave the house except for school, chores or work. Curse this Saturday! I can't even go to work!

I turned over to face the ceiling. I still have some money saved maybe I could stop over the used bookstore and buy another book. I could start completing Fanny Burney's books. I grinned, finally something to do!

I went to my closet to get my small backpack. My eyes unconsciously looked down scanning for the… cripes! Even though I've thrown everything away I still can't forget. I briefly closed my eyes and pushed the last thought away. I've got some shopping to do. 

"I'm going out!" It was out of habit since I know nobody would notice my departure but I did it anyway.

I closed the door and stepped out. For a moment my senses were assaulted. I closed my eyes as I let the sun warm my skin, my nose to detect various scents and my ear to listen to the noise of the busy streets. I have been locked inside the house for far too long to forget the outside. Going out seemed like a great idea now.

A smile unexpectedly wove into my lips as I walked (I was nearly skipping and the surprising thing was I didn't care!) to the ancient bookstore on Maple Street. I felt like I was just born in to the world as I took in all the sights, sounds and even the smell, of the city of Hillwood. I even smiled to strangers as I passed them. Although some gave me weird looks, there were others who smiled back and greeted me. Jeez, I was becoming to be like Eugene. That thought toned down my happiness but I still continued on my happy trek to the bookstore.

There was a 'Don't Walk' flashing across the street so I stopped and surveyed my surroundings. Some kid was beside me wearing roller blades also waiting for the sign to change. A couple of cars was parked on my left and beside them was the City Park.

City Park. Most of my classmates and schoolmates would be there, watching the game. He would be there.

I heard the kid skate away but I still stood looking. I should just walk away and continue to my destination but strangely a thought came to my mind...

"I believe half the unhappiness in life comes from people being afraid to go straight at things."[ii]

I was refusing to go outside because I might see him again. I couldn't bear to relive the pain but I couldn't keep on hiding from him. What kind of life would I be living if I keep on doing that? I straightened my back and stepped off the curb—

Only to step back again as an incoming SUV honked their horn. Oh-kay, I'll just wait for a little longer.

When I was sure that pedestrians could cross the street, I stepped off and began my journey to life enrichment. 

The park was full with people of all ages. Kids were flying a kite, skating, biking or playing catch. There was a man wearing colorful outfit twisting a long balloon in front of small children. A group of old ladies sitting on a couple of benches were feeding pigeons. On the trail a few feet away from them, a lady riding a mountain bike went past. There were also a couple of teenagers walking away from me. I stopped my trek as I gaze at them.

The guy had his arms loosely around the girl. The girl in turn leaned against the guy.

And the courage I had before I entered the park vanished.

I could feel my legs turning into rubber so I quickly scanned the area for an empty bench. As soon as I spotted one I strode over and unceremoniously sat down. I hunched down as I covered my face with my hands. I took another deep breath and released it. I felt my body shake as I tried to take another deep breath. Tears didn't come anymore as I had cried them all away.

I really hate my life.

I could handle my parent's usual fights and my sister and her family's visits. I can take my so-called family's ignorance of my existence and my classmate's sneers and taunts. I could handle all of them because I had Ar—him as my lifeline but now…

I know I'm not a pretty. With my shoulder length blonde hair that doesn't sparkle, feel silky or smell a sweet, fruity scent. My body does not keep the attentions of any men even the brainiacs wouldn't bat an eye as I pass by. I caught no ones attention as I trudged to school or work. Even with all these I held a small hope that he would not judge me so easily. He didn't but it doesn't matter anyway. I wasn't enough. I wasn't enough even in the beginning.

I closed my eyes, trying to regain my composure. Life goes on… Life should go on…

Human beings thrive even through the worst occasions. If someone who lost a body part or had their heart broken can still live I could do it too. Losing your heart and soul is only a small matter. But then the pain is so strong. I thought those two weeks of feeling sorry for myself would be enough. The pain though feels like it was just yesterday.

A sharp shriek broke through my musings. I opened my eyes again and immediately faced the source of the noise and saw a little girl with a huge bird case beside her. She was seating on a park bench a little ways to my left with her mother. The cockatiel pair was shrieking at the crow sitting on a branch at the girl's back. A nonsensical whistle replaced the shrieking.

Life surely goes on.

I took a deep breath and stood. I then resumed walking towards my destination—the baseball field. The mood through had changed. I'm not as happy as I was earlier nor am I as devastated as I was for almost two weeks. My mood right now is a slight mixture of both although I am mostly determined. I have decided to remember yet live again.

The path that I used sloped downward and curved. It showed me the different flowers and trees that housed different creatures. I could hear the chatter of birds and squirrels as I past the various floras. By this time I realized that I couldn't hear any human voices. The change in the park didn't exactly lessen the pain but it was a nice change. I stopped walking and looked at everything.

I suddenly heard crack. I turned to the source and saw a small projectile coming towards me. By instinct I backed away and then watched as the ball descended to where I once stood. Once in my life where I decided to enjoy nature (or something close to it) I had to be nearly beaned by a baseball.

Baseball?

I followed the path the ball had traveled and saw a huge crowd of people. When I realized their presence I was aware of the cheers and the various noises associated with a baseball game. So I was nearly there, what do you know?

I went and picked up the ball and then proceeded to go to the game. It looked like it was already more than halfway. A queasy feeling went to my stomach as I walked slowly to the crowd. I would be seeing him again. Although I did see him at school (he was in some of my classes) it wasn't by my will. Now it was. I had chosen to see him.

My eyes roved the entire area. It seemed as if both teams had enough support. I wonder, would all of the old class be here? I stopped walking when I was at the fringe of the crowd only to discover I was at the rival team's side. I looked at familiar faces as I went to the other side. There was Torvald with Eugene and Sheena. They were standing near the iron-linked fence at the left side of the benches. A few meters to their right were Patty and Harold munching on popcorn. Judging by the litter on the ground that wasn't what they (well, it would mostly be from Harold) have been eating. On the extreme left side of the bench was Mr. Simmons, cheering wildly. A couple of benches in front of him were Rhonda, Lila, Nadine and Phoebe cheering just as loud.

When I turned my gaze at the players I was already at the right side, looking for a good place to watch. Fate had always like to play in my life because as I neared the benches I noticed a boy who seemed to be in a hurry to leave. He was standing at the extreme right (far away from Mr. Simmons or Phoebe). Nobody noticed the empty space he was leaving because they were all busy watching the game. Since I never was the one to turn down a great offer I immediately walked and took the empty space.

I then proceeded to watch what entranced the audience. Joey was at bat and Stinky was at second base. The scoreboard showed that we were only two runs ahead. The pitcher threw a fastball but Joey was able to hit it and make it go out of the park.

I faced down and looked at the ball in my hand. Hmm, I wonder who was able to hit this?

A memory came to me. I had to laugh because it was kind of ironic. What if the person who hit this ball was Arnold? He nearly succeeded in beaning me twice already.

The happiness subsided. I looked for him among the players in the dugout. There he was telling Gerald something. His face was serious and very intent on the game at hand. His uniform and part of his face was dirty. The baseball cap was on his hands, twirling between them. The blonde hair that was a darker shade than mine was positioned in a haphazard way.

I could feel the usual rapid beating of my heart as I gaze at him. Even after all this time I still love him.

Why though? How come I still have feelings for him even though he scorned my affections? Was it because he looked so handsome even when he was extremely dirty? Or maybe it was because I've known him for thirteen years?

Gerald playfully slapped Arnold on the arm. I could see Arnold wince but he cheered him nonetheless. Gerald walked towards the home plate with the right side of the audience shouting encouragement.

Thirteen years. Much longer than any of his so-called loves. I grew up with him through pre-puberty and puberty itself. I saw him as he introduced himself to our kindergarten class and I also saw his and Gerald's first meeting. I watched him when he became sad because he failed at something and when he rejoiced at his victories. I observed him when he first fell… liked Ruth, then Lila, Summer, Sophie and finally Riyana. My eyes automatically looked at him in concern each time each time I heard his relationships end. It seems as if I've watched him throughout my life.

The skinny pitcher threw a curve ball. Gerald swung and misses which resulted for the audience to shout encouragement of disapproval. He changed his position and prepared for the next pitch. The stork kid pitched another but this time Gerald was able to make contact with the ball. Actually, he bunted. He ran but was only able to reach second base. Rhonda shouted a cheer for Arnold while Phoebe threatened both Gerald and Arnold. Both boys looked down for a moment and then weakly grinned at her. The game was tied.

I gazed as Arnold approached the home plate. He looked at Gerald. His then best friend grinned and gave him a mock salute. Arnold swung a few times while he glared at the pitcher.

Why, though, did I have feelings for him? His view of the world is vastly different from mine. Was it because of us being opposites? No, I don't think that was it.

The pitcher threw another curveball. Arnold swung and miss and some of the audience booed while the other cheered.

Kindergarten came to my mind. He was the first person to show me kindness but he wasn't the only person who did that. How could I still love him after all these years? No, those can't be the only reason.

The bird pitcher boy sneered at Arnold before pitching again. All cheered as Arnold swung but then it died down when he missed again. A few of the rival players laughed at him. Some even had the gall to insult him. The umpire shouted a warning at that dweeb. All through the entire event Arnold kept silent. 

It was because he never intimidated when he has something in mind. Even though I've treated him like dirt (even until recently) he still chose to be my friend. He approached me with caution to offer kindness and love.

I bowed my head. Only it wasn't the love I wanted.

I looked up again as I remembered the game. Because of my musings I only saw the pitch already thrown and Arnold finally hitting the ball. I watched along with the audience as ball flew and arced.

I could do this. Helga 'ol girl, you can do this. This has been what you've been practicing for a week. You've waited for this in your entire life.

"Is something wrong, Helga?"

I stopped pacing and jumped. I've forgotten he was there. Stupid, Helga, of course he's here you asked him if you could talk to him immediately after class. Remember how Phoebs pointedly asked Gerald if he could help her research about something. Duh Helga. She was even giving you a wink?!

"Helga?"

Again I was startled but this time I answered. "Sorry." I looked at him. He was wearing what was considered 'in'. To others it looked like a mess of rumpled clothing but to him it was perfect. His honey-gold hair was again in its usual haphazard style but it added to his cuteness. His green eyes seemed to look deep in my soul. Again, I could hear my heart beat faster.

I smiled at him as he balanced his backpack on his shoulder. Arnold smiled back at me but the concern in his eyes never faded. Oh, Arnold…

"Arnold, remember six years ago when you and Gerald saved the neighborhood?"

He nodded but he had a sly grin. "Well, to my memory it was the three of us but you know me. Ever the football head."

My smile wavered and I could feel a bit hot. "Umm, well you see you asked me at the end if I really… umm, loved you and I denied it."

I saw his smile slowly disappear. A sinking feeling began in my stomach but I couldn't stop. I had to tell him right now.

I looked down. "Actually, I lied. I did love you then and I still do."

Again, I gazed at the face I loved so much. His face was filled with sadness. I bit my lip and could feel tears coming in my eyes.

"I'm sorry, Helga, but…"

I gathered all my courage and somehow mustered up a smile. "…You don't feel the same, right?" I steadied the books in my hand. "Well, at least I tried. Thanks for telling me the truth."

He didn't say anything as I said my goodbye at him

"H-Helga?" a hesitant voice inquired.

I removed my gaze from the ball I was holding and saw him. Arnold was still dirty but he was now carrying a duffel bag. My eyebrows scrunched. Why was he standing in front of me? The game already ended and the only people left were some stragglers.

He watched me watching him. Concern never left him. I inwardly smiled. You may have hurt me but I will never stop loving you. I arched an eyebrow as I matter-of-factly said, "You lost."

He went near and placed a foot on the lowest bench. Arnold then placed his bag on the lowest bleacher and gave a rueful smile. "You win some, you lose some."

"But you lost the game, Arnoldo. You were able to hit the ball but you had to let it land on the mitt of the outfielder."

This time a happy grin wove through his lips. "I'm sorry I displeased you but I can't exactly control the ball. I'm not exactly telekinetic."

I rolled my eyes at him. "Hel-lo! How about the way you hit the ball? You can control that."

He shrugged. "Guess I need some practice."

"And more!"

Silence.

I looked at him, really looked at him. Arnold may not love me but I guess we can still be friends. He already deserves to be my best friend after what we've been through. A small smile appeared in my lips as I realized even until now he is still teaching me. I wouldn't be so determined to get on with my life despite the heaviest of blows if he hadn't shown me himself.

"What's that smile for?"

I grinned at him as I went down. "Nothing."

He straightened as I went down the bleachers. He also grabbed his bag. "Where were you for two weeks? I have only see you during classes."

A secretive smile appeared in my lips. "I just needed some time alone. What? Is that a crime?"

"No, but because of that I had the luxury of being the third wheel."

A laugh bubbled through my lips. "I figured something like that would happen. Where you able to stand the sweetness of those two? I could just imagine you covered with ants when Phoebs and Gerald go all lovey-dovey with each other."

He chuckled. "Actually, it was more like honey." Arnold slung his bag over his right shoulder as I went to his left side. We began walking but then he stopped as he rummaged in his bag. "I was hoping you would watch the game."

I looked at him in curiosity. He produced a medium-sized blue book. 'Quotes' was blazed across the cover. Arnold gave it to me and I accepted it wordlessly.

"You dropped this when you confessed umm, again to me."

I felt weird at his words. I couldn't put words to the feelings I was experiencing right now. I looked at him in confusion. What will he say next?

"'The difference between stumbling blocks and stepping stones is how you use them.'" He grinned at me. "Nobody knows who said that."

"So you're one of those people!" I pointed at him.

He nodded. "And you are too."

"'I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.' Ralph Waldo Emerson."

Arnold laughed. "Touchy."

I smirked at him and looked at our surroundings. My eyes opened a little when I realized the path that we were standing on. It was the same one I used. How fitting.

"Where did you get that?"

I looked at where he was gazing at and grinned. I tossed the ball upwards a few inches with one hand. "This? Well, I found this at the park."

"Huh. You found the ball I was only able to hit a homerun on."

I laughed again and began walking again. He followed me. "Jeez, Arnoldo. Do you have some secret desire to kill me? I was nearly beaned with this." I stopped tossing and faced front.

"What?"

"I was enjoying Mother Nature when you're killer ball appeared out of nowhere. Good thing I heard you hitting the ball so I was able to move out of the way." I shook my head. "I could have had amnesia again."

He rolled his eyes. "It's a good thing then. I don't think I can handle that happening again."

I narrowed my eyes. "Are you saying I'm tough to take care of?"

"Yes!"

We both laughed. I sneaked a glance at him and again my heart swelled. We may be friends now but who knows maybe in the future we may be more.

I think there might be a story that is like this. I forgot the title and the author so whoever you are hope you don't mind.

Grammatical errors? Can't understand a thing? This story was just plain weird? Tell me.

Thanks for reading!

Started: July 10, 2002; 12:07 pm

Finished: February 27, 2003; 10:24 pm      


[i] 1 Corinthians 13: 7, 8  

[ii] William J. Lock