Disclaimer: I don't own LOTR so don't bug me
Warning: Rated R for stuff
Note: Read it damn it. I'm intoxicated off of Sprite. By the way, be patient for more Slash.
Lord of the Bargain Ring
Chapter 5
The Carnival
After Frodo had had breakfast he went out on a balcony to enjoy the view when he heard a voice in back of him say, "Why aren't you watching my store?"
Frodo turned and gasped as the nude Bilbo stood there. "Bilbo?" said Frodo.
"Who else do you think I am," said Bilbo smartly.
"Put some clothes on," said Frodo making a sickened face.
"But I like to be free Frodo!" yelled Bilbo insanely, "So why aren't you watching the store?"
"Because of this," growled Frodo angrily pulling out the cheap plastic ring with the picture of the cat on it.
Bilbo eyed it then said, "THE PRECIOUSSSSS!"
"Oh shut up," replied Frodo he walked away and said, "Put some clothes on and then I'll talk to you."
"Will I be able to pet the precious?" asked Bilbo hopefully.
"No," said Frodo being quite freaked out.
Meanwhile in Elrond's room.
Elrond paced back and forth saying, "I did not do it with a male dwarf, I did not do it with a male dwarf," over and over again. Then he turned and looked at Gimli who sat there looking like he was going to vomit again. "Like oh my god I slept with a male dwarf!" At this he started hyperventilating madly.
Back in the Banquet Hall sat Legolas, Boromir, and Aragorn.
"I've banged her, and her. Oh yeah and her over there," went on Aragorn.
Legolas interrupted, "Why do you bang ugly whores?"
Aragorn gasped, "You're saying this about your own kind!" he eyed Legolas suspiciously, "Are you a homo?"
"Please," replied Legolas he rested his head on his hand.
"You didn't answer me," said Aragorn.
"No I'm not okay?" replied Legolas who seemed to be quite red in the face.
Boromir giggled stupidly. "Legolas," he said in a whisper, "I want some ish!"
"Ish?" replied Legolas confused.
"Ish!" said Boromir enthusiastically.
"What's ish?" asked Aragorn interested.
"Nothing," said Legolas quickly.
"Ish is my special medicine," said Boromir.
"Oh my god," said Aragorn, "You're having sex with Boromir?"
"Eww! No," said Legolas angrily.
Boromir giggled again even more insanely, "Don't lie sugar bunches!"
Legolas glared at him evilly and Boromir puckered his lips out. Legolas punched him and he fell off his seat and lay passed out on the floor while being trampled by Legolas' stupid fans that were asking for his autograph. Poor rude drug dealing elf.
Aragorn pouted saying, "I want groupies too."
Gandalf got out of the bathtub more wrinkled than what he already was. He put on a long red dress and tied his hair back. "I look so hot," he said to himself in the mirror. He kept forgetting to shave his beard, which made him look.well just plain queer (especially with a dress on)
Pippin and Merry sat there blankly with Arwen who kept eyeing Aragorn eagerly. "Oh stop doing that, damn it," said Merry. "He doesn't want your ugly ass!"
Arwen broke into tears and left the table.
"Why did you do that?" asked Pippin. "It's true!" said Merry.
"She's not an ugly ass!" replied Pippin angrily.
"You know what Pippin? Whatever! Dude you used to be cool and now you've gone soft. You're just a girl," said Merry.
"What the hell?" asked Pippin, "Listen up man. I feel sorry for her!"
"Why? She's just another skank whore loser that should be selling her body in Rohan," replied Merry glaring at Pippin.
"Forget you," said Pippin getting up and throwing his napkin down leaving the banquet room.
"Well, well.Uh, well Forget you TOO!" yelled Merry back lamely.
After Elrond had dressed he requested the fellowship into a large gathering area outside. There they all stood. Boromir in his pimp gear, the hobbits in capris and flip flops, Gandalf in his red dress, Aragorn in an overcoat and jeans (did he ever wash that stuff?), Gimli in a plaid shirt and khakis, and Legolas in his usual clothes (black T-shirt and jeans).
"Thank you for all attending my birthday party," said Elrond.
"What are you talking about?" asked Gandalf.
"Oh wait, sorry wrong speech," said Elrond clearing his throat. "Uh, yes now um.The Fellow of the Bargain ring. I thank you guys for doing this," he winked at Gimli who blushed madly, "And good luck." At this he scampered back into the building.
They all turned and began walking. They were heading for The Mall at last.
"Gandalf," said Legolas, "Which way are we heading?"
"First we have to go through the Carnival," replied Gandalf thoughtfully.
"The Carnival?" asked Boromir, "What madness is this?"
Gandalf shook his head. "It's dangerous, like I know guys. But we have to get through the Carnival before we'll be any where close to The Mall."
So there they went. It took days and night before they reached "Happy Wonderland Mountain Carnival." Aragorn gasped as many children and people ran around them hustling over to the games and rides. "Gandalf! This will be impossible!"
"Like no way!" said Gandalf. "We'll get through!"
"Fuck it!" yelled Boromir; "We won't survive this!"
The crowd bustled around them more. Shoving them this way and that and Legolas could only give oh so many people his middle finger at a time.
"God damn you fools!" yelled Legolas, "Let us through!"
They pushed their way into the crowd more but it was useless. A small boy with a lollipop kicked Boromir in the nuts.
Boromir got out a sword and started running after the kid but the kid disappeared into the crowd. "ARGH!" yelled Boromir.
Gimli yelled, "I think we should go through the Dwarves Carnival."
"The dwarves carnival?" asked Frodo curiously.
"No, Gimli," said Gandalf quickly, "That place would give us all the willies."
"We would be welcomed more graciously," said Gimli impatiently.
"Gimli, the Dwarves Carnival is scary!" yelled Gandalf.
"But it would be an easier route," replied Gimli.
"Let the bargain ring choose," said Gandalf.
"I choose the dwarf place," said Frodo. One thing was for sure; at least they would be shorter than the people here would.
So they left the Carnival and headed towards the Dwarves Carnival.
They arrived at a deserted carnival with broken rides and abandoned game and food counters.
"What is this?" asked Pippin. "This place IS scary."
"Where is everyone?" asked Legolas surveying all the ground with his Elvish eyes.
"I don't understand," said Gimli. "The dwarves were here. My cousin Balin owned this joint."
Gandalf led them forth and said, "This place is frightening, we must beware, something unwanted hides, in the darkness in its lair."
"Dude," said Merry, "That rhymed."
"Sure did," said Gandalf proud at his own cleverness.
They head forward into the Dwarf Carnival grounds. Soon they came to the end of it where there was the hugest tent you could ever see, made of pure stone and cheap cloth. They began walking inside of it and Gimli yelled, "There are bunch of dead dwarves here!"
"This is a fucking tomb!" yelled Boromir.
Legolas picked up a rubber red nose and said, "Clowns."
Suddenly from in back of them a small fountain erupted and a gigantic Jack in the Box popped up. It grabbed for Frodo. Aragorn and Boromir ran at it and started stabbing madly. Legolas shot a bunch of arrows.
The Jack in the Box knocked Boromir into Merry. Merry fell over and so did Pippin. Aragorn leapt onto the Jack in the Box and bit it. Frodo fell and Legolas caught him. "Oh Legolas, what strong arms you have!" said Frodo gleefully.
Legolas frowned dropping the hobbit as they ran inside the tent again. Aragorn broke free of the Jack's grip and ran inside. The Jack in the Box hit the tent forcefully and the entrance collapsed.
They had to go through the Tent of the Dwarves Carnival.
End of Chapter 5
Review please.
Warning: Rated R for stuff
Note: Read it damn it. I'm intoxicated off of Sprite. By the way, be patient for more Slash.
Lord of the Bargain Ring
Chapter 5
The Carnival
After Frodo had had breakfast he went out on a balcony to enjoy the view when he heard a voice in back of him say, "Why aren't you watching my store?"
Frodo turned and gasped as the nude Bilbo stood there. "Bilbo?" said Frodo.
"Who else do you think I am," said Bilbo smartly.
"Put some clothes on," said Frodo making a sickened face.
"But I like to be free Frodo!" yelled Bilbo insanely, "So why aren't you watching the store?"
"Because of this," growled Frodo angrily pulling out the cheap plastic ring with the picture of the cat on it.
Bilbo eyed it then said, "THE PRECIOUSSSSS!"
"Oh shut up," replied Frodo he walked away and said, "Put some clothes on and then I'll talk to you."
"Will I be able to pet the precious?" asked Bilbo hopefully.
"No," said Frodo being quite freaked out.
Meanwhile in Elrond's room.
Elrond paced back and forth saying, "I did not do it with a male dwarf, I did not do it with a male dwarf," over and over again. Then he turned and looked at Gimli who sat there looking like he was going to vomit again. "Like oh my god I slept with a male dwarf!" At this he started hyperventilating madly.
Back in the Banquet Hall sat Legolas, Boromir, and Aragorn.
"I've banged her, and her. Oh yeah and her over there," went on Aragorn.
Legolas interrupted, "Why do you bang ugly whores?"
Aragorn gasped, "You're saying this about your own kind!" he eyed Legolas suspiciously, "Are you a homo?"
"Please," replied Legolas he rested his head on his hand.
"You didn't answer me," said Aragorn.
"No I'm not okay?" replied Legolas who seemed to be quite red in the face.
Boromir giggled stupidly. "Legolas," he said in a whisper, "I want some ish!"
"Ish?" replied Legolas confused.
"Ish!" said Boromir enthusiastically.
"What's ish?" asked Aragorn interested.
"Nothing," said Legolas quickly.
"Ish is my special medicine," said Boromir.
"Oh my god," said Aragorn, "You're having sex with Boromir?"
"Eww! No," said Legolas angrily.
Boromir giggled again even more insanely, "Don't lie sugar bunches!"
Legolas glared at him evilly and Boromir puckered his lips out. Legolas punched him and he fell off his seat and lay passed out on the floor while being trampled by Legolas' stupid fans that were asking for his autograph. Poor rude drug dealing elf.
Aragorn pouted saying, "I want groupies too."
Gandalf got out of the bathtub more wrinkled than what he already was. He put on a long red dress and tied his hair back. "I look so hot," he said to himself in the mirror. He kept forgetting to shave his beard, which made him look.well just plain queer (especially with a dress on)
Pippin and Merry sat there blankly with Arwen who kept eyeing Aragorn eagerly. "Oh stop doing that, damn it," said Merry. "He doesn't want your ugly ass!"
Arwen broke into tears and left the table.
"Why did you do that?" asked Pippin. "It's true!" said Merry.
"She's not an ugly ass!" replied Pippin angrily.
"You know what Pippin? Whatever! Dude you used to be cool and now you've gone soft. You're just a girl," said Merry.
"What the hell?" asked Pippin, "Listen up man. I feel sorry for her!"
"Why? She's just another skank whore loser that should be selling her body in Rohan," replied Merry glaring at Pippin.
"Forget you," said Pippin getting up and throwing his napkin down leaving the banquet room.
"Well, well.Uh, well Forget you TOO!" yelled Merry back lamely.
After Elrond had dressed he requested the fellowship into a large gathering area outside. There they all stood. Boromir in his pimp gear, the hobbits in capris and flip flops, Gandalf in his red dress, Aragorn in an overcoat and jeans (did he ever wash that stuff?), Gimli in a plaid shirt and khakis, and Legolas in his usual clothes (black T-shirt and jeans).
"Thank you for all attending my birthday party," said Elrond.
"What are you talking about?" asked Gandalf.
"Oh wait, sorry wrong speech," said Elrond clearing his throat. "Uh, yes now um.The Fellow of the Bargain ring. I thank you guys for doing this," he winked at Gimli who blushed madly, "And good luck." At this he scampered back into the building.
They all turned and began walking. They were heading for The Mall at last.
"Gandalf," said Legolas, "Which way are we heading?"
"First we have to go through the Carnival," replied Gandalf thoughtfully.
"The Carnival?" asked Boromir, "What madness is this?"
Gandalf shook his head. "It's dangerous, like I know guys. But we have to get through the Carnival before we'll be any where close to The Mall."
So there they went. It took days and night before they reached "Happy Wonderland Mountain Carnival." Aragorn gasped as many children and people ran around them hustling over to the games and rides. "Gandalf! This will be impossible!"
"Like no way!" said Gandalf. "We'll get through!"
"Fuck it!" yelled Boromir; "We won't survive this!"
The crowd bustled around them more. Shoving them this way and that and Legolas could only give oh so many people his middle finger at a time.
"God damn you fools!" yelled Legolas, "Let us through!"
They pushed their way into the crowd more but it was useless. A small boy with a lollipop kicked Boromir in the nuts.
Boromir got out a sword and started running after the kid but the kid disappeared into the crowd. "ARGH!" yelled Boromir.
Gimli yelled, "I think we should go through the Dwarves Carnival."
"The dwarves carnival?" asked Frodo curiously.
"No, Gimli," said Gandalf quickly, "That place would give us all the willies."
"We would be welcomed more graciously," said Gimli impatiently.
"Gimli, the Dwarves Carnival is scary!" yelled Gandalf.
"But it would be an easier route," replied Gimli.
"Let the bargain ring choose," said Gandalf.
"I choose the dwarf place," said Frodo. One thing was for sure; at least they would be shorter than the people here would.
So they left the Carnival and headed towards the Dwarves Carnival.
They arrived at a deserted carnival with broken rides and abandoned game and food counters.
"What is this?" asked Pippin. "This place IS scary."
"Where is everyone?" asked Legolas surveying all the ground with his Elvish eyes.
"I don't understand," said Gimli. "The dwarves were here. My cousin Balin owned this joint."
Gandalf led them forth and said, "This place is frightening, we must beware, something unwanted hides, in the darkness in its lair."
"Dude," said Merry, "That rhymed."
"Sure did," said Gandalf proud at his own cleverness.
They head forward into the Dwarf Carnival grounds. Soon they came to the end of it where there was the hugest tent you could ever see, made of pure stone and cheap cloth. They began walking inside of it and Gimli yelled, "There are bunch of dead dwarves here!"
"This is a fucking tomb!" yelled Boromir.
Legolas picked up a rubber red nose and said, "Clowns."
Suddenly from in back of them a small fountain erupted and a gigantic Jack in the Box popped up. It grabbed for Frodo. Aragorn and Boromir ran at it and started stabbing madly. Legolas shot a bunch of arrows.
The Jack in the Box knocked Boromir into Merry. Merry fell over and so did Pippin. Aragorn leapt onto the Jack in the Box and bit it. Frodo fell and Legolas caught him. "Oh Legolas, what strong arms you have!" said Frodo gleefully.
Legolas frowned dropping the hobbit as they ran inside the tent again. Aragorn broke free of the Jack's grip and ran inside. The Jack in the Box hit the tent forcefully and the entrance collapsed.
They had to go through the Tent of the Dwarves Carnival.
End of Chapter 5
Review please.