Disclaimer: I don't own LOTR so don't bug me.
Warning: Rated R for stuff
Note: Last chapter was odd. Slash is becoming hard to fit in but I have some ideas for it now. So people who want Slash calm down! There is going to be Slash. I'm just trying to develop the story so you know what the characters are like because they are obviously a tiny bit different from the actual LOTR (A tiny bit, Ha!).
I was finding the whole Elrond/Gimli thing amusing. Who would of thought?
The Lord of the Bargain Ring
Chapter 6
The Tent
The tent was dark in damp. Frodo believed it was once where a great dwarf circus was held. Every time there was a small noise Sam would huddle up next to Frodo or even grab his hand. What a loyal friend, he wanted to make sure nothing would happen to Frodo.
Boromir spoke quietly, "This place was inhabited by dwarves. Amazing. What happened to them all?"
Legolas said again as he had said earlier, "Clowns."
Boromir frowned, "What?"
"Nevermind," replied Legolas.
They continued walking until the reached a new room. It had collapsed trapeze and tight ropes everywhere.
"Looks like it all just collapsed," said Aragorn.
"Totally," said Gandalf.
"Gandalf don't you think we should rest?" said Aragorn.
Gandalf looked around. He didn't like the idea of staying in such a creepy place. "I guess we should. Everyone does look sleepy," said Gandalf finally.
They all got their sleeping bags out from their bags that they had packed. They unrolled the sleeping backs the hobbits, Gandalf, and Aragorn got inside theirs. Frodo and Sam shared one, strangely enough.
Legolas sat down where they had been several stands for dwarves to sit during the circus. He looked around the lonesome place. Boromir came over and sat next to him. He had a razor blade out and had been cutting into his wrists. Blood trickled down his hands and dampened his lime green jacket.
Legolas furrowed his eyebrows watching Boromir do this to himself. Finally he spoke, "Why are you doing this?"
"It relieves my pain," said Boromir insanely.
"No man, it causes your pain. Don't be a prick. You need to stop this shit," said Legolas angrily.
Boromir smiled then said, "Why do you care so much?"
"I don't like seeing people hurt themselves purposely," Legolas said in a quiet voice.
They sat there for a moment then Legolas said, "Boromir, stop trying to grab my ass."
"Why?" said the demented Boromir.
"Stop it," said Legolas once more.
"I don't want to," said Boromir.
"Fuck you," said Legolas as he got up and walked over to where the others were and got into his sleeping bag.
"Will you?" said Boromir smartly.
He too went and got inside his sleeping bag. Most of them drifted of to sleep. When it was time to get up Gandalf made them hurry through breakfast.
"Sam what did you pack for us today?" said Aragorn hungrily.
"Spam," replied Sam.
"Sperm?" asked Boromir.
"No dumb ass," said Sam once more, "Spam. Canned meat."
"Boromir tried to can Legolas' meat last night," said Pippin mischievously.
Legolas shot Pippin a death glare but Pippin just giggled along with Aragorn who had started choking on his share of the Spam and laughing.
Legolas said coldly to Aragorn, "Look it's Aragorn. He's choking on canned cock."
Aragorn laughed even more saying through coughs and giggles, "Legolas is gay!"
Boromir said softly, "I'll can Legolas' cock and eat it for breakfast."
"I'll kill you," said Legolas feeling like everyone was taking him out and bugging him, "If you don't do it to yourself, you suicidal little prick."
Gandalf stared at Boromir saying, "Oh my staff! You're suicidal?"
Boromir shook his head no.
"Turn your wrists around, Boromir," said Legolas quickly, "Show us that you're not suicidal."
Boromir gulped and turned his wrists around revealing his raw slightly severed wrists.
"EWW!" squeaked Gandalf, "That's gross!"
Pippin spit out his Spam and started puking everywhere.
"I'm thinking when we get out of this tent Boromir should see a psychiatrist," said Aragorn who decided not to eat anymore.
Boromir stared at the ground and said nothing. It was time for them to walk again. They walked for a long while until they reached a place where the two different caves branched off. Gandalf thought they should through the doorway where it smelled less like sweat.
So they kept going until they reached a place that was empty except for several old cannons that were lying around. Gimli suddenly ran into a small room where there was a tomb and started crying. "NOOOOOOO!" he said. "THE CLOWNS MURDERED POOR BALIN!"
They all followed Gimli. Gandalf found an old comic book and began reading it aloud. "Batman and Robin sat alone in the dungeon. The noises grow louder down the hall. Boom crash BAM! "Holy Macaroni," went Robin, "We are gonna die!" Bam bam BOOM!" at this Gandalf finished dramatically and said, "They are coming."
Pippin stumbled backwards and hit an old cannon that rolled backwards and hit the wall.
They could hear distant yells and laughter down the hall. Squeaking noses and loud rumbling.
Legolas said even more dramatically, "Alas my heart is being warned. We cannot linger. The Clowns are coming."
Gandalf said to Pippin, "It's okay sweetie, everything will come out peaches and cream!"
Pippin smiled blankly as Gandalf pinched his cheek (and it was a cheek on his face either).
Frodo hid behind Sam who stood there bravely behind Aragorn.
"Oh fuck," said Aragorn as he got his sword out. Boromir too unsheathed his sword, as did Gandalf.
Gimli readied his ax as he says, "I better not get blood on my khakis. It will stain and these are from Gap."
Legolas whipped out an arrow and fitted it into the bow before you could say, "What?" He narrowed his eyes at the opening of the tent. Any moment they would crash through and attack.
Suddenly they came crashing in. Hundreds of clowns came in with their fake flowers the sprayed water, rubber noses, and evil faces.
The clowns began shooting rubber noses at everyone. Then they began squirting water around evilly. Then a louder noise was heard. Sounding like thunder a giant chimpanzee entered with a face of malice.
"It looks like it has rabies," said Merry. "It's like, dude, foaming everywhere!"
"Kill them all, boys!" yelled Aragorn.
He leaped across the floor and onto a clown beheading it. Legolas shot an arrow that flew through the air like the speed of light and hit a clown in between the eyes. He fell as his black blood leaked out onto his makeup.
Boromir swung his sword at the chimpanzee that tried to kick him. Gandalf swung around his sword clumsily ranting about breaking his nails. Gimli got a little spot of blood on his khakis after he massacred a clown. "All right! That's it. No more playing around!" shouted Gimli.
He began killing clowns like swatting flies. Legolas had climbed up the tent quickly and did a back flip onto chimpanzee. He shot it multiple times in the head before the chimp flicked him off. Boromir yelled over to Legolas, "You okay?"
"Yeah," said Legolas getting out his daggers and started stabbing clowns with them.
Frodo played hide and go seek with the chimp. He got hurt as usual. "What a wimp," thought Aragorn.
Eventually they killed off the rest of them.
Running through the tent at top speed they stopped when they heard a noise that sounded like a million giants jumping. "What was that?" asked Gimli.
They heard a roar. "RUN," said Gandalf.
They ran but they soon realized that they were being followed closely by a giant fire-breathing clown. They ran across a tight rope as Gandalf stood there confronting the fire-breathing clown. "Like, go away!" yelled Gandalf fiercely. The clown tried to step on him with his enormous shoe. "Oh no you didn't bitch!" yelled Gandalf again.
"I shall shield myself with my magical magic staffy poo!" screamed Gandalf. The tight rope broke. The clown fell. Gandalf held onto the rope for a moment. Frodo tried to run to help him but Boromir stopped him. Gandalf said simply, "Don't watch me fall. I'm not wearing underwear."
At this they all ran out of The Dwarf Carnival Tent.
They sat there crying. Legolas looked very confused. Aragorn ordered them to leave. Boromir tried to make out with Legolas to comfort him. Legolas punched him out.
They would continue their journey.
The End of Chapter 6
What will happen next? Like you, I have no idea.
Review please.
Warning: Rated R for stuff
Note: Last chapter was odd. Slash is becoming hard to fit in but I have some ideas for it now. So people who want Slash calm down! There is going to be Slash. I'm just trying to develop the story so you know what the characters are like because they are obviously a tiny bit different from the actual LOTR (A tiny bit, Ha!).
I was finding the whole Elrond/Gimli thing amusing. Who would of thought?
The Lord of the Bargain Ring
Chapter 6
The Tent
The tent was dark in damp. Frodo believed it was once where a great dwarf circus was held. Every time there was a small noise Sam would huddle up next to Frodo or even grab his hand. What a loyal friend, he wanted to make sure nothing would happen to Frodo.
Boromir spoke quietly, "This place was inhabited by dwarves. Amazing. What happened to them all?"
Legolas said again as he had said earlier, "Clowns."
Boromir frowned, "What?"
"Nevermind," replied Legolas.
They continued walking until the reached a new room. It had collapsed trapeze and tight ropes everywhere.
"Looks like it all just collapsed," said Aragorn.
"Totally," said Gandalf.
"Gandalf don't you think we should rest?" said Aragorn.
Gandalf looked around. He didn't like the idea of staying in such a creepy place. "I guess we should. Everyone does look sleepy," said Gandalf finally.
They all got their sleeping bags out from their bags that they had packed. They unrolled the sleeping backs the hobbits, Gandalf, and Aragorn got inside theirs. Frodo and Sam shared one, strangely enough.
Legolas sat down where they had been several stands for dwarves to sit during the circus. He looked around the lonesome place. Boromir came over and sat next to him. He had a razor blade out and had been cutting into his wrists. Blood trickled down his hands and dampened his lime green jacket.
Legolas furrowed his eyebrows watching Boromir do this to himself. Finally he spoke, "Why are you doing this?"
"It relieves my pain," said Boromir insanely.
"No man, it causes your pain. Don't be a prick. You need to stop this shit," said Legolas angrily.
Boromir smiled then said, "Why do you care so much?"
"I don't like seeing people hurt themselves purposely," Legolas said in a quiet voice.
They sat there for a moment then Legolas said, "Boromir, stop trying to grab my ass."
"Why?" said the demented Boromir.
"Stop it," said Legolas once more.
"I don't want to," said Boromir.
"Fuck you," said Legolas as he got up and walked over to where the others were and got into his sleeping bag.
"Will you?" said Boromir smartly.
He too went and got inside his sleeping bag. Most of them drifted of to sleep. When it was time to get up Gandalf made them hurry through breakfast.
"Sam what did you pack for us today?" said Aragorn hungrily.
"Spam," replied Sam.
"Sperm?" asked Boromir.
"No dumb ass," said Sam once more, "Spam. Canned meat."
"Boromir tried to can Legolas' meat last night," said Pippin mischievously.
Legolas shot Pippin a death glare but Pippin just giggled along with Aragorn who had started choking on his share of the Spam and laughing.
Legolas said coldly to Aragorn, "Look it's Aragorn. He's choking on canned cock."
Aragorn laughed even more saying through coughs and giggles, "Legolas is gay!"
Boromir said softly, "I'll can Legolas' cock and eat it for breakfast."
"I'll kill you," said Legolas feeling like everyone was taking him out and bugging him, "If you don't do it to yourself, you suicidal little prick."
Gandalf stared at Boromir saying, "Oh my staff! You're suicidal?"
Boromir shook his head no.
"Turn your wrists around, Boromir," said Legolas quickly, "Show us that you're not suicidal."
Boromir gulped and turned his wrists around revealing his raw slightly severed wrists.
"EWW!" squeaked Gandalf, "That's gross!"
Pippin spit out his Spam and started puking everywhere.
"I'm thinking when we get out of this tent Boromir should see a psychiatrist," said Aragorn who decided not to eat anymore.
Boromir stared at the ground and said nothing. It was time for them to walk again. They walked for a long while until they reached a place where the two different caves branched off. Gandalf thought they should through the doorway where it smelled less like sweat.
So they kept going until they reached a place that was empty except for several old cannons that were lying around. Gimli suddenly ran into a small room where there was a tomb and started crying. "NOOOOOOO!" he said. "THE CLOWNS MURDERED POOR BALIN!"
They all followed Gimli. Gandalf found an old comic book and began reading it aloud. "Batman and Robin sat alone in the dungeon. The noises grow louder down the hall. Boom crash BAM! "Holy Macaroni," went Robin, "We are gonna die!" Bam bam BOOM!" at this Gandalf finished dramatically and said, "They are coming."
Pippin stumbled backwards and hit an old cannon that rolled backwards and hit the wall.
They could hear distant yells and laughter down the hall. Squeaking noses and loud rumbling.
Legolas said even more dramatically, "Alas my heart is being warned. We cannot linger. The Clowns are coming."
Gandalf said to Pippin, "It's okay sweetie, everything will come out peaches and cream!"
Pippin smiled blankly as Gandalf pinched his cheek (and it was a cheek on his face either).
Frodo hid behind Sam who stood there bravely behind Aragorn.
"Oh fuck," said Aragorn as he got his sword out. Boromir too unsheathed his sword, as did Gandalf.
Gimli readied his ax as he says, "I better not get blood on my khakis. It will stain and these are from Gap."
Legolas whipped out an arrow and fitted it into the bow before you could say, "What?" He narrowed his eyes at the opening of the tent. Any moment they would crash through and attack.
Suddenly they came crashing in. Hundreds of clowns came in with their fake flowers the sprayed water, rubber noses, and evil faces.
The clowns began shooting rubber noses at everyone. Then they began squirting water around evilly. Then a louder noise was heard. Sounding like thunder a giant chimpanzee entered with a face of malice.
"It looks like it has rabies," said Merry. "It's like, dude, foaming everywhere!"
"Kill them all, boys!" yelled Aragorn.
He leaped across the floor and onto a clown beheading it. Legolas shot an arrow that flew through the air like the speed of light and hit a clown in between the eyes. He fell as his black blood leaked out onto his makeup.
Boromir swung his sword at the chimpanzee that tried to kick him. Gandalf swung around his sword clumsily ranting about breaking his nails. Gimli got a little spot of blood on his khakis after he massacred a clown. "All right! That's it. No more playing around!" shouted Gimli.
He began killing clowns like swatting flies. Legolas had climbed up the tent quickly and did a back flip onto chimpanzee. He shot it multiple times in the head before the chimp flicked him off. Boromir yelled over to Legolas, "You okay?"
"Yeah," said Legolas getting out his daggers and started stabbing clowns with them.
Frodo played hide and go seek with the chimp. He got hurt as usual. "What a wimp," thought Aragorn.
Eventually they killed off the rest of them.
Running through the tent at top speed they stopped when they heard a noise that sounded like a million giants jumping. "What was that?" asked Gimli.
They heard a roar. "RUN," said Gandalf.
They ran but they soon realized that they were being followed closely by a giant fire-breathing clown. They ran across a tight rope as Gandalf stood there confronting the fire-breathing clown. "Like, go away!" yelled Gandalf fiercely. The clown tried to step on him with his enormous shoe. "Oh no you didn't bitch!" yelled Gandalf again.
"I shall shield myself with my magical magic staffy poo!" screamed Gandalf. The tight rope broke. The clown fell. Gandalf held onto the rope for a moment. Frodo tried to run to help him but Boromir stopped him. Gandalf said simply, "Don't watch me fall. I'm not wearing underwear."
At this they all ran out of The Dwarf Carnival Tent.
They sat there crying. Legolas looked very confused. Aragorn ordered them to leave. Boromir tried to make out with Legolas to comfort him. Legolas punched him out.
They would continue their journey.
The End of Chapter 6
What will happen next? Like you, I have no idea.
Review please.