Neriman Newbie
Chapter 9
I. Don't. Speak. Chinese.
All comments and criticisms would be welcome. Send all praise and flames to: Macleodrichard@hotmail.com be warned that if you flame me I probably won't care.
Disclaimers, while often pointless, can be necessary. But I don't care really.
"If you're a guy, then I'm fine with that. If you're a girl, get the hell away from me. If you're my mom, get running." - Jason Reaver at age 15 when someone covered his eyes and said "Guess who?".
Notes: [] Denotes the worldly english language.
** Denotes signs, if there are any.
At some point this will denote Chinese. Once someone who speaks Chinese comes into the story. Which has now happened.
{} Denotes thought and maybe even telepathy. All thought is conducted in the person's native language, so if someone read's my mind, they probably won't figure out shit.
() Denotes Author's comments. Putting an A/N infront of everything I like to mention isn't something I can catch a hold of. (MWAHAHAHA)
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"Ranma..." The purple haired girl said.
"Sh-Shampoo, what are you doing in Japan?!" Ranma wondered pointing at the purple haired girl nervously. The blanket she had been carrying falling from her shoulders.
"I KILL!!" the girl shouted as she plunged one of her bonbori into a wall.
Ranma picked up the blanket and fanned it into the air as she jumped a bonbori strike. "You're the only person..." Ranma began then ducked another strike that went into the wall. "I just can't..." She jumped up and threw the blanket towards the other girl. "Deal with!!" Then she ducked into the locker that Jason had opened and closed the door quickly.
The girl brought the towel the ground and looked around for her quarry.
"She left." Jason said pointing out the hole in the wall.
"BAD!!" the girl shouted and pounded a bonbori into a locker before jumping out the window.
Akane walked over to the locker, pried the door off, put her hands on her hips, leaned forwards and stared hard at Ranma. "Well? What's the story with her?"
"Well... it's kinda... complicated." Ranma said shaking nervously while holding herself up in the top of the locker.
"Awfully cute isn't she?" Akane observed.
"Are you crazy?! She's out to kill me!"
Jason interrupted before a flashback could occur. "Hey Ranma, just how exactly does she rate? Think I could beat her?"
"No, probably not." Ranma said and waved her hand dismissively. "Now as I was saying. Let me take you back a while... to China..."
Ranma and Genma trudged along a dirt road following the Jusenkyo tour guide. Both Ranma and Genma were in their cursed forms and both carrying large backpacks.
"I'm starving."
"Honored customers, this is village of Amazons." The tour guide stated.
"Amazons? Howzat?" Ranma muttered drearily.
"This village women very strong."
The sounds of battle echoed through the village and reached their ears. "They give show of their skill now."
The purpled haired girl was fighting a fat ugly woman with her two bonbori on top of a log held in the air by rope. The ugly woman was using some type of pole arm that I haven't ever seen or heard of in my life.
After battling back and forth for a few seconds the younger one managed to bat the older one high into the air.
"Winning Martial Arts show is good honor." the guide explained.
"That girls got some serious power." Ranma observed, munching into a meat bun.
The guide now noticed that Ranma was eating some corn while Genma was eating a leg of meat.
"Ah, Mr. Customers. What you eat here?"
Ranma jumped up as a bonbori smashed through the table he sat on, then landed and sat on it.
"You there! Woman and Panda! Why you steal my prize! She say." the guide translated. "Every year this day. There is Martial Art show. I am now champion. She say."
"Then if I defeat you, you've got no problem right?"
The guide translated to the Chinese girl.
With one kick, one kick, one bloody kick. Ranma knocked the purple haired girl off the log. My god, the strain it must have taken.
"He is won!" the guide exclaimed nervously.
As Ranma's arm was raised in victory as the girl got up from the dirt. She walked over to Ranma determined to do something that was so far unintelligible. Gently she lifted Ranma's chin, then planted a gentle kiss on Ranma's cheek. Ranma pulled away touching the spot and the girl smiled at her in a way that seemed seductive, yet deadly.
"I thought you said this was when you were a girl!" Akane shouted and kicked the fence that Ranma was walking on.
"Hear me out!" Ranma shouted back while checking his footing. "Eh... where's Jason by the way?"
"He turned off to Dr. Tofu's a little while ago." Akane explained.
"Ah. Okay."
"YAAAAAA!" The guide shouted in fear, then grabbed Ranma's hand and began to run away from the village. You just getting Kiss of Death!"
"Kiss of Death?" Ranma echoed.
"Amazons have very big pride. Losing to outsider... is worse shame than death! Kiss of death is promise to chase you to end of earth and kill!"
And when they say to the ends of the earth, they mean it!
"So now she's followed you all the way to Japan. Amazing isn't it P-chan!" Akane commented to the pig in her arms. "Well, at least she's cute!"
"Will you stop?"
The Tendo Dojo, a few minutes later.
"Ranma, you have a guest." Kasumi said cheerfully as Ranma entered the room and fell on his butt still holding the door and staring in horror at Shampoo as she sipped some tea. "Uncle Saotome brought her."
Ranma grabbed Genma's fur. "Are you insane pop?!"
*She followed me*
"Ranma?" Shampoo said looking over to Ranma and Genma. She leaned forwards so she could examine his face. "Hello."
"Heh... hello."
"Man." Shampoo stated patting down Ranma's chest.
"S--s--s sorry to disapp-p-point you!"
"Oh ho. The first time she's seen the male Ranma eh?" Ryoga said popping up beside Akane.
"You seem to know alot about this... 'P-chan'" Ranma said quietly to Ryoga.
"You really think it's smart to talk to me like that now?" Ryoga said blandly then stood up and lifted a bucket full of water. "Come on Ranma. She wants to see the female Ranma, you should help you know."
Their spat was interupted as a bonbori passed between them towards Akane. Akane stopped it with both hands making a 'THOP' sound(I've never encountered this sound in my life).
"Give me Ranma!" Shampoo demanded.
"I don't know what you're-"
"You hide Ranma! You too-"
Shampoo stopped as her bonbori was pulled from her hand. She turned to the thief and confronted the person. "It not nice to attack the host." Jason stated with his nose burried in a book labeled 'Cantonese for Idiots' in English.
"You hide him too! Give Ranma to me or I'll kill you!" Shampoo shouted at him and attacked with her other bonbori.
Jason narrowly dodged the attack but stood completely still. "Sorry, but me not allowed to fight today." He replied with the book slightly farther from his face than before.
"Only a weakling does not fight!" Shampoo retorted angrilly.
Jason closed the thick paper cover book smacked Shampoo across the face with it. "I'm in mourning for a lot of people who died a long time ago. If you have a problem with that then go home."
As Shampoo recovered from the recoil she stood and glared at Jason again, her eyes narrow. "Repeat that?"
Jason grumbled in frustration and perused the book again. "I in mourning for many peoples who die long time ago. You have problem then go home." Jason repeated, somewhat.
"Why should I listen to a weak man's babbling, out of my way!"
"You know what, you have this coming." Jason said and swung the book again. Shampoo blocked it with the remaining large mace, then she heard a snap and it was suddenly lighter in her hand.
"What those made from? [Balsam?]" Jason asked, not knowing the Chinese word for balsam.
"That's probably what happens when you use them to break walls all the time." Ranma snickered.
"That could explain it." Jason commented while he began to back away from Shampoo who seemed to be getting increasingly angry at the moment.
Finally Shampoo's angry shaking stopped, unfortunately the reason for that seemed to be so that she could pull out a sword and lunge at Jason. Ranma pushed Jason to the side and kept himself out of the blades way then scrambled to hold Shampoo down as she turned towards Jason again. She raised the sword over her shoulder and slashed at Jason again. Jason rolled along the wall and the sword thunked next to his shoulder.
As Shampoo pulled her sword from the wall Jason glanced at the cut then ran up the stairs. {That thing looks sharp.}
"You won't escape me!" Shampoo shouted as she readied her sword again and chased Jason up the stairs.
"Watch me!" Jason shouted back as he entered the guest room.
As Shampoo caught up to Jason in the guest room she saw him climbing out the window and quickly jumped out behind him. He landed just below it and she soared clear over his head onto the steps of the dojo. As she turned she expected that the outlander would be afraid of her, as all these sissy outlanders were. The tall white ones especially according to her Great-Grandmother. But as she turned she lost her wind as Jason body checked her into the dojo. Instead of stopping though Jason kept on going into the dojo until he hit the wall full force. He rebounded off her and immediately retained a standing position a few feet from where she fell to the ground sucking in air.
"That all the fight you got in you?" Jason queried holding his antique broadsword infront of himself. "Come on, I thought you Amazons were better than this."
"Silly male, I'll get you for this." Shampoo threatened then stood up and approached him slowly, with her sword held in her hands limply. "I'll have my sisters teach you proper manners." She said as she realized just how much taller Jason was than she was and grabbed his shoulders. "Then I'll have the best husband in the tribe." She murmured to herself and she pulled herself up to meet his lips.
His lips seemed rather cold and hard....
"Do you know how old this thing is? You might want to take your lips off of it. Now let me go." Jason said and backed away from her and held the sword at the ready. "Now you gonna fight me? I may not know how to use these all too well but I feel like learning." He stated grinning at her.
"Jason don't! If you beat her she'll give you the Kiss of Death!" Ranma shouted from the doorway of the dojo.
"The what?!" Jason called back looking towards Ranma.
"Get down!!" Ranma shouted and hurled a broken bonbori ball over Jason's ducking head to smack Shampoo in the forehead.
"Defeated again. Poor girl." Ryoga said as Shampoo fell to the floor.
"It was an accident!" Ranma protested.
"Oh Ranma, you're being too modest." Kasumi stated waving her hand encouragingly. Genma held up a sign saying *Knockout*
"I didn't mean to!" Ranma denied.
"What's this about defeating her?! What's the big deal?!" Jason demanded turning towards the crowd behind him while letting the antique droop in his hand.
"She'll be chasing around the male Ranma too. She'll try to kill him." Akane said to herself.
"How's that work?" Jason asked confused.
Something tapped Jason's shoulder and he turned around. He found himself caught totally off-guard as Shampoo's lips met his for more than a moment. "I love you." She said as she pulled away. Jason was so stunned that after Shampoo let go and moved to Ranma he still didn't move.
"W-wait, I didn't beat you, it was a fluke, an accident!" Ranma denied waving her away.
Shampoo latched onto his the same as she had Jason. Ranma didn't move and was encased in the same state of wide-eyed shock that Jason currently was. After a few seconds Akane's eyes narrowed and she took a broken bonbori piece from Genma and whipped it at Ranma's head, knocking him clean out of Shampoo's arms and onto the floor.
Shampoo turned to Akane and both began to growl at each other. (Ah the wonders of a cat fight. Prowr)
"Someone... had better tell me... just what happened [BEFORE I TAKE THING AND DISEMBOWEL SOMEONE!!]" Jason shouted snarling at the crowd.
Soun rushed into the dojo and looked around. "What's the trouble?"
"I'm about to fly into a rage!"
"Well... Ranma's girlfriend from China forced her way in and onto both Jason and Ranma..." Kasumi explained.
"Girlfriend?" Soun repeated leaning forwards to look Kasumi in the eye.
"You don't know what you're talking about!" Ranma denied.
"I think Kasumi's hit it right on the head." Ryoga stated tapping Ranma's head with the bonbori head that hit Ranma not a minute ago.
"She's never seen me as boy before!" Ranma argued.
Akane turned her head away from Ranma as she began to say, "Your little 'Shampoo' gave you quite a kiss for-"
"Get her off of me now someone please!" Jason cried from the floor as Shampoo clung to his back and he tried to crawl away. "AGH! HELP ME DAMNIT!! RANMA RYOGA AKANE SOMEONE GET HER OFF!!"
Ryoga, being the one who reacted first since Ranma and Akane were beginning to argue again, grabbed the back of Shampoo's shirt and tossed her off of Jason's back. As Shampoo recovered in midair the back of her head hit a roof support beam and she hit the ground head first. After this Ryoga suddenly realized just what he'd done and turned an albino shade of white.
Jason stood up and clapped Ryoga on the shoulder breathing a sigh of relief. "Didn't think you'd come through for me Ryoga. Thanks."
Ryoga was so stunned that he didn't hear the words. But true to type, Shampoo got up and walked over to Ryoga and kissed him as well. If she hadn't done it so quickly Jason might have stopped it, but he wasn't as fast as Ranma or anything.
"Now then..." Soun said as he had a drag on his cigarette. Suddenly the room filled with smoke that poured out of two huge nostrils and an evil presence when Soun did his Demon Head Attack. "Someone explain all this to me!"
"I'd love to! If I knew-"
Shampoo pulled a book seeming from nowhere and pointed at it. Soun took it and began to read through it as he walked back to the living room. Everyone sat down at the table as Kasumi began to pour some tea. "What? But this... this..."
"What does it say?" Jason asked.
"YOU IDIOT! DO YOU REALLY THINK I CAN READ CHINESE?!" Soun shouted at Jason with tears flowing from his eyes.
Nabiki came up beside Soun and took the book from him. "Then let me try."
"Oh! Nabiki, welcome home." Kasumi greeted.
"The Law of the Amazons." Nabiki read. "In the event that a woman warrior is defeated by an outsider... if her opponent is a woman she must give her the kiss of death and kill her!" Nabiki flipped the page. "However... if her opponent is a man she must mae him her husband!" She finished.
"Oh my." Kasumi said as Ranma, Akane, Ryoga, and Jason stared at Nabiki with eyes the size of saucers. Shampoo pulled Ranma and Ryoga just little closer to herself with a big smile on her face.
"What a joke!" Ranma accused and slammed his hand down on the table. "Like you even know how to read Chinese."
"It's true that I don't know how to read Chinese." Nabiki harrumphed. "But there's a Japanese translation right here." She explained leaning forwards to show them the translation.
"Silly us." Kasumi said.
Soun snapped his fingers annoyed. "Damn. All that humiliation for nothing."
Jason held his hand out to Nabiki. "Can I read that for a second?" He requested. Nabiki put the book in his hand and he began to flip through it. He then pulled out a second book and put it down on the table. No one except for him and Ryoga could read the english label on it.
"Cantonese? Why aren't you using a book for Chinese?"
"You ever gone to China often Ryoga? The Chinese have a dialect for almost every province. I only speak mandarin myself but she unfortunately only speaks Cantonese. This book was only partly translated too. I think someone didn't want us to read all of it unless we were from the village." Jason explained. "So I'm taking the time to translate this and read the 'real deal'."
"So you two can't talk to each other then? You seemed to be doing a good job a second ago." Akane stated.
"Not really, my speach was broken and I occasionally just switched back to Mandarin. We don't communicate well." Jason said then turned back to Shampoo. "May I write in here?" He asked. As she nodded her head he pulled out a mechanical pencil from inside his sleeve and began jotting down notes in the lawbook in english.
"Just how many languages do you know Jason?" Kasumi wondered.
"I can speak English, Japanese, Mandarin, Russian, Spanish, Gaelic, German, Tai, Korean, and Portuguese. I can read and write English, Japanese, Mandarin, Russian, and Tai." Jason listed.
"Why do you know so many languages? I hardly think you'd be going to all those places." Akane wondered.
"Cause I refused to study French for ten years, and I justified it by learning other languages."
"Why refuse to learn French?"
"Cause I'm never going to Quebec and the teachers couldn't teach it." Jason groused as he continued to write in the law book. "Uh... I'm not sure but... is this word given?" He asked Shampoo. Shampoo looked at the word then conversed with Jason for a short time in her language. "[Jesus Christ.]" Jason swore after they finished and he wrote something down in the book.
"What? What?!" Ranma asked worriedly.
"Don't worry Ranma, I think this will only apply to Ryoga and me." Jason stated then held the book infront of Ryoga's face. "[You can 'read' English right?]"
"[Of course I can!]" Ryoga said and took the book from Jason and read the notes. Everyone watched as his countenance slowly changed from annoyed to a deep blush, with a little trickle of blood coming out his nose. "But... but... but...."
"Yeah." Jason said as he took the book from Ryoga.
"This doesn't apply to Ranma why?!"
"[Cause he's the first. Even though Shampoo might not realize that.]" Jason replied as he began to go through the book again and continued to write down notes. "If anyone here wants to argue with Shampoo about why none of this should come to pass I'm gonna go through here and figure out what all this means."
"Don't you think you'll need some help?" Nabiki insisted.
"I've got no money Nabiki. Otherwise I'd ask." Jason explained without taking his eyes from the two books.
Nabiki shrugged her shoulders then walked off upstairs. Everyone else began to dispurse as well. Ranma, Ryoga, and Akane each went off on their own. Kasumi stayed with Jason for a second making sure he had a steady supply of tea. Soun and Genma left to drink or plot or whatever they did.
"I can't believe they have laws like this." Jason muttered to himself.
"Really? Why's that?" Kasumi asked politely.
"Well... half of these laws... I don't think people could even conceive of them in day to day life."
"What kind of laws are they?"
Jason let out a long breath. "Well, here's an example. Through the marriage law that Shampoo used to give the Kiss of Marriage to me, Ranma, AND Ryoga, she is allowed to actually marry all three of us if she wants it that way! If she doesn't want to marry us, then she is still obligated to give us the Kiss of Marriage but can give us to any other Amazon she chooses. The only one of us exempt from this is the first person that defeated her, which is Ranma."
"Oh my. Well, I suppose that if it's worked for them for this long... but as many men as she chooses?"
"As long as they defeat her. And it says nothing here about her actually have to 'try' to win. This little transcript wasn't translated by the way. I really hope there's a way out of this. Otherwise things might get hectic around here."
"What are all these laws for? I mean, what's the purpose for them?" Kasumi asked.
"Hrm. I think it's so that their bloodlines don't go stale. When an isolated group reproduces for generations on it's own the genes go stale and eventually the children will become retarded. The Amazons might have had enough numbers that they could be picky about what new blood they let in." Jason surmised then looked up at the cup of tea infront of him. "Ah, thank you Kasumi, you've got a good blend here. What kind of tea is this?"
"Oolong tea, I think we're almost out though I'll probably need to get some more later."
Akane beat the stuffing out of a straw dummy that had an unusual resemblance to Ranma, Ryoga sat on top of the roof of the dojo in thought (and trying to make sure he didn't get lost), Ranma was trying to argue with Shampoo about just how Stone age it was to use a law to sucker a man into marriage.
"Listen Shampoo..." Akane heard Ranma say from around the corner of the house.
Akane walked to the corner of the house and peered around to see Ranma sitting on top of a bird house with Shampoo leaning against it looking up at him.
"Get up to date. Some law that says that if you're beaten by a woman you have to kill her, and if it's a guy you marry him. Is just pure stone age!"
Kasumi and Nabiki appeared above Akane. "You shouldn't get mad at him for this Akane." Kasumi stated.
"It's not like he asked for it and you don't really think 'he' would have a girlfriend do you?" Nabiki added.
Akane was silent as she looked back at Ranma and Shampoo.
"You gettin me?" Ranma asked. Shampoo jumped to him nodding and began to cuddle with him. "You're not getting it." Ranma surmised as he began to pull away from her and she said something in Chinese.
"That means 'My darling'." Nabiki clarified.
"NOW LISTEN! I'M NOT GOING TO MARRY YOU! EVER!!" Ranma shouted keeping his hands above his head.
Shampoo said something else in Chinese while looking into Ranma's eyes lovingly.
"S-so... you see... see..." Ranma stuttered.
"That was 'I love you'." Nabiki clarified.
"G-getting... m-married because... I-I mean... well..."
"Stop it Nabiki." Akane warned.
"W-we... we... should get to know each other better!" Ranma announced blushing madly.
"Oh my. Such a weakling." Kasumi murmured.
"Are you following this Akane?" Nabiki asked as Akane fell to the ground.
Genma-panda ran up to the bird house and smacked Ranma for a 10 for distance with a sign that said *Listen to yourself DOLT*. And Shampoo went "Yeeeee!"
Ranma managed to get back to the dojo roof. {She's always been trying to kill me.} Ranma thought to himself as he crawled up the roof. {So I've never really noticed before...} An image of a cute looking Shampoo appeared in Ranma's head. {But that Shampoo is really cute. I only Akane was as affectionate as that.}
"Ranma you jerk!! Ranma you jerk!! Jerk! Jerk! Jerk! Jerk!!"
Ranma saw a dummy that looked suspiciously like him hit the side of the house then and fall to the ground. {Like I said.}
"Ahh. That felt good!" Akane declared to the world. "Anyway. It's not like we agreed to the engagement or anything. He can go be with Shampoo if he wants. It's not like... we're in love or anything...." She said to herself as she began to walk away from the spot she'd been practicing. Akane then thought about the skating match "You touch her and I'll kill you!" Ranma had said.
Turning around, walked up to the dummy, picked it up and hugged it to her chest.
Ranma watched all of this from the edge of the roof. {She's got some strange fetish with holding things to her chest doesn't she?} He thought to himself.
Ranma's burst of thought was interupted as he was suddenly splashed with cold water. Ranma turned to see Ryoga sitting on the top of the dojo roof with an empty bucket between his legs. "What's the big idea Ryoga?!"
Ryoga rested his chin against the bucket and watched Ranma sad eyes as he said, "You know... watching beautiful Akane get so jealous over you..." Ryoga picked the bucket up from inbetween his legs and threw it at Ranma. "Really hurts my feelings!!"
"What's that got to do with me?!" Ranma demanded as she fell from the roof after getting hit in the face with the bucket. "If Akane's jealous that's her-" Ranma stopped as he realized that Akane was right behind him.
"Jealous? Not at all." Akane said smiling cheerfully. "It's not like we wanted this engagement in the first place." Akane pulled her hand back and slapped Ranma in the face. "So go ahead and get to know each other!!"
Ranma watched Akane walk past her, not really sure what to say. Then she heard Ryoga shout something on top of the dojo. Moving quietly Ranma peered over the edge of the dojo roof to see that Shampoo was now working her magic on him. "Serves him right." Ranma muttered as she fell back to the ground and walked inside the Tendo home.
Next morning.
"Akane, could you wake Ranma, Ryoga, and Jason up please?" Kasumi requested as she served breakfast.
"Why should I?" Akane responded.
"Why...?" Kasumi didn't understand Akane's reluctance. A point that Nabiki clarified.
"Akane's still holding a grudge against them because they all got engaged to Shampoo." Nabiki stated.
"I am not." Akane answered evenly.
"Akane!" Soun said as he put his rice bowl down on the table. "Don't you think it's time you learned to be more honest with yourself?" Soun demanded growling.
"Like how!" Akane replied glaring at her father and growling even louder.
"Oh! Don't growl at me like that!" Soun said turning away from her youngest daughter and starting to cry.
"It's okay father, it's okay." Kasumi soothed.
"Is everyone in my family insane?" Akane wondered as she began to walk upstairs. "You guys!! You gonna sleep all day?!" Akane shouted as she opened the door to the guest room. What she saw inside made her eyes go wide.
Jason, Ranma, Ryoga, and Genma were each lying in their own futons. Jason's though, had an addition to it though. Shampoo was sleeping in the futon with him with a more than decent amount of her chest exposed against his naked one. At Jason's feet Neko-san slept silently curled up in a ball.
Akane returned to the room this time with a bucket filled with cold water. She tossed the water, it flew in a graceful arc into the air, the morning sun filtering in through the window made it sparkle delicately and cast a rainbow of hues across the room for only a moment... all this before it hit everyone in a line. Ranma and Ryoga's curses were activated(Seeing as how Genma's already was) and woke everyone up.
"Akane?! What the hell's the big idea?!" Jason demanded as he jerked upright and looked around. Neko-san had bolted out the door as a single drop of water had hit him, Ranma was trying to dry her face off, Ryoga couldn't be seen, and Genma didn't actually notice, he just fell asleep again. That was about the time Jason and Ranma noticed Shampoo sitting up, wiping her eyes, with her shirt soaked all the way through.
"Darling." Shampoo mumbled as she leaned forwards towards him.
"Shampoo... out... now...!" Jason warned and pointed to the door. Shampoo looked where Jason was pointing and saw the female Ranma trying to sneak out of the room.
"Female Ranma! KILL!" Shampoo shouted and took chase.
"What a way to start the day!" Ranma shouted as she took off through the household.
Jason got out from futon and got some clothing out of the dresser. "Dear god, can't anyone ever get some peaceful sleep around here?" He wondered to himself as he pulled out fresh, dry, clothing. He started to unzip his pants when he turned back to Akane. "Can I get some privacy in here Akane?" He requested then pushed her out of the room and closed the door. "[Some people.]"
Outside of the room Akane turned her back to the door and leaned against it. "P-chan..."
"You're all deviants! All three of you!"
"Damnit Akane! I told you already! She crawled into my bed while I was asleep!"
"Then why was your shirt off?!"
"I always sleep without a shirt!"
"Did I ask for an explanation?!"
"If I'm such a deviant then why do you sleep with a pig?!"
Akane was strangely silent as she, Ranma, and Jason ran to school.
"Glad to see you finally see it my way!" Jason declared annoyed, Akane had been giving him hell the whole time since they'd left.
On top of a nearby roof Ryoga watched the trio pass him by. {Dear Akane... I leave you without a farewell.} He thought to himself saddly. {Today you saw... the truth. That I am your pet P-chan. I can't bear to face you in fear of your reprieve.} A scene of Akane's anger played out in Ryoga's head. {To hear you say that you truly hate me...} "My heart of glass would be shattered!"
Ryoga jumped down from the roof. "And now Akane, farewell."
SPLOOSH
P-chan glared at the old lady who by some unknown circumstances just always seemed to be watering her sidewalk. Why does the old lady always water her sidewalk one might ask? Well, only god knows that answer. Him and Rumiko Takahashi.
"Chk chk chk chk chk." Ryoga heard. He turned to the sound and saw Shampoo kneeling down and holding her hand out to him. Ryoga, being ever lost in both world location and mind actually walked forwards so she was close enough to pet him on the head. She smiled at him.
This little piggy became roast beef. (MWAHAHA)
The lunch bell at Furinkan High rang loud and clear throughout the school. Shouts of "Yes! Lunch time!" and "I'm starving!" were heard throughout the school. Jason sat down at his desk with the Amazon Law book on the right side, his Cantonese-English translation guide on the left side, and his lunch sitting precariously on the far left corner of the desk. With his right hand he was writing down notes in the Amazon Law book and with his left he was eating and trying to keep everything stable.
THOOOM
"What was that?!" Some of the students wondered to each other.
THOOOOOM
"It's getting closer!" Other students spoke up.
KRAAK - One of the walls bulged inwards.
The damaged section of wall crumbled down revealing Shampoo as she stepped into the classroom. "Jason!"
"Huh?" Jason replied looking up from the books and looked left and right. "Someone said my name?" Then he noticed that everyone was looking at something behind him and he turned in his seat. "Shampoo?! What are you doing here?!"
"Wife make lunch." She said as she put a covered plate down on his desk. Jason scrambled to pull the books and his bento out of the way but his bento didn't make it. The books did thankfully.
"You're not my wife Shampoo, get it through your..." He trailed off as Shampoo took the lid off the plate and showed him the beautiful lunch she made him. The chopsticks and books in his hands fell from limp fingers.
"Isn't that... P-chan?" Nabiki asked curiously.
Jason slowly reached forwards and pulled P-chan off of the display and tapped the pig slash boy's cheek. "Yo, Ryoga, wake up." Jason whispered. "If you don't Akane will rip me in half."
P-chan's eyes slowly opened to see Jason's face.
GNAW!!
"I can see now he's fine." Jason muttered as P-chan gnashed his teeth on Jason's tricep. "I'll be back Shampoo, you stay right here." Jason said and walked out of the classroom.
Jason made a couple stops after he walked out of the classroom. First, his gym locker. Second, a sneak peek into the Nurse's office. Third, the bathroom. After dumping some hot water on Ryoga then handing him his gym clothes Jason leaned against one of the sinks and waited.
"What?!" Ryoga demanded.
"You mind letting me in on how you became my lunch?" Jason asked.
"She knocked me out and threw me in a pan? How should I know?!" Ryoga replied angry.
"Alright alright. Geez. Let's get you out of here. Don't need her trying to turn you into dinner."
"I can't out like this!" Ryoga declared. It was rather true, all he was wearing was a pair of shorts and a muscle shirt that Jason used for gym class.
"Hey! That's the best I can do for you. Unless you want me to steal some clothing from the other students there's nothing I can do for you!" Jason declared.
Ryoga glared at him.
"[You've got to be kidding me.]"
Slowly and steathily Jason snuck through the school during the lunch hour. He peeked into the gym and saw all the schools Kendo students practicing their art. He nodded to himself and snuck into the locker room once again. Weaving his way through the lockers he found the one he was looking for. The only locker with no lock on it. It creaked open, the hinges needed some oil which Jason didn't have, and revealed the articles of clothing hidden within. "These should fit." Jason muttered to himself.
"What you doing Jason?"
"AH!" Jason shouted and spun around. "Shampoo?! What're you doing in the Mens locker room?!" He demanded.
"Following you." she answered smiling.
"Women aren't allowed in here! You've got to get out, hurry, hurry!" He said as he shooed her out. Then he heard people entering from outside. "Um... on second thought...." Jason moved to another locker and opened it. He took the clothing he'd grabbed and put it then turned to Shampoo and pointed into the locker. "Get in and be quiet. I'll get you out when they leave."
"Why?" She asked confused.
In response Jason lifted her up by her waist and put her into his locker. "Be quiet." He said then closed the door and placed a lock on the door then looked for somewhere to hide.
Kendo students filed into the room. Kuno at the head of them. They all went to the showers and soon after their lockers. The end of lunch bell wasn't too far off and all the students prepared for class. When they all finally left it wasn't quickly enough for Jason. Getting out from under the bench he'd dived under he breathed a sigh of relief.
Opening his locker once again Jason found Shampoo had indeed stayed in there, and from the way she was holding her nose she'd been quiet too.
"It smell bad in here." She informed.
Jason raised an eyebrow and gave her room to get out. "It's where I put my gym clothes. It should smell bad in there."
Shampoo stepped out and stretched a second. The moment that she had used to REALLY show off was lost as Jason had been bending over to retrieve the clothing from the bottom of the locker.
"Uh, Shampoo, you should maybe head home now. When the bell rings you're not allowed here anymore." Jason said as he turned back to her.
"Leave?"
"Alright, I'll tell you in Mandarin. When the bell rings you're not allowed here anymore, you'll have to go to where ever you're staying." He informed.
"Do I really?" Shampoo asked looking up at him longingly.
Jason nodded. "Yeah. And right now I've got stuff to do. So you'll have to excuse me." He said and walked out. "Oh, and one more thing. Women aren't allowed in here, so you might want to leave secretly."
Jason quickly ran through the school hallways looking for the bathroom he'd left Ryoga in. If Ryoga had left... Jason wouldn't have any gym clothes for a while.
"The Foul Street Fighter Jason Reaver! What are you doing with that set of clothing?!"
Jason stopped in his tracks and looked over his shoulder. "Ah heh... Kuno... how's it goin?"
Kuno walked up to Jason pushing a couple students aside. "Mayhaps you should let me see the wear that you carry with you."
"I'm rather busy Kuno. Bye!" Jason said and ran to the bathroom.
"I will follow you to the ends of the Earth and slay you if I have to foul being! Have at thee!"
Jason rammed the bathroom door and looked around the lavatory. "Ryoga? You in here?" He called out. No one answered. Kuno's bleating caught up with him and Jason hid behind the door.
The door slammed open once again and Kuno walked into the bathroom this time. "Hm... the Street Fighters sweat clothes." He murmured lifting a pile of clothing by the sink with his bokken. "He has evaded me again!!" Kuno shouted and ran out.
Jason let go of the door handle and let out a sigh of relief. "[Thank god.]" he said as he walked over to the pile and picked it up. "[You think Ryoga would be smart enough to avoid water.]" he groused before he walked out.
Jason cruised the school grounds for some time. Just when he was about to give up he'd been watching a group of girls jogging around the school yard when Ranma peeked out of an equipment shed and shouted at them, "Say, you girls wanna see something really funny?!"
"What is it? What is it?" The girls wondered.
"Would you stop that?!" Ryoga shouted hidded somewhere in the shed.
{That was easy.} Jason thought to himself as he pushed past the girls and walked in. "Thank god Ryoga. I've been looking for you for a while now. You're lucky Ranma found you." Jason said closing the door behind himself.
"Not before Shampoo did."
"Ack. Sorry man." Jason apologized and handed him the good clothes. "So what's happened then?"
"Something bad." Ranma lamented. "Akane got challenged by Shampoo and now she doesn't remember me at all. Ryoga here was the only person present at the match so I'm trying to ask him but he's not helping."
Both Jason and Ranma looked at Ryoga who was now dressed in a plain white shirt and dark black pants.
"Oh fine. I'll tell." Ryoga said annoyed. "I'll tell you guys... that the mere memory... of Shampoo's footwork sends chills down my spine."
Ryoga remembered Akane facing off with Shampoo. As Akane attacked Shampoo jumped clear over her and her feet descended towards Ryoga's nose. Closer, closer, and BAM, she'd landed on his head.
BAM
"And that's what I saw." Ryoga said with a kettle imprinting his head.
"So in other words you saw nothing!" Ranma shouted holding the kettle.
After school Ranma and Jason took Akane down to Dr. Tofu's.
"No sign of external injury." Dr. Tofu stated. "How did you feel when you woke up?"
Akane felt her hair. "My head felt... well... refreshed."
Dr. Tofu became serious. "Hmm, could it be...?"
"Could it be what?" Ranma asked.
"It could only be the legendary Shiatsu Martial Art technique... Xi Fa Xiang Gao!"
"Xi... What the heck is that?!" Ranma demanded.
The door slammed open and Genma rushed in *YOU'RE RIGHT!* the sign he was holding read, in his other hand was a bag full of groceries.
"Uncle Saotome!" Akane said.
"Pop! Did you see the fight?!" Ranma demanded.
*The Whole Shebang!* The sign read. *Even now as I...*
"Turn human idiot." Ranma instructed and handed Genma a kettle.
Genma sat down in a chair with a cup of tea in his hands. "Even now as I recall... I can only gasp in disbelief."
Genma was looking up at the roof clenching a fist as the scene played out before them. Shampoo was hovering behind Akane with her hands blurring. "Once Shampoo had caught Akane's back, her movements can only be called Superhuman!"
A hand holding a bottle of Shampoo and a comb squeezed a sizable blob of Shampoo into Akane's hair. She scrubbed Akane's hair, rinsed it using a bucket of water, and then dried it with a hair dryer while combing.
"And it all... took only 56 seconds!" Genma shouted.
"That's... that's incredible!" Dr. Tofu agreed.
"No wonder my head felt so refreshed!" Akane said.
"Hm. Yeah. Real amazing." Jason mumbled.
"But... what the heck was it?" Ranma wondered.
Dr. Tofu stood by Betty and placed a hand on her skull. "Xi Fa Xiang Gao... combines the use of herbal shampoo... and the pressing of points on the skull... to manipulate memory!"
"So! That's why you forgot m-"
"Who are you?"
"Doc, is there anything we can do to cure her?!"
"Not unless we have the shampoo."
"Let's go Akane!" Ranma ran out the door dragging Akane along.
"Hey, wait! Who are you?!" Akane demanded as she was pulled out the door, and soon into the air. "EEEEEEEEE! Let me go whoever you are!"
"Shampoo where are you?! I want that shampoo Shampoo!!" Ranma shouted above the streets and houses of Nerima.
"Wow... this book has some really neat stuff in it." Jason said to himself. "I'm surprised you've never shown it to me Dr. Tofu." He said looking up at the doctor.
"Oh! I forgot I had that book, I was supposed to give it to the owner but he disappeared before I had the chance. Ah he was a great Martial Artist. A foreigner too surprisingly." Dr. Tofu explained.
"Y'know what? I think I might be able to do some of these." Jason said and flipped the page. His eyes darted left and right as he read the english text on the pages. "Hey, this one's rather neat."
"Which one?" Dr. Tofu asked leaning forwards. "Oh! Are you sure? That's not an easy one to do."
"But the benefits!"
"And the handicap."
"The... oh, hey! This wouldn't be too bad either! Can I borrow this book?!"
Dr. Tofu scratched his head as he thought about it. "If you're sure you want to try it then it should be okay. Are you sure you understand it all?"
"It's as clear as E=MC2." Jason said as he closed the book and tucked it away. "If you'll excuse me Dr. Tofu. I've got to make some arrangements for this to happen, and I've got to finish translating the Amazon Law book." He said bowed to the doctor before opening the door. "Oh! One more thing, you said you were gonna teach me something next time I come by?"
"Yes, don't worry about it. Youkai knows about it, he should be back at the Tendo's by now. Ask him when you get back."
"He wasn't any trouble while he stayed here was he?"
"No, not at all, he was rather helpful actually."
Jason breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank god. Seeya later."
Minutes later Shampoo walked in the door. "I home."
"Ah, Mr. Saotome I'd like you to meet my apprentice nurse, she'll be living here awhile."
"Hello."
*Small world... isn't it?*
"I'm home!" Akane called into her house as she took her shoes off and put some slippers on.
"Akane!"
"Is it true you're forgotten Ranma?!" Nabiki asked curiously.
"Ranma? Who's Ranma?" Akane asked looking at both her sister's weirdly.
Kasumi stood silently holding her hands infront of her apron.
Nabiki reached into her bag of chips. "Well, to start with... that guy behind you."
Akane spun around and saw Ranma standing right behind her. "Wh-what are you doing in my house?!" she demanded.
"Well... I've been staying here." Ranma replied innocently.
Kasumi stared at the pair in wonderment. "Oh my."
"So she really has forgotten." Nabiki said biting into a chip.
Soun came into the hallway laughing cheerfully. "Well, that's all right." He said and put a hand on Akane's shoulder. "Heh heh! Just as long as my little girl hasn't forgotten me." He added pointing to himself.
"Heh heh. And 'who' are you sir?" Akane asked smiling.
Soun was crouched over with his back to the door sobbing.
"Of come on Daddy! It was a joke!" Akane said patting her father's shoulder.
"She doesn't seem too concerned." Nabiki commented.
Ranma was thinking about where Shampoo might be hiding when Genma put his hands over his eyes. *Guess who?*
Spinning around and punching one of Genma's hands Ranma shouted, "Whattaya think you're doing Pop?!" He stopped and pointed a shaky finger at Shampoo wearing a pair of panda arm gloves laughing and Genma standing behind her snickering. He was unaware that he was shaking.
*He fell for it!*
Ranma grabbed Shampoo's shoulders, "Shampoo you little-" He was cut off as Shampoo jumped into his arms.
"Little Darling!"
CHOK
Everyone leaned forwards to watch as Akane embedded her elbow in Ranma's face.
"What you doing?!" Shampoo demanded angry.
"Hm?" Akane said looking up at Shampoo with her elbow still crushing Ranma's face. She removed it and looked down at Ranma. "Who are you again?" she asked with a wondering look on her face.
"This is getting old." Ranma commented standing back up.
"Conditioned reflex." Nabiki observed crushing the bag of chips in her hand.
"Somewhere in her heart, she still remember's Ranma." Kasumi explained with a tear gathering in her eye.
(Such different views when you think about them aren't they?)
"'Ranma.' You wouldn't be a noodle would you?" Akane asked.
"That's Ra-men!" Ranma replied looking down on her with narrow eyes.
Shampoo was thinking dire thoughts about Akane's rememberance of Ranma. She jumped into the air above Akane's hair and shouted, "Again! Xi Fa Xiang Gao Shiatsu Technique!"
Ranma quickly moved forwards and snatched the hand holding the shampoo and comb and took the shampoo from her. He grabbed Akane's hand and ran to the bathroom.
"Lover!" Shampoo shouted angry.
Ranma pushed Akane's head into the bathroom sink and squirted some of the shampoo onto her long hair then began to scrub vigorously with his fingers.
"YAAAAA! That hurts! That hurts!!" Akane shouted kicking her legs.
"What do you think you're doing?!" She shouted as she grabbed the back of Ranma's head and plowed him into the sink.
The door slammed open and Dr. Tofu walked in. "It won't work with that shampoo Ranma!" he declared. "Look at the number on the formula bottle!"
"411..."
"In order to bring back her memory, we need formula 911!"
"Where do I get it?!" Ranma demanded standing up from the wrecked sink.
"No need to worry, I have here the recipe for mixing some formula 911." Tofu reassured.
"Really doctor? You can help Akane?!" Kasumi came into the bathroom all happy and cheery and surrounded by flowers and totally unknowingly skrewing up Akane's chances of getting her memory back.
"K-Kasumi. What brings you here?" Tofu asked as his heart beat loudly and the book in his hands was ripped to shreds.
"Well, I live here." She answered Kasumily.
"What are you doing?!" Ranma shouted in horror.
Kasumi and Nabiki looked in Ranma's room to see him filling a large pack with various articles for traveling.
"What's up Ranma? What are you packing for?" Nabiki asked.
"Isn't it obvious?" Ranma asked then stood up and put the pack over his shoulders. "I'm going to a drugstore in China to get that formula 911 shampoo!"
"Wheeeee! Buy me something while you're there!" Nabiki requested exuberantly.
"I'd like some Oolong tea." Kasumi requested. (Anyone who's watched Tri-gun and has Ranma book 3 infront of you might actually recognise her position as being somewhat the same as Millie Thomson's from episode 1. This may just be me, after all, there's always the possibility I'm a fool and I've been looking at the caption too long)
*How about some Grecian Formula?* Genma blushed in panda form.(Now that's just strange.)
"I could use some cigarette's." Soun informed.
The pack slipped off as Ranma stared at the group speechless.
"Akane," Ranma began and put the pack back on securely. "Just you wait, I'll make you remember me."
*Brings a tear to your eye don't it?* Genma smacked Ranma's pack hard enough to push him over.
"Oh Ranma! I'm so happy to hear that!" Soun cried into his arm as he chopped Ranma's neck a couple times.
P-chan bit Ranma's arm.
As Ranma left the house a dog bit his leg.
Once the dog was gone Ranma sped through the streets wondering to himself just how he was going to get to China for free. China... for free... that's a funny. His mind boiled it down to swimming like he had with his father before, when suddenly there was a bottle labeled 911 infront of his face. He screeched to a stop as he saw the bottle of shampoo was being held by Shampoo who was hanging upside down in a tree. (And if one looks closely enough, you can actually see, since her miniskirt is slitted down the side, that she wears panties. Who ever would have thought that Shampoo of all people wore panties? I mean, it's rather obvious that she doesn't wear a bra, so you'd expect she doesn't wear panties either. I'm done rambling now.)
"9. 1. 1." Ranma said pointing at the bottle. "Give me that!" He shouted and jumped out of the pack at her. Shampoo spun on the branch and jumped into the air. "Give me that shampoo Shampoo!" Ranma shouted as they began jumping across the roof tops. Ranma came infront of her and to keep the bottle safe Shampoo undid her shirt and put the bottle between her breasts. Ranma's eyes went wide.
"Come and get." Shampoo challenged pointing to the exposed top of the bottle.
"You think I'll give up that easy?!" Ranma declared, then pulled Shampoo closer. "You may not think so but I'm rather familiar with the female body!"
"EEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"
"All right. I'll tell you what." Ranma smacked a fist into an open palm. "You give me the shampoo and I'll do whatever you want."
"Really?" Shampoo asked with her eyes all sparkly.
"But I won't marry you or kill Akane." Shampoo turned slightly sour at that.
"Okay. Kill female Ranma!" She demanded.
"Huh?" Ranma found this idea surprising. Kill his female self, really deep psychological stuff.
"You kill female Ranma. I give you shampoo 911. Is deal?"
"Is deal." Ranma said suddenly confidant. "But make it, almost kill."
"Ranma! What the hell are you doing up there?!" Some called up from ground level. Both figures on the roof looked down to see Jason climbing up the wall around the house they were on, then onto the house they were on. "What's going on up here?"
"Uh... she's got the shampoo we need to help Akane." Ranma said pointing to Shampoo while looking at Jason the whole time. "How'd you find us?"
"Listening to you blab apoligies maybe? I heard you a block away. Where's she got it?" Jason replied.
Ranma pointed at Shampoo's breasts. Jason walked up to the Chinese girl and stared down at her. "You mind giving me that?"
Smirking Shampoo said, "No."
Jason sighed in defeat, moved next to Shampoo so his arm was touching her shoulder. Ranma couldn't see what Jason did, but Shampoo suddenly jerked her hips forwards and Jason took the instant to pull the bottle out with two fingers.
"That wasn't so bad now was it?" Jason said, mostly to himself and walked down the roof and jumped off. "Come on Ranma, we've got what we're here for."
Ranma took his eyes off of Shampoo, who had slumped to her knee's, and jumped off the roof down next to Jason.
"Don't you ever tell anyone that I ever, EVER, did that. If anyone asks how you or I got the bottle just say 'skill'." Jason ordered as they continued down the street.
Dr. Tofu passed them down the street jumping and frolicking as if in the wilderness.
"We're lucky." Jason said flatly.
"How're we lucky? We need him to cure Akane!" Ranma demanded to know.
"I know that. I meant, we're lucky he didn't recognise us as he passed us by."
"Anyways, I've found out how 'I' can get past this marriage law thing." Jason stated in the Tendo Dojo with Ranma and Ryoga in there too. "This same loophole won't work for either of you unless you can prove you're some type of evil creature."
Ryoga and Ranma both stared at Jason confused. "Evil creature?" They asked in unison.
"Y'know, Youkai, Oni, Akuma. Any of the above would classify as being evil in nature."
"And how did you come across this?" Ranma asked curiously.
"Simple." Jason said and pulled out the Amazon Law book. "It's written in the last chapter how the Amazon's are supposed to treat creatures of evil nature. And apparently the Marriage Law's no longer apply."
Ranma raised a hand to his chin in thought. "So... ahh, have Youkai walk in and show her his true nature, and you're home free." Ranma guessed.
"Yeah, something like that. It also helps that he is essentially a part of me and therefore no one can say later on I pulled a fast one." Jason added.
"But that doesn't help us." Ryoga stated.
"Nnnot necessarily." Jason said then remained silent.
R & R stood and waited for the caucasian to explain himself. They eventually got fed up with waiting. "Well?!" They both demanded.
Jason looked kinda nervous as he flipped through the book to the back. "Well... there's a rather vague note at the back here that mentions people who are under the influence of said evil being." The problem though, is that we have to prove you're under my control, and that I am, in fact, an evil being. It's not that great a loop for you two. So I'll have to go through again and try to find a way out once again." Jason said and put the book away. "Unless of course, Ranma can prove he's an Akuma and Ryoga and Oni."
Both the R's shook their heads.
"Didn't think so. Ranma might always just show Shampoo that he's a girl half time, be vague about it or even lie to her and she might just go away. And Ryoga could alway's go missing and never be seen for a month or so." Jason suggested.
"Bad idea!" Ranma and Ryoga stated leaning forwards menacingly.
"Didn't think you'd go for it." Jason said and stood up and stretched. "Ah god, what the hell was I sitting..." Jason trailed off...
"What?" Ranma asked as Jason's eyes lost focus. "What?! What's wrong!?"
Jason looked over his shoulder and then back towards Ranma. "I had the shampoo in my back pocket."
"You what?!"
"I had the shampoo in my back pocket!" Jason shouted back and pulled it out from the back pocket. "[Shit!] I squeezed the bottle dry! All that horrible horrible work for NOTHING!!"
Ranma stood there in shock. "The... the shampoo... then I'll... just have to be almost killed then." Ranma said and turned to Ryoga. "Ryoga, beat me up. Beat me up real good."
"Ha, this is the perfect opportunity for me. You think I'd let it go just like that?" Ryoga said and watched Ranma from the corner of his eye. "Give it up Ranma, surrender Akane to me."
Ranma stepped on Ryoga's head. "You don't think you could... bend on that a little?"
"I said NO!" Ryoga shouted and hit Ranma's head.
Ranma retalliated by kicking Ryoga in the chin. "Please Ryoga, I'm begging you, beat me, cream me, trash me!"
"Fine then, if that's the way you want it. I'LL RIP YOUR HEAD OFF!!" Ryoga shouted and jumped at Ranma.
"Oh thank you, thank you!" Ranma said with a tear rolling down his cheek.
WHAP BAM POW KRAK
Ryoga was laid out on the floor and Ranma was running around him with his fists up. "Come on Ryoga, I'm the one that's supposed to drop, not you!"
"Maybe you shouldn't have fought back Ranma." Jason suggested.
"We'll help you!" Soun shouted as he and Genma hit Ranma from behind, then began stomping on him. "You're so good to Akane!"
*It's all so sweet!*
"Daddy, Uncle Saotome! What are you two doing?!"
Soun held Ranma up infront of Akane. "Isn't it lovely Akane?"
Akane pulled back from Ranma's totally messed up visage. "Yee! Kill it!"
Ranma stood back up and his face normalized somewhat. "Who are you calling 'it'?" Behind him Soun and Genma nodded to each other and Soun flipped Ranma onto his face.
"Daddy! Don't pick on this poor weakling! I'll fight you if you want!" Akane reprimanded.
"Hey! You stay out of this!" Ranma demanded and walked up for more punishment.
"Why should I weakling!"
"Who do you think I'm taking this for anyways! Y'know something? I'm sorry I ever said you were cute!"
Akane froze. Soun noticed.
"Ranma, say it again!"
"I'm sorry I ever said you were cute!"
"Now, make it meaner!"
"Now that's something I'm good at. Macho Chick! Built like a Stick! Dumb as a Brick! Thighs are too Thick! Can't even Kick!"
"You cad!" Ryoga shouted and hit Ranma from behind.
"I thought you were dead." Ranma deadpanned, just before Akane slapped him and knocked him to the floor.
"Ranma you JERK!!" Akane shouted as she slapped him, when he hit the floor she suddenly realized just what he'd been trying to do. She stood next to him and tried to think of something to say.
"Akane, you remember! You remember Ranma!" Soun said and walked over to her, inadvertently stepping on Ranma. "Oh my heart soars!"
"My back breaks." Ranma muttered from beneath Souns feet.
The wall cratered and Shampoo stepped through with a "Hello." to everyone in the room. "Darling!" She cried as she saw Ranma on the floor. Jumping at him proved futile as Akane pulled Ranma out of the way by his pigtail. Shampoo became real serious when she saw that. "You remember Ranma, stubborn girl. Too bad. If you no remember, you no have to DIE!" she shouted and charged at Akane with deadly intent.
"Shampoo stop!" Ranma shouted and intercepted Shampoo's hands. "Don't hurt Akane!"
"Is obstacle, obstacle is for killing!" Shampoo declared.
"I guess there's not choice. I have to tell you the truth." Ranma said and picked up a bucket of water.
"We both do." Jason said as he came in through the door. Apparently having left and just come back. He walked over to Ranma's side. "Shampoo, neither of us have told you these things because we like to keep them secret. But I'm half demon." Jason said solemnly.
Ranma poured the bucket over his head. "And for me it's rather obvious." She said.
"Female Ranma?" Shampoo whispered.
"[Youkai, come in.]" Jason shouted to the outside and turned his attention back to Shampoo. "This is my twin bother Youkai. He got some of the more... demonic features of the family." He explained.
Shampoo spun to see Youkai come into view in the doorway. She looked from the demon to Jason and back a few times.
"Shampoo..." Ranma said and got the girl-named-after-a-hair-product's attention and undid the top buttons of her shirt. "It's all true. For me the male side is just a disguise. I'm really a girl." She said and opened the shirt so Shampoo could see her rack.
Ryoga slipped someways down the wall he'd been leaning against, and Soun's hair went straight up. Suddenly Soun was at Genma's throat, "Is this true?!"
*I didn't know!*
"So I'm afraid we just can't... huh?"
RRRRRRRRR "KILL!!" RRROOOOOMMMM SCREEECH
Ranma was surprised to see Shampoo's fist had stopped right infront of her face. She was twice as surprised to see Shampoo was crying. Shampoo turned away from everyone in the room and began to walk away. "Bie Liao." She said.
"I'll never see you again." Jason translated. "[Not a moment too soon.] At least that's over with." Jason said.
----------
Well, I almost met my deadline for finishing this... I'm only... 3 hours 50 minutes late. That's not bad considering all the stuff that jumped up on me during the week I was gonna be finishing this chapter in. 3 day's at my friends on the other side of town. Drivers Ed mugged me out of nowhere. Some of my favorite programming came back to satelite. I'm surprised I didn't get this done, NEXT week.
The scene changes to an open field in the middle of nowhere with some mountains in the background. Two figures walk into view.
"Hello everyone, I'm Jason, you all know me, and this is Herb of the Musk Dynasty, you all might not know him." Jason greets cheerfully.
"We're here because Black Watch is feeling... frivolous, this night." Herb says.
"As usual he thanks all his fans for liking his work, he told us not to stop stressing how much he's thankful."
"But we're not going to do that. Stop that is."
Two people appear a few meter's behind Jason and Herb. One is a near 7 foot tall, muscular, man with red eyes and a huge red aura. The other, an almost 6 foot tall man, that was even more muscular with demonic wings, golden eyes, and clawed fingers. Both are fighting each other and going at it like they mean it.
"Is that?..." Herb wondered.
"No, that's not Youkai. His name is Damien, and red there is Jax."
"What are they doing here?"
"This is probably Black Watch's imagination."
Other figures began to appear around them, even a tombstone popped out of nowhere at Herbs feet.
"Lots of people here."
Jason nodded his head at Herb's comment. He put two fingers in his mouth and whistled loudly. "Alright everyone! Clear us some room and go where ever the hell you're going! We're busy here!"
All the people cleared away and Jason and Herb once again have the field to themselves for the most part.
"All right now." Jason says and a clip board appears in his hands. "The Author refused to butcher Mikado because... he believes that a Ranma fanfic shouldn't have killing in it. Cause no died in the manga after all... it would be like Vash shooting Meryl."
Another clipboard appears in Herbs hands. "Someone wanted to know how the lights went out during the skating match. According to the manga that was Ryoga. The Author didn't really feel like adding that tidbit of knowledge and apologizes.
"Uh..." Jason looks closely to the clipboard. "Oh, I see, yeah. There's two explanations for why I got hypothermia when I dived into the ice rink/pool. I may draw from the cold but that doesn't make me immune to it. Or, I was making it up so that Akane's friends wouldn't think I'm some kinda freak. Take your pick cause it probably won't be claried directly later on."
"Some parts of the story are added just cause Black Watch feels like it. They may never come into play, or they could come into play much, much later in the story. He just likes to keep readers on their toes about some stuff. Other stuff he might use later on to get himself out of a fix."
"I am not a stereotype! There's a perfectly good reason that I'm attuned to cold and it's not because I'm Canadian!"
"That covers about all the questions." Herb says and looks down at his feet. "Jason, there's a hand grabbing onto my foot."
"Oro?" Jason replies and bends over to look at the hand. "Oh, that must be Random Doyle. Guess he finally regenerated that lung wound Xian-yuan gave him." He commented then grabbed the hand and pulled another teenager out of his grave.
"Ptui! Thanks, sucks to be buried alive don't it?" Random says and brushes himself off. "Can you tell me where my sister went?"
Jason points west.
"Ah should have figured that. Seeya later."
As the dead man walking walked away Herb could only shake his head and say. "Things were better in Rumiko Takahashi's mind."
"Yeah. Ain't fanfiction great?" Jason replied as he and Herb walked away.
"Hey! You guys forgot something here!" Akane shouts as she storms into view. Her hair keeps on lengthening and then getting cut to her usual haircut.
"What was that?!" Jason called back.
"You supposed to tell them how the author forgot my hair hasn't been cut yet! That wasn't mentioned in the story despite how much the chapter was about shampoo!"
"That's not important!"
"Then how are you gonna stop this?!" She demanded as her hair kept on doing that weird thing it was doing.
"Live with it!"
Chapter 9
I. Don't. Speak. Chinese.
All comments and criticisms would be welcome. Send all praise and flames to: Macleodrichard@hotmail.com be warned that if you flame me I probably won't care.
Disclaimers, while often pointless, can be necessary. But I don't care really.
"If you're a guy, then I'm fine with that. If you're a girl, get the hell away from me. If you're my mom, get running." - Jason Reaver at age 15 when someone covered his eyes and said "Guess who?".
Notes: [] Denotes the worldly english language.
** Denotes signs, if there are any.
At some point this will denote Chinese. Once someone who speaks Chinese comes into the story. Which has now happened.
{} Denotes thought and maybe even telepathy. All thought is conducted in the person's native language, so if someone read's my mind, they probably won't figure out shit.
() Denotes Author's comments. Putting an A/N infront of everything I like to mention isn't something I can catch a hold of. (MWAHAHAHA)
----------
"Ranma..." The purple haired girl said.
"Sh-Shampoo, what are you doing in Japan?!" Ranma wondered pointing at the purple haired girl nervously. The blanket she had been carrying falling from her shoulders.
"I KILL!!" the girl shouted as she plunged one of her bonbori into a wall.
Ranma picked up the blanket and fanned it into the air as she jumped a bonbori strike. "You're the only person..." Ranma began then ducked another strike that went into the wall. "I just can't..." She jumped up and threw the blanket towards the other girl. "Deal with!!" Then she ducked into the locker that Jason had opened and closed the door quickly.
The girl brought the towel the ground and looked around for her quarry.
"She left." Jason said pointing out the hole in the wall.
"BAD!!" the girl shouted and pounded a bonbori into a locker before jumping out the window.
Akane walked over to the locker, pried the door off, put her hands on her hips, leaned forwards and stared hard at Ranma. "Well? What's the story with her?"
"Well... it's kinda... complicated." Ranma said shaking nervously while holding herself up in the top of the locker.
"Awfully cute isn't she?" Akane observed.
"Are you crazy?! She's out to kill me!"
Jason interrupted before a flashback could occur. "Hey Ranma, just how exactly does she rate? Think I could beat her?"
"No, probably not." Ranma said and waved her hand dismissively. "Now as I was saying. Let me take you back a while... to China..."
Ranma and Genma trudged along a dirt road following the Jusenkyo tour guide. Both Ranma and Genma were in their cursed forms and both carrying large backpacks.
"I'm starving."
"Honored customers, this is village of Amazons." The tour guide stated.
"Amazons? Howzat?" Ranma muttered drearily.
"This village women very strong."
The sounds of battle echoed through the village and reached their ears. "They give show of their skill now."
The purpled haired girl was fighting a fat ugly woman with her two bonbori on top of a log held in the air by rope. The ugly woman was using some type of pole arm that I haven't ever seen or heard of in my life.
After battling back and forth for a few seconds the younger one managed to bat the older one high into the air.
"Winning Martial Arts show is good honor." the guide explained.
"That girls got some serious power." Ranma observed, munching into a meat bun.
The guide now noticed that Ranma was eating some corn while Genma was eating a leg of meat.
"Ah, Mr. Customers. What you eat here?"
Ranma jumped up as a bonbori smashed through the table he sat on, then landed and sat on it.
"You there! Woman and Panda! Why you steal my prize! She say." the guide translated. "Every year this day. There is Martial Art show. I am now champion. She say."
"Then if I defeat you, you've got no problem right?"
The guide translated to the Chinese girl.
With one kick, one kick, one bloody kick. Ranma knocked the purple haired girl off the log. My god, the strain it must have taken.
"He is won!" the guide exclaimed nervously.
As Ranma's arm was raised in victory as the girl got up from the dirt. She walked over to Ranma determined to do something that was so far unintelligible. Gently she lifted Ranma's chin, then planted a gentle kiss on Ranma's cheek. Ranma pulled away touching the spot and the girl smiled at her in a way that seemed seductive, yet deadly.
"I thought you said this was when you were a girl!" Akane shouted and kicked the fence that Ranma was walking on.
"Hear me out!" Ranma shouted back while checking his footing. "Eh... where's Jason by the way?"
"He turned off to Dr. Tofu's a little while ago." Akane explained.
"Ah. Okay."
"YAAAAAA!" The guide shouted in fear, then grabbed Ranma's hand and began to run away from the village. You just getting Kiss of Death!"
"Kiss of Death?" Ranma echoed.
"Amazons have very big pride. Losing to outsider... is worse shame than death! Kiss of death is promise to chase you to end of earth and kill!"
And when they say to the ends of the earth, they mean it!
"So now she's followed you all the way to Japan. Amazing isn't it P-chan!" Akane commented to the pig in her arms. "Well, at least she's cute!"
"Will you stop?"
The Tendo Dojo, a few minutes later.
"Ranma, you have a guest." Kasumi said cheerfully as Ranma entered the room and fell on his butt still holding the door and staring in horror at Shampoo as she sipped some tea. "Uncle Saotome brought her."
Ranma grabbed Genma's fur. "Are you insane pop?!"
*She followed me*
"Ranma?" Shampoo said looking over to Ranma and Genma. She leaned forwards so she could examine his face. "Hello."
"Heh... hello."
"Man." Shampoo stated patting down Ranma's chest.
"S--s--s sorry to disapp-p-point you!"
"Oh ho. The first time she's seen the male Ranma eh?" Ryoga said popping up beside Akane.
"You seem to know alot about this... 'P-chan'" Ranma said quietly to Ryoga.
"You really think it's smart to talk to me like that now?" Ryoga said blandly then stood up and lifted a bucket full of water. "Come on Ranma. She wants to see the female Ranma, you should help you know."
Their spat was interupted as a bonbori passed between them towards Akane. Akane stopped it with both hands making a 'THOP' sound(I've never encountered this sound in my life).
"Give me Ranma!" Shampoo demanded.
"I don't know what you're-"
"You hide Ranma! You too-"
Shampoo stopped as her bonbori was pulled from her hand. She turned to the thief and confronted the person. "It not nice to attack the host." Jason stated with his nose burried in a book labeled 'Cantonese for Idiots' in English.
"You hide him too! Give Ranma to me or I'll kill you!" Shampoo shouted at him and attacked with her other bonbori.
Jason narrowly dodged the attack but stood completely still. "Sorry, but me not allowed to fight today." He replied with the book slightly farther from his face than before.
"Only a weakling does not fight!" Shampoo retorted angrilly.
Jason closed the thick paper cover book smacked Shampoo across the face with it. "I'm in mourning for a lot of people who died a long time ago. If you have a problem with that then go home."
As Shampoo recovered from the recoil she stood and glared at Jason again, her eyes narrow. "Repeat that?"
Jason grumbled in frustration and perused the book again. "I in mourning for many peoples who die long time ago. You have problem then go home." Jason repeated, somewhat.
"Why should I listen to a weak man's babbling, out of my way!"
"You know what, you have this coming." Jason said and swung the book again. Shampoo blocked it with the remaining large mace, then she heard a snap and it was suddenly lighter in her hand.
"What those made from? [Balsam?]" Jason asked, not knowing the Chinese word for balsam.
"That's probably what happens when you use them to break walls all the time." Ranma snickered.
"That could explain it." Jason commented while he began to back away from Shampoo who seemed to be getting increasingly angry at the moment.
Finally Shampoo's angry shaking stopped, unfortunately the reason for that seemed to be so that she could pull out a sword and lunge at Jason. Ranma pushed Jason to the side and kept himself out of the blades way then scrambled to hold Shampoo down as she turned towards Jason again. She raised the sword over her shoulder and slashed at Jason again. Jason rolled along the wall and the sword thunked next to his shoulder.
As Shampoo pulled her sword from the wall Jason glanced at the cut then ran up the stairs. {That thing looks sharp.}
"You won't escape me!" Shampoo shouted as she readied her sword again and chased Jason up the stairs.
"Watch me!" Jason shouted back as he entered the guest room.
As Shampoo caught up to Jason in the guest room she saw him climbing out the window and quickly jumped out behind him. He landed just below it and she soared clear over his head onto the steps of the dojo. As she turned she expected that the outlander would be afraid of her, as all these sissy outlanders were. The tall white ones especially according to her Great-Grandmother. But as she turned she lost her wind as Jason body checked her into the dojo. Instead of stopping though Jason kept on going into the dojo until he hit the wall full force. He rebounded off her and immediately retained a standing position a few feet from where she fell to the ground sucking in air.
"That all the fight you got in you?" Jason queried holding his antique broadsword infront of himself. "Come on, I thought you Amazons were better than this."
"Silly male, I'll get you for this." Shampoo threatened then stood up and approached him slowly, with her sword held in her hands limply. "I'll have my sisters teach you proper manners." She said as she realized just how much taller Jason was than she was and grabbed his shoulders. "Then I'll have the best husband in the tribe." She murmured to herself and she pulled herself up to meet his lips.
His lips seemed rather cold and hard....
"Do you know how old this thing is? You might want to take your lips off of it. Now let me go." Jason said and backed away from her and held the sword at the ready. "Now you gonna fight me? I may not know how to use these all too well but I feel like learning." He stated grinning at her.
"Jason don't! If you beat her she'll give you the Kiss of Death!" Ranma shouted from the doorway of the dojo.
"The what?!" Jason called back looking towards Ranma.
"Get down!!" Ranma shouted and hurled a broken bonbori ball over Jason's ducking head to smack Shampoo in the forehead.
"Defeated again. Poor girl." Ryoga said as Shampoo fell to the floor.
"It was an accident!" Ranma protested.
"Oh Ranma, you're being too modest." Kasumi stated waving her hand encouragingly. Genma held up a sign saying *Knockout*
"I didn't mean to!" Ranma denied.
"What's this about defeating her?! What's the big deal?!" Jason demanded turning towards the crowd behind him while letting the antique droop in his hand.
"She'll be chasing around the male Ranma too. She'll try to kill him." Akane said to herself.
"How's that work?" Jason asked confused.
Something tapped Jason's shoulder and he turned around. He found himself caught totally off-guard as Shampoo's lips met his for more than a moment. "I love you." She said as she pulled away. Jason was so stunned that after Shampoo let go and moved to Ranma he still didn't move.
"W-wait, I didn't beat you, it was a fluke, an accident!" Ranma denied waving her away.
Shampoo latched onto his the same as she had Jason. Ranma didn't move and was encased in the same state of wide-eyed shock that Jason currently was. After a few seconds Akane's eyes narrowed and she took a broken bonbori piece from Genma and whipped it at Ranma's head, knocking him clean out of Shampoo's arms and onto the floor.
Shampoo turned to Akane and both began to growl at each other. (Ah the wonders of a cat fight. Prowr)
"Someone... had better tell me... just what happened [BEFORE I TAKE THING AND DISEMBOWEL SOMEONE!!]" Jason shouted snarling at the crowd.
Soun rushed into the dojo and looked around. "What's the trouble?"
"I'm about to fly into a rage!"
"Well... Ranma's girlfriend from China forced her way in and onto both Jason and Ranma..." Kasumi explained.
"Girlfriend?" Soun repeated leaning forwards to look Kasumi in the eye.
"You don't know what you're talking about!" Ranma denied.
"I think Kasumi's hit it right on the head." Ryoga stated tapping Ranma's head with the bonbori head that hit Ranma not a minute ago.
"She's never seen me as boy before!" Ranma argued.
Akane turned her head away from Ranma as she began to say, "Your little 'Shampoo' gave you quite a kiss for-"
"Get her off of me now someone please!" Jason cried from the floor as Shampoo clung to his back and he tried to crawl away. "AGH! HELP ME DAMNIT!! RANMA RYOGA AKANE SOMEONE GET HER OFF!!"
Ryoga, being the one who reacted first since Ranma and Akane were beginning to argue again, grabbed the back of Shampoo's shirt and tossed her off of Jason's back. As Shampoo recovered in midair the back of her head hit a roof support beam and she hit the ground head first. After this Ryoga suddenly realized just what he'd done and turned an albino shade of white.
Jason stood up and clapped Ryoga on the shoulder breathing a sigh of relief. "Didn't think you'd come through for me Ryoga. Thanks."
Ryoga was so stunned that he didn't hear the words. But true to type, Shampoo got up and walked over to Ryoga and kissed him as well. If she hadn't done it so quickly Jason might have stopped it, but he wasn't as fast as Ranma or anything.
"Now then..." Soun said as he had a drag on his cigarette. Suddenly the room filled with smoke that poured out of two huge nostrils and an evil presence when Soun did his Demon Head Attack. "Someone explain all this to me!"
"I'd love to! If I knew-"
Shampoo pulled a book seeming from nowhere and pointed at it. Soun took it and began to read through it as he walked back to the living room. Everyone sat down at the table as Kasumi began to pour some tea. "What? But this... this..."
"What does it say?" Jason asked.
"YOU IDIOT! DO YOU REALLY THINK I CAN READ CHINESE?!" Soun shouted at Jason with tears flowing from his eyes.
Nabiki came up beside Soun and took the book from him. "Then let me try."
"Oh! Nabiki, welcome home." Kasumi greeted.
"The Law of the Amazons." Nabiki read. "In the event that a woman warrior is defeated by an outsider... if her opponent is a woman she must give her the kiss of death and kill her!" Nabiki flipped the page. "However... if her opponent is a man she must mae him her husband!" She finished.
"Oh my." Kasumi said as Ranma, Akane, Ryoga, and Jason stared at Nabiki with eyes the size of saucers. Shampoo pulled Ranma and Ryoga just little closer to herself with a big smile on her face.
"What a joke!" Ranma accused and slammed his hand down on the table. "Like you even know how to read Chinese."
"It's true that I don't know how to read Chinese." Nabiki harrumphed. "But there's a Japanese translation right here." She explained leaning forwards to show them the translation.
"Silly us." Kasumi said.
Soun snapped his fingers annoyed. "Damn. All that humiliation for nothing."
Jason held his hand out to Nabiki. "Can I read that for a second?" He requested. Nabiki put the book in his hand and he began to flip through it. He then pulled out a second book and put it down on the table. No one except for him and Ryoga could read the english label on it.
"Cantonese? Why aren't you using a book for Chinese?"
"You ever gone to China often Ryoga? The Chinese have a dialect for almost every province. I only speak mandarin myself but she unfortunately only speaks Cantonese. This book was only partly translated too. I think someone didn't want us to read all of it unless we were from the village." Jason explained. "So I'm taking the time to translate this and read the 'real deal'."
"So you two can't talk to each other then? You seemed to be doing a good job a second ago." Akane stated.
"Not really, my speach was broken and I occasionally just switched back to Mandarin. We don't communicate well." Jason said then turned back to Shampoo. "May I write in here?" He asked. As she nodded her head he pulled out a mechanical pencil from inside his sleeve and began jotting down notes in the lawbook in english.
"Just how many languages do you know Jason?" Kasumi wondered.
"I can speak English, Japanese, Mandarin, Russian, Spanish, Gaelic, German, Tai, Korean, and Portuguese. I can read and write English, Japanese, Mandarin, Russian, and Tai." Jason listed.
"Why do you know so many languages? I hardly think you'd be going to all those places." Akane wondered.
"Cause I refused to study French for ten years, and I justified it by learning other languages."
"Why refuse to learn French?"
"Cause I'm never going to Quebec and the teachers couldn't teach it." Jason groused as he continued to write in the law book. "Uh... I'm not sure but... is this word given?" He asked Shampoo. Shampoo looked at the word then conversed with Jason for a short time in her language. "[Jesus Christ.]" Jason swore after they finished and he wrote something down in the book.
"What? What?!" Ranma asked worriedly.
"Don't worry Ranma, I think this will only apply to Ryoga and me." Jason stated then held the book infront of Ryoga's face. "[You can 'read' English right?]"
"[Of course I can!]" Ryoga said and took the book from Jason and read the notes. Everyone watched as his countenance slowly changed from annoyed to a deep blush, with a little trickle of blood coming out his nose. "But... but... but...."
"Yeah." Jason said as he took the book from Ryoga.
"This doesn't apply to Ranma why?!"
"[Cause he's the first. Even though Shampoo might not realize that.]" Jason replied as he began to go through the book again and continued to write down notes. "If anyone here wants to argue with Shampoo about why none of this should come to pass I'm gonna go through here and figure out what all this means."
"Don't you think you'll need some help?" Nabiki insisted.
"I've got no money Nabiki. Otherwise I'd ask." Jason explained without taking his eyes from the two books.
Nabiki shrugged her shoulders then walked off upstairs. Everyone else began to dispurse as well. Ranma, Ryoga, and Akane each went off on their own. Kasumi stayed with Jason for a second making sure he had a steady supply of tea. Soun and Genma left to drink or plot or whatever they did.
"I can't believe they have laws like this." Jason muttered to himself.
"Really? Why's that?" Kasumi asked politely.
"Well... half of these laws... I don't think people could even conceive of them in day to day life."
"What kind of laws are they?"
Jason let out a long breath. "Well, here's an example. Through the marriage law that Shampoo used to give the Kiss of Marriage to me, Ranma, AND Ryoga, she is allowed to actually marry all three of us if she wants it that way! If she doesn't want to marry us, then she is still obligated to give us the Kiss of Marriage but can give us to any other Amazon she chooses. The only one of us exempt from this is the first person that defeated her, which is Ranma."
"Oh my. Well, I suppose that if it's worked for them for this long... but as many men as she chooses?"
"As long as they defeat her. And it says nothing here about her actually have to 'try' to win. This little transcript wasn't translated by the way. I really hope there's a way out of this. Otherwise things might get hectic around here."
"What are all these laws for? I mean, what's the purpose for them?" Kasumi asked.
"Hrm. I think it's so that their bloodlines don't go stale. When an isolated group reproduces for generations on it's own the genes go stale and eventually the children will become retarded. The Amazons might have had enough numbers that they could be picky about what new blood they let in." Jason surmised then looked up at the cup of tea infront of him. "Ah, thank you Kasumi, you've got a good blend here. What kind of tea is this?"
"Oolong tea, I think we're almost out though I'll probably need to get some more later."
Akane beat the stuffing out of a straw dummy that had an unusual resemblance to Ranma, Ryoga sat on top of the roof of the dojo in thought (and trying to make sure he didn't get lost), Ranma was trying to argue with Shampoo about just how Stone age it was to use a law to sucker a man into marriage.
"Listen Shampoo..." Akane heard Ranma say from around the corner of the house.
Akane walked to the corner of the house and peered around to see Ranma sitting on top of a bird house with Shampoo leaning against it looking up at him.
"Get up to date. Some law that says that if you're beaten by a woman you have to kill her, and if it's a guy you marry him. Is just pure stone age!"
Kasumi and Nabiki appeared above Akane. "You shouldn't get mad at him for this Akane." Kasumi stated.
"It's not like he asked for it and you don't really think 'he' would have a girlfriend do you?" Nabiki added.
Akane was silent as she looked back at Ranma and Shampoo.
"You gettin me?" Ranma asked. Shampoo jumped to him nodding and began to cuddle with him. "You're not getting it." Ranma surmised as he began to pull away from her and she said something in Chinese.
"That means 'My darling'." Nabiki clarified.
"NOW LISTEN! I'M NOT GOING TO MARRY YOU! EVER!!" Ranma shouted keeping his hands above his head.
Shampoo said something else in Chinese while looking into Ranma's eyes lovingly.
"S-so... you see... see..." Ranma stuttered.
"That was 'I love you'." Nabiki clarified.
"G-getting... m-married because... I-I mean... well..."
"Stop it Nabiki." Akane warned.
"W-we... we... should get to know each other better!" Ranma announced blushing madly.
"Oh my. Such a weakling." Kasumi murmured.
"Are you following this Akane?" Nabiki asked as Akane fell to the ground.
Genma-panda ran up to the bird house and smacked Ranma for a 10 for distance with a sign that said *Listen to yourself DOLT*. And Shampoo went "Yeeeee!"
Ranma managed to get back to the dojo roof. {She's always been trying to kill me.} Ranma thought to himself as he crawled up the roof. {So I've never really noticed before...} An image of a cute looking Shampoo appeared in Ranma's head. {But that Shampoo is really cute. I only Akane was as affectionate as that.}
"Ranma you jerk!! Ranma you jerk!! Jerk! Jerk! Jerk! Jerk!!"
Ranma saw a dummy that looked suspiciously like him hit the side of the house then and fall to the ground. {Like I said.}
"Ahh. That felt good!" Akane declared to the world. "Anyway. It's not like we agreed to the engagement or anything. He can go be with Shampoo if he wants. It's not like... we're in love or anything...." She said to herself as she began to walk away from the spot she'd been practicing. Akane then thought about the skating match "You touch her and I'll kill you!" Ranma had said.
Turning around, walked up to the dummy, picked it up and hugged it to her chest.
Ranma watched all of this from the edge of the roof. {She's got some strange fetish with holding things to her chest doesn't she?} He thought to himself.
Ranma's burst of thought was interupted as he was suddenly splashed with cold water. Ranma turned to see Ryoga sitting on the top of the dojo roof with an empty bucket between his legs. "What's the big idea Ryoga?!"
Ryoga rested his chin against the bucket and watched Ranma sad eyes as he said, "You know... watching beautiful Akane get so jealous over you..." Ryoga picked the bucket up from inbetween his legs and threw it at Ranma. "Really hurts my feelings!!"
"What's that got to do with me?!" Ranma demanded as she fell from the roof after getting hit in the face with the bucket. "If Akane's jealous that's her-" Ranma stopped as he realized that Akane was right behind him.
"Jealous? Not at all." Akane said smiling cheerfully. "It's not like we wanted this engagement in the first place." Akane pulled her hand back and slapped Ranma in the face. "So go ahead and get to know each other!!"
Ranma watched Akane walk past her, not really sure what to say. Then she heard Ryoga shout something on top of the dojo. Moving quietly Ranma peered over the edge of the dojo roof to see that Shampoo was now working her magic on him. "Serves him right." Ranma muttered as she fell back to the ground and walked inside the Tendo home.
Next morning.
"Akane, could you wake Ranma, Ryoga, and Jason up please?" Kasumi requested as she served breakfast.
"Why should I?" Akane responded.
"Why...?" Kasumi didn't understand Akane's reluctance. A point that Nabiki clarified.
"Akane's still holding a grudge against them because they all got engaged to Shampoo." Nabiki stated.
"I am not." Akane answered evenly.
"Akane!" Soun said as he put his rice bowl down on the table. "Don't you think it's time you learned to be more honest with yourself?" Soun demanded growling.
"Like how!" Akane replied glaring at her father and growling even louder.
"Oh! Don't growl at me like that!" Soun said turning away from her youngest daughter and starting to cry.
"It's okay father, it's okay." Kasumi soothed.
"Is everyone in my family insane?" Akane wondered as she began to walk upstairs. "You guys!! You gonna sleep all day?!" Akane shouted as she opened the door to the guest room. What she saw inside made her eyes go wide.
Jason, Ranma, Ryoga, and Genma were each lying in their own futons. Jason's though, had an addition to it though. Shampoo was sleeping in the futon with him with a more than decent amount of her chest exposed against his naked one. At Jason's feet Neko-san slept silently curled up in a ball.
Akane returned to the room this time with a bucket filled with cold water. She tossed the water, it flew in a graceful arc into the air, the morning sun filtering in through the window made it sparkle delicately and cast a rainbow of hues across the room for only a moment... all this before it hit everyone in a line. Ranma and Ryoga's curses were activated(Seeing as how Genma's already was) and woke everyone up.
"Akane?! What the hell's the big idea?!" Jason demanded as he jerked upright and looked around. Neko-san had bolted out the door as a single drop of water had hit him, Ranma was trying to dry her face off, Ryoga couldn't be seen, and Genma didn't actually notice, he just fell asleep again. That was about the time Jason and Ranma noticed Shampoo sitting up, wiping her eyes, with her shirt soaked all the way through.
"Darling." Shampoo mumbled as she leaned forwards towards him.
"Shampoo... out... now...!" Jason warned and pointed to the door. Shampoo looked where Jason was pointing and saw the female Ranma trying to sneak out of the room.
"Female Ranma! KILL!" Shampoo shouted and took chase.
"What a way to start the day!" Ranma shouted as she took off through the household.
Jason got out from futon and got some clothing out of the dresser. "Dear god, can't anyone ever get some peaceful sleep around here?" He wondered to himself as he pulled out fresh, dry, clothing. He started to unzip his pants when he turned back to Akane. "Can I get some privacy in here Akane?" He requested then pushed her out of the room and closed the door. "[Some people.]"
Outside of the room Akane turned her back to the door and leaned against it. "P-chan..."
"You're all deviants! All three of you!"
"Damnit Akane! I told you already! She crawled into my bed while I was asleep!"
"Then why was your shirt off?!"
"I always sleep without a shirt!"
"Did I ask for an explanation?!"
"If I'm such a deviant then why do you sleep with a pig?!"
Akane was strangely silent as she, Ranma, and Jason ran to school.
"Glad to see you finally see it my way!" Jason declared annoyed, Akane had been giving him hell the whole time since they'd left.
On top of a nearby roof Ryoga watched the trio pass him by. {Dear Akane... I leave you without a farewell.} He thought to himself saddly. {Today you saw... the truth. That I am your pet P-chan. I can't bear to face you in fear of your reprieve.} A scene of Akane's anger played out in Ryoga's head. {To hear you say that you truly hate me...} "My heart of glass would be shattered!"
Ryoga jumped down from the roof. "And now Akane, farewell."
SPLOOSH
P-chan glared at the old lady who by some unknown circumstances just always seemed to be watering her sidewalk. Why does the old lady always water her sidewalk one might ask? Well, only god knows that answer. Him and Rumiko Takahashi.
"Chk chk chk chk chk." Ryoga heard. He turned to the sound and saw Shampoo kneeling down and holding her hand out to him. Ryoga, being ever lost in both world location and mind actually walked forwards so she was close enough to pet him on the head. She smiled at him.
This little piggy became roast beef. (MWAHAHA)
The lunch bell at Furinkan High rang loud and clear throughout the school. Shouts of "Yes! Lunch time!" and "I'm starving!" were heard throughout the school. Jason sat down at his desk with the Amazon Law book on the right side, his Cantonese-English translation guide on the left side, and his lunch sitting precariously on the far left corner of the desk. With his right hand he was writing down notes in the Amazon Law book and with his left he was eating and trying to keep everything stable.
THOOOM
"What was that?!" Some of the students wondered to each other.
THOOOOOM
"It's getting closer!" Other students spoke up.
KRAAK - One of the walls bulged inwards.
The damaged section of wall crumbled down revealing Shampoo as she stepped into the classroom. "Jason!"
"Huh?" Jason replied looking up from the books and looked left and right. "Someone said my name?" Then he noticed that everyone was looking at something behind him and he turned in his seat. "Shampoo?! What are you doing here?!"
"Wife make lunch." She said as she put a covered plate down on his desk. Jason scrambled to pull the books and his bento out of the way but his bento didn't make it. The books did thankfully.
"You're not my wife Shampoo, get it through your..." He trailed off as Shampoo took the lid off the plate and showed him the beautiful lunch she made him. The chopsticks and books in his hands fell from limp fingers.
"Isn't that... P-chan?" Nabiki asked curiously.
Jason slowly reached forwards and pulled P-chan off of the display and tapped the pig slash boy's cheek. "Yo, Ryoga, wake up." Jason whispered. "If you don't Akane will rip me in half."
P-chan's eyes slowly opened to see Jason's face.
GNAW!!
"I can see now he's fine." Jason muttered as P-chan gnashed his teeth on Jason's tricep. "I'll be back Shampoo, you stay right here." Jason said and walked out of the classroom.
Jason made a couple stops after he walked out of the classroom. First, his gym locker. Second, a sneak peek into the Nurse's office. Third, the bathroom. After dumping some hot water on Ryoga then handing him his gym clothes Jason leaned against one of the sinks and waited.
"What?!" Ryoga demanded.
"You mind letting me in on how you became my lunch?" Jason asked.
"She knocked me out and threw me in a pan? How should I know?!" Ryoga replied angry.
"Alright alright. Geez. Let's get you out of here. Don't need her trying to turn you into dinner."
"I can't out like this!" Ryoga declared. It was rather true, all he was wearing was a pair of shorts and a muscle shirt that Jason used for gym class.
"Hey! That's the best I can do for you. Unless you want me to steal some clothing from the other students there's nothing I can do for you!" Jason declared.
Ryoga glared at him.
"[You've got to be kidding me.]"
Slowly and steathily Jason snuck through the school during the lunch hour. He peeked into the gym and saw all the schools Kendo students practicing their art. He nodded to himself and snuck into the locker room once again. Weaving his way through the lockers he found the one he was looking for. The only locker with no lock on it. It creaked open, the hinges needed some oil which Jason didn't have, and revealed the articles of clothing hidden within. "These should fit." Jason muttered to himself.
"What you doing Jason?"
"AH!" Jason shouted and spun around. "Shampoo?! What're you doing in the Mens locker room?!" He demanded.
"Following you." she answered smiling.
"Women aren't allowed in here! You've got to get out, hurry, hurry!" He said as he shooed her out. Then he heard people entering from outside. "Um... on second thought...." Jason moved to another locker and opened it. He took the clothing he'd grabbed and put it then turned to Shampoo and pointed into the locker. "Get in and be quiet. I'll get you out when they leave."
"Why?" She asked confused.
In response Jason lifted her up by her waist and put her into his locker. "Be quiet." He said then closed the door and placed a lock on the door then looked for somewhere to hide.
Kendo students filed into the room. Kuno at the head of them. They all went to the showers and soon after their lockers. The end of lunch bell wasn't too far off and all the students prepared for class. When they all finally left it wasn't quickly enough for Jason. Getting out from under the bench he'd dived under he breathed a sigh of relief.
Opening his locker once again Jason found Shampoo had indeed stayed in there, and from the way she was holding her nose she'd been quiet too.
"It smell bad in here." She informed.
Jason raised an eyebrow and gave her room to get out. "It's where I put my gym clothes. It should smell bad in there."
Shampoo stepped out and stretched a second. The moment that she had used to REALLY show off was lost as Jason had been bending over to retrieve the clothing from the bottom of the locker.
"Uh, Shampoo, you should maybe head home now. When the bell rings you're not allowed here anymore." Jason said as he turned back to her.
"Leave?"
"Alright, I'll tell you in Mandarin. When the bell rings you're not allowed here anymore, you'll have to go to where ever you're staying." He informed.
"Do I really?" Shampoo asked looking up at him longingly.
Jason nodded. "Yeah. And right now I've got stuff to do. So you'll have to excuse me." He said and walked out. "Oh, and one more thing. Women aren't allowed in here, so you might want to leave secretly."
Jason quickly ran through the school hallways looking for the bathroom he'd left Ryoga in. If Ryoga had left... Jason wouldn't have any gym clothes for a while.
"The Foul Street Fighter Jason Reaver! What are you doing with that set of clothing?!"
Jason stopped in his tracks and looked over his shoulder. "Ah heh... Kuno... how's it goin?"
Kuno walked up to Jason pushing a couple students aside. "Mayhaps you should let me see the wear that you carry with you."
"I'm rather busy Kuno. Bye!" Jason said and ran to the bathroom.
"I will follow you to the ends of the Earth and slay you if I have to foul being! Have at thee!"
Jason rammed the bathroom door and looked around the lavatory. "Ryoga? You in here?" He called out. No one answered. Kuno's bleating caught up with him and Jason hid behind the door.
The door slammed open once again and Kuno walked into the bathroom this time. "Hm... the Street Fighters sweat clothes." He murmured lifting a pile of clothing by the sink with his bokken. "He has evaded me again!!" Kuno shouted and ran out.
Jason let go of the door handle and let out a sigh of relief. "[Thank god.]" he said as he walked over to the pile and picked it up. "[You think Ryoga would be smart enough to avoid water.]" he groused before he walked out.
Jason cruised the school grounds for some time. Just when he was about to give up he'd been watching a group of girls jogging around the school yard when Ranma peeked out of an equipment shed and shouted at them, "Say, you girls wanna see something really funny?!"
"What is it? What is it?" The girls wondered.
"Would you stop that?!" Ryoga shouted hidded somewhere in the shed.
{That was easy.} Jason thought to himself as he pushed past the girls and walked in. "Thank god Ryoga. I've been looking for you for a while now. You're lucky Ranma found you." Jason said closing the door behind himself.
"Not before Shampoo did."
"Ack. Sorry man." Jason apologized and handed him the good clothes. "So what's happened then?"
"Something bad." Ranma lamented. "Akane got challenged by Shampoo and now she doesn't remember me at all. Ryoga here was the only person present at the match so I'm trying to ask him but he's not helping."
Both Jason and Ranma looked at Ryoga who was now dressed in a plain white shirt and dark black pants.
"Oh fine. I'll tell." Ryoga said annoyed. "I'll tell you guys... that the mere memory... of Shampoo's footwork sends chills down my spine."
Ryoga remembered Akane facing off with Shampoo. As Akane attacked Shampoo jumped clear over her and her feet descended towards Ryoga's nose. Closer, closer, and BAM, she'd landed on his head.
BAM
"And that's what I saw." Ryoga said with a kettle imprinting his head.
"So in other words you saw nothing!" Ranma shouted holding the kettle.
After school Ranma and Jason took Akane down to Dr. Tofu's.
"No sign of external injury." Dr. Tofu stated. "How did you feel when you woke up?"
Akane felt her hair. "My head felt... well... refreshed."
Dr. Tofu became serious. "Hmm, could it be...?"
"Could it be what?" Ranma asked.
"It could only be the legendary Shiatsu Martial Art technique... Xi Fa Xiang Gao!"
"Xi... What the heck is that?!" Ranma demanded.
The door slammed open and Genma rushed in *YOU'RE RIGHT!* the sign he was holding read, in his other hand was a bag full of groceries.
"Uncle Saotome!" Akane said.
"Pop! Did you see the fight?!" Ranma demanded.
*The Whole Shebang!* The sign read. *Even now as I...*
"Turn human idiot." Ranma instructed and handed Genma a kettle.
Genma sat down in a chair with a cup of tea in his hands. "Even now as I recall... I can only gasp in disbelief."
Genma was looking up at the roof clenching a fist as the scene played out before them. Shampoo was hovering behind Akane with her hands blurring. "Once Shampoo had caught Akane's back, her movements can only be called Superhuman!"
A hand holding a bottle of Shampoo and a comb squeezed a sizable blob of Shampoo into Akane's hair. She scrubbed Akane's hair, rinsed it using a bucket of water, and then dried it with a hair dryer while combing.
"And it all... took only 56 seconds!" Genma shouted.
"That's... that's incredible!" Dr. Tofu agreed.
"No wonder my head felt so refreshed!" Akane said.
"Hm. Yeah. Real amazing." Jason mumbled.
"But... what the heck was it?" Ranma wondered.
Dr. Tofu stood by Betty and placed a hand on her skull. "Xi Fa Xiang Gao... combines the use of herbal shampoo... and the pressing of points on the skull... to manipulate memory!"
"So! That's why you forgot m-"
"Who are you?"
"Doc, is there anything we can do to cure her?!"
"Not unless we have the shampoo."
"Let's go Akane!" Ranma ran out the door dragging Akane along.
"Hey, wait! Who are you?!" Akane demanded as she was pulled out the door, and soon into the air. "EEEEEEEEE! Let me go whoever you are!"
"Shampoo where are you?! I want that shampoo Shampoo!!" Ranma shouted above the streets and houses of Nerima.
"Wow... this book has some really neat stuff in it." Jason said to himself. "I'm surprised you've never shown it to me Dr. Tofu." He said looking up at the doctor.
"Oh! I forgot I had that book, I was supposed to give it to the owner but he disappeared before I had the chance. Ah he was a great Martial Artist. A foreigner too surprisingly." Dr. Tofu explained.
"Y'know what? I think I might be able to do some of these." Jason said and flipped the page. His eyes darted left and right as he read the english text on the pages. "Hey, this one's rather neat."
"Which one?" Dr. Tofu asked leaning forwards. "Oh! Are you sure? That's not an easy one to do."
"But the benefits!"
"And the handicap."
"The... oh, hey! This wouldn't be too bad either! Can I borrow this book?!"
Dr. Tofu scratched his head as he thought about it. "If you're sure you want to try it then it should be okay. Are you sure you understand it all?"
"It's as clear as E=MC2." Jason said as he closed the book and tucked it away. "If you'll excuse me Dr. Tofu. I've got to make some arrangements for this to happen, and I've got to finish translating the Amazon Law book." He said bowed to the doctor before opening the door. "Oh! One more thing, you said you were gonna teach me something next time I come by?"
"Yes, don't worry about it. Youkai knows about it, he should be back at the Tendo's by now. Ask him when you get back."
"He wasn't any trouble while he stayed here was he?"
"No, not at all, he was rather helpful actually."
Jason breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank god. Seeya later."
Minutes later Shampoo walked in the door. "I home."
"Ah, Mr. Saotome I'd like you to meet my apprentice nurse, she'll be living here awhile."
"Hello."
*Small world... isn't it?*
"I'm home!" Akane called into her house as she took her shoes off and put some slippers on.
"Akane!"
"Is it true you're forgotten Ranma?!" Nabiki asked curiously.
"Ranma? Who's Ranma?" Akane asked looking at both her sister's weirdly.
Kasumi stood silently holding her hands infront of her apron.
Nabiki reached into her bag of chips. "Well, to start with... that guy behind you."
Akane spun around and saw Ranma standing right behind her. "Wh-what are you doing in my house?!" she demanded.
"Well... I've been staying here." Ranma replied innocently.
Kasumi stared at the pair in wonderment. "Oh my."
"So she really has forgotten." Nabiki said biting into a chip.
Soun came into the hallway laughing cheerfully. "Well, that's all right." He said and put a hand on Akane's shoulder. "Heh heh! Just as long as my little girl hasn't forgotten me." He added pointing to himself.
"Heh heh. And 'who' are you sir?" Akane asked smiling.
Soun was crouched over with his back to the door sobbing.
"Of come on Daddy! It was a joke!" Akane said patting her father's shoulder.
"She doesn't seem too concerned." Nabiki commented.
Ranma was thinking about where Shampoo might be hiding when Genma put his hands over his eyes. *Guess who?*
Spinning around and punching one of Genma's hands Ranma shouted, "Whattaya think you're doing Pop?!" He stopped and pointed a shaky finger at Shampoo wearing a pair of panda arm gloves laughing and Genma standing behind her snickering. He was unaware that he was shaking.
*He fell for it!*
Ranma grabbed Shampoo's shoulders, "Shampoo you little-" He was cut off as Shampoo jumped into his arms.
"Little Darling!"
CHOK
Everyone leaned forwards to watch as Akane embedded her elbow in Ranma's face.
"What you doing?!" Shampoo demanded angry.
"Hm?" Akane said looking up at Shampoo with her elbow still crushing Ranma's face. She removed it and looked down at Ranma. "Who are you again?" she asked with a wondering look on her face.
"This is getting old." Ranma commented standing back up.
"Conditioned reflex." Nabiki observed crushing the bag of chips in her hand.
"Somewhere in her heart, she still remember's Ranma." Kasumi explained with a tear gathering in her eye.
(Such different views when you think about them aren't they?)
"'Ranma.' You wouldn't be a noodle would you?" Akane asked.
"That's Ra-men!" Ranma replied looking down on her with narrow eyes.
Shampoo was thinking dire thoughts about Akane's rememberance of Ranma. She jumped into the air above Akane's hair and shouted, "Again! Xi Fa Xiang Gao Shiatsu Technique!"
Ranma quickly moved forwards and snatched the hand holding the shampoo and comb and took the shampoo from her. He grabbed Akane's hand and ran to the bathroom.
"Lover!" Shampoo shouted angry.
Ranma pushed Akane's head into the bathroom sink and squirted some of the shampoo onto her long hair then began to scrub vigorously with his fingers.
"YAAAAA! That hurts! That hurts!!" Akane shouted kicking her legs.
"What do you think you're doing?!" She shouted as she grabbed the back of Ranma's head and plowed him into the sink.
The door slammed open and Dr. Tofu walked in. "It won't work with that shampoo Ranma!" he declared. "Look at the number on the formula bottle!"
"411..."
"In order to bring back her memory, we need formula 911!"
"Where do I get it?!" Ranma demanded standing up from the wrecked sink.
"No need to worry, I have here the recipe for mixing some formula 911." Tofu reassured.
"Really doctor? You can help Akane?!" Kasumi came into the bathroom all happy and cheery and surrounded by flowers and totally unknowingly skrewing up Akane's chances of getting her memory back.
"K-Kasumi. What brings you here?" Tofu asked as his heart beat loudly and the book in his hands was ripped to shreds.
"Well, I live here." She answered Kasumily.
"What are you doing?!" Ranma shouted in horror.
Kasumi and Nabiki looked in Ranma's room to see him filling a large pack with various articles for traveling.
"What's up Ranma? What are you packing for?" Nabiki asked.
"Isn't it obvious?" Ranma asked then stood up and put the pack over his shoulders. "I'm going to a drugstore in China to get that formula 911 shampoo!"
"Wheeeee! Buy me something while you're there!" Nabiki requested exuberantly.
"I'd like some Oolong tea." Kasumi requested. (Anyone who's watched Tri-gun and has Ranma book 3 infront of you might actually recognise her position as being somewhat the same as Millie Thomson's from episode 1. This may just be me, after all, there's always the possibility I'm a fool and I've been looking at the caption too long)
*How about some Grecian Formula?* Genma blushed in panda form.(Now that's just strange.)
"I could use some cigarette's." Soun informed.
The pack slipped off as Ranma stared at the group speechless.
"Akane," Ranma began and put the pack back on securely. "Just you wait, I'll make you remember me."
*Brings a tear to your eye don't it?* Genma smacked Ranma's pack hard enough to push him over.
"Oh Ranma! I'm so happy to hear that!" Soun cried into his arm as he chopped Ranma's neck a couple times.
P-chan bit Ranma's arm.
As Ranma left the house a dog bit his leg.
Once the dog was gone Ranma sped through the streets wondering to himself just how he was going to get to China for free. China... for free... that's a funny. His mind boiled it down to swimming like he had with his father before, when suddenly there was a bottle labeled 911 infront of his face. He screeched to a stop as he saw the bottle of shampoo was being held by Shampoo who was hanging upside down in a tree. (And if one looks closely enough, you can actually see, since her miniskirt is slitted down the side, that she wears panties. Who ever would have thought that Shampoo of all people wore panties? I mean, it's rather obvious that she doesn't wear a bra, so you'd expect she doesn't wear panties either. I'm done rambling now.)
"9. 1. 1." Ranma said pointing at the bottle. "Give me that!" He shouted and jumped out of the pack at her. Shampoo spun on the branch and jumped into the air. "Give me that shampoo Shampoo!" Ranma shouted as they began jumping across the roof tops. Ranma came infront of her and to keep the bottle safe Shampoo undid her shirt and put the bottle between her breasts. Ranma's eyes went wide.
"Come and get." Shampoo challenged pointing to the exposed top of the bottle.
"You think I'll give up that easy?!" Ranma declared, then pulled Shampoo closer. "You may not think so but I'm rather familiar with the female body!"
"EEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"
"All right. I'll tell you what." Ranma smacked a fist into an open palm. "You give me the shampoo and I'll do whatever you want."
"Really?" Shampoo asked with her eyes all sparkly.
"But I won't marry you or kill Akane." Shampoo turned slightly sour at that.
"Okay. Kill female Ranma!" She demanded.
"Huh?" Ranma found this idea surprising. Kill his female self, really deep psychological stuff.
"You kill female Ranma. I give you shampoo 911. Is deal?"
"Is deal." Ranma said suddenly confidant. "But make it, almost kill."
"Ranma! What the hell are you doing up there?!" Some called up from ground level. Both figures on the roof looked down to see Jason climbing up the wall around the house they were on, then onto the house they were on. "What's going on up here?"
"Uh... she's got the shampoo we need to help Akane." Ranma said pointing to Shampoo while looking at Jason the whole time. "How'd you find us?"
"Listening to you blab apoligies maybe? I heard you a block away. Where's she got it?" Jason replied.
Ranma pointed at Shampoo's breasts. Jason walked up to the Chinese girl and stared down at her. "You mind giving me that?"
Smirking Shampoo said, "No."
Jason sighed in defeat, moved next to Shampoo so his arm was touching her shoulder. Ranma couldn't see what Jason did, but Shampoo suddenly jerked her hips forwards and Jason took the instant to pull the bottle out with two fingers.
"That wasn't so bad now was it?" Jason said, mostly to himself and walked down the roof and jumped off. "Come on Ranma, we've got what we're here for."
Ranma took his eyes off of Shampoo, who had slumped to her knee's, and jumped off the roof down next to Jason.
"Don't you ever tell anyone that I ever, EVER, did that. If anyone asks how you or I got the bottle just say 'skill'." Jason ordered as they continued down the street.
Dr. Tofu passed them down the street jumping and frolicking as if in the wilderness.
"We're lucky." Jason said flatly.
"How're we lucky? We need him to cure Akane!" Ranma demanded to know.
"I know that. I meant, we're lucky he didn't recognise us as he passed us by."
"Anyways, I've found out how 'I' can get past this marriage law thing." Jason stated in the Tendo Dojo with Ranma and Ryoga in there too. "This same loophole won't work for either of you unless you can prove you're some type of evil creature."
Ryoga and Ranma both stared at Jason confused. "Evil creature?" They asked in unison.
"Y'know, Youkai, Oni, Akuma. Any of the above would classify as being evil in nature."
"And how did you come across this?" Ranma asked curiously.
"Simple." Jason said and pulled out the Amazon Law book. "It's written in the last chapter how the Amazon's are supposed to treat creatures of evil nature. And apparently the Marriage Law's no longer apply."
Ranma raised a hand to his chin in thought. "So... ahh, have Youkai walk in and show her his true nature, and you're home free." Ranma guessed.
"Yeah, something like that. It also helps that he is essentially a part of me and therefore no one can say later on I pulled a fast one." Jason added.
"But that doesn't help us." Ryoga stated.
"Nnnot necessarily." Jason said then remained silent.
R & R stood and waited for the caucasian to explain himself. They eventually got fed up with waiting. "Well?!" They both demanded.
Jason looked kinda nervous as he flipped through the book to the back. "Well... there's a rather vague note at the back here that mentions people who are under the influence of said evil being." The problem though, is that we have to prove you're under my control, and that I am, in fact, an evil being. It's not that great a loop for you two. So I'll have to go through again and try to find a way out once again." Jason said and put the book away. "Unless of course, Ranma can prove he's an Akuma and Ryoga and Oni."
Both the R's shook their heads.
"Didn't think so. Ranma might always just show Shampoo that he's a girl half time, be vague about it or even lie to her and she might just go away. And Ryoga could alway's go missing and never be seen for a month or so." Jason suggested.
"Bad idea!" Ranma and Ryoga stated leaning forwards menacingly.
"Didn't think you'd go for it." Jason said and stood up and stretched. "Ah god, what the hell was I sitting..." Jason trailed off...
"What?" Ranma asked as Jason's eyes lost focus. "What?! What's wrong!?"
Jason looked over his shoulder and then back towards Ranma. "I had the shampoo in my back pocket."
"You what?!"
"I had the shampoo in my back pocket!" Jason shouted back and pulled it out from the back pocket. "[Shit!] I squeezed the bottle dry! All that horrible horrible work for NOTHING!!"
Ranma stood there in shock. "The... the shampoo... then I'll... just have to be almost killed then." Ranma said and turned to Ryoga. "Ryoga, beat me up. Beat me up real good."
"Ha, this is the perfect opportunity for me. You think I'd let it go just like that?" Ryoga said and watched Ranma from the corner of his eye. "Give it up Ranma, surrender Akane to me."
Ranma stepped on Ryoga's head. "You don't think you could... bend on that a little?"
"I said NO!" Ryoga shouted and hit Ranma's head.
Ranma retalliated by kicking Ryoga in the chin. "Please Ryoga, I'm begging you, beat me, cream me, trash me!"
"Fine then, if that's the way you want it. I'LL RIP YOUR HEAD OFF!!" Ryoga shouted and jumped at Ranma.
"Oh thank you, thank you!" Ranma said with a tear rolling down his cheek.
WHAP BAM POW KRAK
Ryoga was laid out on the floor and Ranma was running around him with his fists up. "Come on Ryoga, I'm the one that's supposed to drop, not you!"
"Maybe you shouldn't have fought back Ranma." Jason suggested.
"We'll help you!" Soun shouted as he and Genma hit Ranma from behind, then began stomping on him. "You're so good to Akane!"
*It's all so sweet!*
"Daddy, Uncle Saotome! What are you two doing?!"
Soun held Ranma up infront of Akane. "Isn't it lovely Akane?"
Akane pulled back from Ranma's totally messed up visage. "Yee! Kill it!"
Ranma stood back up and his face normalized somewhat. "Who are you calling 'it'?" Behind him Soun and Genma nodded to each other and Soun flipped Ranma onto his face.
"Daddy! Don't pick on this poor weakling! I'll fight you if you want!" Akane reprimanded.
"Hey! You stay out of this!" Ranma demanded and walked up for more punishment.
"Why should I weakling!"
"Who do you think I'm taking this for anyways! Y'know something? I'm sorry I ever said you were cute!"
Akane froze. Soun noticed.
"Ranma, say it again!"
"I'm sorry I ever said you were cute!"
"Now, make it meaner!"
"Now that's something I'm good at. Macho Chick! Built like a Stick! Dumb as a Brick! Thighs are too Thick! Can't even Kick!"
"You cad!" Ryoga shouted and hit Ranma from behind.
"I thought you were dead." Ranma deadpanned, just before Akane slapped him and knocked him to the floor.
"Ranma you JERK!!" Akane shouted as she slapped him, when he hit the floor she suddenly realized just what he'd been trying to do. She stood next to him and tried to think of something to say.
"Akane, you remember! You remember Ranma!" Soun said and walked over to her, inadvertently stepping on Ranma. "Oh my heart soars!"
"My back breaks." Ranma muttered from beneath Souns feet.
The wall cratered and Shampoo stepped through with a "Hello." to everyone in the room. "Darling!" She cried as she saw Ranma on the floor. Jumping at him proved futile as Akane pulled Ranma out of the way by his pigtail. Shampoo became real serious when she saw that. "You remember Ranma, stubborn girl. Too bad. If you no remember, you no have to DIE!" she shouted and charged at Akane with deadly intent.
"Shampoo stop!" Ranma shouted and intercepted Shampoo's hands. "Don't hurt Akane!"
"Is obstacle, obstacle is for killing!" Shampoo declared.
"I guess there's not choice. I have to tell you the truth." Ranma said and picked up a bucket of water.
"We both do." Jason said as he came in through the door. Apparently having left and just come back. He walked over to Ranma's side. "Shampoo, neither of us have told you these things because we like to keep them secret. But I'm half demon." Jason said solemnly.
Ranma poured the bucket over his head. "And for me it's rather obvious." She said.
"Female Ranma?" Shampoo whispered.
"[Youkai, come in.]" Jason shouted to the outside and turned his attention back to Shampoo. "This is my twin bother Youkai. He got some of the more... demonic features of the family." He explained.
Shampoo spun to see Youkai come into view in the doorway. She looked from the demon to Jason and back a few times.
"Shampoo..." Ranma said and got the girl-named-after-a-hair-product's attention and undid the top buttons of her shirt. "It's all true. For me the male side is just a disguise. I'm really a girl." She said and opened the shirt so Shampoo could see her rack.
Ryoga slipped someways down the wall he'd been leaning against, and Soun's hair went straight up. Suddenly Soun was at Genma's throat, "Is this true?!"
*I didn't know!*
"So I'm afraid we just can't... huh?"
RRRRRRRRR "KILL!!" RRROOOOOMMMM SCREEECH
Ranma was surprised to see Shampoo's fist had stopped right infront of her face. She was twice as surprised to see Shampoo was crying. Shampoo turned away from everyone in the room and began to walk away. "Bie Liao." She said.
"I'll never see you again." Jason translated. "[Not a moment too soon.] At least that's over with." Jason said.
----------
Well, I almost met my deadline for finishing this... I'm only... 3 hours 50 minutes late. That's not bad considering all the stuff that jumped up on me during the week I was gonna be finishing this chapter in. 3 day's at my friends on the other side of town. Drivers Ed mugged me out of nowhere. Some of my favorite programming came back to satelite. I'm surprised I didn't get this done, NEXT week.
The scene changes to an open field in the middle of nowhere with some mountains in the background. Two figures walk into view.
"Hello everyone, I'm Jason, you all know me, and this is Herb of the Musk Dynasty, you all might not know him." Jason greets cheerfully.
"We're here because Black Watch is feeling... frivolous, this night." Herb says.
"As usual he thanks all his fans for liking his work, he told us not to stop stressing how much he's thankful."
"But we're not going to do that. Stop that is."
Two people appear a few meter's behind Jason and Herb. One is a near 7 foot tall, muscular, man with red eyes and a huge red aura. The other, an almost 6 foot tall man, that was even more muscular with demonic wings, golden eyes, and clawed fingers. Both are fighting each other and going at it like they mean it.
"Is that?..." Herb wondered.
"No, that's not Youkai. His name is Damien, and red there is Jax."
"What are they doing here?"
"This is probably Black Watch's imagination."
Other figures began to appear around them, even a tombstone popped out of nowhere at Herbs feet.
"Lots of people here."
Jason nodded his head at Herb's comment. He put two fingers in his mouth and whistled loudly. "Alright everyone! Clear us some room and go where ever the hell you're going! We're busy here!"
All the people cleared away and Jason and Herb once again have the field to themselves for the most part.
"All right now." Jason says and a clip board appears in his hands. "The Author refused to butcher Mikado because... he believes that a Ranma fanfic shouldn't have killing in it. Cause no died in the manga after all... it would be like Vash shooting Meryl."
Another clipboard appears in Herbs hands. "Someone wanted to know how the lights went out during the skating match. According to the manga that was Ryoga. The Author didn't really feel like adding that tidbit of knowledge and apologizes.
"Uh..." Jason looks closely to the clipboard. "Oh, I see, yeah. There's two explanations for why I got hypothermia when I dived into the ice rink/pool. I may draw from the cold but that doesn't make me immune to it. Or, I was making it up so that Akane's friends wouldn't think I'm some kinda freak. Take your pick cause it probably won't be claried directly later on."
"Some parts of the story are added just cause Black Watch feels like it. They may never come into play, or they could come into play much, much later in the story. He just likes to keep readers on their toes about some stuff. Other stuff he might use later on to get himself out of a fix."
"I am not a stereotype! There's a perfectly good reason that I'm attuned to cold and it's not because I'm Canadian!"
"That covers about all the questions." Herb says and looks down at his feet. "Jason, there's a hand grabbing onto my foot."
"Oro?" Jason replies and bends over to look at the hand. "Oh, that must be Random Doyle. Guess he finally regenerated that lung wound Xian-yuan gave him." He commented then grabbed the hand and pulled another teenager out of his grave.
"Ptui! Thanks, sucks to be buried alive don't it?" Random says and brushes himself off. "Can you tell me where my sister went?"
Jason points west.
"Ah should have figured that. Seeya later."
As the dead man walking walked away Herb could only shake his head and say. "Things were better in Rumiko Takahashi's mind."
"Yeah. Ain't fanfiction great?" Jason replied as he and Herb walked away.
"Hey! You guys forgot something here!" Akane shouts as she storms into view. Her hair keeps on lengthening and then getting cut to her usual haircut.
"What was that?!" Jason called back.
"You supposed to tell them how the author forgot my hair hasn't been cut yet! That wasn't mentioned in the story despite how much the chapter was about shampoo!"
"That's not important!"
"Then how are you gonna stop this?!" She demanded as her hair kept on doing that weird thing it was doing.
"Live with it!"