Disclaimer: I do not own Lord of the Rings nor claim to. This is on a fan
fiction website for goodness sakes. Do I have to keep repeating this silly
disclaimer?
Author's Notes: I got a lovely review from a girl who is an avid reader of my story. It was such a great review I had to mention it! Thanks! Anyway I'm going to kick in some fun stuff in this chapter. If you've liked my story so far, um well I hope you still like after this. Still hoping for reviews. ^.^ (By the way I got a new character into this. I felt like we were missing something ever since the sad fall of Gandalf and the character does in fact belong to me.)
The Lord of the Bargain Ring
Chapter 10
I Hate Pants
Legolas struggled to pull up his pants quickly as out of the bushes ran what appeared to be a girl. She was dirty and many leaves were stuck to her practically bare body. Boromir waved his sword furiously at her in ill attempts to attack but he missed and almost cut off Aragorn's head.
She growled at them baring her stained teeth. Frodo whimpered as Sam held him closely. Merry covered his nose saying outloud, "When was the last time you and a toothbrush met?"
She growled once more then grunted out the words, "Get out." She stooped close to the ground hanging her arms like an ape over her legs jumping around in the dirt.
Suddenly Aragorn started hopping up and down pointing saying, "Who does she remind you of?"
She hopped around some more grunting out words like, "precioussssss dirtssssssses," and "Sssssstupid vissssitorssss."
"Oh are we playing charades? How delightful!" said Pippin rubbing his hands together excitedly.
Legolas stared at her with large eyes but said nothing. He had obviously never witnessed such dirtiness on one person.
"She more has more soil on her than the average garden," said Gimli who was even disgusted.
"But guys," said Aragorn once more, "Who does she remind you of?"
She started singing about something none of them could understand.
"Well dude, with that lisp, she reminds me of Gandalf," said Merry thoughtfully.
She seemed to come back to reality after a few minutes and starting yelling insane jumbled words at them. Legolas stepped back cautiously as did Gimli who stared at her with complete contempt. She began waving threatening fingers at them all.
Merry continued, "She reminds me of Sam's mom after that time I touched her . . . onions."
Sam shot a death glare at Merry who purposely did not see it.
"No," said Legolas finally, "She seems to be copying Gollum. Now why the hell she would want to copy that dumb ass is beyond my knowledge, but she is."
"Did Gollum have a daughter?" asked Frodo in an abnormally squeaky voice.
"Not that I know of," said Aragorn rubbing his manly stubble.
Gimli came forward looking at her hard saying, "What do you suppose we do with the thing?"
"Now don't be rude, Mr. Dwarf," said Aragorn. "You might frighten the poor thing. She seems so messed up already."
In the back Legolas had lit up a cigarette taking a puff of it. The dirty girl's eyes widened at the sight of the cigarette and drew closer. She walked crouched over then hopped over Gimli's head and landed in front of Legolas reaching up to the cigarette that was in his mouth.
"Argh," said Legolas, "Get off."
"Argh?" asked Boromir, "Are we like pirates now. Ahoy matey!" Suddenly Boromir ripped off fabric from his shirt tying it around his head making an odd looking eye patch and started jumping around wildly. "We are pirates now!"
While Legolas was staring at Boromir's weird outburst the girl jumped up grabbing the cigarette from his mouth.
"Oh damn it!" said Legolas, "Give it back!"
She stood there a moment looking at it but then at Legolas' words she promptly gave it back.
He took it replacing it in his mouth taking a puff then flicking off the end of the cigarette.
"It seems that Legolas has a way with dumb creatures," said Aragorn who eyed Boromir.
Boromir stopped playing pirates then said, "Excuse me? Was that an insult? I do not appreciate the bad attitudes around her. Long have I tried to establish that everyone just treats me badly? Alas, I do not desire attention but the respect of--- Oh a butterfly!" At this Boromir ran around in a circle chasing a small blue butterfly that flew around his head.
"I do not have a way with her," Legolas said, "She just got scared and gave it back."
"And why do you suppose a wild creature like her got scared?" asked Aragorn.
The elf stood there blankly thinking.
"Wait," said Aragorn smartly, "I know why. It's because you have a way with her. She understands you. Obviously you can speak to the dumb."
Legolas frowned at Aragorn while replying, "You did not just say I'm dumb, punk."
Aragorn said softly, "I never said that at all."
"But you were implying that. Oh yeah you were. To be able to communicate with the dumb means you have to be dumb in the first place. You're so asking for a nice kicking of the ass," Legolas replied threateningly.
At this moment Legolas began to shout at Aragorn and the girl became extremely fascinated with Boromir's personalities. Sam clutched Frodo closer once more.
The shouting went on for several good long minutes but it stopped when they heard thunder. It was the loudest thing they had ever heard and it went through the deserted town like a thousand echoes. The girl who had seemed to become taken with Boromir's strangeness motioned for them to follow. They weren't exactly sure if they should but they did regardless.
She led them into one particular abandoned house that had a broken mailbox and half the shingles were off the roof. Most of the windows looked as if someone had punched through them.
Inside though, it was different. It was grand. From the inside it seemed as though it looked nothing like it was on the outside. The windows did not even appear to be shattered when you were inside. In front of them lay a large crimson rug and a large winding spiral staircase that seemed to go up for ages. To the left was what seemed to be the kitchen and to the right was a den where they figured guests must have once been entertained. The girl suddenly stood upright and said in an almost normal voice, "Welcome to my home."
It seemed strange for her to speak for she had never done so before.
"Uh, who exactly are you?" asked Aragorn.
"I'm Catalina," she said with a big smile baring her disgusting teeth again. Then she began to hiss and sputter something else out that frightened Frodo so much he almost fainted. Sam would have loved that, a chance to give him mouth to mouth.
"Who are you?" she asked back.
"We're um, door to door salesmen. We have weapons, mind you," replied Aragorn who was not keen to give her any information.
"Neat," she said as she hissed something else.
"What is this place?" asked Gimli looking around what seemed to be a lovely home.
"Like I said, my home," she repeated.
Boromir was now running into walls convinced that if he tried hard enough he could go through them. Her eyes suddenly flickered over to him and she grinned seeming pleased. It was good entertainment for her.
"How long have you been in this place?" asked Pippin staring at the ceiling that depicted several angels flying through space.
"Since I was jus' little I guess," she answered solemnly.
"How come you talk like Gollum sometimes?" asked Aragorn suspiciously.
"Oh Gollum, he's following you," she said.
"No shit," said Legolas.
Her attention was then turned to Legolas who she stared at for a while and then started hissing and muttering words again.
"I say we hit the road, fellows," said Gimli quickly. The sooner they left this dump the better.
"No! Wait, Nobody has been here in forever. It's so lonely being all by yourself," said Catalina quickly.
"We really should be going though," said Frodo feebly.
"But you can't, and there is a storm!" she said fiercely. "Please, stay the night."
They all looked at eachother unsure of what to do. Legolas whispered, "She's small and frail. I think we can take her if she tries anything."
In the end Aragorn agreed and she hopped up and down with glee.
She showed them the den where Legolas suddenly became interested in the large white grand piano that sat there. He sat down rubbing his light fingers over the old ivory keys, which needed to be dusted. Slowly he began to play "Moonlight Sonata" making all the dramatic parts of the song stand out.
The others sat and listened. Boromir was entranced with a spider-web that was in the corner of the room. Catalina disappeared and brought back some tea in some cups with chips and nicks in them. They all drank thirstily.
She began to tell Aragorn about the people who used to live there but were driven away by Saruman's new bar hoppers that came the town ruining everything. It was obviously a fairly recent event even though it had seemed as though these places had been abandoned for many more years.
Scattered applause ran through the room as Legolas finished playing. He stood up and sunk into a corner saying nothing. Boromir walked dramatically over to the piano sitting down. He ran his fingers over the keys too then raised his arms into the air then suddenly brought them down again where they slammed against the keys as he began playing "Chopsticks."
Pippin raised his eyebrow and Gimli was overcome with laughs.
Aragorn listened to the girl talk on then he finally said after she had lost his attention, "You need a bath."
She frowned and looked down at the ground. "Oh."
Aragorn then volunteered to help her get one and she stupidly agreed. How naive was she?
So she led him to the bathroom where he turned on a nozzle to the water. He rummaged through his bag and got out some bath oils and body washes.
"First, how old are you?" he asked uncertainly.
"Eighteen," she responded, "Why?"
"Oh good," he said breathing again.
He set down the oils and washes down on the bathtub and he got her out a rag. "Girl, I'm going to make you look like a star!"
Back down where the others were Merry and Pippin were searching for food. "Look Pippin!" said Merry excitedly, "Carrots!"
Sam appeared looking to the refrigerator too saying, "Carrots?"
"Yes!" Pippin said.
Sam grabbed a carrot and a cucumber out then left the room.
"What do you suppose he needs those for?" asked Pippin.
"Dude, you're stupid," responded Merry shaking is head.
In the den Boromir began to tell them all a story about how he lost his virginity to a girl named Martha.
Legolas said softly from the corner, "Bet she was invisible or her real name was Martin."
Boromir scowled.
"I thought Boromir was a fag," said Gimli thoughtfully.
"Me too," said the elf smirking.
"No I'm not! You guys are so hurtful," at this Boromir got up and tried to walk through the walls again.
"Hey, Legolas," said Gimli in a whisper, "I don't like this place. I don't remember this as one of the places we were supposed to be going through anyway."
"I think Aragorn is lost, that dumb fuck," responded Legolas in his already soft voice.
"Where is the dweeb anyway?" asked the dwarf glancing around.
"I saw him leave the room a while ago with that dog of a girl," said Legolas crossing his arms while leaning against the wall.
Just then Aragorn came into the den bowing then said, "I now present, Catalina!"
He moved to the side as he walked in wearing one of Legolas T-shirts and a pair of Frodo's pants when appeared to be capris on her.
Legolas pointed saying, "Hey that's my shirt!"
"Those are my pants," said Frodo.
"Sorry guys, she couldn't fit my clothes. Mine are too manly for her," said Aragorn.
"Don't give me that shit," said the elf, "My T-shirt is like four times too big for her."
"Still you're smaller than us," said Aragorn impatiently.
She stood there with clean hair, which was quite shiny, and a lovely light honey color. She flashed a smile of pearly whites. Her skin was pale shining brightly the color of porcelain, so clean.
Legolas pouted as his shirt that said, "Touch me, I'm Elvish," was on her.
She sat down and said, "Thanks a lot, Aragorn."
"No problem," he responded.
When she left the room to try to pry Pippin and Merry out of her refrigerator Gimli said to Aragorn, "Aragorn, when are we leaving?"
"Tomorrow," said Aragorn.
"Why are we even staying here," asked Boromir who seemed to be normal right now.
"Because it's storming and the poor girl is lonely," said Aragorn rubbing his hands together.
Sam shook his head disapprovingly.
"Come on guys, how much can it hurt?" asked Aragorn.
"I think you're lost, Aragorn," said Legolas, "And staying here is just wasting our precious time."
"Oh shut up you 'I know everything' Elf," responded Aragorn angrily.
Legolas flashed his middle finger at Aragorn saying, "Fuck off."
Catalina returned dragging Pippin and Merry in.
They all began to talk together. She was still under the impression that they were door to door salesmen. Every couple of minutes she would still hiss and sputter things.
It was getting darker and darker outside, soon would be time for bed.
Legolas' pants seemed to be torn from earlier when Boromir had jumped on him. "Damn, I hate pant," he said while he stood up with the others waiting to be to their rooms.
The End of Chapter 10
I know it was really weird with the girl, but you know it was just something. She seriously has mental problems too. Tsk, tsk. Anyway, PLEASE REVIEW! Thanks a lot!
Author's Notes: I got a lovely review from a girl who is an avid reader of my story. It was such a great review I had to mention it! Thanks! Anyway I'm going to kick in some fun stuff in this chapter. If you've liked my story so far, um well I hope you still like after this. Still hoping for reviews. ^.^ (By the way I got a new character into this. I felt like we were missing something ever since the sad fall of Gandalf and the character does in fact belong to me.)
The Lord of the Bargain Ring
Chapter 10
I Hate Pants
Legolas struggled to pull up his pants quickly as out of the bushes ran what appeared to be a girl. She was dirty and many leaves were stuck to her practically bare body. Boromir waved his sword furiously at her in ill attempts to attack but he missed and almost cut off Aragorn's head.
She growled at them baring her stained teeth. Frodo whimpered as Sam held him closely. Merry covered his nose saying outloud, "When was the last time you and a toothbrush met?"
She growled once more then grunted out the words, "Get out." She stooped close to the ground hanging her arms like an ape over her legs jumping around in the dirt.
Suddenly Aragorn started hopping up and down pointing saying, "Who does she remind you of?"
She hopped around some more grunting out words like, "precioussssss dirtssssssses," and "Sssssstupid vissssitorssss."
"Oh are we playing charades? How delightful!" said Pippin rubbing his hands together excitedly.
Legolas stared at her with large eyes but said nothing. He had obviously never witnessed such dirtiness on one person.
"She more has more soil on her than the average garden," said Gimli who was even disgusted.
"But guys," said Aragorn once more, "Who does she remind you of?"
She started singing about something none of them could understand.
"Well dude, with that lisp, she reminds me of Gandalf," said Merry thoughtfully.
She seemed to come back to reality after a few minutes and starting yelling insane jumbled words at them. Legolas stepped back cautiously as did Gimli who stared at her with complete contempt. She began waving threatening fingers at them all.
Merry continued, "She reminds me of Sam's mom after that time I touched her . . . onions."
Sam shot a death glare at Merry who purposely did not see it.
"No," said Legolas finally, "She seems to be copying Gollum. Now why the hell she would want to copy that dumb ass is beyond my knowledge, but she is."
"Did Gollum have a daughter?" asked Frodo in an abnormally squeaky voice.
"Not that I know of," said Aragorn rubbing his manly stubble.
Gimli came forward looking at her hard saying, "What do you suppose we do with the thing?"
"Now don't be rude, Mr. Dwarf," said Aragorn. "You might frighten the poor thing. She seems so messed up already."
In the back Legolas had lit up a cigarette taking a puff of it. The dirty girl's eyes widened at the sight of the cigarette and drew closer. She walked crouched over then hopped over Gimli's head and landed in front of Legolas reaching up to the cigarette that was in his mouth.
"Argh," said Legolas, "Get off."
"Argh?" asked Boromir, "Are we like pirates now. Ahoy matey!" Suddenly Boromir ripped off fabric from his shirt tying it around his head making an odd looking eye patch and started jumping around wildly. "We are pirates now!"
While Legolas was staring at Boromir's weird outburst the girl jumped up grabbing the cigarette from his mouth.
"Oh damn it!" said Legolas, "Give it back!"
She stood there a moment looking at it but then at Legolas' words she promptly gave it back.
He took it replacing it in his mouth taking a puff then flicking off the end of the cigarette.
"It seems that Legolas has a way with dumb creatures," said Aragorn who eyed Boromir.
Boromir stopped playing pirates then said, "Excuse me? Was that an insult? I do not appreciate the bad attitudes around her. Long have I tried to establish that everyone just treats me badly? Alas, I do not desire attention but the respect of--- Oh a butterfly!" At this Boromir ran around in a circle chasing a small blue butterfly that flew around his head.
"I do not have a way with her," Legolas said, "She just got scared and gave it back."
"And why do you suppose a wild creature like her got scared?" asked Aragorn.
The elf stood there blankly thinking.
"Wait," said Aragorn smartly, "I know why. It's because you have a way with her. She understands you. Obviously you can speak to the dumb."
Legolas frowned at Aragorn while replying, "You did not just say I'm dumb, punk."
Aragorn said softly, "I never said that at all."
"But you were implying that. Oh yeah you were. To be able to communicate with the dumb means you have to be dumb in the first place. You're so asking for a nice kicking of the ass," Legolas replied threateningly.
At this moment Legolas began to shout at Aragorn and the girl became extremely fascinated with Boromir's personalities. Sam clutched Frodo closer once more.
The shouting went on for several good long minutes but it stopped when they heard thunder. It was the loudest thing they had ever heard and it went through the deserted town like a thousand echoes. The girl who had seemed to become taken with Boromir's strangeness motioned for them to follow. They weren't exactly sure if they should but they did regardless.
She led them into one particular abandoned house that had a broken mailbox and half the shingles were off the roof. Most of the windows looked as if someone had punched through them.
Inside though, it was different. It was grand. From the inside it seemed as though it looked nothing like it was on the outside. The windows did not even appear to be shattered when you were inside. In front of them lay a large crimson rug and a large winding spiral staircase that seemed to go up for ages. To the left was what seemed to be the kitchen and to the right was a den where they figured guests must have once been entertained. The girl suddenly stood upright and said in an almost normal voice, "Welcome to my home."
It seemed strange for her to speak for she had never done so before.
"Uh, who exactly are you?" asked Aragorn.
"I'm Catalina," she said with a big smile baring her disgusting teeth again. Then she began to hiss and sputter something else out that frightened Frodo so much he almost fainted. Sam would have loved that, a chance to give him mouth to mouth.
"Who are you?" she asked back.
"We're um, door to door salesmen. We have weapons, mind you," replied Aragorn who was not keen to give her any information.
"Neat," she said as she hissed something else.
"What is this place?" asked Gimli looking around what seemed to be a lovely home.
"Like I said, my home," she repeated.
Boromir was now running into walls convinced that if he tried hard enough he could go through them. Her eyes suddenly flickered over to him and she grinned seeming pleased. It was good entertainment for her.
"How long have you been in this place?" asked Pippin staring at the ceiling that depicted several angels flying through space.
"Since I was jus' little I guess," she answered solemnly.
"How come you talk like Gollum sometimes?" asked Aragorn suspiciously.
"Oh Gollum, he's following you," she said.
"No shit," said Legolas.
Her attention was then turned to Legolas who she stared at for a while and then started hissing and muttering words again.
"I say we hit the road, fellows," said Gimli quickly. The sooner they left this dump the better.
"No! Wait, Nobody has been here in forever. It's so lonely being all by yourself," said Catalina quickly.
"We really should be going though," said Frodo feebly.
"But you can't, and there is a storm!" she said fiercely. "Please, stay the night."
They all looked at eachother unsure of what to do. Legolas whispered, "She's small and frail. I think we can take her if she tries anything."
In the end Aragorn agreed and she hopped up and down with glee.
She showed them the den where Legolas suddenly became interested in the large white grand piano that sat there. He sat down rubbing his light fingers over the old ivory keys, which needed to be dusted. Slowly he began to play "Moonlight Sonata" making all the dramatic parts of the song stand out.
The others sat and listened. Boromir was entranced with a spider-web that was in the corner of the room. Catalina disappeared and brought back some tea in some cups with chips and nicks in them. They all drank thirstily.
She began to tell Aragorn about the people who used to live there but were driven away by Saruman's new bar hoppers that came the town ruining everything. It was obviously a fairly recent event even though it had seemed as though these places had been abandoned for many more years.
Scattered applause ran through the room as Legolas finished playing. He stood up and sunk into a corner saying nothing. Boromir walked dramatically over to the piano sitting down. He ran his fingers over the keys too then raised his arms into the air then suddenly brought them down again where they slammed against the keys as he began playing "Chopsticks."
Pippin raised his eyebrow and Gimli was overcome with laughs.
Aragorn listened to the girl talk on then he finally said after she had lost his attention, "You need a bath."
She frowned and looked down at the ground. "Oh."
Aragorn then volunteered to help her get one and she stupidly agreed. How naive was she?
So she led him to the bathroom where he turned on a nozzle to the water. He rummaged through his bag and got out some bath oils and body washes.
"First, how old are you?" he asked uncertainly.
"Eighteen," she responded, "Why?"
"Oh good," he said breathing again.
He set down the oils and washes down on the bathtub and he got her out a rag. "Girl, I'm going to make you look like a star!"
Back down where the others were Merry and Pippin were searching for food. "Look Pippin!" said Merry excitedly, "Carrots!"
Sam appeared looking to the refrigerator too saying, "Carrots?"
"Yes!" Pippin said.
Sam grabbed a carrot and a cucumber out then left the room.
"What do you suppose he needs those for?" asked Pippin.
"Dude, you're stupid," responded Merry shaking is head.
In the den Boromir began to tell them all a story about how he lost his virginity to a girl named Martha.
Legolas said softly from the corner, "Bet she was invisible or her real name was Martin."
Boromir scowled.
"I thought Boromir was a fag," said Gimli thoughtfully.
"Me too," said the elf smirking.
"No I'm not! You guys are so hurtful," at this Boromir got up and tried to walk through the walls again.
"Hey, Legolas," said Gimli in a whisper, "I don't like this place. I don't remember this as one of the places we were supposed to be going through anyway."
"I think Aragorn is lost, that dumb fuck," responded Legolas in his already soft voice.
"Where is the dweeb anyway?" asked the dwarf glancing around.
"I saw him leave the room a while ago with that dog of a girl," said Legolas crossing his arms while leaning against the wall.
Just then Aragorn came into the den bowing then said, "I now present, Catalina!"
He moved to the side as he walked in wearing one of Legolas T-shirts and a pair of Frodo's pants when appeared to be capris on her.
Legolas pointed saying, "Hey that's my shirt!"
"Those are my pants," said Frodo.
"Sorry guys, she couldn't fit my clothes. Mine are too manly for her," said Aragorn.
"Don't give me that shit," said the elf, "My T-shirt is like four times too big for her."
"Still you're smaller than us," said Aragorn impatiently.
She stood there with clean hair, which was quite shiny, and a lovely light honey color. She flashed a smile of pearly whites. Her skin was pale shining brightly the color of porcelain, so clean.
Legolas pouted as his shirt that said, "Touch me, I'm Elvish," was on her.
She sat down and said, "Thanks a lot, Aragorn."
"No problem," he responded.
When she left the room to try to pry Pippin and Merry out of her refrigerator Gimli said to Aragorn, "Aragorn, when are we leaving?"
"Tomorrow," said Aragorn.
"Why are we even staying here," asked Boromir who seemed to be normal right now.
"Because it's storming and the poor girl is lonely," said Aragorn rubbing his hands together.
Sam shook his head disapprovingly.
"Come on guys, how much can it hurt?" asked Aragorn.
"I think you're lost, Aragorn," said Legolas, "And staying here is just wasting our precious time."
"Oh shut up you 'I know everything' Elf," responded Aragorn angrily.
Legolas flashed his middle finger at Aragorn saying, "Fuck off."
Catalina returned dragging Pippin and Merry in.
They all began to talk together. She was still under the impression that they were door to door salesmen. Every couple of minutes she would still hiss and sputter things.
It was getting darker and darker outside, soon would be time for bed.
Legolas' pants seemed to be torn from earlier when Boromir had jumped on him. "Damn, I hate pant," he said while he stood up with the others waiting to be to their rooms.
The End of Chapter 10
I know it was really weird with the girl, but you know it was just something. She seriously has mental problems too. Tsk, tsk. Anyway, PLEASE REVIEW! Thanks a lot!