Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing or Sailor Moon … I've gotten over it, have you? ^_~
Gracias to mis editors, Autumn Hime, Usagi Asia Maxwell, Lady Artemis, and DevilsDarling.
Chapter 7: Decisions
"So, Usa. How is Quatre?" Ami asked while munching on her sandwich at the small café they had stopped by for lunch. The two took Political Science together on Wednesdays and the lunch afterwards had become a tradition, each treating the other every other time.
Sky blue eyes glanced up at her as the blonde pondered her own sandwich thoughtfully. "Fine." She pensively gazed out the window at the light drizzle.
"I'd think you trusted me enough to tell me the truth," Ami informed her impartially, tranquil blue eyes candid and sincere.
"Would you rather have me tell you it's anything but fine?" the fair-headed girl snapped before stopping, eyes wide. "Sorry."
Ami shrugged. "It's fine. As for your question, no. I want an answer and a real one."
"Complete sentence?" Usagi allowed a small grin.
"Why not."
The odangoed girl blew a strand of hair out of her face and put down her sandwich decidedly. "It's like this: Quatre is fantastic. Nobody could ever say he isn't. And I know for a fact that I could be happy … it's just…"
"It would be nothing like your life with Hiiro," Ami finished, raising eyebrows at her.
Usagi laughed. "Who's telling the story here?"
Her brunette friend blushed. "You are. Please continue."
Muttering a sarcastic, "I feel like I'm talking to a shrink here," the blonde continued. "Yes, you're right. It would be nothing like with Hiiro. I feel … passion for Hiiro. With Quatre … I know that he'd be a great father, a great husband, and a great confidant but … no sparks will fly," she finished faintly, glancing back out the window and casting her eyes downwards to observe the ripples silvery drops of rain made on the mirror-like sheen of water.
"I see." Ami shifted and sipped from her hot chocolate. "My advice … is to leave Hiiro."
Blue eyes flew up to meet hers. "What?"
"Leave him. It's evident this is going nowhere." At her friend's tears, Ami sighed and set the cup down, leaning forwards. "Usa, you've waited more than five years for him. In these five years, not only does he ignore you but also dates almost every other girl you know. He has a flavor of every other week for goodness sakes!"
Bowing her golden head, Usagi studied her entwined fingers. "But … but how could I give up on a dream that has enamored me for five years…?" she whispered.
"Look, Usa. You yourself said Quatre was wonderful. He'll make you happy. Is Hiiro doing that?"
"No," she admitted, crushed.
"Exactly."
"Ami, I know Quatre will make me happy but … what will my life be like without Hiiro? I've already lived with him for over three years!"
Placid blue orbs blinked at her before turning outside to survey the drizzle as well. In a faraway voice, Ami wistfully replied, "I don't know what your life will be like … it's a roll of the dice. Quatre might be your true intended, and you'll be happy until old age or … you might hate yourself for the rest of your life for not giving Hiiro a chance."
Silence draped its icy fingers around the two as Usagi watched the cars glide by, and Ami listened to the muted chatter of those surrounding them. Finally, the brunette sipped her half-tepid cocoa again.
"Either way, Usa, my advice stands."
…………………
"Ami told me about your conversation this morning," Rei smiled softly at her as they trudged to Statistics, the perpetual fire in her eyes muted and dulled.
Usagi gave a groan and raised her hands up in the air as if pleading for patience. "Have I no privacy now?"
Rei's smile widened a millimeter. "Guess not. We're all going to give our input with or without your consent. Four heads are better than one!"
"Fine. What are the poll results?" she demanded, hand reaching up to finger the strap of her backpack and resting there. She rolled her eyes at Rei's innocently baffled look. "C'mon. We all know you guys hold some kind of vote whenever my PERSONAL life arrives at a fork in the road. Start speaking."
Relenting, Rei sighed. "Ami and Makoto are in favor of Quatre. I'm for Hiiro … Relena opts to remain neutral."
Usagi's eyes widened, and she pulled back her hood as they entered the university hall. "YOU'RE for Hiiro? I always thought you were the logical one, the ruthless one-"
"No need to list all my traits, you know," her violet-eyed friend sighed, groaning. "Usa, I know I'm not known for being exceptionally nice to those who hurt my friends-" She was interrupted with a rude snort. Usagi's mind traveled back to the many times when Rei had been the first to pounce on Hiiro's faults, threatening over and over to disembowel him.
"AS I was saying … I know how you feel towards him. Otherwise he wouldn't be able to hurt you so badly. You know, Usa … my grandfather used to always remind me we only lived once … when he's not flirting with girls half his age, of course." Usagi smiled at this muttered comment.
"And he's right. We DO only live once. You have to make this life worth living! How can you settle for a second-rate life? How can you forget your love that you've held on to since HIGH SCHOOL just because of fear?"
Usagi sighed. "Nice speech, Rei."
Her raven-haired friend followed her change of topic, willing to accommodate her. "I'm thinking of going into oratory," she smiled saucily.
"And I'm thinking of taking up psychology."
"Usagi the psychoanalyst … it fits!"
"Shut up, Rei. Maybe you should go into oratory. That might leave you with less words for US. You already wear our eardrums out…"
"Not a chance, Usa. Not a chance."
…………………
"I suppose you want to toss in your two cents too, Mako?" Usagi questioned resignedly as the brunette waved merrily at her from across the street.
"You bet."
"This is a conspiracy against my privacy."
"Oh c'mon, Usa! You should be used to it by now!" Makoto grinned cheekily. "I'm sure Rei has already informed you of the current votes … Relena might be calling you this evening."
"Evening is too late."
"Eh?"
Usagi mock glared. "What, Makoto? You think Quatre and I are going to keep dating until we're fifty? We've already dated for over half a year. I think tonight's the night."
Her friend's mouth opened and closed wordlessly. "Are you serious, Usa?"
"How can I not be?"
"Well … it's all up to you tonight then. Ami already argued all our points, and Rei argued hers … it's a miracle I convinced them not to print out charts and diagrams. Those two," Makoto sighed and shook her head, gazing up forlornly at the continuous drizzle.
"When did life become so hard?"
"When men were invented?" Makoto kidded lightly, giggling.
…………………
Hiiro glanced up from his laptop in the study and through the glass French doors at the Impressionist painting Usagi had chosen to cover the bare wall-paper-covered wall. From his distance away from the painting, it became an obvious piece of art illustrating two lovers, the girl delicately leaning her head upon the male's shoulder, eyes closed in gentle slumber. The soft, dulled brush strokes were meant to soothe but instead filled him with disquiet. He wanted to rip the painting off the wall and burn it.
Shaking his head, he focused back on the glowing blue screen and typed away furiously. He didn't know what he was doing … the constant fact that she was with QUATRE ate at him day and night. He didn't know how to combat it. It wasn't a visible enemy.
Closing his eyes, he leant back in the dark leather seat and grabbed his planner off of the table. Date with Minako was crossed out and transferred to the next day. Usagi had a date with Quatre today though. He had her whole schedule memorized, and he didn't know why he was wasting brain space for it. It seemed as if he didn't know anything these days … except his missions, the battles, the wounds, the bullets. Those were safe.
…………………
The doorbell rang, and his heart did an odd thing - it skipped a beat. He glanced at the glowing digits of his office clock and felt his heart do another odd thing - it sank. It was too early for Usagi to be back. But … Minako was off in Miami until tomorrow so … who the hell…? He grabbed the gun off of his shelf just in case it was Duo seeking shelter from Wufei. Honestly, those two argued enough to be married.
The last person he had expected to see met his eyes as he flung the door open, gun held behind his back. However, at the sight of this person, his arm itched to inch forward, aim the gun, and pull the trigger … of course he didn't. Jail wasn't a pleasant place to be. Not that he would get caught but…
"If you're looking for Usagi she won't be back for another hour or so," he informed coldly. Instead of seeing the expected silent apology in his blonde EX-friend's eyes, stoniness and determination reflected from his own.
"We need to talk, Hiiro," the blonde articulated quietly.
"No we don't," he snapped and was about to swing the door shut before Quatre stuck his foot out.
"Look Hiiro. We REALLY need to talk. I can't … I can't propose to Usagi without talking to you first."
His blood ran cold in his veins, but he didn't miss a beat. "I'm not her relative or anything. My consent is not something that is required," he sneered.
Quatre frowned. "Please, Hiiro. I don't want to ask her on a bad conscience."
Cautiously sticking the gun in the back pocket of his jeans he looked aside and again caught sight of the painting. "Fine."
The softhearted blonde stepped in and glanced around uneasily.
"My other roommate is on a trip," he explained gruffly. Quatre's eyebrows raised at the cold words.
"Not girlfriend?"
"None of your business." The blonde sighed at this and glanced up at him.
"Hiiro … I'm in love with Usagi. I also realize that she has feelings for you-"
"She does not."
Quatre sighed. "Anybody short of being blind can see that she has-"
"Call me blind then."
Soft eyes pleaded for his understanding. "Hiiro, don't make this so difficult-"
"Cut the crap and get to the point," he commanded and almost blinked when Quatre's eyes hardened fiercely.
"I'm just here to say that no matter what you say, I love Usagi. I love her and, unlike somebody, I'm not afraid to show her that."
He winced as the barb bit into his flesh but held his fellow pilot's gaze.
"I'm hoping for your approval, consent, but I'm not giving up even if I don't receive it." Quatre' eyes mellowed out once more, and the blonde shot him a weary, sidelong glance. "I don't want to be your enemy, Hiiro."
"It's too late," he grunted. "Are you done?"
"Hiiro, I-" He pushed the blonde towards the open door.
"Don't worry your pampered head. My emotions will never transfer to the battlefield."
Quatre hung his head in defeat. "I'm sorry this had to-"
Hiiro slammed the door in his face.
…………………
Usagi swung the door shut quietly and hung her coat up, sighing. Glancing left, she met the unwavering gaze of her male roommate and froze like a doe caught in headlights. He stood up and advanced upon her, and she shuddered at the cold look in his arctic eyes.
"H-Hiiro. I have a date with Quatre tonight so you can just cook enough for yourself," she smiled weakly as he continued to stare at her.
Seeing that his gaze was obviously making her uncomfortable, he looked aside and then glanced back. Her shoulders seemed more relaxed. "I don't want you to go to that date," he admitted finally, and she froze in the act of swinging her backpack off of her shoulder.
"I don't think you're the person to order me," she muttered softly, not looking up to meet his icy glare.
"Is it true? Was Quatre right? DO you have feelings for me?" he choked out, half-whispering, not daring to walk any closer to the still girl. Her eyes flickered sideways, then down.
"I-I did, Hiiro. Before," she whispered brokenly, dropping the backpack with a dull thud.
He ignored it. "And?"
Startlingly, her eyes flashed up to him, pleading. "Can't you make this easier on me, Hiiro?"
"Life's not easy."
"You're telling ME life's not easy?" she started incredulously. "You've ignored me for FIVE years and NOW you ask me whether or not I have feelings for you? NOW, Hiiro? Well, MR. Yui, I'm utterly and completely exhausted from waiting. Quatre is probably going to propose tonight and then … you can find another roommate," she ended softly and started to rush up the stairs before he grabbed her wrist, eyes searching her bowed face.
"Usagi. Look at me."
She looked up, catching his gaze, eyes still making slight flickering movements to show her fear. He winced. She was afraid of him?
His eyes pierced hers, searching and probing. Traitorously, her heart fluttered as her breathing sped up. Three words, Hiiro. Three words and I'm yours forever…
He sighed and let go of her. "Have fun, Usagi."
She felt like sobbing, screaming at him 'Wrong three words, Hiiro.'
…………………
He was holed up in his room. He hated being cornered by his enemy. But oddly, this time, his enemy was the angelic, sincere-eyed Quatre. When had this happened? When he had been occupied with himself? With his own selfish needs … his own desires and goals.
He didn't want to be out there, watching her waiting, wistfully hopeful, for her prince to sweep her off her feet.
I should be that prince, not Quatre, he thought angrily. But no. Quatre was. The doorbell rang, and he froze.
He realized at that exact, painful moment that he loved her.
…………………
"Quatre! Hold on, let me just grab my purse and-"
"Would you mind if I came in?"
Usagi paused. "Oh of course not! C'mon in. Just sit down on the couch or something … we can have some hot cocoa before we leave, if you want-"
Quatre smiled and shushed her rapid words. "I'll just wait."
"That's fine too," she laughed lightly and scampered upstairs. When she came back down, she caught sight of her blonde date-soon-to-be-fiancé sitting at the table, observing the small, framed picture of Hiiro scowling, hair wet, and the Usagi from three years back, still bright, hopeful, curious, giggling, pail in hand.
"Do I want to know what happened here?" he questioned laughingly.
She smiled carelessly. "Oh I just dumped a bucket of icy water on him … took him three weeks to forgive me, but the Kodak moment was worth it." She smiled regretfully to herself, but it didn't go by unnoticed.
Quatre stared at her, taking in her parted lips, slightly out of breath from running up and down the stairs, her wide, heavily-lashed pools of blue, and her gleaming golden hair, lustrous and softly framing her heart-shaped face. He knew he loved her.
Lord, did he love her.
"Usagi…" he murmured as his eyes smiled at her nervous, slim hands, twisting the strap of the small purse. "You look … perfect. You ARE perfect." She blushed and looked down. Before she could utter another word, he knelt down and took something out of his pocket. Her heart sped up, and she swallowed nervously.
"Usagi. Will you make me the happiest man in the universe and marry me?" She stared into his light blue eyes, filled with sincerity and warmth. I could be happy, she reminded herself. I WILL be happy … but… Rei's grandfather's words echoed in her head.
We only have one life after all…
She smiled at him. "Quatre, I…"
…………………
Hmm … lovely, ain't it? ^_~ Thanks for reading. Yours, Angel.