~ Shortcut ~
By Ola
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A/N~ This chapter is for all of you who have began to miss Aragorn. =) (should I mention he will also be in the two next chapters as well? Unless I find something for Legolas to do will he takes a stroll through the freezing woods =)
Thank you so much for everyone who reviewed the previous chapters (answers and comments will be at the bottom). I'll make this note short. As in: I'll stop it right HERE! Enjoy! =)
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Part 5~ Aragorn
It was night when I returned to the small camp the others had made. I did not say a word, but everyone saw whose cloak I carried. An empty cloak, its owner lost. There was no need for words, and even if there was, I would not have been able to utter them. Dear Eru, would life get any easier to bear? First Gandalf, then Legolas. I could not sit near the fire even though for once, no one said anything. Frodo cried silently, Pippin sobbed into Merry's shoulder, and Sam's face held great grief. Not as great as mine. Even Gimli and Boromir looked sorrowful, although I had not known they had befriended the elf. But who wouldn't? He was always helpful, always there for anyone in need, and even though he did have his bad moments and his too great pride sometimes came in the way, he was a wonderful being. And he died because of me. There was no denying it, no matter how I wished it. And I did not even wish it that much. No. Deep down, I knew it was my fault.
I sat a few feet away from them, looking into the darkness. Over the lake. Was his spirit still there? Could he have heard me if I had said how sorry I was? Could he have forgiven me? Did I want to be forgiven? Would it change anything? I do not thing the pain will ever go away. Or the guilt. I don't want it to go away.
Everyone volunteered for the first watch. I would have laughed but my heart was silent to joy. As the leader of the fellowship –or what was left of it. Oh, how I hated this responsibility. What was the use of being a leader if I could not look after my own people? There were only nine of us! What about a whole country!– I assigned the watch, although I doubt anyone slept anyway. I know I did not. I could not. Would I ever be able to sleep without dreaming of Legolas' cries and silent accusations? For the third time of my life, I cried. I cried and wished the ring had never been forged, wished Legolas had never come along on this perilous journey, wished there was no Watcher, wished I had not frozen in fright, wished Legolas was still alive.
…I wished for many things…
None of them came true as the sky turned less dark and the world awoke to a new day.
We left the camp at first light, after a quick and silent break fast of lembas. My heart squeezed as I took a little bite. Elven lembas. Sigh. He would not be here to take up the end of the line of march, to watch over our backs. But it was I who should have watched his back! Not the other way around! Gimli took his position, his stony face unreadable. He did not meet my eyes. Did he blame me too? A little more blame would not matter for it was insubstantial compared to my own.
We walked on. Every little thing reminded me of my friend. And I had to catch myself a few times before speaking aloud to him. He is not here anymore. And never will be. Because of you. I was aware that I was paying less attention that I should to our road. Making an even less able leader out of myself. Putting everyone into even more danger. But I could not help myself from thinking about him. I was in a daze. In some deeper recess of my mind, I hoped nothing eventful would happen on the remaining journey to Lothlorien. If, dear Eru, something happened to anyone else under my care, I would personally take myself out of this world and rid Middle-Earth of my inaptitude. Let someone better suited for the job become the King of Gondor for I never asked for that position. So why aren't you paying attention? Why are you hiding even deeper into yourself? Because I…
I have lost all trust in myself.
Lothlorien…and what would happen once we arrived there? I shuddered at the thought of Lady Galadriel's eyes upon my own. Will I be able to meet her gaze? Or will her power spot this tragedy from afar and forbid me to come to her? I let out a sigh and walked on. Closer and closer to Lorien. Beautiful Lorien that Legolas had wished so much to see…
Two days away from the Golden Woods, some sense returned into my mind, and I was devastated to see the condition of the sorry group I led. All eyes were sunken, faces haggard, skin pale and stretched too thin over bone. And it was all my fault. Once again. This cannot go on. You can decide how to destroy your own life if you chose to but you cannot gamble with that of someone else! Not when this someone has the fate of all of Middle-Earth in his hand!!
And so I stopped while it was still a few hours before sunset, to a few grumbles with no heart in them. And I went in search of some substantial food. As well as some herbs to prepare the meet –and a few others for…a little surprise-. Everyone ate. They must have longed for something else beside lembas for quite a while, but not caring to voice it aloud. And I must say its flavor was quite good, although I do not know how it tasted to them, with those additional herbs. I had not put a lot of it in the meat, for if danger was afoot, we would need to run. But there was just enough to…
They dropped into dreamless sleep one by one. To only wake an hour after dawn, a little surprised at having slept at all, but looking a lot healthier.
I sighed, my gaze wandering over the western horizon, vainly searching for a black speak to stride over the far away hills. This had become a morning ritual, even though I cringed whenever emptiness met my searching eyes. But I could not walk away without looking.
Finally came the day we stepped on Lothlorien's grounds. My heart was torn into two. Glad for the safety of the rest of the fellowship, and pained at the memory of the fallen. What would I give to change the past?
~Aragorn…~
My heart skipped a beat. I had not anticipated the Lady's powers to seek us out so close to the border of her kingdom. But I did see the wisdom in that, although I cringed at the thought of seeing her.
~Aragorn…Estel…~
"Stay close little hobbits." I barely heard Gimli's gruff voice and some boast or another about his sight and hearing. I was too deep within my own thoughts, or rather, I should say doubts and self-beratings. Thus, I once again proved my ineptitude as a leader when Lorien's guards stepped out of the forest like ghosts and pointed their arrows at our company. Great job Aragorn…you're doing better and better… the fact that these were elves in their own realm and thus could walk unnoticed and unheard at will did not stop my sarcasm from being painfully true to my ears.
"The dwarf breathes so loud we could have shot him in the dark." Ah, dear old Haldir. Sigh.
How would he react to learning of Legolas's demise? They knew each other. I sighed again, and asked him to let us continue our journey even though my heart was not entirely in it. I think he realized the gravity of the moment, or he may have sensed the sadness and grief that hung around us. I do not know, but after a while, he asked us to follow him into the heart of the Golden Woods. Into the realm of Lady Galadriel. She who will look into our hearts and know our worth. And my treason toward her kind. Toward Legolas. Toward my friend…
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A/N~ I hope the story is not becoming boring with all this introspection, because there's more to come *looks around not knowing what to expect*
I'll really try to write something Legolas-wise to break the upcoming torrent of Aragorn chapters. And I'm really sorry for the few people who don't really like the first person narration, but I've already written the next few chapters, and I rather like them that way. So unless I have some time to myself (looks on the horizon –nope, none coming soon- it will stay that way. But I WILL write it in third person …some time. =)
-celebwen- *squeals* woeeee! You really have one?
-eck- how's that for a chapter? =) -I don't know whose turn it is to update though =) so since I just did, I think it's yours now *whistles innocently. No wait, I don't know how to whistle. Oh well =)*
-lisseyelen- yea, I guess I didn't spend that long, but still, I'm more on the lazy side I would have to admit (wonders why I'm writing and posting then =). Thanks for the story titles =) they were great! And don't think bad about your too =) (I haven't had the time to read it yet though. But I promises I will! =)
-crazygirly- thanks for the recommendation =)
-skywise- CT?! no way! So am I! err, walking from class to class, does that mean you're in college? *counts how many colleges there are in CT and wonders at the probability of actually being in the same one. Mmm* =)
-s-star- passionate, eh? =) well, this is not a slash fic. But I think I could definitely make it passionate =) *wink wink*
-evil spaplle, err, spapple pie- lol, sorry about your name =) didn't realize it. Though I don't know. Snapple pie should be very interesting indeed =)
AND THANK YOU TO EVERYONE ELSE WHO REVIEWED! DID I TELL YOU I LOVE YOU GUYS? Ok, ok, I'll stop with the caps, takes too much space =) I hope this fic warms your hearts a bit in this cold winter (pfuaa, when did youever get poetic? I didn't. I can see that. You're totally bad at it. Well yea =) *grins*)
lol. I'm glad so many of you liked the famous sign =) and I hope I didn't disappoint with no watcher coming out to get Legolas…and the shortness of the chapter. I'll try to post the next one sooner.
~Ola~