Disclaimer: I don't own LOTR, if I did I wouldn't be alive.
Warning: Rated R because I said so!
Someone asked if all the Fellowship was gay and I'm sorry I cannot release any information such as that at the moment. Just keep reading and reviewing and you'll find out!
Note: Thanks everyone whom has reviewed! I really appreciate the comments. It's definitely has made me try to improve. Anyway it's 1:54 A.M. so this should be an interesting chapter.
The Lord of the Bargain Ring
Chapter 7
New Places
They all sat and stood around silently. After a few minutes Aragorn spoke. "I am officially scarred for life. He was right about not wearing underwear."
Boromir mumbled, "Have some respect for the fallen. Let us be sad for poor Gandalf."
"Listen Boromir," replied Aragorn angrily, "I'm in charge now. We're getting out of here soon. I mean by the time it's night there are going to be a bunch clowns out here attacking us!"
So they began walking. "Where are we going," asked Legolas.
"Not sure," said Aragorn, "I'll tell the others that I have a particular destination but it's a secret. I hope they don't ask too many questions."
"They're stupid, but not that stupid," replied the elf with a raised eyebrow.
"Yeah sure," said Aragorn as he turned to the others saying, "Hello all. Just wanted to say that we are heading to a secret destination! No need for worry! Aragorn has it all under control."
They all nodded stupidly as he turned and Legolas shook his head at him.
Soon they reached a place that they never could have imagined.
"LaLaLaLorien," read Merry out loud. "Grocery store."
The hobbits oohed and the men ahhed and Legolas glared at a woman coming out of the store.
They walked inside the grocery store to be greeted by several elves holding apples threatening to throw them at them. "Who are you?" asked one elf with long blonde hair.
"Well," said Aragorn glancing down at the elf's name tag, "Haldir assistant manager of LaLaLaLorien, I'm an Aragorn son of Arathorn and this is my posse."
"I'm down with dat," said Merry.
Legolas came forward and looked at the elf Haldir straight in the eyes. "What's the idea, punk?" he asked. "What's the deal with you copying my hair? Let us through before I rip out your ears and plaster them to your ass where your brain is."
"Kinky," said Boromir softly.
Legolas punched Boromir who sunk to the grown shielding is bloody nose. "Fuck!" he yelled.
Haldir glared at Legolas while saying, "No way bucko! And my hair is way better anyway."
Legolas blinked in shock then lunged at Haldir but Aragorn pulled him back. "Not today, Legolas," said the man.
Legolas sunk to the back of the fellowship sulking.
Haldir spoke once more, "Who are all of you?"
"We're on an important mission. Take us to your leader," replied Aragorn.
"Fine," said Haldir as he motioned them to follow him. They walked through the aisles, climbed over displays of cans, until they reached a door that said, "Employees Only."
"You will soon meet the Manager of all of LalalaLorien," said Haldir finally after he led them into the room. After winding down some paths through cardboard boxes they finally reached another door. Then entered what looked like an Elven Whorehouse.
"Oh boy!" said Aragorn excitedly.
"What is this place," mumbled the entranced Boromir.
"Hello Galadriel," said Haldir casually.
An Elven woman with long blonde locks emerged from behind a table. She wore what looked like someone from the sixties would have worn. A long skirt with a scarf wrapped around it that was bright green and blue with a flowered blouse that matched perfectly.
"Haldir," she responded. "I can't find my "The Who" record."
"The what?" asked Haldir.
"The Who," she said again.
"I don't understand," responded Haldir.
"Get educated," she said finally. Then she noticed another elf standing next to her. He was holding her "The Who" record.
"It was on the floor," said Legolas.
"Oh! Thanks! You can have a raise!" said Galadriel.
"He doesn't work for you," said Aragorn. "He's part of my posse."
"Posse?" asked Galadriel confused.
"Yo Yo Yo!" said Merry.
"Fizzle dizzle dawg!" said Pippin.
At this point Galadriel was very confused. "Actually," said Frodo, "We're part of a Fellowship out to destroy an evil little plastic ring."
Soon they heard an insanely munching sound. They turned and looked at Gimli who was eating cheese cracker snacks. When he saw their eyes on himself he quickly put the cracker behind his back and said, "Wha arye yoau all loothkin' ath?"
"Gimli, you have crackers in your beard," said Boromir.
Gimli swallowed quickly saying, "Never!"
Galadriel smiled at the dwarf with big warm eyes. "Those are magic crackers! You'll have a surprise in a few hours! But anyway! I thought Gandalf was with you all?"
"He was," said Aragorn, "But that prick fell in The Dwarf Tent."
"That's terrible," replied Galadriel taking a swig of straight vodka, "So you're all getting rid of that tacky ring? That's cool."
"It's NOT TACKY!" yelled Frodo insanely.
Sam began rubbing Frodo's back while saying, "Of course it isn't"
Galadriel eyed Frodo with unfocused eyes as she took another gulp of vodka.
"Holy shit," said Legolas as he ran over to a table and picked up a cigarette. "I need one really bad," he looked at Galadriel.
"Take all you want!" said Galadriel.
Legolas took a cigarette lighting it and started puffing it madly.
Boromir said softly, "That's a bad habit."
"Shut up suicide boy," said Legolas exhaling the smoke into Boromir's face.
"You'll find LalalaLorien most comfortable. Everyone thinks we are just a simple grocery but they don't know of our paradise back here!" said Galadriel drunkenly.
"What's up with the crystal blue lights?" asked Aragorn looking around.
"Leftovers from the store! Waste not want not!" warbled the elf woman. "We only have a certain amount of room so I'm gonna pair you guys up!"
"Oh!" said Sam happily holding onto Frodo's arm tightly.
"Lemme see. . ." she continued, "Fat hobbit and pretty blue eyed hobbit you get to be roomies!" At that an elf came up and led them away. "Aragorn guy and dwarf,Gruff guy with slit wrists and elf, two little hobbits together! There!"
Soon they were all led away to their rooms while Legolas complained about having to share a room with Boromir.
Oh fun! LalalaLorien is going to be so fun!"
The End
Wait for the next chapter!
Warning: Rated R because I said so!
Someone asked if all the Fellowship was gay and I'm sorry I cannot release any information such as that at the moment. Just keep reading and reviewing and you'll find out!
Note: Thanks everyone whom has reviewed! I really appreciate the comments. It's definitely has made me try to improve. Anyway it's 1:54 A.M. so this should be an interesting chapter.
The Lord of the Bargain Ring
Chapter 7
New Places
They all sat and stood around silently. After a few minutes Aragorn spoke. "I am officially scarred for life. He was right about not wearing underwear."
Boromir mumbled, "Have some respect for the fallen. Let us be sad for poor Gandalf."
"Listen Boromir," replied Aragorn angrily, "I'm in charge now. We're getting out of here soon. I mean by the time it's night there are going to be a bunch clowns out here attacking us!"
So they began walking. "Where are we going," asked Legolas.
"Not sure," said Aragorn, "I'll tell the others that I have a particular destination but it's a secret. I hope they don't ask too many questions."
"They're stupid, but not that stupid," replied the elf with a raised eyebrow.
"Yeah sure," said Aragorn as he turned to the others saying, "Hello all. Just wanted to say that we are heading to a secret destination! No need for worry! Aragorn has it all under control."
They all nodded stupidly as he turned and Legolas shook his head at him.
Soon they reached a place that they never could have imagined.
"LaLaLaLorien," read Merry out loud. "Grocery store."
The hobbits oohed and the men ahhed and Legolas glared at a woman coming out of the store.
They walked inside the grocery store to be greeted by several elves holding apples threatening to throw them at them. "Who are you?" asked one elf with long blonde hair.
"Well," said Aragorn glancing down at the elf's name tag, "Haldir assistant manager of LaLaLaLorien, I'm an Aragorn son of Arathorn and this is my posse."
"I'm down with dat," said Merry.
Legolas came forward and looked at the elf Haldir straight in the eyes. "What's the idea, punk?" he asked. "What's the deal with you copying my hair? Let us through before I rip out your ears and plaster them to your ass where your brain is."
"Kinky," said Boromir softly.
Legolas punched Boromir who sunk to the grown shielding is bloody nose. "Fuck!" he yelled.
Haldir glared at Legolas while saying, "No way bucko! And my hair is way better anyway."
Legolas blinked in shock then lunged at Haldir but Aragorn pulled him back. "Not today, Legolas," said the man.
Legolas sunk to the back of the fellowship sulking.
Haldir spoke once more, "Who are all of you?"
"We're on an important mission. Take us to your leader," replied Aragorn.
"Fine," said Haldir as he motioned them to follow him. They walked through the aisles, climbed over displays of cans, until they reached a door that said, "Employees Only."
"You will soon meet the Manager of all of LalalaLorien," said Haldir finally after he led them into the room. After winding down some paths through cardboard boxes they finally reached another door. Then entered what looked like an Elven Whorehouse.
"Oh boy!" said Aragorn excitedly.
"What is this place," mumbled the entranced Boromir.
"Hello Galadriel," said Haldir casually.
An Elven woman with long blonde locks emerged from behind a table. She wore what looked like someone from the sixties would have worn. A long skirt with a scarf wrapped around it that was bright green and blue with a flowered blouse that matched perfectly.
"Haldir," she responded. "I can't find my "The Who" record."
"The what?" asked Haldir.
"The Who," she said again.
"I don't understand," responded Haldir.
"Get educated," she said finally. Then she noticed another elf standing next to her. He was holding her "The Who" record.
"It was on the floor," said Legolas.
"Oh! Thanks! You can have a raise!" said Galadriel.
"He doesn't work for you," said Aragorn. "He's part of my posse."
"Posse?" asked Galadriel confused.
"Yo Yo Yo!" said Merry.
"Fizzle dizzle dawg!" said Pippin.
At this point Galadriel was very confused. "Actually," said Frodo, "We're part of a Fellowship out to destroy an evil little plastic ring."
Soon they heard an insanely munching sound. They turned and looked at Gimli who was eating cheese cracker snacks. When he saw their eyes on himself he quickly put the cracker behind his back and said, "Wha arye yoau all loothkin' ath?"
"Gimli, you have crackers in your beard," said Boromir.
Gimli swallowed quickly saying, "Never!"
Galadriel smiled at the dwarf with big warm eyes. "Those are magic crackers! You'll have a surprise in a few hours! But anyway! I thought Gandalf was with you all?"
"He was," said Aragorn, "But that prick fell in The Dwarf Tent."
"That's terrible," replied Galadriel taking a swig of straight vodka, "So you're all getting rid of that tacky ring? That's cool."
"It's NOT TACKY!" yelled Frodo insanely.
Sam began rubbing Frodo's back while saying, "Of course it isn't"
Galadriel eyed Frodo with unfocused eyes as she took another gulp of vodka.
"Holy shit," said Legolas as he ran over to a table and picked up a cigarette. "I need one really bad," he looked at Galadriel.
"Take all you want!" said Galadriel.
Legolas took a cigarette lighting it and started puffing it madly.
Boromir said softly, "That's a bad habit."
"Shut up suicide boy," said Legolas exhaling the smoke into Boromir's face.
"You'll find LalalaLorien most comfortable. Everyone thinks we are just a simple grocery but they don't know of our paradise back here!" said Galadriel drunkenly.
"What's up with the crystal blue lights?" asked Aragorn looking around.
"Leftovers from the store! Waste not want not!" warbled the elf woman. "We only have a certain amount of room so I'm gonna pair you guys up!"
"Oh!" said Sam happily holding onto Frodo's arm tightly.
"Lemme see. . ." she continued, "Fat hobbit and pretty blue eyed hobbit you get to be roomies!" At that an elf came up and led them away. "Aragorn guy and dwarf,Gruff guy with slit wrists and elf, two little hobbits together! There!"
Soon they were all led away to their rooms while Legolas complained about having to share a room with Boromir.
Oh fun! LalalaLorien is going to be so fun!"
The End
Wait for the next chapter!