Okay, so on with the story. Oh, and crazybeautiful (Meryl), I really have
nothing better to do, should I beg your forgiveness for my miserable life?
I don't think so! Ha ha...but thanks for being honest at least. I REALLY
doubt you will understand much without reading the epical 37 chapters of
Irulan-I...but...sigh.what can I say? Do as you wish. And girl, really, I
don't care if it is a mary sue or not. As far as I'm concerned, it is a
matter of taste and there's not point in debating over something like that.
I like marys-sue, others don't. I don't think this is a mary-sue, others
think it is. The world keeps on turning and the sun keeps on burning out,
as far as I'm concerned. Do you always hate everything first and THEN give
it a chance? Ha ha...gotta love you.
To my more patient and less cruel readers! Yes, I STILL can't sleep and the story goes on. I know you like it, and so do I. And I think that's all that matters. It's not a piece of art. I never said it was. It maybe is not too original. Never said it was, either. If I wanted to write something original, I'd be writing fiction, not fanfiction. It is meant for fun and sharing and I am only grateful that there are enough people out there who are willing to share it with me. Thank you again.
Ha ha...I know, Eowyn is CRUEL! Like I said, I like that about her. Don't worry...their relationship is not so fragile that it will break in any way through such vicious acts. You know I told you in the beginning and I am yet telling it again - this is about Irulan. And indirectly about Legolas, because he is a part of her. So it dives into her inner world more than most fanfic. That's the way I like it and that's the way I'll keep it. I can only hope that you'll agree with me on the matter and like it that way.
Irulan was standing below the giant tree that was casting a soft shadow on Chemarit' hut. The silence and tranquility of Mirkwood forest was spreading around her like a soft blanket. It was an early summer afternoon -she could tell by the light and the warmth- and it was perfect; not too radiant and not too hot. The grass was a soft green, not yet shriveled from the heat. She looked down and realized that she was wearing the outfit of the Black Knight, without the headpiece. Her hair was flowing freely down to her waist, only the top strand held back and keeping it from falling down to her face.
She slowly walked to the hut. She knew that it was a dream, but it felt oddly real. She could literally feel the soft earth underneath her feet. She could feel the smell of the forest around her and feel the warmth of the sun on her face. She arrived at the hut and tried the door, but it was locked. 'How can it be locked? It was never locked before,' she thought in confusion. She tried to look through the little window at the side of the hut, but it was too dusty and she could not see anything.
"Irulan!" said a voice behind her and she turned around to see Hetaire leaning on the bark of the tree, in her local housewife outfit. Yet, there was a difference to her. Her hair was loosely braided and held off her face. And there were three large distinctive blue-black parallel paint stripes running down her face - one down her nose and her chin, the others down each eye and her cheeks. She was painted as if she meant to join a combat, no matter how absurd that sounded.
Hetaire slightly bounced off the tree she was leaning on when Irulan turned to her. She stood upright, poised with her legs slightly apart and her chin pushed up. A faint smile was on her lips. Irulan thought that maybe Hetaire would attack her, but she knew that she would feel it if Hetaire enveloped herself in calmness. The woman did not do so, so she remained facing her, unsure of what will happen next.
"You have deserted us," Hetaire said a minute later. And it sounded both like an accusation and an amusing fact. Irulan looked around. She did not like the fact that Hetaire was here - here of all places! It was a private place. It was Chemarit's and Irulan's place. Hetaire had no right to be here. She looked back at the woman and replied with a silent stare, then said "I have chosen my own way, Hetaire."
Hetaire smiled one of those creepy cold smiles then. "Is your way so different from ours, Sister?"
"I am Sister to you no more!" said Irulan and it came out with more emotion than she wished it would.
Hetaire held up her hand and showed her wrist. "I carry your blood. As you carry mine. You are Sister to me for all times."
Irulan looked down and realized with horror that her cuts where gently bleeding. She quickly wiped away the blood, but the wound remained and began bleeding softly again. She gritted her teeth and looked up; Hetaire had not moved.
"Power has a price, Sister," said Hetaire and she said it leisurely, looking Irulan up and down with amusement. Then she looked away to the forest and added with disinterest: "You received the Power, yet you ran from the price. Like a crook running from his debts in the late hours of the night!" The last part came out with distinctive emotion and Hetaire diverted her eyes again to stare at Irulan. She looked very disturbing with that war paint on her face.
"I paid my debts," said Irulan. "Power is not yours to give or to keep. You have no say over it. I acquired it and I owe nothing to anyone." Her heart made a flip. To talk like this to Hetaire! Nevertheless, as absurd as that sounded, Irulan was still mad at her for coming out here like this.
"He does not love you, Irulan," said Hetaire suddenly and Irulan felt a terror in her growing. 'How can she know about Legolas?!' she thought suddenly. Even though a part of her knew that this was a dream and Hetaire probably knew everything that Irulan knew in this dream, another part of her felt once again a breach into her privacy. She did not want Hetaire talking about Legolas. It was.......tainting!
"What would YOU know about love?" hissed Irulan.
"More than you, for sure!" the other replied leisurely. "And enough to say this: love is not felt for another, but to oneself, Irulan. He loves a picture of you in his head. He loves a person he has created in his mind, and it is not the real you." She looked Irulan up and down again and another amused smile crept up to her face. "You, my Sister," she hissed and began to walk towards Irulan, who felt oddly glued to her ground, "are nothing like that image. You are a mask beneath a mask beneath a mask. So many, Irulan......you barely have a face anymore. Maybe you never had one," she said with open amusement.
Irulan gritted her teeth and tried to keep her temper down. She dared not close her eyes, in case Hetaire would attack her in any way. So she just remained like that, her brown eyes boring into the green ones. "Do you seriously believe that an elf like that can love YOU, Irulan? You were smarter when you joined us."
"I was fairly stupid, I would say," hissed Irulan, but refused to talk about Legolas, afraid that just talking about it with Hetaire would taint it.
"Irulan," sighed Hetaire, and stood very close now, moving still closer, "what did you feel for Hasmir?" Hetaire waited a long moment in amusement, knowing that Irulan would not answer. Suddenly Irulan noticed something strange - the paint on her face was not paint...but dark orc blood. "Compassion, Irulan. And need. For a while, anyway. He was so kind, innocent and gentle. You needed to feel that childish innocence and you lived with him.......for a rather long time. But then, you grew tired of him. Your need diminished and other needs rose. I bet you never looked back, did you, Sister?" Hetaire was very close now, but Irulan still refused to move away, not wishing that to be taken as a sign of weakness by the other woman.
"You told him you loved him.......you told him so many times.......and then never......looked........back," said Hetaire.
"I THOUGHT I loved him!" shouted Irulan, amazed at her fury.
Hetaire smiled softly. "Exactly," she whispered and stared back another moment before she slowly reached out to touch Irulan's heart. A pain like no other emanated from that gentle touch and Irulan felt her whole body being torn apart from the stitches that held it together. Her heart was pain itself, pulsing only more and more into her. Irulan felt her being crushed with such ruthless strength, tears sprang to her eyes at her own smallness and weakness in the face of such pain. She fell to her knees, feeling neither the fall nor the ground.......she was made of flesh and bone no longer - she was only pain on pain and pain......Hetaire was still standing before her, the two slender fingers of her left hand touching Irulan's breast, a smile spread on her lips, and her eyes as cold as the pain that was soaring through her. "Soon we shall meet again, Sister," she whispered and Irulan collapsed into a million pieces, exploding out from her into the universe.
She woke up so fast, it did not register at all. Her body tried to jump up and away, reacting with pure reflex and instinct, but Legolas was holding her down with great effort. He was pressing her down and at the same time trying not to hurt her in any way. Which proved to be very difficult, since Irulan was doing her best trying to break free. "I hate you!" she screamed unconsciously, "I hate you! I hate you! I will kill you!"
"Irulan!" commanded Legolas and held her harder. "Irulan, wake up!" She thrashed some more and Legolas did not know what to do, other than remaining as he was and trying his best not to bend or break anything of Irulan. Moments later she slowed down and finally, Irulan DID stop. The glaze in her eyes slowly faded and she blinked. Legolas did not let her go immediately though, in fear that she would slip away and run off. "Irulan," he said with a softer tone, but still anxious, "are you awake?"
She blinked again. "Legolas?" she whispered. Legolas nodded and very slowly got off her. She remained lying for a moment, then slowly raised herself and sat with her back on the bed board, clutching her heart and looking down at her lap with a very confused look on her face.
"Irulan," whispered Legolas and scooted closer to her, trying to see her eyes, "what is it?"
A long time passed and her silence made Legolas very nervous, though he feared to break it. "Legolas," she whispered finally, and looked up to meet his gaze, "I can not be healed."
Legolas was so taken aback by that, he just remained silent for a minute. "What are you saying?" he said softly and moved even closer. But Irulan flinched back. Legolas felt his heart making a flip at that. She actually recoiled from him! After all this time, after all the distance they had come, she looked very much like she did on day one. He swallowed hard and tried not to feel dizzy with the blow that dealt on him.
"Irulan, it was only a dream," he said softly. Elves did not dream in the sense mortals dreamt, and because of that, he suddenly felt completely lost as to how to react. Although he had heard before that mortals could have very realistic and disturbing dreams and that they could be affected by those as if they were real happenings, he had never encountered such a thing before and did not know whether it was a good idea to even approach Irulan at this moment. What if a part of her was still captured in that dream? Would it be a mistake to shake her off it? Maybe he should wait? But what if it would take hold of her if he waited?
"No, Legolas, it was not," she said and clutched her heart stronger, breaking his train of thought, "I am too far gone. You can not bring me back."
Legolas swallowed again and gently tried to touch her cheek again, only Irulan quickly turned her head the other way. She could have slapped him in the face and probably that would have hurt less. He felt the frustration of not understanding her state rising up in him again. "Irulan, please do not shut me out!"
She covered her face with desperation. "Do not waste your time on me, Legolas," she said finally and removed her hands. "I am lost. You can not find me."
He clutched her hand then, refusing to let go, even though she tried to retrieve it. "Don't you talk like that!" he said, unable to control the fear and anger in his voice. "Look at me!" he said but Irulan turned her face away again. "Look at me, Irulan," he said, with determination. She was slipping away from him, but under no circumstances could he allow that. He clutched her chin, careful not to hurt her, but doubting that he was very much in control of his strength at this point, and forced her to look. She stared back at him with anger and defiance and tried to break free of his grasp to get up. But Legolas pinned her down.
"Legolas, let me go!"
"No! Forgive me, I can not!"
She struggled a little, but soon gave up and remained still. He quickly embraced her tightly then and although she remained stiff, she stopped thrashing. A long time passed and Legolas felt her crying against his chest. He felt as if his heart was crying with her - so strong was his own pain at the sight of hers. He would rather go out and fight an entire battle than sit here, unable to reach her, unable to understand what she is going through and, consequently, unable to help her in any way.
Legolas had spent a lot of time among mortals - more than most elves. As a matter of fact, many of his friends mocked him because of this, saying soon (that is, in a few millennia) he would become a mortal himself if he did not stop! But it was his curiosity rather than any other feeling that was pushing him again and again towards the borders of Mirkwood and beyond that; and this naturally brought him in contact with many other races and cultures. Legolas had always been proud of his kind and most of his acquaintances with others had only proved him to be right (so he thought, anyway). Of course there were exceptions and there were mortals he admired more than elfkind - like Aragorn. But those were rare. He had observed mortals and finally come to the conclusion that they were pretty much the same at every age and in every culture. They were like little children - passionate, curios and innocent, yes; but also cruel, filthy and unstable. He had found interest in their ways, but never found it tempting. He had been amused by their qualities, but never thought it was something to envy.
Yet....alas, here he was, fiercely in love with a mortal woman and cursing himself for not observing and analyzing them better before, for he could not understand her. He should have been more observant and less prejudiced! He should have been more curious and less judgmental. Maybe if he had been, now he would know what to do!
He stroked her hair and her back softly. "Tell me," he whispered into her ear, "tell me, please." Irulan did not move for a long time.
"Legolas........you can't understand," she mumbled into his chest.
He moved back a little and slowly brought up his hand, wiping away her tears.
"Perhaps I can."
"You can NOT understand, trust me," sighed Irulan.
"Why?"
Irulan sighed in frustration. "It is too......human."
And that was definitely the answer he had been afraid of. Not knowing what else to do, Legolas leaned down and kissed her softly. And Irulan could hardly debate in that state. "Tell me," he whispered again.
"Legolas....." she managed but once more he leaned in and kissed her gently.
"Tell me, Irulan."
Irulan sighed. Suddenly she didn't know which one was confusing her more - the kissing or the dream. A part of her wanted to pull away, push herself off. Another part just wanted to remain like this and let the world go on without her. She knew Legolas was truly doing his best to be there for her; to understand and help her. But breaking so many habits and so many walls in such a short time was just tough on her. She felt frustrated at his persistence. The elf was like a storm, banging on the gates of her fortress, demanding to be let in. And he would not take no for an answer. The only difference was that he was not breaking and thrashing, but kissing and mending - which was worse, actually. If he were violent that would give her the perfect excuse to be violent in return and just kick him out. But when he was like this...it was FRUSTRATING!! Irulan sighed again and looked up at him. He would NEVER let go. "I dreamt........" she said finally, trying to sound better, although she felt still as awful as she had when she first woke up. "I just dreamt," she finished curtly. "You were right, it was only a dream. I'm awake now. I was carried away a bit, that's all."
Legolas kept looking at her for a moment and she seriously hoped that he would leave it at that. Of course that was never to be! "Alright....tell me about the dream."
Irulan tried hard not to throw up her hands with desperation. She just gave him a sour look and looked away. Legolas once again held her chin and turned her face around. She rolled her eyes and wiping away the last remnants of her tears, added "I dreamt about Hetaire," with a tired sigh.
"Who is Hetaire?" said Legolas.
Irulan massaged her face and was silent for a moment. "A Darma Druid. One of the three who taught me," she said with as little emotion as she could. Legolas' face grew dark at that.
"Very well.....and?"
"Legolas, I'd really rather not," she said finally with frustration. It was just too intimate. A kiss was intimate, but this......was a window to the soul. It was beyond intimate. It was a taboo. It was....Irulan felt terrified by the idea.
Legolas looked at her for a long moment. "I will not push you Irulan," he said finally and alas, there was his first lie to her and it felt terrible beyond anything. Yet, he could not think of any other way to approach the matter, for he meant to push, and push hard. The idea of those druids disturbed him more than anything. And her reaction to the dream had been terribly strong. He meant to push all the way, for sure, but he kept his face blank. "But you must breach this wall. It is harming you - more than you think. And......it is harming me," he finished, hoping that she might at least react to that - she seemed to care for him enough to consider that. Thankfully this last part was no lie.
And Irulan did react, indeed. "What wall?" she said with surprise.
"The wall between us," said Legolas with a careful tone.
Suddenly Irulan remembered the whole grief issue and her heart did a flip. She had no idea of course that Legolas was not grieving any longer. The closeness and affection Irulan had granted him, along with his personal quest about her health had seen to that. Legolas, on the other hand, had no idea that she had knowledge about that issue in the first place. So, ironically, without being even slightly aware of it, he had pushed the right and probably the only button that could set her into motion. She quickly looked down and played with her hands for a while. Finally she sighed and said "Legolas.....I feel so.....naked!" she whined finally and felt like crying again.
Legolas smiled at her embarrassment and discomfort and held her chin up once more: "I thought you had nothing do hide," he said softly.
Irulan's eyes widened at that. "I meant....I meant......" she stammered.
"You don't have anything to hide from others, but from me you do?" asked Legolas softly.
Irulan's face fell at that, because she realized that she would have to tell him now no matter what. He would never understand if she tried to explain that. Or maybe he would, but refusing to, would take her words and twist them around so hard, she would end up cornered to confess even more than she was asked to confess at the moment. Irulan had long ago realized that Legolas had a cunning side to him and that he was more than willing to use it on her when he deemed it necessary. "Legolas, you really need to forget things every now and then", she sighed with frustration. "It's not healthy. So much stuff in your brain can't be good for you!"
Legolas smiled, slightly sat back, and kept looking at her. "Alright, I'll tell you. Only this once, though," she said, just to make sure that he would not take this as a lifetime agreement of any sort. Legolas gave no reaction whatsoever and that was utmost annoying.
Irulan sat back a little and rested her back to the bed board again. "I dreamt I was at Chemarit's hut," she began and slowly and timidly told her dream. But the longer she talked, the easier it became and soon she actually felt good to tell him. And soon after that, she was glad she did. Legolas listened intently and he never interrupted her. She found his silence unnerving in the beginning, but then became used to it and forgot about it. She kept looking up at his face for expressions, though, and his displeasure was obviously increasing with every minute. When she got to the part Hetaire told her that Legolas did not love her, just like she had not really loved Hasmir, she thought he would jump up and run to find the village the woman lived in and personally slay her. As a matter of fact, since Hetaire would not Shift, he probably would succeed and as embarrassing as that was, it did not sound too terrible at all. He looked absolutely terrified at her words and first Irulan tried to smooth the edges a bit, but failed to do so under his gaze and decided to tell it exactly as it was. When she was finished Legolas was staring at her with utter horror.
"She touched you?!" he said suddenly and Irulan, who had drifted away in her own world suddenly flinched at the fury in his voice.
"In the dream....yes," she said with discomfort. He looked at her for a long time.
"She can not touch you," he said finally matter-of-factly. "Her spirit can not reach you. I know she can not, Irulan. But perhaps she wanted to," he said and looked away with pure anger. Legolas moved closer and sat, facing her, leaning on his left arm he placed on the other side of her outstretched legs. Irulan was still sitting with her back to the bed board.
"She has no say over your heart," he whispered and slowly leaned down to kiss her chest where her heart was. It had no passion in it, and yet for some reason it was more intimate than anything he had ever done to her before. Irulan felt her breath catch and gasped slightly. Legolas leaned back again. "I shall protect it," he said, once more surrounded in that strange bluish-white misty aura that was reflecting in his eyes and made him look like a god. Irulan had never heard of an elf who would care to devote himself so much to another - especially to a mortal. Elves most certainly felt love, and Aragorn was probably right, they loved far deeper than mortals. But their relationships were balanced and tranquil. They were strong beings - strong in will and spirit and respectful to each other, which made them keep a certain personal distance that spoke of individuality. And their bond with life and nature was so strong, no elf was too easily willing to replace that completely with the love for another. Even if they were, it was most probably another elf they had chosen and that was not really a replacement, for they both felt the basic needs and pursued them together.
And yet, Legolas seemed ready to push aside everything for her. Irulan very much doubted that he would turn around sometime in the future and decide that he needs time off. On the contrary; Legolas looked like he was more than willing to be her family, friend, kin, protector, teacher, student and partner than ever to return to his normal way of life. And that was not good at all. She felt the sudden responsibility of that. The fact that she was perhaps cutting an elf -not to mention, an elf with a status like Legolas- off from his normal accustomed environment and his people for an unknown amount of time, was more than intimidating. 'He is ready to give up everything for me. But I can not give up the most simple and worthless things for him,' she thought with more than a little shame.
"And I shall kill anyone who intents to harm it," Legolas said suddenly, bringing her back to the present. And he meant every word of it.
***
Irulan was standing before Theodred's grave, looking into the distance.
"He loved you very much," said Eowyn suddenly from behind her. Irulan smiled, but did not turn around. "I know. I loved him very much, too." She heard Eowyn approach her then, and moments later the blonde woman was standing beside her. They stood there for a long time, their long hair and their gowns softly rustling in the breeze, thinking of Theodred. He had been the most gentle and bright person Irulan had ever known. So full of life! Always smiling. The kind of person who would always remember birthdays and anniversaries of special days and even not so special days. The kind of person who would hear you talking about something that you wished you had -a book, a piece of clothing, a musical instrument or anything of that sort- and send it to you next week with a special note on it. Theodred. 'Another star has fallen' Irulan thought. 'I can only hope that my sky won't become completely dark and empty.'
"I did my share of crying," Eowyn whispered suddenly. "I don't want to cry any longer."
Irulan looked into the distance again. "And yet..you may..again." she said. Suddenly she remembered, "Eowyn, did they come to a conclusion?"
"Not when I left," Eowyn said, still looking to the distance herself, "Gandalf tries to persuade uncle to fight..but I doubt that, Irulan."
Another silence settled in and a colder wind rose to caress them. Yet, neither woman moved. "Irulan, I envy you so much!" Eowyn blurted out suddenly. Irulan, surprised, turned towards her. Eowyn was looking down, her beautiful features twisted with desperation and anger. Irulan thought about asking what she meant, but then decided against it and remained silent. "You are doing something with your life! Just like you always wanted to. You have rode out and seen the world. You are fighting for its rescue," she looked up and Irulan could see her blinking away tears. "Look at me Irulan! I will be trapped forever!"
"Eowyn, you and trapped? Stop it!" she said, hoping to relieve her, but of course failed badly. She knew only too well how Eowyn felt. She had felt exactly the same way for a long time. Eowyn had it even worse than her. "Eowyn, I know you will break out. I did. And you were always stronger than me, so you will, too. I am sure of it," she said. And it was true. It takes greater strength to prevail under pressure. Irulan had never been too good at that.
The other woman looked up at her with sheer hope. Irulan smiled back. "Just do me a favor and wait until I'm gone. Theoden will kill me if you do it now - most certainly I will be the 'bad influence' here".
Eowyn grinned and shook her head. "Eomer would not like that too much, either," she said, again that twinkle in her eyes, "I think the only woman he likes headstrong, is you."
Irulan rolled her eyes and began to walk back to the city. "Eowyn, I'm still mad at you for that. How can you do such a terrible thing?"
"Did you guys make up?" she grinned and Irulan's eyes widened with horror. She blushed a deep red and literally tried to kick Eowyn, but failed because of the long gown.
"It's not like that Eowyn!" she stammered with anger.
Eowyn grinned. "I bet it is not!"
Irulan just threw her a very angry look. "And you are going to get us all into some serious trouble if you continue! Now that the matter with Grima and King Theoden is solved, Eomer will return. What do you think will happen when he comes back?" she hissed.
"Why...sparks will fly!" Eowyn grinned and Irulan felt like trying to kick her again. Instead she pursed her lips and shook her head.
"Eowyn, I know why you did it. But it won't do you any good. For the last time, stay away from Aragorn!"
Eowyn looked towards the city walls with a dreamy expression. "Irulan, I really like him," she said with a soft voice.
Irulan rolled her eyes. "Eowyn, I understand. I really do. I mean, he is an incredible man," she said, and a moment later added: "Cruel at times, but incredible. Who can blame you? But..he is involved," she said and stressed the last word.
Eowyn, of course, waved away her argument. "I'm not forcing him into anything, Irulan.
"Eowyn!" hissed Irulan. "I will not repeat this. If you try messing with Aragorn, I'll be there to stop you!"
Eowyn turned to her in surprise. "You have become cruel!"
"No, my dear friend, I always was cruel. And I intend to become crueler," said Irulan sheepishly.
"Then I will have to fight back, won't I?"
"Eowyn, don't you dare bring up that Eomer issue again. You made a big enough mess already!"
Eowyn stopped suddenly and looked up at her with a very serious expression. "Why won't you consider him?" she said.
"Him?"
"Eomer."
Irulan's mouth dropped open. "Excuse me?"
"You heard me," said Eowyn curtly. "I was not joking, you know. He does love you."
"Eowyn! We are friends. Always have been. And if I'm not mistaken, you almost laughed yourself to death when he had a crush on me. Don't tell me that you seriously want me to consider Eomer now."
Eowyn resumed her walk but remained serious. "Irulan, we were children then! All three of us have changed so much!"
This time Irulan stopped in disbelief. "You can NOT be serious!" she protested.
Eowyn grabbed her arm and pulled her along. "I AM serious. Why won't you at least consider? Are you involved with....with...HIM?" she said and Irulan shook her head, thinking 'She does not even dare to speak his name!'
"Eowyn....."
"Are you involved?"
"What exactly do you mean by 'involved'? I feel closer to him than I have felt to any man."
Eowyn waved her hand. "Does not mean you won't feel closer yet to anyone else. I mean involved.....as in...a relationship. Are you his lover, Irulan?"
Irulan stopped in her tracks and Eowyn stopped with her, not pulling her along any longer. The first thing she thought was 'How dare she?!' and she felt anger towards Eowyn. Then suddenly she realized that it was not a weird question at all. Eowyn was her best friend, after all. And..'What are we, really?' she thought suddenly with pure confusion. All of a sudden she remembered Legolas kissing her and those kisses were certainly beyond any friendship. Even the embraces..and holding hands.... She felt a blush creeping up to her cheeks. She was becoming more and more intimate with Legolas with each day! And yet, they were not lovers. 'Lovers!' thought Irulan more than stupefied. 'We are not lovers. We can not BE lovers!' She knew he loved her and now she also knew that she loved him. Yet....she never thought that the love would bring a relationship along with it. Or better said, she never thought that, even though they loved each other, it would mean they would eventually become lovers.
'I really am stupid!' she thought bitterly. In all her confusion about the druids, healing, the war, the ring, Merry and Pippin, Legolas' confessions and her own realization she had completely and utterly failed to see where this was going. She was beginning to lean on Legolas, which was nice and good but..lovers?!!
Eowyn was still looking at her. "I thought so," the blonde woman said with a low voice. "Irulan, you must think this out. You are not...made for each other. He is most certainly very valiant, and....attractive. And I can see that he cares a lot for you. But...he is not RIGHT, Irulan."
"Don't say that!" she protested suddenly. Legolas had done so much for her!
"I am sorry, but it is the truth. There is a reason why they are elves and we are human, Irulan. There is a DIFFERENCE you can not just wave away. It's not like one of you is from Gondor and the other from Rohan - even that would be more understandable. You are two different RACES, Irulan." She stopped and gently squeezed a very confused Irulan's shoulder. "I know you like him. And there is nothing wrong with that. But....if you take this further, it will have some very serious consequences."
Irulan looked away. She was desperately trying to find her way out of this. She wanted to tell Eowyn that they loved each other, that it did not matter what they were. But standing here in broad daylight with her best friend, under the threat of war, that seemed like a lame thing to say. It sounded like one of those romance novels Chemarit loved so much and she herself believed to be pure fantasy. Besides...the idea of being lovers...was..too bold for her at this moment. She tried to imagine herself and Legolas like she had been with Hasmir...Irulan quickly began walking again, so that Eowyn would not see her blush.
"Eomer loves you, I am serious," the other one insisted. "And he is a wonderful man. I mean alright....he is a bit annoying at times....but he is wonderful, you know that. He has many admirers, but never had a truly bonding relationship. I know he would find that with you, Irulan."
Irulan reeled back on her. "Eowyn, no! I don't want to talk about this. Not now, not ever. Eomer and I are and will remain friends. And you should be ashamed to stick your nose into matters of such delicate nature," she blurted suddenly, unconsciously reverting to royal speech.
"Is that so?" said Eowyn softly and once more approached her, "Then so should you, Irulan." Irulan's eyes widened.
"Eowyn!"
"No, Irulan. Tell me now that you will stay out of my business and I promise to stay out of yours."
Irulan was speechless. "You..you..." she stammered, but Eowyn cut her short: "Tell me now, Irulan!"
Irulan pushed her chin up. For a moment an image of Arwen flashed in her mind. 'I will not let her die of grief! Aragorn will return to her, even if it means building his own damn ship and sailing to Valinor to bring her back - I will make sure of that!' she thought with utter determination. "You can NOT have Aragorn, Eowyn. He is taken, you fool of a woman!" she hissed.
"Aha!" the other one said with dark amusement, "But you are not!" And with that, she lifted her skirts and ran ahead.
Irulan picked up her skirts and began chasing after her. "Come here this minute, Eowyn!" That woman was so unbelievably fast with the gown! She began to run faster and then even faster. Just when she was close enough to reach out and grab her from behind, Eowyn crashed into a group of people that suddenly appeared out of nowhere and of course she herself crashed into Eowyn. They both ended up rolling on the floor once more.
"Lady Eowyn?" sounded Aragorn's voice from above them. They both instantly looked up. "And Irulan, I see," he added with amusement.
Gimli was lying between them, thrashing like a turtle turned upside down, his heavy armor preventing him from getting up. Irulan glanced at Eowyn with pure fury and then back at Gimli. She felt like laughing, but that would embarrass the dwarf beyond anything. Suddenly Legolas was gently holding her arm and pulling her up. Being the elf, he had managed to jump aside when the raiding party ran into them. Aragorn had simply taken the blow and not being affected himself, had sent the two women flying down on their faces. Gimli had obviously joined the floor party.
She let herself be pulled up by Legolas and Aragorn grinned and stepped up to pull up Eowyn. "My Lady," he said softly, and Irulan just wanted to kick Eowyn for the look on her face. "Looks like I am always picking you up from the ground," he said and a moment later added "like a flower". Irulan, who was already on her feet snapped around at that. She gave Legolas a look and he just blankly looked back at her. They both returned to watch Eowyn actually blush and smile up to Aragorn, smoothing her skirts! Nobody was interested in a screaming and thrashing Gimli.
Finally Irulan could not take it any longer. She cleared her throat and grabbed Irulan by her arm, pulling her along like a sack of potatoes. "Excuse me, Aragorn, I will just have to kill LADY Eowyn here," she yelled, not looking back. Elf and man stood looking at the two so called princesses, fighting and punching their way towards the Hall. They looked at each other and back again. "Amazing, is it not?" said Aragorn.
"I was thinking more like..strange," said Legolas, and it was obvious that he had meant to say something else but decided to be polite. "Are all human women this...feisty?"
Aragorn scratched his chin and kept looking. "No. But I think we are blessed with all the feisty ones." They both smiled at that.
STILL nobody cared about a screaming and thrashing Gimli.
To my more patient and less cruel readers! Yes, I STILL can't sleep and the story goes on. I know you like it, and so do I. And I think that's all that matters. It's not a piece of art. I never said it was. It maybe is not too original. Never said it was, either. If I wanted to write something original, I'd be writing fiction, not fanfiction. It is meant for fun and sharing and I am only grateful that there are enough people out there who are willing to share it with me. Thank you again.
Ha ha...I know, Eowyn is CRUEL! Like I said, I like that about her. Don't worry...their relationship is not so fragile that it will break in any way through such vicious acts. You know I told you in the beginning and I am yet telling it again - this is about Irulan. And indirectly about Legolas, because he is a part of her. So it dives into her inner world more than most fanfic. That's the way I like it and that's the way I'll keep it. I can only hope that you'll agree with me on the matter and like it that way.
Irulan was standing below the giant tree that was casting a soft shadow on Chemarit' hut. The silence and tranquility of Mirkwood forest was spreading around her like a soft blanket. It was an early summer afternoon -she could tell by the light and the warmth- and it was perfect; not too radiant and not too hot. The grass was a soft green, not yet shriveled from the heat. She looked down and realized that she was wearing the outfit of the Black Knight, without the headpiece. Her hair was flowing freely down to her waist, only the top strand held back and keeping it from falling down to her face.
She slowly walked to the hut. She knew that it was a dream, but it felt oddly real. She could literally feel the soft earth underneath her feet. She could feel the smell of the forest around her and feel the warmth of the sun on her face. She arrived at the hut and tried the door, but it was locked. 'How can it be locked? It was never locked before,' she thought in confusion. She tried to look through the little window at the side of the hut, but it was too dusty and she could not see anything.
"Irulan!" said a voice behind her and she turned around to see Hetaire leaning on the bark of the tree, in her local housewife outfit. Yet, there was a difference to her. Her hair was loosely braided and held off her face. And there were three large distinctive blue-black parallel paint stripes running down her face - one down her nose and her chin, the others down each eye and her cheeks. She was painted as if she meant to join a combat, no matter how absurd that sounded.
Hetaire slightly bounced off the tree she was leaning on when Irulan turned to her. She stood upright, poised with her legs slightly apart and her chin pushed up. A faint smile was on her lips. Irulan thought that maybe Hetaire would attack her, but she knew that she would feel it if Hetaire enveloped herself in calmness. The woman did not do so, so she remained facing her, unsure of what will happen next.
"You have deserted us," Hetaire said a minute later. And it sounded both like an accusation and an amusing fact. Irulan looked around. She did not like the fact that Hetaire was here - here of all places! It was a private place. It was Chemarit's and Irulan's place. Hetaire had no right to be here. She looked back at the woman and replied with a silent stare, then said "I have chosen my own way, Hetaire."
Hetaire smiled one of those creepy cold smiles then. "Is your way so different from ours, Sister?"
"I am Sister to you no more!" said Irulan and it came out with more emotion than she wished it would.
Hetaire held up her hand and showed her wrist. "I carry your blood. As you carry mine. You are Sister to me for all times."
Irulan looked down and realized with horror that her cuts where gently bleeding. She quickly wiped away the blood, but the wound remained and began bleeding softly again. She gritted her teeth and looked up; Hetaire had not moved.
"Power has a price, Sister," said Hetaire and she said it leisurely, looking Irulan up and down with amusement. Then she looked away to the forest and added with disinterest: "You received the Power, yet you ran from the price. Like a crook running from his debts in the late hours of the night!" The last part came out with distinctive emotion and Hetaire diverted her eyes again to stare at Irulan. She looked very disturbing with that war paint on her face.
"I paid my debts," said Irulan. "Power is not yours to give or to keep. You have no say over it. I acquired it and I owe nothing to anyone." Her heart made a flip. To talk like this to Hetaire! Nevertheless, as absurd as that sounded, Irulan was still mad at her for coming out here like this.
"He does not love you, Irulan," said Hetaire suddenly and Irulan felt a terror in her growing. 'How can she know about Legolas?!' she thought suddenly. Even though a part of her knew that this was a dream and Hetaire probably knew everything that Irulan knew in this dream, another part of her felt once again a breach into her privacy. She did not want Hetaire talking about Legolas. It was.......tainting!
"What would YOU know about love?" hissed Irulan.
"More than you, for sure!" the other replied leisurely. "And enough to say this: love is not felt for another, but to oneself, Irulan. He loves a picture of you in his head. He loves a person he has created in his mind, and it is not the real you." She looked Irulan up and down again and another amused smile crept up to her face. "You, my Sister," she hissed and began to walk towards Irulan, who felt oddly glued to her ground, "are nothing like that image. You are a mask beneath a mask beneath a mask. So many, Irulan......you barely have a face anymore. Maybe you never had one," she said with open amusement.
Irulan gritted her teeth and tried to keep her temper down. She dared not close her eyes, in case Hetaire would attack her in any way. So she just remained like that, her brown eyes boring into the green ones. "Do you seriously believe that an elf like that can love YOU, Irulan? You were smarter when you joined us."
"I was fairly stupid, I would say," hissed Irulan, but refused to talk about Legolas, afraid that just talking about it with Hetaire would taint it.
"Irulan," sighed Hetaire, and stood very close now, moving still closer, "what did you feel for Hasmir?" Hetaire waited a long moment in amusement, knowing that Irulan would not answer. Suddenly Irulan noticed something strange - the paint on her face was not paint...but dark orc blood. "Compassion, Irulan. And need. For a while, anyway. He was so kind, innocent and gentle. You needed to feel that childish innocence and you lived with him.......for a rather long time. But then, you grew tired of him. Your need diminished and other needs rose. I bet you never looked back, did you, Sister?" Hetaire was very close now, but Irulan still refused to move away, not wishing that to be taken as a sign of weakness by the other woman.
"You told him you loved him.......you told him so many times.......and then never......looked........back," said Hetaire.
"I THOUGHT I loved him!" shouted Irulan, amazed at her fury.
Hetaire smiled softly. "Exactly," she whispered and stared back another moment before she slowly reached out to touch Irulan's heart. A pain like no other emanated from that gentle touch and Irulan felt her whole body being torn apart from the stitches that held it together. Her heart was pain itself, pulsing only more and more into her. Irulan felt her being crushed with such ruthless strength, tears sprang to her eyes at her own smallness and weakness in the face of such pain. She fell to her knees, feeling neither the fall nor the ground.......she was made of flesh and bone no longer - she was only pain on pain and pain......Hetaire was still standing before her, the two slender fingers of her left hand touching Irulan's breast, a smile spread on her lips, and her eyes as cold as the pain that was soaring through her. "Soon we shall meet again, Sister," she whispered and Irulan collapsed into a million pieces, exploding out from her into the universe.
She woke up so fast, it did not register at all. Her body tried to jump up and away, reacting with pure reflex and instinct, but Legolas was holding her down with great effort. He was pressing her down and at the same time trying not to hurt her in any way. Which proved to be very difficult, since Irulan was doing her best trying to break free. "I hate you!" she screamed unconsciously, "I hate you! I hate you! I will kill you!"
"Irulan!" commanded Legolas and held her harder. "Irulan, wake up!" She thrashed some more and Legolas did not know what to do, other than remaining as he was and trying his best not to bend or break anything of Irulan. Moments later she slowed down and finally, Irulan DID stop. The glaze in her eyes slowly faded and she blinked. Legolas did not let her go immediately though, in fear that she would slip away and run off. "Irulan," he said with a softer tone, but still anxious, "are you awake?"
She blinked again. "Legolas?" she whispered. Legolas nodded and very slowly got off her. She remained lying for a moment, then slowly raised herself and sat with her back on the bed board, clutching her heart and looking down at her lap with a very confused look on her face.
"Irulan," whispered Legolas and scooted closer to her, trying to see her eyes, "what is it?"
A long time passed and her silence made Legolas very nervous, though he feared to break it. "Legolas," she whispered finally, and looked up to meet his gaze, "I can not be healed."
Legolas was so taken aback by that, he just remained silent for a minute. "What are you saying?" he said softly and moved even closer. But Irulan flinched back. Legolas felt his heart making a flip at that. She actually recoiled from him! After all this time, after all the distance they had come, she looked very much like she did on day one. He swallowed hard and tried not to feel dizzy with the blow that dealt on him.
"Irulan, it was only a dream," he said softly. Elves did not dream in the sense mortals dreamt, and because of that, he suddenly felt completely lost as to how to react. Although he had heard before that mortals could have very realistic and disturbing dreams and that they could be affected by those as if they were real happenings, he had never encountered such a thing before and did not know whether it was a good idea to even approach Irulan at this moment. What if a part of her was still captured in that dream? Would it be a mistake to shake her off it? Maybe he should wait? But what if it would take hold of her if he waited?
"No, Legolas, it was not," she said and clutched her heart stronger, breaking his train of thought, "I am too far gone. You can not bring me back."
Legolas swallowed again and gently tried to touch her cheek again, only Irulan quickly turned her head the other way. She could have slapped him in the face and probably that would have hurt less. He felt the frustration of not understanding her state rising up in him again. "Irulan, please do not shut me out!"
She covered her face with desperation. "Do not waste your time on me, Legolas," she said finally and removed her hands. "I am lost. You can not find me."
He clutched her hand then, refusing to let go, even though she tried to retrieve it. "Don't you talk like that!" he said, unable to control the fear and anger in his voice. "Look at me!" he said but Irulan turned her face away again. "Look at me, Irulan," he said, with determination. She was slipping away from him, but under no circumstances could he allow that. He clutched her chin, careful not to hurt her, but doubting that he was very much in control of his strength at this point, and forced her to look. She stared back at him with anger and defiance and tried to break free of his grasp to get up. But Legolas pinned her down.
"Legolas, let me go!"
"No! Forgive me, I can not!"
She struggled a little, but soon gave up and remained still. He quickly embraced her tightly then and although she remained stiff, she stopped thrashing. A long time passed and Legolas felt her crying against his chest. He felt as if his heart was crying with her - so strong was his own pain at the sight of hers. He would rather go out and fight an entire battle than sit here, unable to reach her, unable to understand what she is going through and, consequently, unable to help her in any way.
Legolas had spent a lot of time among mortals - more than most elves. As a matter of fact, many of his friends mocked him because of this, saying soon (that is, in a few millennia) he would become a mortal himself if he did not stop! But it was his curiosity rather than any other feeling that was pushing him again and again towards the borders of Mirkwood and beyond that; and this naturally brought him in contact with many other races and cultures. Legolas had always been proud of his kind and most of his acquaintances with others had only proved him to be right (so he thought, anyway). Of course there were exceptions and there were mortals he admired more than elfkind - like Aragorn. But those were rare. He had observed mortals and finally come to the conclusion that they were pretty much the same at every age and in every culture. They were like little children - passionate, curios and innocent, yes; but also cruel, filthy and unstable. He had found interest in their ways, but never found it tempting. He had been amused by their qualities, but never thought it was something to envy.
Yet....alas, here he was, fiercely in love with a mortal woman and cursing himself for not observing and analyzing them better before, for he could not understand her. He should have been more observant and less prejudiced! He should have been more curious and less judgmental. Maybe if he had been, now he would know what to do!
He stroked her hair and her back softly. "Tell me," he whispered into her ear, "tell me, please." Irulan did not move for a long time.
"Legolas........you can't understand," she mumbled into his chest.
He moved back a little and slowly brought up his hand, wiping away her tears.
"Perhaps I can."
"You can NOT understand, trust me," sighed Irulan.
"Why?"
Irulan sighed in frustration. "It is too......human."
And that was definitely the answer he had been afraid of. Not knowing what else to do, Legolas leaned down and kissed her softly. And Irulan could hardly debate in that state. "Tell me," he whispered again.
"Legolas....." she managed but once more he leaned in and kissed her gently.
"Tell me, Irulan."
Irulan sighed. Suddenly she didn't know which one was confusing her more - the kissing or the dream. A part of her wanted to pull away, push herself off. Another part just wanted to remain like this and let the world go on without her. She knew Legolas was truly doing his best to be there for her; to understand and help her. But breaking so many habits and so many walls in such a short time was just tough on her. She felt frustrated at his persistence. The elf was like a storm, banging on the gates of her fortress, demanding to be let in. And he would not take no for an answer. The only difference was that he was not breaking and thrashing, but kissing and mending - which was worse, actually. If he were violent that would give her the perfect excuse to be violent in return and just kick him out. But when he was like this...it was FRUSTRATING!! Irulan sighed again and looked up at him. He would NEVER let go. "I dreamt........" she said finally, trying to sound better, although she felt still as awful as she had when she first woke up. "I just dreamt," she finished curtly. "You were right, it was only a dream. I'm awake now. I was carried away a bit, that's all."
Legolas kept looking at her for a moment and she seriously hoped that he would leave it at that. Of course that was never to be! "Alright....tell me about the dream."
Irulan tried hard not to throw up her hands with desperation. She just gave him a sour look and looked away. Legolas once again held her chin and turned her face around. She rolled her eyes and wiping away the last remnants of her tears, added "I dreamt about Hetaire," with a tired sigh.
"Who is Hetaire?" said Legolas.
Irulan massaged her face and was silent for a moment. "A Darma Druid. One of the three who taught me," she said with as little emotion as she could. Legolas' face grew dark at that.
"Very well.....and?"
"Legolas, I'd really rather not," she said finally with frustration. It was just too intimate. A kiss was intimate, but this......was a window to the soul. It was beyond intimate. It was a taboo. It was....Irulan felt terrified by the idea.
Legolas looked at her for a long moment. "I will not push you Irulan," he said finally and alas, there was his first lie to her and it felt terrible beyond anything. Yet, he could not think of any other way to approach the matter, for he meant to push, and push hard. The idea of those druids disturbed him more than anything. And her reaction to the dream had been terribly strong. He meant to push all the way, for sure, but he kept his face blank. "But you must breach this wall. It is harming you - more than you think. And......it is harming me," he finished, hoping that she might at least react to that - she seemed to care for him enough to consider that. Thankfully this last part was no lie.
And Irulan did react, indeed. "What wall?" she said with surprise.
"The wall between us," said Legolas with a careful tone.
Suddenly Irulan remembered the whole grief issue and her heart did a flip. She had no idea of course that Legolas was not grieving any longer. The closeness and affection Irulan had granted him, along with his personal quest about her health had seen to that. Legolas, on the other hand, had no idea that she had knowledge about that issue in the first place. So, ironically, without being even slightly aware of it, he had pushed the right and probably the only button that could set her into motion. She quickly looked down and played with her hands for a while. Finally she sighed and said "Legolas.....I feel so.....naked!" she whined finally and felt like crying again.
Legolas smiled at her embarrassment and discomfort and held her chin up once more: "I thought you had nothing do hide," he said softly.
Irulan's eyes widened at that. "I meant....I meant......" she stammered.
"You don't have anything to hide from others, but from me you do?" asked Legolas softly.
Irulan's face fell at that, because she realized that she would have to tell him now no matter what. He would never understand if she tried to explain that. Or maybe he would, but refusing to, would take her words and twist them around so hard, she would end up cornered to confess even more than she was asked to confess at the moment. Irulan had long ago realized that Legolas had a cunning side to him and that he was more than willing to use it on her when he deemed it necessary. "Legolas, you really need to forget things every now and then", she sighed with frustration. "It's not healthy. So much stuff in your brain can't be good for you!"
Legolas smiled, slightly sat back, and kept looking at her. "Alright, I'll tell you. Only this once, though," she said, just to make sure that he would not take this as a lifetime agreement of any sort. Legolas gave no reaction whatsoever and that was utmost annoying.
Irulan sat back a little and rested her back to the bed board again. "I dreamt I was at Chemarit's hut," she began and slowly and timidly told her dream. But the longer she talked, the easier it became and soon she actually felt good to tell him. And soon after that, she was glad she did. Legolas listened intently and he never interrupted her. She found his silence unnerving in the beginning, but then became used to it and forgot about it. She kept looking up at his face for expressions, though, and his displeasure was obviously increasing with every minute. When she got to the part Hetaire told her that Legolas did not love her, just like she had not really loved Hasmir, she thought he would jump up and run to find the village the woman lived in and personally slay her. As a matter of fact, since Hetaire would not Shift, he probably would succeed and as embarrassing as that was, it did not sound too terrible at all. He looked absolutely terrified at her words and first Irulan tried to smooth the edges a bit, but failed to do so under his gaze and decided to tell it exactly as it was. When she was finished Legolas was staring at her with utter horror.
"She touched you?!" he said suddenly and Irulan, who had drifted away in her own world suddenly flinched at the fury in his voice.
"In the dream....yes," she said with discomfort. He looked at her for a long time.
"She can not touch you," he said finally matter-of-factly. "Her spirit can not reach you. I know she can not, Irulan. But perhaps she wanted to," he said and looked away with pure anger. Legolas moved closer and sat, facing her, leaning on his left arm he placed on the other side of her outstretched legs. Irulan was still sitting with her back to the bed board.
"She has no say over your heart," he whispered and slowly leaned down to kiss her chest where her heart was. It had no passion in it, and yet for some reason it was more intimate than anything he had ever done to her before. Irulan felt her breath catch and gasped slightly. Legolas leaned back again. "I shall protect it," he said, once more surrounded in that strange bluish-white misty aura that was reflecting in his eyes and made him look like a god. Irulan had never heard of an elf who would care to devote himself so much to another - especially to a mortal. Elves most certainly felt love, and Aragorn was probably right, they loved far deeper than mortals. But their relationships were balanced and tranquil. They were strong beings - strong in will and spirit and respectful to each other, which made them keep a certain personal distance that spoke of individuality. And their bond with life and nature was so strong, no elf was too easily willing to replace that completely with the love for another. Even if they were, it was most probably another elf they had chosen and that was not really a replacement, for they both felt the basic needs and pursued them together.
And yet, Legolas seemed ready to push aside everything for her. Irulan very much doubted that he would turn around sometime in the future and decide that he needs time off. On the contrary; Legolas looked like he was more than willing to be her family, friend, kin, protector, teacher, student and partner than ever to return to his normal way of life. And that was not good at all. She felt the sudden responsibility of that. The fact that she was perhaps cutting an elf -not to mention, an elf with a status like Legolas- off from his normal accustomed environment and his people for an unknown amount of time, was more than intimidating. 'He is ready to give up everything for me. But I can not give up the most simple and worthless things for him,' she thought with more than a little shame.
"And I shall kill anyone who intents to harm it," Legolas said suddenly, bringing her back to the present. And he meant every word of it.
***
Irulan was standing before Theodred's grave, looking into the distance.
"He loved you very much," said Eowyn suddenly from behind her. Irulan smiled, but did not turn around. "I know. I loved him very much, too." She heard Eowyn approach her then, and moments later the blonde woman was standing beside her. They stood there for a long time, their long hair and their gowns softly rustling in the breeze, thinking of Theodred. He had been the most gentle and bright person Irulan had ever known. So full of life! Always smiling. The kind of person who would always remember birthdays and anniversaries of special days and even not so special days. The kind of person who would hear you talking about something that you wished you had -a book, a piece of clothing, a musical instrument or anything of that sort- and send it to you next week with a special note on it. Theodred. 'Another star has fallen' Irulan thought. 'I can only hope that my sky won't become completely dark and empty.'
"I did my share of crying," Eowyn whispered suddenly. "I don't want to cry any longer."
Irulan looked into the distance again. "And yet..you may..again." she said. Suddenly she remembered, "Eowyn, did they come to a conclusion?"
"Not when I left," Eowyn said, still looking to the distance herself, "Gandalf tries to persuade uncle to fight..but I doubt that, Irulan."
Another silence settled in and a colder wind rose to caress them. Yet, neither woman moved. "Irulan, I envy you so much!" Eowyn blurted out suddenly. Irulan, surprised, turned towards her. Eowyn was looking down, her beautiful features twisted with desperation and anger. Irulan thought about asking what she meant, but then decided against it and remained silent. "You are doing something with your life! Just like you always wanted to. You have rode out and seen the world. You are fighting for its rescue," she looked up and Irulan could see her blinking away tears. "Look at me Irulan! I will be trapped forever!"
"Eowyn, you and trapped? Stop it!" she said, hoping to relieve her, but of course failed badly. She knew only too well how Eowyn felt. She had felt exactly the same way for a long time. Eowyn had it even worse than her. "Eowyn, I know you will break out. I did. And you were always stronger than me, so you will, too. I am sure of it," she said. And it was true. It takes greater strength to prevail under pressure. Irulan had never been too good at that.
The other woman looked up at her with sheer hope. Irulan smiled back. "Just do me a favor and wait until I'm gone. Theoden will kill me if you do it now - most certainly I will be the 'bad influence' here".
Eowyn grinned and shook her head. "Eomer would not like that too much, either," she said, again that twinkle in her eyes, "I think the only woman he likes headstrong, is you."
Irulan rolled her eyes and began to walk back to the city. "Eowyn, I'm still mad at you for that. How can you do such a terrible thing?"
"Did you guys make up?" she grinned and Irulan's eyes widened with horror. She blushed a deep red and literally tried to kick Eowyn, but failed because of the long gown.
"It's not like that Eowyn!" she stammered with anger.
Eowyn grinned. "I bet it is not!"
Irulan just threw her a very angry look. "And you are going to get us all into some serious trouble if you continue! Now that the matter with Grima and King Theoden is solved, Eomer will return. What do you think will happen when he comes back?" she hissed.
"Why...sparks will fly!" Eowyn grinned and Irulan felt like trying to kick her again. Instead she pursed her lips and shook her head.
"Eowyn, I know why you did it. But it won't do you any good. For the last time, stay away from Aragorn!"
Eowyn looked towards the city walls with a dreamy expression. "Irulan, I really like him," she said with a soft voice.
Irulan rolled her eyes. "Eowyn, I understand. I really do. I mean, he is an incredible man," she said, and a moment later added: "Cruel at times, but incredible. Who can blame you? But..he is involved," she said and stressed the last word.
Eowyn, of course, waved away her argument. "I'm not forcing him into anything, Irulan.
"Eowyn!" hissed Irulan. "I will not repeat this. If you try messing with Aragorn, I'll be there to stop you!"
Eowyn turned to her in surprise. "You have become cruel!"
"No, my dear friend, I always was cruel. And I intend to become crueler," said Irulan sheepishly.
"Then I will have to fight back, won't I?"
"Eowyn, don't you dare bring up that Eomer issue again. You made a big enough mess already!"
Eowyn stopped suddenly and looked up at her with a very serious expression. "Why won't you consider him?" she said.
"Him?"
"Eomer."
Irulan's mouth dropped open. "Excuse me?"
"You heard me," said Eowyn curtly. "I was not joking, you know. He does love you."
"Eowyn! We are friends. Always have been. And if I'm not mistaken, you almost laughed yourself to death when he had a crush on me. Don't tell me that you seriously want me to consider Eomer now."
Eowyn resumed her walk but remained serious. "Irulan, we were children then! All three of us have changed so much!"
This time Irulan stopped in disbelief. "You can NOT be serious!" she protested.
Eowyn grabbed her arm and pulled her along. "I AM serious. Why won't you at least consider? Are you involved with....with...HIM?" she said and Irulan shook her head, thinking 'She does not even dare to speak his name!'
"Eowyn....."
"Are you involved?"
"What exactly do you mean by 'involved'? I feel closer to him than I have felt to any man."
Eowyn waved her hand. "Does not mean you won't feel closer yet to anyone else. I mean involved.....as in...a relationship. Are you his lover, Irulan?"
Irulan stopped in her tracks and Eowyn stopped with her, not pulling her along any longer. The first thing she thought was 'How dare she?!' and she felt anger towards Eowyn. Then suddenly she realized that it was not a weird question at all. Eowyn was her best friend, after all. And..'What are we, really?' she thought suddenly with pure confusion. All of a sudden she remembered Legolas kissing her and those kisses were certainly beyond any friendship. Even the embraces..and holding hands.... She felt a blush creeping up to her cheeks. She was becoming more and more intimate with Legolas with each day! And yet, they were not lovers. 'Lovers!' thought Irulan more than stupefied. 'We are not lovers. We can not BE lovers!' She knew he loved her and now she also knew that she loved him. Yet....she never thought that the love would bring a relationship along with it. Or better said, she never thought that, even though they loved each other, it would mean they would eventually become lovers.
'I really am stupid!' she thought bitterly. In all her confusion about the druids, healing, the war, the ring, Merry and Pippin, Legolas' confessions and her own realization she had completely and utterly failed to see where this was going. She was beginning to lean on Legolas, which was nice and good but..lovers?!!
Eowyn was still looking at her. "I thought so," the blonde woman said with a low voice. "Irulan, you must think this out. You are not...made for each other. He is most certainly very valiant, and....attractive. And I can see that he cares a lot for you. But...he is not RIGHT, Irulan."
"Don't say that!" she protested suddenly. Legolas had done so much for her!
"I am sorry, but it is the truth. There is a reason why they are elves and we are human, Irulan. There is a DIFFERENCE you can not just wave away. It's not like one of you is from Gondor and the other from Rohan - even that would be more understandable. You are two different RACES, Irulan." She stopped and gently squeezed a very confused Irulan's shoulder. "I know you like him. And there is nothing wrong with that. But....if you take this further, it will have some very serious consequences."
Irulan looked away. She was desperately trying to find her way out of this. She wanted to tell Eowyn that they loved each other, that it did not matter what they were. But standing here in broad daylight with her best friend, under the threat of war, that seemed like a lame thing to say. It sounded like one of those romance novels Chemarit loved so much and she herself believed to be pure fantasy. Besides...the idea of being lovers...was..too bold for her at this moment. She tried to imagine herself and Legolas like she had been with Hasmir...Irulan quickly began walking again, so that Eowyn would not see her blush.
"Eomer loves you, I am serious," the other one insisted. "And he is a wonderful man. I mean alright....he is a bit annoying at times....but he is wonderful, you know that. He has many admirers, but never had a truly bonding relationship. I know he would find that with you, Irulan."
Irulan reeled back on her. "Eowyn, no! I don't want to talk about this. Not now, not ever. Eomer and I are and will remain friends. And you should be ashamed to stick your nose into matters of such delicate nature," she blurted suddenly, unconsciously reverting to royal speech.
"Is that so?" said Eowyn softly and once more approached her, "Then so should you, Irulan." Irulan's eyes widened.
"Eowyn!"
"No, Irulan. Tell me now that you will stay out of my business and I promise to stay out of yours."
Irulan was speechless. "You..you..." she stammered, but Eowyn cut her short: "Tell me now, Irulan!"
Irulan pushed her chin up. For a moment an image of Arwen flashed in her mind. 'I will not let her die of grief! Aragorn will return to her, even if it means building his own damn ship and sailing to Valinor to bring her back - I will make sure of that!' she thought with utter determination. "You can NOT have Aragorn, Eowyn. He is taken, you fool of a woman!" she hissed.
"Aha!" the other one said with dark amusement, "But you are not!" And with that, she lifted her skirts and ran ahead.
Irulan picked up her skirts and began chasing after her. "Come here this minute, Eowyn!" That woman was so unbelievably fast with the gown! She began to run faster and then even faster. Just when she was close enough to reach out and grab her from behind, Eowyn crashed into a group of people that suddenly appeared out of nowhere and of course she herself crashed into Eowyn. They both ended up rolling on the floor once more.
"Lady Eowyn?" sounded Aragorn's voice from above them. They both instantly looked up. "And Irulan, I see," he added with amusement.
Gimli was lying between them, thrashing like a turtle turned upside down, his heavy armor preventing him from getting up. Irulan glanced at Eowyn with pure fury and then back at Gimli. She felt like laughing, but that would embarrass the dwarf beyond anything. Suddenly Legolas was gently holding her arm and pulling her up. Being the elf, he had managed to jump aside when the raiding party ran into them. Aragorn had simply taken the blow and not being affected himself, had sent the two women flying down on their faces. Gimli had obviously joined the floor party.
She let herself be pulled up by Legolas and Aragorn grinned and stepped up to pull up Eowyn. "My Lady," he said softly, and Irulan just wanted to kick Eowyn for the look on her face. "Looks like I am always picking you up from the ground," he said and a moment later added "like a flower". Irulan, who was already on her feet snapped around at that. She gave Legolas a look and he just blankly looked back at her. They both returned to watch Eowyn actually blush and smile up to Aragorn, smoothing her skirts! Nobody was interested in a screaming and thrashing Gimli.
Finally Irulan could not take it any longer. She cleared her throat and grabbed Irulan by her arm, pulling her along like a sack of potatoes. "Excuse me, Aragorn, I will just have to kill LADY Eowyn here," she yelled, not looking back. Elf and man stood looking at the two so called princesses, fighting and punching their way towards the Hall. They looked at each other and back again. "Amazing, is it not?" said Aragorn.
"I was thinking more like..strange," said Legolas, and it was obvious that he had meant to say something else but decided to be polite. "Are all human women this...feisty?"
Aragorn scratched his chin and kept looking. "No. But I think we are blessed with all the feisty ones." They both smiled at that.
STILL nobody cared about a screaming and thrashing Gimli.