Disclaimer- I do not own LOTR or the characters. If you don't like my
story.well why the hell are you looking at the 8th chapter if you don't
like it?
Warning- Rated R.
Author Notes: Oh I love making author notes makes me feel so damn special. Anyway, this chapter is going to be different. Sorry it took so long for me to make this. I was seriously considering not continuing the story if more people did not review but I decided to keep it going for the people who do seem to like it. I love you guys! Without you I wouldn't be writing this fucked up story! Thanks! =)
The Lord of the Bargain Ring
Chapter 8
Messed Up Mornings
Aragorn and Gimli entered their room. It was a vision, an art, and the most beautiful thing ever. Gimli dropped his backpack onto one of the beds as he looked around. "Aragorn, get a load of this room!" he said excitedly.
Aragorn took off his weapons and dropped his bag onto the other bed. "This place is the shit," he replied.
Gimli crawled onto his bed and started hopping around stupidly. "Weee!" he screamed as he happily jumped around.
Aragorn laughed at the crazed dwarf as he started looking around more closely to the room. He opened one of the nightstand's drawers and started laughing madly. "Look Gimli! They keep condoms in the drawers!"
Gimli fell off of his bed and ran over looking into the drawer picking up one of the condom packages looking at it closely. "Cherry flavored? What do you suppose they need flavors for?"
Aragorn stared at Gimli in disbelief, "Flavors Gimli, flavors! You know what the flavors are for right?"
"If I did I wouldn't of asked 'What do they need flavors for'," replied the dwarf smartly.
Aragorn shook his head and sat on his bed and took off his boots laughing.
Meanwhile in Frodo and Sam's room Frodo and Sam had just discovered the condoms in their nightstand's drawers too.
"Strawberry flavored sexual items," said Sam raising his eyebrow at Frodo.
Frodo giggled saying, "Strawberry? What do you need that for?"
"I expect you put it on your member," replied Sam thoughtfully.
"Your member?" asked Frodo.
"Your member, your throbbing manhood, your sausage!" replied Sam enthusiacstically.
"You've read way too many love novels. Anyway I know what you do with it. We use to carry some at Bilbo's Bargain Warehouse."
Sam eyed Frodo hungrily saying, "What do you say we try one out?"
Frodo frowned at Sam saying, "Sam, I noticed you've been a bit touchy feely and I didn't want to say anything about it but this is where it stops!"
"Why Frodo?" asked Sam with bright eyes, "Why? There is a whole world of things we could do together. There are no limits!"
Frodo backed up against a wall shaking his head, "No, Sam."
Sam pouted and sat on his bed thinking of ways that he could molest Frodo without Frodo thinking it was molestation.
Pippin sat down in a chair as Merry unpacked his stuff. "Gee, Merry this place is really nice," said Pippin.
"Hell yeah dude," replied Merry.
"Can I tell you a secret?" asked Pippin uncertainly.
"Sure, Pip," said Merry taking out a teddybear from his bag.
"I miss Arwen."
"What? Why?"
"She was nice and pretty."
"You liked that Aragorn reject?"
"She wasn't an Aragorn reject," said Pippin angrily.
"She was dude! She wanted Aragorn and Aragorn didn't want her! She was rejected," replied Merry.
"This is why we got into our first fight Merry! You just don't understand or try too!" whined Pippin as he got up and stormed out of the room.
"WELL FINE," yelled Merry throwing his teddybear at the wall.
"That's teddybear abuse," said a voice standing in the doorway of the room.
Merry turned looking at Boromir who stood there. "What do you want?" asked Merry.
"I have one of your bags. Remember you were making me carry your luggage for you?" said the human.
"Oh yeah thanks," said Merry taking the bag.
"What's the matter with Pippin," asked Boromir.
"He's a little lame bitch," replied Merry sitting down on his bed.
"I see," said Boromir with a raise eyebrow, "Well I'll just be going then." At this he disappeared quickly.
Legolas stood alone in his room dreading when Boromir would return. He rummaged through his bag taking out Nirvana cd inserting it into his Walkman. He sang along with "Lithium" as he looked for his notebook. Before he had found it Boromir walked in looking at him strangely. "Are you singing?" asked Boromir with a puzzled look upon his face.
Legolas turned around in surprise looking at Boromir, "Uh maybe," he responded.
"Interesting," said Boromir, "I like the line about you being horny."
"Wait, how long have you been standing there?" asked the elf.
"Long enough to know you most definitely should be on Broadway," replied Boromir as he began unpacking his things.
"Broadway? That's like gay land!" yelled Legolas fiercely.
"It's really nice. You really should see 'Phantom of the Opera' sometime," said the man.
"Shut the fuck up you droopy dick," said Legolas.
"Now it's those sudden outbursts of rage that totally mess you up. You don't even want to take a good compliment when you get one," Boromir replied as he took out a shirt from his bag that read, "Homosexuals are gay."
"Broadway if for sissies, people like you," mumbled the elf.
"I'm not a sissy. I just have more elite tastes than you."
"Like hell you do."
"Whatever you want to believe Legolas. You know I'm just a horrible person because I like certain music and dress differently."
"Yeah basically," said Legolas sitting on his bed.
"And you know what Legolas? It's people like you that make people like me want to be dead."
Legolas frowned at Boromir not able to think of a good reply. Instead he just rummaged through his bag for the cigarettes he took and quickly took out one lighting it and began puffing quickly.
"Stop smoking, it's not good for you," said Boromir.
"I have to smoke. Smoke is good. Yes, yes nicotine."
Boromir shook his head. "If you are going to do it leave the room."
"Fine," said Legolas as he left. "If I don't come back later I'm either finding a new room or dead."
At this he left the room as Boromir sat there alone.
Legolas wandered the halls until he reached a room that intrigued him. It was dimly lit and there seemed to be something going on inside. Several elves were walking around in very skimpy attire. He entered walking slowly. Soon he reached the back of the room and there in a chair sat Galadriel. She smiled at him offering him her hand. He took her hand and he led her into a small room that was brightly lit.
"I can tell you your fortune," she said in her deep voice.
"You're shitting me," said Legolas surprised.
"No, I am not shitting you," replied Galadriel.
"Well what's my fortune then?" asked Legolas.
"You and a beautiful lady will make wonderful love," said Galadriel.
"Really? Who?" asked Legolas.
Galadriel his hand and pulled him closer. "Guess?"
"Don't tell me Arwen, I already met her she's not hot at all," said Legolas thinking.
"Really?" asked Galadriel as he started licking his neck and pulling off his shirt.
"Wait, don't say it's a guy dressed as a woman or something. That's creepy you know," he said not paying attention.
"Oh she is all woman," Galadriel mumbled as he started licking his chest.
"Is she like woman woman or elf woman?" he asked.
"Oh she is an elf woman," said Galadriel as he unbuckled his jeans sliding them down his legs.
"An elf woman you say?" he said. "Oh no, it's Arwen isn't it?"
"Not Arwen," Galadriel warbled as he started pulling down his underwear squealing with glee at the sight of his . . . part.
"There's like a fucking draft in here," said Legolas but then he looked down. "Holy shit! Aren't you like married?" He scrambled falling down trying to pull his pants up again.
"Who knows, who cares!" said Galadriel eyeing him. "All I know is I love a man who knows his music!"
He pulled on his jeans and grabbed his shirt putting it on, "You said make wonderful love with beautiful elf woman. Number 1: You're not beautiful. Number 2: You barely look like a woman. Number 3: I doubt you could make wonderful love anyway. I'm out of here," he said as he left quickly hurrying out.
The End of Chapter 8!
I sort of focused a lot on Legolas in this chapter. He seems to be a favorite (I wonder why?). Anyway I'm already working on the next chapter. Please review! I'm still considering not continuing this story if I don't get some more interest in it.
Warning- Rated R.
Author Notes: Oh I love making author notes makes me feel so damn special. Anyway, this chapter is going to be different. Sorry it took so long for me to make this. I was seriously considering not continuing the story if more people did not review but I decided to keep it going for the people who do seem to like it. I love you guys! Without you I wouldn't be writing this fucked up story! Thanks! =)
The Lord of the Bargain Ring
Chapter 8
Messed Up Mornings
Aragorn and Gimli entered their room. It was a vision, an art, and the most beautiful thing ever. Gimli dropped his backpack onto one of the beds as he looked around. "Aragorn, get a load of this room!" he said excitedly.
Aragorn took off his weapons and dropped his bag onto the other bed. "This place is the shit," he replied.
Gimli crawled onto his bed and started hopping around stupidly. "Weee!" he screamed as he happily jumped around.
Aragorn laughed at the crazed dwarf as he started looking around more closely to the room. He opened one of the nightstand's drawers and started laughing madly. "Look Gimli! They keep condoms in the drawers!"
Gimli fell off of his bed and ran over looking into the drawer picking up one of the condom packages looking at it closely. "Cherry flavored? What do you suppose they need flavors for?"
Aragorn stared at Gimli in disbelief, "Flavors Gimli, flavors! You know what the flavors are for right?"
"If I did I wouldn't of asked 'What do they need flavors for'," replied the dwarf smartly.
Aragorn shook his head and sat on his bed and took off his boots laughing.
Meanwhile in Frodo and Sam's room Frodo and Sam had just discovered the condoms in their nightstand's drawers too.
"Strawberry flavored sexual items," said Sam raising his eyebrow at Frodo.
Frodo giggled saying, "Strawberry? What do you need that for?"
"I expect you put it on your member," replied Sam thoughtfully.
"Your member?" asked Frodo.
"Your member, your throbbing manhood, your sausage!" replied Sam enthusiacstically.
"You've read way too many love novels. Anyway I know what you do with it. We use to carry some at Bilbo's Bargain Warehouse."
Sam eyed Frodo hungrily saying, "What do you say we try one out?"
Frodo frowned at Sam saying, "Sam, I noticed you've been a bit touchy feely and I didn't want to say anything about it but this is where it stops!"
"Why Frodo?" asked Sam with bright eyes, "Why? There is a whole world of things we could do together. There are no limits!"
Frodo backed up against a wall shaking his head, "No, Sam."
Sam pouted and sat on his bed thinking of ways that he could molest Frodo without Frodo thinking it was molestation.
Pippin sat down in a chair as Merry unpacked his stuff. "Gee, Merry this place is really nice," said Pippin.
"Hell yeah dude," replied Merry.
"Can I tell you a secret?" asked Pippin uncertainly.
"Sure, Pip," said Merry taking out a teddybear from his bag.
"I miss Arwen."
"What? Why?"
"She was nice and pretty."
"You liked that Aragorn reject?"
"She wasn't an Aragorn reject," said Pippin angrily.
"She was dude! She wanted Aragorn and Aragorn didn't want her! She was rejected," replied Merry.
"This is why we got into our first fight Merry! You just don't understand or try too!" whined Pippin as he got up and stormed out of the room.
"WELL FINE," yelled Merry throwing his teddybear at the wall.
"That's teddybear abuse," said a voice standing in the doorway of the room.
Merry turned looking at Boromir who stood there. "What do you want?" asked Merry.
"I have one of your bags. Remember you were making me carry your luggage for you?" said the human.
"Oh yeah thanks," said Merry taking the bag.
"What's the matter with Pippin," asked Boromir.
"He's a little lame bitch," replied Merry sitting down on his bed.
"I see," said Boromir with a raise eyebrow, "Well I'll just be going then." At this he disappeared quickly.
Legolas stood alone in his room dreading when Boromir would return. He rummaged through his bag taking out Nirvana cd inserting it into his Walkman. He sang along with "Lithium" as he looked for his notebook. Before he had found it Boromir walked in looking at him strangely. "Are you singing?" asked Boromir with a puzzled look upon his face.
Legolas turned around in surprise looking at Boromir, "Uh maybe," he responded.
"Interesting," said Boromir, "I like the line about you being horny."
"Wait, how long have you been standing there?" asked the elf.
"Long enough to know you most definitely should be on Broadway," replied Boromir as he began unpacking his things.
"Broadway? That's like gay land!" yelled Legolas fiercely.
"It's really nice. You really should see 'Phantom of the Opera' sometime," said the man.
"Shut the fuck up you droopy dick," said Legolas.
"Now it's those sudden outbursts of rage that totally mess you up. You don't even want to take a good compliment when you get one," Boromir replied as he took out a shirt from his bag that read, "Homosexuals are gay."
"Broadway if for sissies, people like you," mumbled the elf.
"I'm not a sissy. I just have more elite tastes than you."
"Like hell you do."
"Whatever you want to believe Legolas. You know I'm just a horrible person because I like certain music and dress differently."
"Yeah basically," said Legolas sitting on his bed.
"And you know what Legolas? It's people like you that make people like me want to be dead."
Legolas frowned at Boromir not able to think of a good reply. Instead he just rummaged through his bag for the cigarettes he took and quickly took out one lighting it and began puffing quickly.
"Stop smoking, it's not good for you," said Boromir.
"I have to smoke. Smoke is good. Yes, yes nicotine."
Boromir shook his head. "If you are going to do it leave the room."
"Fine," said Legolas as he left. "If I don't come back later I'm either finding a new room or dead."
At this he left the room as Boromir sat there alone.
Legolas wandered the halls until he reached a room that intrigued him. It was dimly lit and there seemed to be something going on inside. Several elves were walking around in very skimpy attire. He entered walking slowly. Soon he reached the back of the room and there in a chair sat Galadriel. She smiled at him offering him her hand. He took her hand and he led her into a small room that was brightly lit.
"I can tell you your fortune," she said in her deep voice.
"You're shitting me," said Legolas surprised.
"No, I am not shitting you," replied Galadriel.
"Well what's my fortune then?" asked Legolas.
"You and a beautiful lady will make wonderful love," said Galadriel.
"Really? Who?" asked Legolas.
Galadriel his hand and pulled him closer. "Guess?"
"Don't tell me Arwen, I already met her she's not hot at all," said Legolas thinking.
"Really?" asked Galadriel as he started licking his neck and pulling off his shirt.
"Wait, don't say it's a guy dressed as a woman or something. That's creepy you know," he said not paying attention.
"Oh she is all woman," Galadriel mumbled as he started licking his chest.
"Is she like woman woman or elf woman?" he asked.
"Oh she is an elf woman," said Galadriel as he unbuckled his jeans sliding them down his legs.
"An elf woman you say?" he said. "Oh no, it's Arwen isn't it?"
"Not Arwen," Galadriel warbled as he started pulling down his underwear squealing with glee at the sight of his . . . part.
"There's like a fucking draft in here," said Legolas but then he looked down. "Holy shit! Aren't you like married?" He scrambled falling down trying to pull his pants up again.
"Who knows, who cares!" said Galadriel eyeing him. "All I know is I love a man who knows his music!"
He pulled on his jeans and grabbed his shirt putting it on, "You said make wonderful love with beautiful elf woman. Number 1: You're not beautiful. Number 2: You barely look like a woman. Number 3: I doubt you could make wonderful love anyway. I'm out of here," he said as he left quickly hurrying out.
The End of Chapter 8!
I sort of focused a lot on Legolas in this chapter. He seems to be a favorite (I wonder why?). Anyway I'm already working on the next chapter. Please review! I'm still considering not continuing this story if I don't get some more interest in it.