Note: At the age Legolas is in this story, he had never left the safety of
the palace and surrounding fort. This was because of the dangers
surrounding Thranduil's fortress. Each child in Mirkwood was kept from
going into the forest until they reached the equivalent of the human age of
6, to protect them. It was a big deal for the children when they were
finally allowed out and seen as a marker of getting older.
***** Part 3 *****
Thranduil barely registered the door closing behind him. He thought he had heard them saying something about Legolas and knew that he should have told them that he was with the healers. He knew that Legolas was with them, sleeping in an unnatural rest that was the combined result of his injuries and the drugs given to him Belegmen.
Each night, Thranduil had slipped out of the room, giving up his vigil, to be with his son for a while. He waited until no one would be around so that he could slip unnoticed through the palace. The only one who would be at Legolas's side at that time would be the head healer. He would give Thranduil an update before leaving them alone. There he would sit and watch his son sleep, hoping each night that he would wake up and look at him. Instead Legolas continued to lie lifelessly on the bed, bruises marring his small face. Each bruise, cut, and scrape reminded Thranduil of how he had failed to protect his family. So each night before he went back to sit with his wife, he would, with the help of Belegmen, change his son's bandages, clean the wounds, and try to get a little water down his son's throat. For now it was all he could do, but when his son awoke, he knew that they would have to start to deal with what happened. At least for now, he had to hope that Legolas slept peacefully and without nightmares of the tragedy that had befallen their family.
The moment he had walked into the cave where they had found his family, he heart had broken. They had found his wife and daughter first, barely recognizable after what had happened to them. Then a guard had called that he had found Legolas, and at first Thranduil didn't want to go and see. He had assumed that he would find only another one of his children dead, but when the guard called that Legolas was still alive, a part of him that was dying finally had hope.
His son was barely conscious, but soon after Thranduil had picked him up, Legolas had fallen into the sleep that still continued to claim him. However, first he had whispered to his father that he was sorry for failing them all. Thranduil at first didn't understand what Legolas had meant by that statement, but as he carried his son home, he began to realize what thoughts had been going through his son's head. That as why each night he hoped Legolas would awaken so he could assure him that it hadn't been his fault. No, instead the King knew that it had been his fault. It all went back to the morning they disappeared.
***Flashback to a week earlier**
Thranduil sat at his desk carefully studying a set of papers that had arrived the night before. They were the newest changes to the trade agreement between Mirkwood and Laketown. He wanted to finish them before dinner tonight. Arriving along with the trade agreement had come a special gift for Legolas that Thranduil had bought last time he had been in Laketown. He had had to wait these past few months for it to come, because it hadn't been finished, but the wait had been worth it. The gift was perfect. Thranduil had looked at it the night before while trying to decide if he should leave it beside the bed for Legolas to wake up to or should wait and give it to him that next evening.
"If you keep looking at them that way you will get nowhere," Pennmetiel announced as she wrapped her arms around his neck from behind. He hadn't even heard her come in. "Why don't you come with us. It will be Legolas's first time out into the forest and I know that he would love it if you came with us."
"You know how much I want to be there, but this trade agreement needs to be back on its way to Laketown tomorrow. Tonight I plan on spending some time with Legolas so this has to be finished before then. I've got something for him that came from Laketown." Thranduil turned in his chair so he could look at his wife.
"This wouldn't be the thing in the box that had you hiding in your study for two hours last night, would it?" Pennmetiel probed.
"I had to make sure it was perfect."
"Well is it?" Pennmetiel asked.
"You'll see." Thranduil smiled at the glare his wife threw at him. "Like everyone else you will see it tonight after dinner."
"Thranduil, I don't believe you. I'm your wife and you still won't tell me."
"Have patients my meltha (beloved)." Thranduil stood up and wrapped his arms around Pennmetiel. "Now you're taking guards with you, right?" he asked moving the subject away from what the surprise was before he ended up telling her.
She wasn't fooled through and replied, "Fine, change the subject. Novkrision and three others are joining us. There have been no wargs, spiders, or orcs this far north in as long as I can remember."
"All right, but you'll be careful and I will see you later. Without Legolas running around I should be able to finish working over this trade agreement by the time you return."
"He only likes to spend time with you." Pennmetiel pulled herself out of her husband's arms and walked to the door of the study. "If you change your mind meltha, you could bring that trade agreement with you. I would wager that Legolas would love to help you with it."
Thranduil smiled and said," I believe the blue handprints all over the last one were enough help. Have fun my love and be safe."
***End flashback***
Those had been the last words he had said to her. Then he had watched her walk out of the room, not knowing that she was also walking out of his life. He had continued to work on the trade agreement until dinner, when Nurhenion had come running in saying that Pennmetiel, Maltaquelleiel, and Legolas were missing.
"I should have gone with you. I could have protected the three of you. If I had gone as you asked, then we could be sitting together talking and watching the children play, right now," Thranduil whispered, even though the rational part of him knew that he probably would have died with them.
Unlike the last time, this time Thranduil heard the door opening behind him. He couldn't understand why no one would leave him alone. Tonight they would be burning her body and he would never get to look upon her face or touch her again. He heard the door close again and the soft footsteps of someone approaching him. Turning with anger written on his face, he started to shout for them to go away, when he saw who it was standing behind him.
Legolas walked until he was a few feet behind his father and waited. He had finally had to ask someone where his mother was, because she hadn't been in her room. They had given him a funny look and told him where to go. He was glad that they seemed to be in too big of a hurry to realize that his brothers were looking for him. He had hoped as he opened the door to the room that no one would be here, and almost turned around and left when he saw his father sitting by the bed. He decided though, that it was probably better to face his father now rather than later. Nevertheless, he was unprepared at the look of pure rage that he saw on his father's face as his turned around. He quickly backed up until his back hit the door behind him and then he lowered his eyes to look at the ground. He knew then that his father really did blame him, because before that moment he had been holding on to just a bit of hope that he was wrong. The look shattered that hope and at the same time he knew his father hated him too.
Shock had kept Thranduil from reacting to his youngest son's presence immediately. He had gotten only a glimpse at red, swollen, tear-filled eyes before Legolas had bowed his head after backing into the door. It was the sob that came from Legolas that finally got Thranduil to move. He crawled over to his son instead of getting to his feet in an attempt to not frighten him any more than he was. When he reached Legolas he gently put his right hand on Legolas's shoulder and waited for a response.
"I'm sorry," Legolas cried, slowly lifting his head and eyes to look at his father.
"No little one, it's not your fault." Thranduil moved his left had to cup Legolas's cheek in his palm. "There was nothing that you could have done." Tears were now running down both of their faces.
"But I was supposed to protect her; you told me so before we left."
"Oh my little Greenleaf, the guards were supposed to protect the three of you and even they couldn't. They were trained warriors and failed. Now their families also mourn. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this from happening."
"Everyone thinks it's my fault," Legolas remarked as he once again lowered his head so that he would not have to look at his father.
"No they don't, because there is nothing to blame you for." Thranduil said while thinking that if anyone did, they would have to answer to him.
"I didn't save them," Legolas explained.
Thranduil moved his left hand from Legolas's cheek and placed it under his son's chin and lifted his head. Only once Legolas was looking at him did Thranduil speak. "Neither did I and I didn't protect you either."
"You weren't there. How were you supposed to protect us," Legolas interrupted.
"I should have been there though. I love you my little one and I don't know what I would do if I had lost you too. Your Naneth's and sister's death are almost too much, but the fact that you survived gives me the strength to continue on. I don't blame you for what happened." Slowly, so not to frightening his son, he moved his arms to wrap them around Legolas and then he pulled him into a hug. "You are not to blame, no one is but those who did this."
"Are you sure?" Legolas buried his head against his father's chest.
Picking Legolas up and walking back over to his beloved's side, he said, "I'm positive. Your Naneth wouldn't blame you either."
"But she does, I heard her when I was hiding under my bed, but then I heard her again saying that it wasn't my fault. I came to find her because I wasn't sure which was true," Legolas blurted out in one breath as he looked down at his mother's body.
"First, sometimes our minds do funny things when we're not feeling well or think that something is true. Your Naneth wouldn't blame you; she would blame herself for not protecting you. Secondly, why were you hiding under your bed, little one?" For the first time since everything happened, Thranduil wondered what his advisors might do when Legolas woke up. They would probably want to know what the people looked like and Legolas was the only one who could tell them. He knew that he would need to have a talk with them about leaving Legolas alone.
"I wanted to be left alone," Legolas muttered. He was running his hand down his mother's arm. "Is she happy where she is?"
"Yes, except that we are not there with her."
"We'll see her again, won't we?" Legolas turned his eyes away from his mother to look at his father.
"Someday we will all be together again, but until then we have each other." Thranduil smiled down at his son and pulled him a little closer. He knew that this wouldn't be the last time that they would talk about Legolas blaming himself. They were in for some hard days as both of them dealt with the misplaced guilt that they were feeling. "Come we need to let the attendants prepare her and I doubt the healers let you wander the halls at the moment." Standing up, he took one more look at his beloved before turning around and walking out of the room with his son in his arms.
TBC.
***** Part 3 *****
Thranduil barely registered the door closing behind him. He thought he had heard them saying something about Legolas and knew that he should have told them that he was with the healers. He knew that Legolas was with them, sleeping in an unnatural rest that was the combined result of his injuries and the drugs given to him Belegmen.
Each night, Thranduil had slipped out of the room, giving up his vigil, to be with his son for a while. He waited until no one would be around so that he could slip unnoticed through the palace. The only one who would be at Legolas's side at that time would be the head healer. He would give Thranduil an update before leaving them alone. There he would sit and watch his son sleep, hoping each night that he would wake up and look at him. Instead Legolas continued to lie lifelessly on the bed, bruises marring his small face. Each bruise, cut, and scrape reminded Thranduil of how he had failed to protect his family. So each night before he went back to sit with his wife, he would, with the help of Belegmen, change his son's bandages, clean the wounds, and try to get a little water down his son's throat. For now it was all he could do, but when his son awoke, he knew that they would have to start to deal with what happened. At least for now, he had to hope that Legolas slept peacefully and without nightmares of the tragedy that had befallen their family.
The moment he had walked into the cave where they had found his family, he heart had broken. They had found his wife and daughter first, barely recognizable after what had happened to them. Then a guard had called that he had found Legolas, and at first Thranduil didn't want to go and see. He had assumed that he would find only another one of his children dead, but when the guard called that Legolas was still alive, a part of him that was dying finally had hope.
His son was barely conscious, but soon after Thranduil had picked him up, Legolas had fallen into the sleep that still continued to claim him. However, first he had whispered to his father that he was sorry for failing them all. Thranduil at first didn't understand what Legolas had meant by that statement, but as he carried his son home, he began to realize what thoughts had been going through his son's head. That as why each night he hoped Legolas would awaken so he could assure him that it hadn't been his fault. No, instead the King knew that it had been his fault. It all went back to the morning they disappeared.
***Flashback to a week earlier**
Thranduil sat at his desk carefully studying a set of papers that had arrived the night before. They were the newest changes to the trade agreement between Mirkwood and Laketown. He wanted to finish them before dinner tonight. Arriving along with the trade agreement had come a special gift for Legolas that Thranduil had bought last time he had been in Laketown. He had had to wait these past few months for it to come, because it hadn't been finished, but the wait had been worth it. The gift was perfect. Thranduil had looked at it the night before while trying to decide if he should leave it beside the bed for Legolas to wake up to or should wait and give it to him that next evening.
"If you keep looking at them that way you will get nowhere," Pennmetiel announced as she wrapped her arms around his neck from behind. He hadn't even heard her come in. "Why don't you come with us. It will be Legolas's first time out into the forest and I know that he would love it if you came with us."
"You know how much I want to be there, but this trade agreement needs to be back on its way to Laketown tomorrow. Tonight I plan on spending some time with Legolas so this has to be finished before then. I've got something for him that came from Laketown." Thranduil turned in his chair so he could look at his wife.
"This wouldn't be the thing in the box that had you hiding in your study for two hours last night, would it?" Pennmetiel probed.
"I had to make sure it was perfect."
"Well is it?" Pennmetiel asked.
"You'll see." Thranduil smiled at the glare his wife threw at him. "Like everyone else you will see it tonight after dinner."
"Thranduil, I don't believe you. I'm your wife and you still won't tell me."
"Have patients my meltha (beloved)." Thranduil stood up and wrapped his arms around Pennmetiel. "Now you're taking guards with you, right?" he asked moving the subject away from what the surprise was before he ended up telling her.
She wasn't fooled through and replied, "Fine, change the subject. Novkrision and three others are joining us. There have been no wargs, spiders, or orcs this far north in as long as I can remember."
"All right, but you'll be careful and I will see you later. Without Legolas running around I should be able to finish working over this trade agreement by the time you return."
"He only likes to spend time with you." Pennmetiel pulled herself out of her husband's arms and walked to the door of the study. "If you change your mind meltha, you could bring that trade agreement with you. I would wager that Legolas would love to help you with it."
Thranduil smiled and said," I believe the blue handprints all over the last one were enough help. Have fun my love and be safe."
***End flashback***
Those had been the last words he had said to her. Then he had watched her walk out of the room, not knowing that she was also walking out of his life. He had continued to work on the trade agreement until dinner, when Nurhenion had come running in saying that Pennmetiel, Maltaquelleiel, and Legolas were missing.
"I should have gone with you. I could have protected the three of you. If I had gone as you asked, then we could be sitting together talking and watching the children play, right now," Thranduil whispered, even though the rational part of him knew that he probably would have died with them.
Unlike the last time, this time Thranduil heard the door opening behind him. He couldn't understand why no one would leave him alone. Tonight they would be burning her body and he would never get to look upon her face or touch her again. He heard the door close again and the soft footsteps of someone approaching him. Turning with anger written on his face, he started to shout for them to go away, when he saw who it was standing behind him.
Legolas walked until he was a few feet behind his father and waited. He had finally had to ask someone where his mother was, because she hadn't been in her room. They had given him a funny look and told him where to go. He was glad that they seemed to be in too big of a hurry to realize that his brothers were looking for him. He had hoped as he opened the door to the room that no one would be here, and almost turned around and left when he saw his father sitting by the bed. He decided though, that it was probably better to face his father now rather than later. Nevertheless, he was unprepared at the look of pure rage that he saw on his father's face as his turned around. He quickly backed up until his back hit the door behind him and then he lowered his eyes to look at the ground. He knew then that his father really did blame him, because before that moment he had been holding on to just a bit of hope that he was wrong. The look shattered that hope and at the same time he knew his father hated him too.
Shock had kept Thranduil from reacting to his youngest son's presence immediately. He had gotten only a glimpse at red, swollen, tear-filled eyes before Legolas had bowed his head after backing into the door. It was the sob that came from Legolas that finally got Thranduil to move. He crawled over to his son instead of getting to his feet in an attempt to not frighten him any more than he was. When he reached Legolas he gently put his right hand on Legolas's shoulder and waited for a response.
"I'm sorry," Legolas cried, slowly lifting his head and eyes to look at his father.
"No little one, it's not your fault." Thranduil moved his left had to cup Legolas's cheek in his palm. "There was nothing that you could have done." Tears were now running down both of their faces.
"But I was supposed to protect her; you told me so before we left."
"Oh my little Greenleaf, the guards were supposed to protect the three of you and even they couldn't. They were trained warriors and failed. Now their families also mourn. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this from happening."
"Everyone thinks it's my fault," Legolas remarked as he once again lowered his head so that he would not have to look at his father.
"No they don't, because there is nothing to blame you for." Thranduil said while thinking that if anyone did, they would have to answer to him.
"I didn't save them," Legolas explained.
Thranduil moved his left hand from Legolas's cheek and placed it under his son's chin and lifted his head. Only once Legolas was looking at him did Thranduil speak. "Neither did I and I didn't protect you either."
"You weren't there. How were you supposed to protect us," Legolas interrupted.
"I should have been there though. I love you my little one and I don't know what I would do if I had lost you too. Your Naneth's and sister's death are almost too much, but the fact that you survived gives me the strength to continue on. I don't blame you for what happened." Slowly, so not to frightening his son, he moved his arms to wrap them around Legolas and then he pulled him into a hug. "You are not to blame, no one is but those who did this."
"Are you sure?" Legolas buried his head against his father's chest.
Picking Legolas up and walking back over to his beloved's side, he said, "I'm positive. Your Naneth wouldn't blame you either."
"But she does, I heard her when I was hiding under my bed, but then I heard her again saying that it wasn't my fault. I came to find her because I wasn't sure which was true," Legolas blurted out in one breath as he looked down at his mother's body.
"First, sometimes our minds do funny things when we're not feeling well or think that something is true. Your Naneth wouldn't blame you; she would blame herself for not protecting you. Secondly, why were you hiding under your bed, little one?" For the first time since everything happened, Thranduil wondered what his advisors might do when Legolas woke up. They would probably want to know what the people looked like and Legolas was the only one who could tell them. He knew that he would need to have a talk with them about leaving Legolas alone.
"I wanted to be left alone," Legolas muttered. He was running his hand down his mother's arm. "Is she happy where she is?"
"Yes, except that we are not there with her."
"We'll see her again, won't we?" Legolas turned his eyes away from his mother to look at his father.
"Someday we will all be together again, but until then we have each other." Thranduil smiled down at his son and pulled him a little closer. He knew that this wouldn't be the last time that they would talk about Legolas blaming himself. They were in for some hard days as both of them dealt with the misplaced guilt that they were feeling. "Come we need to let the attendants prepare her and I doubt the healers let you wander the halls at the moment." Standing up, he took one more look at his beloved before turning around and walking out of the room with his son in his arms.
TBC.