September 11th, 2002

Alex buttoned up her uniform. She slid the white gloves on and made sure her hat was on straight. Her heart felt so empty right now. She wasn't sure that she could get out of bed today, but Ty had made her. One year. She couldn't believe it had been one year. She wasn't really ready for this day to come.

Ty, in his uniform, took her hand and led her outside. All ready the patriotism was making her nauseous. Children ran around waving flags. People saluted Alex and Ty as they walked by. Alex wanted to throw up. She wanted to scream at all of them to stop. This wouldn't bring any of this back. Alex's body shook as they neared ground zero. She stopped.

"I…I can't." She whispered. Ty looked at her.

"You need to." Ty said, "We're all doing it." Alex looked over to the memorial and all the flags waving in the wind.

"I don't care." She whispered. Ty took her hand again and pulled to their other colleagues. Alex clutched his hand through out the whole ceremony. She wasn't listening to a single word that was being said. She had tuned out. She wasn't in her head anymore. She just couldn't deal with it until Ty told her it was time to go. Alex glanced next to her and caught sight of the towers falling down in a photograph. Her body began to tremble and her eyes rolled back in her head. Ty caught her before she hit the ground.

"Alex. Sweetie??" Ty picked her up in his arms as Kim motioned them over to the bus. He didn't want any reporters to see her faint.

"What happened?" Kim asked as Ty laid Alex on the gurney. He removed her hat.

"I don't know. I think was just too much for her." He said. Kim nodded putting an oxygen mask on her.

"It's understandable." Kim said as Alex started to come to.

"Hey baby." Ty smiled softly sweeping back her hair. Alex took the mask off.

"I need to g-get out of here." She said pushing Ty away. He grabbed her hands.

"No stay here. You fainted, Alex." He said.

"Get away!!" She cried, "I need to go!!" Alex pushed Kim away and jumped out of the bus. Ty and Alex sat there watching her run off.

* * *

Alex stood in front of her father's gravestone. A fresh bouquet of flowers laid here next to a mini flag. Tears welled in her eyes. She collapsed to her knees running her hand over the inscription on the head stone. Tears started to flow free.

"Daddy…" She whispered. Alex felt so weak. She felt so lost. The hairs on her neck stood on end. "It's not fair."

"I know, Baby." He said helping her up.

"You don't know." She said, her chest shuddering with a sob. "It's not fucking fair!!!"

"Let it out, Alex." Ty said taking her hand.

"Don't touch me!!" She screamed. Tears blurred her eyes as she looked back at the grave, "WHY!? Why did you have to go!? Why, Daddy!?" It was breaking Ty's heart watching this. He touched her hand, but she jumped back.

"Alex…."

"IT'S NOT FUCKING FAIR!!!!" She screamed. "He didn't deserve to die!!! He had….So MUCH going for him. ITS NOT FUCKING FAIR!!!!!!" Ty wrapping his arm around her, but she struggled. "DON'T TOUCH ME!!!!!"

"Shhhhh, Alex. It'll be okay." Ty whispered.

"It won't be okay! It won't EVER BE OKAY!!!!!" She screamed hitting his chest.

"Shhhhhh." Ty shushed her, trying to sooth his girlfriend. Alex's knees gave out as she sobbed. She and Ty sunk to the ground above her father's body.

"It's not fair." Alex sobbed, curling up on Ty's lap. Ty nodded rubbing her back.

"I know, Baby, It's fair." He said. Alex's sobs could be heard throughout the whole graveyard.

"I didn't get to say goodbye." She whispered, "Burying him….it just…wasn't what I wanted. I w-wanted him back. I w-wanted him to come home that night with a smile on his father telling us of how he saved people. He w-would sit down at the table, tell mom I how much he l-loved us. He w-would know how much I am proud of him….if he was still alive. I don't want to disappoint him, Ty. I want him to b-be proud of me too."

"He is." Ty whispered holding her close. "He's looking down at you Alex, and he is so damn proud of you. You've made so much of yourself." Alex continued to sob. Ty wanted to take all of her pain away. He wanted to have her smile return. He wanted her to be okay.

"I-I just w-want him back." Alex sobbed. Ty closed his eyes, still rubbing her back.

"I know, Baby." Ty murmured, "The first year is hard. The first anniversary feels like it will never end. It feels like you lost him all over again. But then things start to calm. The second anniversary, the third, fourth fifth. It starts to get easier to deal with your pain. You still wonder what it would be like to still have our father, but then you realize he's better place. He did a wonderful thing when he w-was a live…." Ty choked back his own tears, "It gets easier, Alex, I swear." Alex lay there silent for a few moments. Only a sob or two escaping from her throat.

"D-Don't ever let g-go of me, Ty." Alex whispered.

"Oh Baby. I wont." Ty said, "I will be here every step of the way, through every anniversary, okay?"

"Okay." Alex whispered. Ty sighed softly.

"Come on. Let's go home." Ty said gently helping her up. Alex looked at her father's grave as Ty led her away.

"He was a good Dad." Alex said.

"Tell me about him on the way home." Ty said leading her to the car. Alex nodded slowly, taking one last look at the grave before getting into the car. She felt like she had left her heart back there until Ty took her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. She turned her eyes to Ty and smiled softly. All she wanted was her father back.

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