Nineteen
I slid the door to the stable open on its track and walked into the barn with bare feet. Our stable had been full of Bretons for as long as it had been standing. The Greens had been known for their love of Bretons and had been called on for ages to produce some of the best of the breed for hundreds of years. From my ancestor Rowan on up the family tree, every member of the family had been taught how to ride, care for, and breed the horses, and every member of my family was able to support themselves if they could support just one Breton stallion.
The old barn creaked and sighed in the wind but it stood miraculously and I stepped on the wooden floorboards leaving bare footprints in the dust. I walked up the hallway that stood in the middle of two rows of twenty tie stalls. Not all of the stalls were filled, but some of the mares were. I quickly found my horse, a jet black gelding named Nero. He recognized me as I slid into his stall and ran my hand up his side. He whinnied and threw his head up and down with excitement. He'd missed me. I unhooked his halter from his trough and backed him out of the stall. Then I hooked him into the cross ties and found a curry comb and a brush. I went to work as if I hadn't been gone for a day. I knew all the spots that he loved to have massaged and I paid special attention to those. I rubbed fly oil on his face, legs, chest, and belly, where he would have a hard time swatting the pests. I lifted each of his hooves and picked the crud out of them. Then I went into the tack room and found his bridle. I had made it myself out of the hide of a deer I had killed the first year I had been hunting. It was a light buckskin tan hackamore with silver clasps. I had no need for a bit because Nero trusted and respected me enough to do what I told him with the reigns alone. I took his halter off and slid the bridle on his head. Just as I was leading him out of the barn I saw someone saunter inside in a long black cloak.
"You look beautiful with him," Snape told me as Nero and I stopped in our tracks and regarded him calmly. I was only ever truly calm while I was with Nero, and the same went for Nero when he was with me. Nero took this opportunity to put is left front leg forward and itch his knee with his nose. I think this was his way of giving Snape and I our privacy. I dropped the reigns, I knew Nero wouldn't go anywhere, and walked over to Snape.
"Would you like to ride with me," I asked matter of factly. As if there was no room for debate or dawdling.
"Yes."
"Good."
I quickly saddled a chestnut mare for Snape. I wasn't sure how his riding skills were so I picked the most docile horse I could find and made sure I picked a good soft saddle for him as well. I was riding bareback myself. I preferred it quite a bit to riding with a saddle.
Snape surprised me by putting his left foot in the stirrup and stepping gracefully up into the saddle. I raised an eyebrow at him from atop Nero and he raised one at me in return.
"There are a lot of things about me you don't know," he answered me without my having to ask.
I pulled the reigns off to the left and we took off down the beach, sand flying behind us and the wind blowing against our faces. It was balmy for the beginning of November in Massachusetts and I was happy that since I was home I would at least be able to enjoy it a bit.
"So what did you and my family talk about while I was out here," I asked as I urged Nero into a trot. Snape urged Hecate, his mare into a trot as well and answered.
"You."
"What about me."
"I don't think you should go to the funeral tomorrow."
"Too bad."
"I'm being serious, Acacia. You're still too emotionally touched by this. It's not going to do you any good to see your parents laid in the ground. Trust me. I've done this all before. I speak from personal experience."
"Well, I appreciate your concern but I think you're wrong. Do you know what the last thing I said to my mother was, Severus," I asked him.
"Tell me."
"I told her," I stopped then. I swallowed hard. "I told her I wished I'd never have to come home again. And then I got on the Hogwarts Express and I never saw her again. I might as well have told her to drop dead right then and there." I dropped my eyes to the ground and leaned forward on Nero, wrapping my arms around his neck. Nero snorted loudly and shook his head. I started to cry.
I pulled back on the reigns and jumped off, loving the feeling of sand beneath my toes. Nero walked up a little way on the beach and laid down in the sand. He knew how I could be when I got in my walking along the beach moods.
Snape jumped down off his own horse and took the saddle off, laying it on the sand. Hecate went up and laid beside Nero, both of them nuzzling each other and warming themselves in the sun. I plopped down cross legged in the sand and laid back, my face up toward the sun. Snape sat beside me, knees up and hugged by his arms, staring out at the ocean. "I've never seen the ocean before." I sat up and looked at him, incredulous.
"You live on an island and you've never seen the ocean," I asked him, dumbfounded. He laughed.
"You really can be such a smart arse," he answered, good naturedly. He put an arm around my shoulders and I leaned my head on his shoulder. We sat there in silence for a while.
"Ever dug for clams," I asked after a while.
"How could I have dug for clams if I've never seen the ocean," he asked me, as if I had just asked if the sky was orange.
"Well do you want to, Mr. Cynicism?"
He considered for a moment before giving in.
"Roll up your pant legs then, unless you want them to be sopping wet." He did and I took his hand and led him out into the ocean, holding my robe that I had changed into up above my knees with one hand. We waded out to just above our shins and I taught him how to dig in the sand and feel for hard spots, and that you had to get underneath them with your toes before they buried themselves too deep for you to catch them. I got him to untuck his shirt (he had taken his cloak off and left it on the beach) and hold the clams he caught in it. I laughed as I thought to myself that all he needed was a bandanna on his head and he'd look like - well I don't know who he'd look like but he'd look damn funny.
"What are you laughing at," he asked me, looking irritated at having been made fun of for having tried to do something he'd never done before.
"Nothing," I answered between bouts of laughter.
"Nonsense," he pressed, getting more and more upset. I was pretty sure it was fake upset, but it was making me laugh even more. Nero looked up from his resting place on the beach to see what all the commotion was about and to make sure that I was ok. "Stop it!"
"I'm not doing anything!" I was almost doubled over with laughter now, about to lose all my clams.
"You most certainly are," he told me, advancing on me and causing me to back up in order to avoid what I was sure was an inevitable push into the water. The more he advanced, laughing and challenging me, the more I backed up until finally I felt my heel come down hard on a sharp shell. I yelled out in pain and fell backwards, covering myself completely in the salty water. I knew I cut my foot because I could feel the sting of the water in the cut and when I came up for air hissed against the burn.
Nero was on all fours and whinnying indignantly on the beach. 'The big weenie,' I thought to myself. If he was really so protective he would be out here trying to save me from this obviously hostile entity. But I couldn't help but laugh, and laugh I did. Presently I felt Snape, who was laughing as well, scoop me up and carry me to shore, my robe sopping wet and clinging to me and my clams still stuck in the folds of it.
The episode hadn't taken away my grief but it had helped to alleviate it a tiny bit. But by the time I got back to the house it all came flooding back and try as I might I couldn't get past it. When I walked in everyone wanted to know where we had been and why I was wet. I gave them the abridged version and went to find Amanda. Snape came with me. I decided the best thing to do would be to spend a little time with the one person who seemed the least effected by this whole mess.
I slid the door to the stable open on its track and walked into the barn with bare feet. Our stable had been full of Bretons for as long as it had been standing. The Greens had been known for their love of Bretons and had been called on for ages to produce some of the best of the breed for hundreds of years. From my ancestor Rowan on up the family tree, every member of the family had been taught how to ride, care for, and breed the horses, and every member of my family was able to support themselves if they could support just one Breton stallion.
The old barn creaked and sighed in the wind but it stood miraculously and I stepped on the wooden floorboards leaving bare footprints in the dust. I walked up the hallway that stood in the middle of two rows of twenty tie stalls. Not all of the stalls were filled, but some of the mares were. I quickly found my horse, a jet black gelding named Nero. He recognized me as I slid into his stall and ran my hand up his side. He whinnied and threw his head up and down with excitement. He'd missed me. I unhooked his halter from his trough and backed him out of the stall. Then I hooked him into the cross ties and found a curry comb and a brush. I went to work as if I hadn't been gone for a day. I knew all the spots that he loved to have massaged and I paid special attention to those. I rubbed fly oil on his face, legs, chest, and belly, where he would have a hard time swatting the pests. I lifted each of his hooves and picked the crud out of them. Then I went into the tack room and found his bridle. I had made it myself out of the hide of a deer I had killed the first year I had been hunting. It was a light buckskin tan hackamore with silver clasps. I had no need for a bit because Nero trusted and respected me enough to do what I told him with the reigns alone. I took his halter off and slid the bridle on his head. Just as I was leading him out of the barn I saw someone saunter inside in a long black cloak.
"You look beautiful with him," Snape told me as Nero and I stopped in our tracks and regarded him calmly. I was only ever truly calm while I was with Nero, and the same went for Nero when he was with me. Nero took this opportunity to put is left front leg forward and itch his knee with his nose. I think this was his way of giving Snape and I our privacy. I dropped the reigns, I knew Nero wouldn't go anywhere, and walked over to Snape.
"Would you like to ride with me," I asked matter of factly. As if there was no room for debate or dawdling.
"Yes."
"Good."
I quickly saddled a chestnut mare for Snape. I wasn't sure how his riding skills were so I picked the most docile horse I could find and made sure I picked a good soft saddle for him as well. I was riding bareback myself. I preferred it quite a bit to riding with a saddle.
Snape surprised me by putting his left foot in the stirrup and stepping gracefully up into the saddle. I raised an eyebrow at him from atop Nero and he raised one at me in return.
"There are a lot of things about me you don't know," he answered me without my having to ask.
I pulled the reigns off to the left and we took off down the beach, sand flying behind us and the wind blowing against our faces. It was balmy for the beginning of November in Massachusetts and I was happy that since I was home I would at least be able to enjoy it a bit.
"So what did you and my family talk about while I was out here," I asked as I urged Nero into a trot. Snape urged Hecate, his mare into a trot as well and answered.
"You."
"What about me."
"I don't think you should go to the funeral tomorrow."
"Too bad."
"I'm being serious, Acacia. You're still too emotionally touched by this. It's not going to do you any good to see your parents laid in the ground. Trust me. I've done this all before. I speak from personal experience."
"Well, I appreciate your concern but I think you're wrong. Do you know what the last thing I said to my mother was, Severus," I asked him.
"Tell me."
"I told her," I stopped then. I swallowed hard. "I told her I wished I'd never have to come home again. And then I got on the Hogwarts Express and I never saw her again. I might as well have told her to drop dead right then and there." I dropped my eyes to the ground and leaned forward on Nero, wrapping my arms around his neck. Nero snorted loudly and shook his head. I started to cry.
I pulled back on the reigns and jumped off, loving the feeling of sand beneath my toes. Nero walked up a little way on the beach and laid down in the sand. He knew how I could be when I got in my walking along the beach moods.
Snape jumped down off his own horse and took the saddle off, laying it on the sand. Hecate went up and laid beside Nero, both of them nuzzling each other and warming themselves in the sun. I plopped down cross legged in the sand and laid back, my face up toward the sun. Snape sat beside me, knees up and hugged by his arms, staring out at the ocean. "I've never seen the ocean before." I sat up and looked at him, incredulous.
"You live on an island and you've never seen the ocean," I asked him, dumbfounded. He laughed.
"You really can be such a smart arse," he answered, good naturedly. He put an arm around my shoulders and I leaned my head on his shoulder. We sat there in silence for a while.
"Ever dug for clams," I asked after a while.
"How could I have dug for clams if I've never seen the ocean," he asked me, as if I had just asked if the sky was orange.
"Well do you want to, Mr. Cynicism?"
He considered for a moment before giving in.
"Roll up your pant legs then, unless you want them to be sopping wet." He did and I took his hand and led him out into the ocean, holding my robe that I had changed into up above my knees with one hand. We waded out to just above our shins and I taught him how to dig in the sand and feel for hard spots, and that you had to get underneath them with your toes before they buried themselves too deep for you to catch them. I got him to untuck his shirt (he had taken his cloak off and left it on the beach) and hold the clams he caught in it. I laughed as I thought to myself that all he needed was a bandanna on his head and he'd look like - well I don't know who he'd look like but he'd look damn funny.
"What are you laughing at," he asked me, looking irritated at having been made fun of for having tried to do something he'd never done before.
"Nothing," I answered between bouts of laughter.
"Nonsense," he pressed, getting more and more upset. I was pretty sure it was fake upset, but it was making me laugh even more. Nero looked up from his resting place on the beach to see what all the commotion was about and to make sure that I was ok. "Stop it!"
"I'm not doing anything!" I was almost doubled over with laughter now, about to lose all my clams.
"You most certainly are," he told me, advancing on me and causing me to back up in order to avoid what I was sure was an inevitable push into the water. The more he advanced, laughing and challenging me, the more I backed up until finally I felt my heel come down hard on a sharp shell. I yelled out in pain and fell backwards, covering myself completely in the salty water. I knew I cut my foot because I could feel the sting of the water in the cut and when I came up for air hissed against the burn.
Nero was on all fours and whinnying indignantly on the beach. 'The big weenie,' I thought to myself. If he was really so protective he would be out here trying to save me from this obviously hostile entity. But I couldn't help but laugh, and laugh I did. Presently I felt Snape, who was laughing as well, scoop me up and carry me to shore, my robe sopping wet and clinging to me and my clams still stuck in the folds of it.
The episode hadn't taken away my grief but it had helped to alleviate it a tiny bit. But by the time I got back to the house it all came flooding back and try as I might I couldn't get past it. When I walked in everyone wanted to know where we had been and why I was wet. I gave them the abridged version and went to find Amanda. Snape came with me. I decided the best thing to do would be to spend a little time with the one person who seemed the least effected by this whole mess.