Thank you everyone! You amazing lot! I have received an immense amount of
reviews for the last chapter and all were kinder than the other. I know
that Aragorn and Gimli did not look their true selves in that part, but I
am assuming that having such a young and 'lovable' girl with them gives
them the opportunity to become more and more her 'older brothers' by the
day. Being together for so long turns people into families, does it not?
Finally we are going to Edoras. Not yet though. Conversations and changes
are taking place before the Rohan city. Anyway, as to the issue concerning
who could play Irulan's part if she ever made it to the movies: I really
don't know but I'll kill the first person who says Angelina Jolie.
I know a perfect Elton John song that goes with this part: That's Why They Call it the Blues.
Hopefully you'll like it.
"How can that be true?" she thought in confusion. "I am IN LOVE with Legolas?" She grimaced as another soft wave of pain began to creep up and emanate from her stomach towards her outer limbs. She stiffened unconsciously and Legolas felt it of course. He gently held her against himself and made her tilt back a little further.
"Lean on me, Irulan," he whispered softly.
"No, I'm fine," she hissed and resisted his pull, but of course Legolas was not taking "no" for an answer ever since that accursed day in that valley of rock. He removed his hand from her belly and encircled her shoulders and pulled her harder to himself until she relented. Than he brought his hand back down to her waist again and held it on her stomach with a comforting touch.
"That's better, is it not?" he said softly into her ear. And of course it was not better at all. His hand felt awfully comforting on her stomach and she actually felt an odd warmth emanating from it, dulling the pain. He felt too close and she tried to move forward a bit, but Legolas followed and they remained rigidly and uncomfortably plastered to each other.
'I can't believe this elf. This borders on naughtiness and indecency, really!' she thought, her body still tensely tilted forward in its current position.
'So? It feels good, does it not? Just give in to him,' whispered her alter ego.
Irulan swallowed softly. Indeed, why not? He loved her. He was an incredibly magical creature. She loved him........ 'No.....I'm only confused, I can not love him!' she insisted.
'Irulan,' sighed her inner voice, 'stop it already! Why won't you relent?'
'Am I the only one with the brains here?' she hissed back. 'We are in the middle of war! Besides, I will DIE! As a matter of fact, I already am dying!' she thought ruefully as another wave of pain fluttered across her body.
"Irulan, shall we stop?" Legolas asked, concerned.
She shook her head and only lay her own hand on his that was lying on her abdomen, not knowing what else to do with herself as the pain seemed to grow within her. Legolas sighed softly at her touch. 'Irulan,' he thought, 'how can you give me so much pleasure, and yet so much pain?'
"When you were wounded back in the forest," he said softly, and once more Irulan felt like leaning forward completely again because of the sensations that rushed through her at the feeling of his warm breath on her neck; but once more, Legolas felt her intention and gently held her back, "I feared the worst. I felt as if I died over and over again, Irulan."
Irulan swallowed softly. "Legolas," she managed finally, "what will become of us?"
Legolas was baffled. 'Us?' he thought, and another wave of hope and pleasure hit him. Could it be......that she would relent to a relationship, even though she would not return his feelings? His heart did a flip and he clung to her even a little stronger.
"Whatever you wish of us to become," he said softly.
Irulan sighed with frustration at that. She looked into the distance. 'I seriously am the only one with the brains,' she thought bitterly. "Legolas," she tried again, "It is not what I wish. It is what the world wishes."
"I don't care about the world," he whispered, "I only care about you."
"Why don't you understand?" she said finally with a tinge of frustration. "Why are you evading reality?"
"What reality might that be?"
"The reality in which you are an elf - no, an elven prince, actually, and I am.....I am.....a.......human nobody," she finished, annoyed at being pushed to speak it out loud like that. But this conversation had to take place. Irulan did not know it consciously, but as her shell gave in further and further, it was her that was forced to face reality and, being the human, she always had the natural tendency to try understanding things with her mind, not her heart.
Legolas was taken aback. He was silent for a moment. "A nobody?" he said finally, his voice clearly expressing disbelief. "Is that what you think of yourself?"
Irulan rolled her eyes. "It is what I KNOW of myself, Legolas."
"Irulan, the seal on your heart is stronger than I thought. How can you think so of yourself?"
Irulan hissed in anger and tried to lean forward again, not caring about the pain. Legolas held her back again and not very gently this time. "No, you will remain!" he said with a tinge of anger himself. Irulan was surprised at that, she actually stopped moving. Now, anything worse than the persistent and patient Legolas would probably be the commanding warrior Legolas. She swallowed softly and stood stiff but still.
"I will not let you belittle yourself so," he said with that tone of voice again and Irulan felt oddly nervous.
"You have to stop acting so harsh and ruthless to yourself, Irulan. You have to stop blaming yourself for everything. And you most certainly have to stop being blind to your worth."
"I don't know how to do that!" she protested finally, still nervous about speaking up to him. All of a sudden she remembered that Legolas was actually royalty. It was obvious that he had been spoiling her and this had once again blinded her to his true identity.
"I shall teach you," he said softly a moment later. "But you must trust me."
"I do trust you, Legolas."
"No you do not. You don't trust anyone, and you trust yourself the least."
"What would you like me to do, Legolas?" she said with a tired sigh. 'How much longer will I live to endure this torture?' she thought bitterly. She almost wished for another orcish threat anytime soon. Unknown to her, her wish would be fulfilled even beyond her imagination soon enough.
"Stop running, Irulan. Because you should know by now that I will not stop chasing," he said softly and gently pulled her to himself again.
Irulan closed her eyes and tried to suppress the sensations in her as she once more fell towards him, but remained stiff nevertheless. 'This whole riding thing is such a bad idea!' she protested in frustration.
"Give in to me," he whispered and her heart took a leap. She actually felt like jumping off the galloping horse at that moment, but forced herself to remain still. Legolas, of course, felt her tension.
"I don't know how to give in!" she said finally, truly nervous now.
Legolas laughed at that. "Indeed!" he said softly. It was only true. Irulan had so many edges. And yet no matter how sharp the cut, he loved each and every one of them.
"Do you think that I would use you?" he said suddenly, not really with curiosity or anger, but rather matter-of-factly.
"Use me?" replied Irulan surprised.
"Take advantage of you in any way?"
"No, of course not!" she said with disbelief. Legolas taking advantage of her! The chance of that happening the other way around would probably be stronger! Legolas using her! Yeah, right!
"Then why do you recoil at my touch?"
"I do not-" she begun, but Legolas cut her short:
"Irulan.......stop running. Be honest to yourself. Why do you recoil?"
'I do not recoil!' she thought stubbornly. Alright, maybe sometimes. But then, it was only normal! After all, it was a bit too intimate at times! "I am not used to it, I guess," she said finally, thinking it would be the safest and wisest answer at the moment. Of course Legolas was interested in neither the safest nor the wisest answer, but only in the true answer.
"No," he said curtly, "you evade it because you fear that if you give in to it, I will eventually do something that will leave you in discomfort and regret."
"No way!" she said, and a silence followed. It went on for so long, Irulan felt like she had to say something. "Well.......maybe. Maybe a little bit. It is only normal, is it not?"
"Perhaps under normal circumstances it is. Perhaps for mortals it is. I am no mortal man," he said finally and odd enough, he sounded unhappy about that. "And I am no elf like any other. I am an elf who loves you," he said with that regal tone again.
"Irulan, until now, I have accepted your lack of trust as a way of mortals. And honestly, seeing the mortal men around you, I can only understand!" he said bitterly. Irulan thought he would bring up the Little Thorn or the past Boromir issue any moment now, but Legolas thankfully avoided both.
"However, Irulan, you must see the difference now," he said and his voice softened again. He even gently stroked her stomach and Heavens, that felt so good! Irulan tensed again, but stubborn to prove that she was not going to be nervous about it, she forced herself to relax. She was doing an awful job of it......but she was trying, was she not?
"I have opened my heart to you," Legolas continued, "I have offered it to you, have I not?" Irulan remained silent. She did not how to respond to that. Besides, it did not sound too much like a question. "I have told you the truth and only the truth and I have given my heart to your mercy. You could break it. You could throw it away. You could resent it. You could mock it. And yet, I did not hesitate in doing what I did. My hesitations were of a different nature," he said. And it was true. Legolas had not told Irulan earlier, firstly because he was not in complete understanding of his own feelings; and secondly, because he had feared disturbing her, rather than not trusting her. He had not wished to put it on her already crowded mind. He had never doubted Irulan. He had never thought she would break it, use it or throw it away - even though there had been a high chance of that - Irulan being a human, after all.
"Because I trust you," he continued a moment later. "And even if you did any of those things, I would love you anyway, and I would think that you only did what you had to do."
He waited a moment longer and then added, "I am only asking the same in return. And I am aware that it is very difficult for mortals, because your relationships are so........harsh and dangerous. I have observed deceit and lies among mortals in the matters of the heart. I have observed you saying things that you do not mean; make promises you can not keep; play with each others feelings as if it was a game. It is your way, I know that."
The truth was, humans were selfish, but Legolas did not wish to say it out loud like that. They only cared for their own end and their own satisfaction in a relationship. Not the ones who felt true love, of course, for there were exceptions in everything. And yet, it was such a rooted habit in their world, it included a very large number. 'Maybe it is because they have so little time on this world,' Legolas had thought. 'Maybe they yearn to live as much as they can while they have the time - perhaps it is this rush that makes them so selfish and so ruthless.' No matter what the reason was, he had admired their passion and strong will, and yet had found their hypocrisy and the tendency of their feelings and ideas to change so fast during a relationship, disturbing. He knew that Irulan was probably only acting normal and understandable under the circumstances, but he felt the urgent need to explain to her that he was not human and thus, not like that at all. She needed to see him for what he was, before she judged him.
"We elves are very different in the matters of the heart," he said after the silence. "We do not say things that we do not mean, Irulan. And when we offer our heart, it is final."
'Arwen,' thought Irulan deftly. She would die, grieving for Aragorn, and never lay eyes on another. Why, now that she thought about it, it truly might be the human side in Elrond that was clouding his judgment in the matter. Suddenly Legolas made a lot of sense. Of course, he always made sense......but.......anyway.
"I am an Eldar. You are human. It is beyond my capabilities to change that. But........it is my strongest belief.....that we can find a common ground in our hearts, Irulan. I know that you can find it in you to trust me, if you only try."
He was silent after that and let her think. 'How can I argue with that?' thought Irulan. All her insecurities, all her fears and doubts crumbled under the light of Legolas. He was so perfect in every way, it was intimidating.
"How do I do that?" she said with a tired sigh a moment later. Legolas could not believe his ears! She was actually considering giving him a chance! He looked into the distance over her shoulder, trying to silence the tumult of his feelings. He felt like laughing. But then, he also oddly felt like crying. As a matter of fact, ever since he had met her, he felt a lot of EVERYTHING and it was such a unique experience for his fine elven senses that were actually not used to this much intensity!
"Let me guide you," he said, trying to sound calm. And due to some blessing, he did indeed sound calm.
Irulan watched the sun slowly preparing for a descent in the distance. 'Maybe it is time to say farewell to some things now,' she thought suddenly. 'I was always good at saying farewell and not looking back, was I not? Can I throw another part of me away now, like I did so many times in the past? Why should it be harder than any other time in the past?' Her shell rustled and shook with frustration. 'You have brought me so far,' she thought, 'but you must be shed now.'
"Lean on me, Irulan," Legolas said softly. She sighed with frustration. 'If I am going to die, I'd rather die a more decent person,' she thought suddenly. She forced herself to shake off the rigidity and very slowly leaned backwards again. There was a slight hesitation when their bodies touched, and she felt a tinge of fear. But she denied to give in to it and just kept leaning. Legolas made no attempt to pull her this time - his hand remained around her waist, but other than that, he made no move to pull her any closer. Finally she leaned completely on him and fought the last remnants of rigidity in her body. It was not easy, mind you. A part of her still wished to keep a comfortable distance and felt very disturbed at such a touch. But another part of her knew that it could only be cowardice to relent to that. Finally she closed her eyes and let completely go.
Legolas accepted her like a sheath accepts a sword, and it felt so perfect to ride with him like this, she instantly thought that she had been stupid to resist till now. Why, she had simply denied herself a much more pleasant journey! Legolas felt soft and warm behind her and she felt.........protected like she had not felt for a very long time. As a matter of fact, during all her time as a princess, and especially during her years alone in Middle Earth she had never felt protected, and certainly not like this. She had always been alone and forced to depend only on herself. Now she could take a break from that and depend on someone else for a change. No wonder her shell was trashing inside her silently - it was such a delicate thing, trust. But if she could not trust Legolas, than she certainly could not trust anyone else. And she did not want to die a person full of mistrust and paranoia.
Legolas slowly encircled her waist and held her for a moment. He closed his eyes and tried to engrave this moment into his memory, to make sure that it would never fade even if thousands of years passed. He never wanted to forget even the tiniest detail - he wished to remember how Irulan smelled, how her hair shone under the late afternoon sun, how it was whipping in the wind. He wished to remember how Arod felt beneath him, how the breeze felt to his elven skin, how Irulan's warmness flowed out of her and engulfed him. And though he did not know it yet, this memory would indeed stay with him. He would remember it many, many times in the future, and every time he would fell a soothing touch on his heart.
Irulan once more placed her hand on his and Legolas leaned down to place a soft kiss on her neck. She felt all her feelings tumbling downhill head over heels at that and swallowed hard with the effort not to tense again. 'Let go Irulan, let go,' she kept repeating to herself. Who would have thought that a simple act like letting go could be this difficult? Being human was truly frustrating! And it would continue to be frustrating in the upcoming days. For a day had set and a new era was dawning. Nothing and no one changes overnight. There was yet a lot of struggle and fighting to do. But it was a step. Tiny and timid, but a step nevertheless.
"I think at this moment, there is no elf with greater joy in his heart than me in Middle Earth," Legolas said finally. Irulan smiled to herself. 'Because I leaned on him?! Amazing!' she thought. And as amazing as that was, it was but the simple and plain truth.
I know a perfect Elton John song that goes with this part: That's Why They Call it the Blues.
Hopefully you'll like it.
"How can that be true?" she thought in confusion. "I am IN LOVE with Legolas?" She grimaced as another soft wave of pain began to creep up and emanate from her stomach towards her outer limbs. She stiffened unconsciously and Legolas felt it of course. He gently held her against himself and made her tilt back a little further.
"Lean on me, Irulan," he whispered softly.
"No, I'm fine," she hissed and resisted his pull, but of course Legolas was not taking "no" for an answer ever since that accursed day in that valley of rock. He removed his hand from her belly and encircled her shoulders and pulled her harder to himself until she relented. Than he brought his hand back down to her waist again and held it on her stomach with a comforting touch.
"That's better, is it not?" he said softly into her ear. And of course it was not better at all. His hand felt awfully comforting on her stomach and she actually felt an odd warmth emanating from it, dulling the pain. He felt too close and she tried to move forward a bit, but Legolas followed and they remained rigidly and uncomfortably plastered to each other.
'I can't believe this elf. This borders on naughtiness and indecency, really!' she thought, her body still tensely tilted forward in its current position.
'So? It feels good, does it not? Just give in to him,' whispered her alter ego.
Irulan swallowed softly. Indeed, why not? He loved her. He was an incredibly magical creature. She loved him........ 'No.....I'm only confused, I can not love him!' she insisted.
'Irulan,' sighed her inner voice, 'stop it already! Why won't you relent?'
'Am I the only one with the brains here?' she hissed back. 'We are in the middle of war! Besides, I will DIE! As a matter of fact, I already am dying!' she thought ruefully as another wave of pain fluttered across her body.
"Irulan, shall we stop?" Legolas asked, concerned.
She shook her head and only lay her own hand on his that was lying on her abdomen, not knowing what else to do with herself as the pain seemed to grow within her. Legolas sighed softly at her touch. 'Irulan,' he thought, 'how can you give me so much pleasure, and yet so much pain?'
"When you were wounded back in the forest," he said softly, and once more Irulan felt like leaning forward completely again because of the sensations that rushed through her at the feeling of his warm breath on her neck; but once more, Legolas felt her intention and gently held her back, "I feared the worst. I felt as if I died over and over again, Irulan."
Irulan swallowed softly. "Legolas," she managed finally, "what will become of us?"
Legolas was baffled. 'Us?' he thought, and another wave of hope and pleasure hit him. Could it be......that she would relent to a relationship, even though she would not return his feelings? His heart did a flip and he clung to her even a little stronger.
"Whatever you wish of us to become," he said softly.
Irulan sighed with frustration at that. She looked into the distance. 'I seriously am the only one with the brains,' she thought bitterly. "Legolas," she tried again, "It is not what I wish. It is what the world wishes."
"I don't care about the world," he whispered, "I only care about you."
"Why don't you understand?" she said finally with a tinge of frustration. "Why are you evading reality?"
"What reality might that be?"
"The reality in which you are an elf - no, an elven prince, actually, and I am.....I am.....a.......human nobody," she finished, annoyed at being pushed to speak it out loud like that. But this conversation had to take place. Irulan did not know it consciously, but as her shell gave in further and further, it was her that was forced to face reality and, being the human, she always had the natural tendency to try understanding things with her mind, not her heart.
Legolas was taken aback. He was silent for a moment. "A nobody?" he said finally, his voice clearly expressing disbelief. "Is that what you think of yourself?"
Irulan rolled her eyes. "It is what I KNOW of myself, Legolas."
"Irulan, the seal on your heart is stronger than I thought. How can you think so of yourself?"
Irulan hissed in anger and tried to lean forward again, not caring about the pain. Legolas held her back again and not very gently this time. "No, you will remain!" he said with a tinge of anger himself. Irulan was surprised at that, she actually stopped moving. Now, anything worse than the persistent and patient Legolas would probably be the commanding warrior Legolas. She swallowed softly and stood stiff but still.
"I will not let you belittle yourself so," he said with that tone of voice again and Irulan felt oddly nervous.
"You have to stop acting so harsh and ruthless to yourself, Irulan. You have to stop blaming yourself for everything. And you most certainly have to stop being blind to your worth."
"I don't know how to do that!" she protested finally, still nervous about speaking up to him. All of a sudden she remembered that Legolas was actually royalty. It was obvious that he had been spoiling her and this had once again blinded her to his true identity.
"I shall teach you," he said softly a moment later. "But you must trust me."
"I do trust you, Legolas."
"No you do not. You don't trust anyone, and you trust yourself the least."
"What would you like me to do, Legolas?" she said with a tired sigh. 'How much longer will I live to endure this torture?' she thought bitterly. She almost wished for another orcish threat anytime soon. Unknown to her, her wish would be fulfilled even beyond her imagination soon enough.
"Stop running, Irulan. Because you should know by now that I will not stop chasing," he said softly and gently pulled her to himself again.
Irulan closed her eyes and tried to suppress the sensations in her as she once more fell towards him, but remained stiff nevertheless. 'This whole riding thing is such a bad idea!' she protested in frustration.
"Give in to me," he whispered and her heart took a leap. She actually felt like jumping off the galloping horse at that moment, but forced herself to remain still. Legolas, of course, felt her tension.
"I don't know how to give in!" she said finally, truly nervous now.
Legolas laughed at that. "Indeed!" he said softly. It was only true. Irulan had so many edges. And yet no matter how sharp the cut, he loved each and every one of them.
"Do you think that I would use you?" he said suddenly, not really with curiosity or anger, but rather matter-of-factly.
"Use me?" replied Irulan surprised.
"Take advantage of you in any way?"
"No, of course not!" she said with disbelief. Legolas taking advantage of her! The chance of that happening the other way around would probably be stronger! Legolas using her! Yeah, right!
"Then why do you recoil at my touch?"
"I do not-" she begun, but Legolas cut her short:
"Irulan.......stop running. Be honest to yourself. Why do you recoil?"
'I do not recoil!' she thought stubbornly. Alright, maybe sometimes. But then, it was only normal! After all, it was a bit too intimate at times! "I am not used to it, I guess," she said finally, thinking it would be the safest and wisest answer at the moment. Of course Legolas was interested in neither the safest nor the wisest answer, but only in the true answer.
"No," he said curtly, "you evade it because you fear that if you give in to it, I will eventually do something that will leave you in discomfort and regret."
"No way!" she said, and a silence followed. It went on for so long, Irulan felt like she had to say something. "Well.......maybe. Maybe a little bit. It is only normal, is it not?"
"Perhaps under normal circumstances it is. Perhaps for mortals it is. I am no mortal man," he said finally and odd enough, he sounded unhappy about that. "And I am no elf like any other. I am an elf who loves you," he said with that regal tone again.
"Irulan, until now, I have accepted your lack of trust as a way of mortals. And honestly, seeing the mortal men around you, I can only understand!" he said bitterly. Irulan thought he would bring up the Little Thorn or the past Boromir issue any moment now, but Legolas thankfully avoided both.
"However, Irulan, you must see the difference now," he said and his voice softened again. He even gently stroked her stomach and Heavens, that felt so good! Irulan tensed again, but stubborn to prove that she was not going to be nervous about it, she forced herself to relax. She was doing an awful job of it......but she was trying, was she not?
"I have opened my heart to you," Legolas continued, "I have offered it to you, have I not?" Irulan remained silent. She did not how to respond to that. Besides, it did not sound too much like a question. "I have told you the truth and only the truth and I have given my heart to your mercy. You could break it. You could throw it away. You could resent it. You could mock it. And yet, I did not hesitate in doing what I did. My hesitations were of a different nature," he said. And it was true. Legolas had not told Irulan earlier, firstly because he was not in complete understanding of his own feelings; and secondly, because he had feared disturbing her, rather than not trusting her. He had not wished to put it on her already crowded mind. He had never doubted Irulan. He had never thought she would break it, use it or throw it away - even though there had been a high chance of that - Irulan being a human, after all.
"Because I trust you," he continued a moment later. "And even if you did any of those things, I would love you anyway, and I would think that you only did what you had to do."
He waited a moment longer and then added, "I am only asking the same in return. And I am aware that it is very difficult for mortals, because your relationships are so........harsh and dangerous. I have observed deceit and lies among mortals in the matters of the heart. I have observed you saying things that you do not mean; make promises you can not keep; play with each others feelings as if it was a game. It is your way, I know that."
The truth was, humans were selfish, but Legolas did not wish to say it out loud like that. They only cared for their own end and their own satisfaction in a relationship. Not the ones who felt true love, of course, for there were exceptions in everything. And yet, it was such a rooted habit in their world, it included a very large number. 'Maybe it is because they have so little time on this world,' Legolas had thought. 'Maybe they yearn to live as much as they can while they have the time - perhaps it is this rush that makes them so selfish and so ruthless.' No matter what the reason was, he had admired their passion and strong will, and yet had found their hypocrisy and the tendency of their feelings and ideas to change so fast during a relationship, disturbing. He knew that Irulan was probably only acting normal and understandable under the circumstances, but he felt the urgent need to explain to her that he was not human and thus, not like that at all. She needed to see him for what he was, before she judged him.
"We elves are very different in the matters of the heart," he said after the silence. "We do not say things that we do not mean, Irulan. And when we offer our heart, it is final."
'Arwen,' thought Irulan deftly. She would die, grieving for Aragorn, and never lay eyes on another. Why, now that she thought about it, it truly might be the human side in Elrond that was clouding his judgment in the matter. Suddenly Legolas made a lot of sense. Of course, he always made sense......but.......anyway.
"I am an Eldar. You are human. It is beyond my capabilities to change that. But........it is my strongest belief.....that we can find a common ground in our hearts, Irulan. I know that you can find it in you to trust me, if you only try."
He was silent after that and let her think. 'How can I argue with that?' thought Irulan. All her insecurities, all her fears and doubts crumbled under the light of Legolas. He was so perfect in every way, it was intimidating.
"How do I do that?" she said with a tired sigh a moment later. Legolas could not believe his ears! She was actually considering giving him a chance! He looked into the distance over her shoulder, trying to silence the tumult of his feelings. He felt like laughing. But then, he also oddly felt like crying. As a matter of fact, ever since he had met her, he felt a lot of EVERYTHING and it was such a unique experience for his fine elven senses that were actually not used to this much intensity!
"Let me guide you," he said, trying to sound calm. And due to some blessing, he did indeed sound calm.
Irulan watched the sun slowly preparing for a descent in the distance. 'Maybe it is time to say farewell to some things now,' she thought suddenly. 'I was always good at saying farewell and not looking back, was I not? Can I throw another part of me away now, like I did so many times in the past? Why should it be harder than any other time in the past?' Her shell rustled and shook with frustration. 'You have brought me so far,' she thought, 'but you must be shed now.'
"Lean on me, Irulan," Legolas said softly. She sighed with frustration. 'If I am going to die, I'd rather die a more decent person,' she thought suddenly. She forced herself to shake off the rigidity and very slowly leaned backwards again. There was a slight hesitation when their bodies touched, and she felt a tinge of fear. But she denied to give in to it and just kept leaning. Legolas made no attempt to pull her this time - his hand remained around her waist, but other than that, he made no move to pull her any closer. Finally she leaned completely on him and fought the last remnants of rigidity in her body. It was not easy, mind you. A part of her still wished to keep a comfortable distance and felt very disturbed at such a touch. But another part of her knew that it could only be cowardice to relent to that. Finally she closed her eyes and let completely go.
Legolas accepted her like a sheath accepts a sword, and it felt so perfect to ride with him like this, she instantly thought that she had been stupid to resist till now. Why, she had simply denied herself a much more pleasant journey! Legolas felt soft and warm behind her and she felt.........protected like she had not felt for a very long time. As a matter of fact, during all her time as a princess, and especially during her years alone in Middle Earth she had never felt protected, and certainly not like this. She had always been alone and forced to depend only on herself. Now she could take a break from that and depend on someone else for a change. No wonder her shell was trashing inside her silently - it was such a delicate thing, trust. But if she could not trust Legolas, than she certainly could not trust anyone else. And she did not want to die a person full of mistrust and paranoia.
Legolas slowly encircled her waist and held her for a moment. He closed his eyes and tried to engrave this moment into his memory, to make sure that it would never fade even if thousands of years passed. He never wanted to forget even the tiniest detail - he wished to remember how Irulan smelled, how her hair shone under the late afternoon sun, how it was whipping in the wind. He wished to remember how Arod felt beneath him, how the breeze felt to his elven skin, how Irulan's warmness flowed out of her and engulfed him. And though he did not know it yet, this memory would indeed stay with him. He would remember it many, many times in the future, and every time he would fell a soothing touch on his heart.
Irulan once more placed her hand on his and Legolas leaned down to place a soft kiss on her neck. She felt all her feelings tumbling downhill head over heels at that and swallowed hard with the effort not to tense again. 'Let go Irulan, let go,' she kept repeating to herself. Who would have thought that a simple act like letting go could be this difficult? Being human was truly frustrating! And it would continue to be frustrating in the upcoming days. For a day had set and a new era was dawning. Nothing and no one changes overnight. There was yet a lot of struggle and fighting to do. But it was a step. Tiny and timid, but a step nevertheless.
"I think at this moment, there is no elf with greater joy in his heart than me in Middle Earth," Legolas said finally. Irulan smiled to herself. 'Because I leaned on him?! Amazing!' she thought. And as amazing as that was, it was but the simple and plain truth.