I actually slept last night! Unbelievable! Thankfully I had this written
before so I can post it now. Don't know what will be up tomorrow - depends
on my nightly schedule..ha ha ha...
Alright. Nobody - I'll kill you if you doubt again if this story is about love. I mean, I wrote like zillion chapters to show what a marvelous love is developing between them and just because of a passionate kiss - it's gone!!! Ha ha.but passion comes along with love, I see nothing wrong with that. However, it is definitely about love. It is NOT passion without love.
Mae Noelle and India..I have no idea about what the rating to this story should be. I changed it to Pg13 thanks to Mae's advice, but I have no clue if that is fitting. And yes, it means what it means. Hasmir was her lover in 'every' sense. Legolas has to do some serious effort to get there yet. I think Irulan is more shy about it now, because it is more intimate with someone you really love.
Oh guys..don't hate Eowyn! I think she is a perfect character. Besides, she is really only doing what's best for Irulan. Or what she thinks is best. She does not know about the grief issue yet. And you have to imagine her raised very conservatively, among men in a hostile country. She is not as open minded about some things as Irulan is because, like I have said before, she lacks the experience. And she is not THAT cruel. She loves Irulan...so she will try to protect her in her own way. Sounds normal to me.
Why do so many male characters fall for Irulan? Like I said in chapter 2 in Irulan I, she is very different, complicated and has a depth to her. And most of all, she is not running around trying to be attractive. Exactly that IS attractive to many men. I know so. I mean...we've been sharing the planet with them for so long now, right?
I like the chapter below. But again, it requires some help. I am so stupid - someone sent me this beautiful mail, saying that Deliver Me by Sarah Brightman fits the story. I wanted to thank her so much! That song is awesome. And this song was written to both that and Eden by Brightman again. I'm serious folks..do not listen to it without your favorite romantic tune. And if you can, download said songs. I think it would help immensely.
Hope you like it.
"Irulan, I truly think this is beyond me," said Legolas, looking off into the distance with mild distaste on his face.
"Legolas, we have to do something! You don't know how Eowyn is. We can not let this happen."
"But it seems very wrong to get involved in a matter such as this."
"And it is right to stand aside and watch?" said Irulan this time her mild annoyance reflected in her voice.
"Why not?"
Irulan looked up at him with disbelief on her features. 'Behold, another Eowyn!' she thought bitterly. "How can you say that? I thought you wanted them to be together again," she hissed.
Legolas looked at her with a cool expression. "Of course I do. But it is their choice, Irulan. They are adults, are they not? Why, Arwen is only a few years younger than me. And honestly, I trust Aragorn's judgment more than I trust my own."
"So this is how you were planning to help me?" she said, quite angry now. Mostly because he was so damn right again!
Legolas blinked and threw her a sidelong glance. A moment later he sighed. "Whatever you say, Irulan. I will do as you say, though I still think it would be a mistake."
That made her even more furious, mainly because he was being a gentleman. "Fine! I don't want you to help anyway!" she said and walked off towards the right, leaving the caravan of people. He looked stunned for a moment, then silently shook his head and increased his pace to catch up with her.
"Irulan! What is it?" he said when he arrived by her side. Mortals were so difficult to understand!
Irulan, though, was not in the mood to talk. She walked further off and began to climb one of the larger hills surrounding the path the convoy of the people from Edoras was following to reach Helm's Deep. The sun had set and a light bluish twilight was softly coming down on them. "What would you like me to do, just tell me," Legolas said again from beside her.
She threw him a bleak look and he looked back in confusion. Irulan shook her head then and bit her lower lip so she would not laugh out loud. Elves were such naïve creatures! "Nothing, Legolas. As always, you are right," she said with exasperation. Not that it meant that Irulan was going to give up on this issue. She just realized that Legolas was truly more an obstacle than a help in these matters. It was foolish to believe that he could actually scheme along with her and then pretend, lie and act out a certain part. Irulan smiled at herself again. 'Irulan, how stupid are you to think he is capable of something like that!' she thought.
"You are not angry with me?" said Legolas and grinned back at her.
"No, of course not."
He snatched her hand and kissed it swiftly. "I was worried, Irulan," he said with a bright smile. They walked in silence for a minute. Then suddenly he said "Tell me, why do you take this matter so dearly?"
"Why, I just..." Suddenly she realized that it would be VERY wrong to tell Legolas about the grief issue. "I just....think they were a true match. It is not fair that they should part. It gave me hope," she said. Then her heart sank. 'Maybe I should not have said that last part' she thought ruefully. Once again, she had tried to run away from a certain trap only to run into another and even nastier one.
And of course, once again Legolas picked out what he should not. "Hope?" he said, "What do you mean?"
They were a good distance away from the line of people now, and Irulan looked down on it to buy time to find an answer. But finding none, she finally said "I will not answer Legolas," with a tinge of anger.
Legolas looked stunned. "Why not?" he said slowly. He had not thought much of it when she said it and had only tried to make conversation, but now that she had shown such a peculiar reaction to it...
"I will not!" snapped Irulan.
Legolas once more began to do that unnerving thing - looking at her without blinking for minutes. Irulan hated it when he did that. But she remained silent, determined not to give in this time. No matter how persistent this elf was, he was not getting that out of her!
"Very well. Then I shall ask Aragorn."
"Aragorn?!" yelped Irulan. "He does not know anything on the matter."
"I would like to ask him personally anyway," Legolas said with a cool voice. A moment later he looked into the distance and said "Of course I would have to tell him that we have been discussing the matter of him and Arwen. And then I will probably have to explain to him that this was because Lady Eowyn was interested in him and that you meant to stop her..what was it..at all costs, and..."
"You dare not do that!" protested Irulan with disbelief.
"Why not?"
"How can you betray me like that?"
"Why, Irulan, I never promised that I would not tell him anything on the matter. I just agreed to do as you wish. I had no idea it was a secret from him."
"Legolas don't be silly! I am very certain that you figured that part out yourself! It is common sense!"
Legolas just looked at her for a long moment with one of those elvish expressions. Which means, his features were unreadable. "Legolas, promise you won't tell him!" she said finally, more nervous than she had meant to.
"Only if you explain why this matter means so much to you."
"I can't believe you! You cunning, cruel fox!" she hissed.
Legolas looked at her baffled. "Irulan, after all the schemes you told me today, I seriously doubt that I can measure up to you in that title!"
Her mouth dropped open. Elves were supposed to be wise and mature! They were supposed to be honest and trustable! This one was sure none of those things! She looked away with fury. Irulan was blistering now.
"It gave me hope because it shows that elves and humans CAN be together, after all!" she said and it came out with incredible, intense fury. Then she turned away and quickly began to walk down to the caravan again. Legolas remained frozen for a moment. 'She hopes that...she actually thinks that..humans and elves?' he thought, amazed. Then he came to his senses and chased after Irulan, who was hastily trying to reach the caravan. He gracefully stepped before her and she barely halted before she ran into him.
"Why would that give you hope?" he said, looking into her eyes.
"Legolas, if you don't step aside, I will scream," she growled.
Legolas' eyebrows shot up at that. Irulan knew as well as Legolas that that meant nothing. She would only end up being ridiculous. Nobody would do anything, since they would consider it an argument between two friends...actually between...'a couple' thought Irulan suddenly and she hastily tried to walk past Legolas, but of course he was faster. "Legolas, stop it!" she hissed.
"Do I need to carry you away again, Irulan? Perhaps you would like to speak in privacy?" He said matter-of-factly. "I thought you were done running."
She looked at him with disbelief. "You dare not!" she whispered finally.
Legolas took a step towards her and stood very close, looking down at her with those unbelievably deep blue eyes. "I told you before," he said with a low voice, "As long as you run, I will chase you. Even longer, if necessary. You have to shed the things that restrict you!"
"I did not know that it meant I have to tell you every secret!" she hissed, looking up at him in defiance.
"Secret?" he said in surprise.
"It's not a secret," she said hastily. 'Irulan, you are a FOOL!' she was screaming in her head over and over again.
Legolas looked at her a moment and then matter-of-factly said "Well in that case you can share it, can you not?"
Irulan closed her eyes. 'I will kill him. I certainly will' she thought. Legolas took her hand and she snatched it away. He looked down at her with a warning look and then took her hand again. Irulan closed her eyes and decided to count till 10..no - make that 100. He led her away from the caravan to their former position and began to walk alongside her. She remained stubbornly silent and frowning.
"Irulan," sighed Legolas finally, "why do you mistrust me so? Why do you hide yourself from me?" Irulan did not answer. "Do you think I will judge you or belittle you for your thoughts?"
Irulan looked away. Legolas of course had no idea that she feared none of those things, but rather the exhibition of a delicate matter that concerned her feelings for him. 'Damn! How will I explain this?' she thought with anger. 'Maybe I should just scream that I love him and end the matter,' she thought ruefully. 'Actually just go ahead while I'm at it and become lovers! What the heck, I'm so tired of him chasing me like this and exposing me bit by bit. At least that would save my pride!'
Irulan sighed. "Legolas, why is that so hard to understand? I think it is a good thing that two people overcome their differences for love," she said, praying to all the powers of creation in the heavens that he would not jump to any conclusions in the matter.
Legolas looked at her for an incredibly long moment and Irulan just kept walking, not looking back, fearing that she might give herself away. "Is that your true belief?" he said finally with a very soft voice.
She swallowed softly. "Why..of course! You know I always appreciated other cultures and races," she said idly.
Legolas was still looking at her. "Appreciate, yes. But..I did not know your thoughts concerning races in such a matter," he said softly again.
"Well now you know," she said with a tinge of impatience and glanced at the caravan again. The darkness was setting in. The first night on their road to Helm's Deep was approaching. She scanned for Eowyn and indeed, she was far off, walking with Aragorn! 'That woman!' she thought bitterly.
"Does your approval mean that you would relent to such a relationship yourself?" Legolas said suddenly and Irulan truly felt the air in her lungs leaving her. Check mate. Truly. There was no way she could answer that and not get herself in trouble. For the fraction of a time she thought seriously about Shifting and re-appearing next to King Theoden. 'Say no, Irulan,' said her brain. 'Say no. No. No. No!' Except that 'No' would deny her whole part in this conversation. 'Say yes,' said her heart. 'Are you insane?' she yelled back at it. 'Of course I am!' It screamed back at her. 'Then you have to say no,' said her brain. 'Indeed; only how will I sort my way out of that?' she thought ruefully and once again glanced down the convoy. Legolas would never let her run off now.
"Be with me," whispered Legolas suddenly and her heart made a triple flip. He stopped walking and naturally so did she. She felt him looking at her, but unable to return the gaze, she hastily looked down at that the ground and felt all feelings hammering her down with incredible force.
'Irulan, a fine mess you got yourself into,' said her brain. 'Congratulations....I don't know what you expect from me, but there's no way I can save you from this now!'
Irulan felt bewildered. 'NO! Stay! You must think of something, fast!' Only she got no reply. It was almost dark now and still the caravan was passing from a distance. Irulan felt like moaning with frustration and still not dared look up at Legolas.
"Irulan," whispered Legolas again and took both of her hands into his. She felt like a single flame but it must be an illusion, for her hands were cool against his skin. "I know you do not love me. I know the world is a wrong place for this. I know every race and every culture will resent it. Yes, there are abysses of differences between us and yes, it is perhaps also a very bad time, for you have many other things on your mind..." He sighed softly, then continued: "I know it is foolish in so many ways and there are countless reasons why you should not. And yet...be with me," he whispered. "You shall never regret that decision."
"Say yes, Irulan," said her heart. 'Yes, yes, yes!'
'Alas, I can not,' she thought with frustration.
'Yes, you can. Say yes and step out of this shadow right now. Step out of solitude, Irulan. Step out of fear, anxiety, worry. Step out of yourself, Irulan, to become something better'.
'I can not!' she protested and swallowed hard.
'You can! You must! End it now! I am tired. I am done. I can not go on any longer. I am wasted Irulan. I fear. I fear an entire lifetime of what we have behind us. I can not, I will NOT go any further.'
'I can NOT!' she yelled back at it.
'Then I shall die. Then it was in vain - all hope you have given me was in vain. Then there is no rescue for me any longer. I shall die bitter and clutched like an angry fist. I shall stop, for I see no point in the effort of beating any longer.'
'You can not die!' she protested, knowing very well that it was pure stupidity, but unable of keeping herself from doing so, 'What will I do without you?'
'What you did all these years of course, Irulan! You will go and live with your brain. You will build those nice tall walls around you again. You will run faster than the fasted suitor, further than the closest friend. You will find another rock to lie beneath and sleep again. You do not need me. I am only an obstruction for that sort of life. I have hindered you before in your aims, have I not?'
Irulan remained silent. She had run out of answers. She had not clue what to say.
'You have broken oaths for me, Irulan. You have broken hearts of the ones dear to you for me. All was in vain, for you can not carry me any longer. You do not have the strength, Irulan. You do not have the wish. I shall leave you. Forever.'
She suddenly realized that they were still standing, facing each other, hand in hand. She had not idea how long she had been standing there like that but if her eyes were not failing her, the convoy of people had moved ahead a good distance. She looked up at Legolas who was smiling warmly down at her.
"I..." she said and swallowed. "I.." she began again but could go no further.
Legolas slowly let go one of her hands and touched her cheek. "Tell me what your heart says," he whispered.
'Now I am doomed for all eternity. I might as well surrender, and spare myself the struggle,' she thought bitterly.
"My heart says..yes," she whispered with the softest voice, and not in her entire lifetime had any sentence been so hard to utter.
Legolas remained solid and calm, but inside, he was pure joy and light. He was the essence of creation. He was not from this world any longer. His spirit was soaring in him, frantically banging on his body, wishing to be released out into the world. He had never felt such elevation, such fierce life in him. It was as if the whole life in Middle Earth had been stuffed into this shell known as Legolas and he would burst with it any moment. He would explode and roam over Middle Earth, animating everything that has been dead and waiting for his life-bearing touch. He swallowed and blinked away the tears.
"But..but," said Irulan so softly, his fine ears hardly picked it up, "but...Legolas I need..some time," Irulan finished with incredible difficulty and almost moaned at her own inefficiency.
"You shall have it," Legolas whispered, still caressing her cheek, his head slightly cocked, looking at her with a unique expression on his face. He looked very stunned and yet relieved; amazed and incredibly happy; very surprised but also oddly tranquil.
She looked away and swallowed softly again. Another moment passed, slowly and torturous - like an entire century. "And I....I need," she began stammering again.
"You shall have that, too," whispered Legolas.
Irulan swallowed and bit her lower lip. Why was it so hard to breathe?! 'I possibly can NOT have agreed to this! I can NOT!' she thought over and over again, but the moment was incredibly real.
"Legolas I..."
"And that too."
Legolas let go of her hand and closed the distance between them. He softly held her face between his hands and gently pulled it up. "And everything else you wish, everything you need, everything you ask. And anything beyond that," he said, caressing her cheeks. She realized suddenly that she was trembling like a little girl. Now that had not happened in a very long time! 'How did we end up here?' she thought, truly baffled. 'How did we get this far? I came here to die, only to realize that I have died a long time ago and to find someone who revived me. I came here to win a battle, only to lose another one. All hopes had left these ruins, and yet I found the seed and promise of a new life as I walked amongst them.'
She looked up at Legolas, who was looking down at her with pure love on his face. He looked exactly like he did the night he had held her hand and told her that he loved her. The night the world changed forever. 'I might die tomorrow. My story might end as swiftly as it has begun, forgotten, washed away by the waters of time. Yet it was not in vain - for I have stirred a heart,' she thought with a deep breath of relief and contentment.
Legolas leant down very slowly, fearing that she might take flight and fade away like some spell when his lips touched her. Never had he felt such contentment. Never had he felt so complete. He felt like he had been continuously walking for millennia, and had not been aware of it. A tiredness like no other fell down on him instantly, along with an incredible feeling of relief. 'I have come' he thought, 'I have arrived. I have survived this terrible march. I am here. I am complete.'
Though they had kissed before, and would kiss yet again, the kiss they shared that day would always be remembered by both, for it closed the door of an era of confusion, struggle, defiance, and open another. It was a threshold in many ways and forms. It was the instant when two souls stopped their wild thrashing and turned to one another, for the first time realizing that if nothing else, they could continue thrashing in unison and together. And it was the first time Irulan actually kissed Legolas. Legolas would never forget it, for he could not remember anything more incredible happening to him before. If he was lost, now he was found. If he was dead, now he was revived. If he was fallen, now he was restored. He forgot about Middle Earth. He forgot about elves and humans. Those things seemed minor details in comparison to this moment. There was only Irulan and himself. There always had been and always would be.
Irulan held his hand as she began her descent towards the camp that was visible in the distance with the fires that were flickering in the setting night. 'I have returned. I shall remain,' said her heart. She shook her head and smiled. 'I very much thought you would' she said, 'I very much thought so...'
This phantasm
Of falling petals vanishes into
Moon an flowers....
OKYO
Alright. Nobody - I'll kill you if you doubt again if this story is about love. I mean, I wrote like zillion chapters to show what a marvelous love is developing between them and just because of a passionate kiss - it's gone!!! Ha ha.but passion comes along with love, I see nothing wrong with that. However, it is definitely about love. It is NOT passion without love.
Mae Noelle and India..I have no idea about what the rating to this story should be. I changed it to Pg13 thanks to Mae's advice, but I have no clue if that is fitting. And yes, it means what it means. Hasmir was her lover in 'every' sense. Legolas has to do some serious effort to get there yet. I think Irulan is more shy about it now, because it is more intimate with someone you really love.
Oh guys..don't hate Eowyn! I think she is a perfect character. Besides, she is really only doing what's best for Irulan. Or what she thinks is best. She does not know about the grief issue yet. And you have to imagine her raised very conservatively, among men in a hostile country. She is not as open minded about some things as Irulan is because, like I have said before, she lacks the experience. And she is not THAT cruel. She loves Irulan...so she will try to protect her in her own way. Sounds normal to me.
Why do so many male characters fall for Irulan? Like I said in chapter 2 in Irulan I, she is very different, complicated and has a depth to her. And most of all, she is not running around trying to be attractive. Exactly that IS attractive to many men. I know so. I mean...we've been sharing the planet with them for so long now, right?
I like the chapter below. But again, it requires some help. I am so stupid - someone sent me this beautiful mail, saying that Deliver Me by Sarah Brightman fits the story. I wanted to thank her so much! That song is awesome. And this song was written to both that and Eden by Brightman again. I'm serious folks..do not listen to it without your favorite romantic tune. And if you can, download said songs. I think it would help immensely.
Hope you like it.
"Irulan, I truly think this is beyond me," said Legolas, looking off into the distance with mild distaste on his face.
"Legolas, we have to do something! You don't know how Eowyn is. We can not let this happen."
"But it seems very wrong to get involved in a matter such as this."
"And it is right to stand aside and watch?" said Irulan this time her mild annoyance reflected in her voice.
"Why not?"
Irulan looked up at him with disbelief on her features. 'Behold, another Eowyn!' she thought bitterly. "How can you say that? I thought you wanted them to be together again," she hissed.
Legolas looked at her with a cool expression. "Of course I do. But it is their choice, Irulan. They are adults, are they not? Why, Arwen is only a few years younger than me. And honestly, I trust Aragorn's judgment more than I trust my own."
"So this is how you were planning to help me?" she said, quite angry now. Mostly because he was so damn right again!
Legolas blinked and threw her a sidelong glance. A moment later he sighed. "Whatever you say, Irulan. I will do as you say, though I still think it would be a mistake."
That made her even more furious, mainly because he was being a gentleman. "Fine! I don't want you to help anyway!" she said and walked off towards the right, leaving the caravan of people. He looked stunned for a moment, then silently shook his head and increased his pace to catch up with her.
"Irulan! What is it?" he said when he arrived by her side. Mortals were so difficult to understand!
Irulan, though, was not in the mood to talk. She walked further off and began to climb one of the larger hills surrounding the path the convoy of the people from Edoras was following to reach Helm's Deep. The sun had set and a light bluish twilight was softly coming down on them. "What would you like me to do, just tell me," Legolas said again from beside her.
She threw him a bleak look and he looked back in confusion. Irulan shook her head then and bit her lower lip so she would not laugh out loud. Elves were such naïve creatures! "Nothing, Legolas. As always, you are right," she said with exasperation. Not that it meant that Irulan was going to give up on this issue. She just realized that Legolas was truly more an obstacle than a help in these matters. It was foolish to believe that he could actually scheme along with her and then pretend, lie and act out a certain part. Irulan smiled at herself again. 'Irulan, how stupid are you to think he is capable of something like that!' she thought.
"You are not angry with me?" said Legolas and grinned back at her.
"No, of course not."
He snatched her hand and kissed it swiftly. "I was worried, Irulan," he said with a bright smile. They walked in silence for a minute. Then suddenly he said "Tell me, why do you take this matter so dearly?"
"Why, I just..." Suddenly she realized that it would be VERY wrong to tell Legolas about the grief issue. "I just....think they were a true match. It is not fair that they should part. It gave me hope," she said. Then her heart sank. 'Maybe I should not have said that last part' she thought ruefully. Once again, she had tried to run away from a certain trap only to run into another and even nastier one.
And of course, once again Legolas picked out what he should not. "Hope?" he said, "What do you mean?"
They were a good distance away from the line of people now, and Irulan looked down on it to buy time to find an answer. But finding none, she finally said "I will not answer Legolas," with a tinge of anger.
Legolas looked stunned. "Why not?" he said slowly. He had not thought much of it when she said it and had only tried to make conversation, but now that she had shown such a peculiar reaction to it...
"I will not!" snapped Irulan.
Legolas once more began to do that unnerving thing - looking at her without blinking for minutes. Irulan hated it when he did that. But she remained silent, determined not to give in this time. No matter how persistent this elf was, he was not getting that out of her!
"Very well. Then I shall ask Aragorn."
"Aragorn?!" yelped Irulan. "He does not know anything on the matter."
"I would like to ask him personally anyway," Legolas said with a cool voice. A moment later he looked into the distance and said "Of course I would have to tell him that we have been discussing the matter of him and Arwen. And then I will probably have to explain to him that this was because Lady Eowyn was interested in him and that you meant to stop her..what was it..at all costs, and..."
"You dare not do that!" protested Irulan with disbelief.
"Why not?"
"How can you betray me like that?"
"Why, Irulan, I never promised that I would not tell him anything on the matter. I just agreed to do as you wish. I had no idea it was a secret from him."
"Legolas don't be silly! I am very certain that you figured that part out yourself! It is common sense!"
Legolas just looked at her for a long moment with one of those elvish expressions. Which means, his features were unreadable. "Legolas, promise you won't tell him!" she said finally, more nervous than she had meant to.
"Only if you explain why this matter means so much to you."
"I can't believe you! You cunning, cruel fox!" she hissed.
Legolas looked at her baffled. "Irulan, after all the schemes you told me today, I seriously doubt that I can measure up to you in that title!"
Her mouth dropped open. Elves were supposed to be wise and mature! They were supposed to be honest and trustable! This one was sure none of those things! She looked away with fury. Irulan was blistering now.
"It gave me hope because it shows that elves and humans CAN be together, after all!" she said and it came out with incredible, intense fury. Then she turned away and quickly began to walk down to the caravan again. Legolas remained frozen for a moment. 'She hopes that...she actually thinks that..humans and elves?' he thought, amazed. Then he came to his senses and chased after Irulan, who was hastily trying to reach the caravan. He gracefully stepped before her and she barely halted before she ran into him.
"Why would that give you hope?" he said, looking into her eyes.
"Legolas, if you don't step aside, I will scream," she growled.
Legolas' eyebrows shot up at that. Irulan knew as well as Legolas that that meant nothing. She would only end up being ridiculous. Nobody would do anything, since they would consider it an argument between two friends...actually between...'a couple' thought Irulan suddenly and she hastily tried to walk past Legolas, but of course he was faster. "Legolas, stop it!" she hissed.
"Do I need to carry you away again, Irulan? Perhaps you would like to speak in privacy?" He said matter-of-factly. "I thought you were done running."
She looked at him with disbelief. "You dare not!" she whispered finally.
Legolas took a step towards her and stood very close, looking down at her with those unbelievably deep blue eyes. "I told you before," he said with a low voice, "As long as you run, I will chase you. Even longer, if necessary. You have to shed the things that restrict you!"
"I did not know that it meant I have to tell you every secret!" she hissed, looking up at him in defiance.
"Secret?" he said in surprise.
"It's not a secret," she said hastily. 'Irulan, you are a FOOL!' she was screaming in her head over and over again.
Legolas looked at her a moment and then matter-of-factly said "Well in that case you can share it, can you not?"
Irulan closed her eyes. 'I will kill him. I certainly will' she thought. Legolas took her hand and she snatched it away. He looked down at her with a warning look and then took her hand again. Irulan closed her eyes and decided to count till 10..no - make that 100. He led her away from the caravan to their former position and began to walk alongside her. She remained stubbornly silent and frowning.
"Irulan," sighed Legolas finally, "why do you mistrust me so? Why do you hide yourself from me?" Irulan did not answer. "Do you think I will judge you or belittle you for your thoughts?"
Irulan looked away. Legolas of course had no idea that she feared none of those things, but rather the exhibition of a delicate matter that concerned her feelings for him. 'Damn! How will I explain this?' she thought with anger. 'Maybe I should just scream that I love him and end the matter,' she thought ruefully. 'Actually just go ahead while I'm at it and become lovers! What the heck, I'm so tired of him chasing me like this and exposing me bit by bit. At least that would save my pride!'
Irulan sighed. "Legolas, why is that so hard to understand? I think it is a good thing that two people overcome their differences for love," she said, praying to all the powers of creation in the heavens that he would not jump to any conclusions in the matter.
Legolas looked at her for an incredibly long moment and Irulan just kept walking, not looking back, fearing that she might give herself away. "Is that your true belief?" he said finally with a very soft voice.
She swallowed softly. "Why..of course! You know I always appreciated other cultures and races," she said idly.
Legolas was still looking at her. "Appreciate, yes. But..I did not know your thoughts concerning races in such a matter," he said softly again.
"Well now you know," she said with a tinge of impatience and glanced at the caravan again. The darkness was setting in. The first night on their road to Helm's Deep was approaching. She scanned for Eowyn and indeed, she was far off, walking with Aragorn! 'That woman!' she thought bitterly.
"Does your approval mean that you would relent to such a relationship yourself?" Legolas said suddenly and Irulan truly felt the air in her lungs leaving her. Check mate. Truly. There was no way she could answer that and not get herself in trouble. For the fraction of a time she thought seriously about Shifting and re-appearing next to King Theoden. 'Say no, Irulan,' said her brain. 'Say no. No. No. No!' Except that 'No' would deny her whole part in this conversation. 'Say yes,' said her heart. 'Are you insane?' she yelled back at it. 'Of course I am!' It screamed back at her. 'Then you have to say no,' said her brain. 'Indeed; only how will I sort my way out of that?' she thought ruefully and once again glanced down the convoy. Legolas would never let her run off now.
"Be with me," whispered Legolas suddenly and her heart made a triple flip. He stopped walking and naturally so did she. She felt him looking at her, but unable to return the gaze, she hastily looked down at that the ground and felt all feelings hammering her down with incredible force.
'Irulan, a fine mess you got yourself into,' said her brain. 'Congratulations....I don't know what you expect from me, but there's no way I can save you from this now!'
Irulan felt bewildered. 'NO! Stay! You must think of something, fast!' Only she got no reply. It was almost dark now and still the caravan was passing from a distance. Irulan felt like moaning with frustration and still not dared look up at Legolas.
"Irulan," whispered Legolas again and took both of her hands into his. She felt like a single flame but it must be an illusion, for her hands were cool against his skin. "I know you do not love me. I know the world is a wrong place for this. I know every race and every culture will resent it. Yes, there are abysses of differences between us and yes, it is perhaps also a very bad time, for you have many other things on your mind..." He sighed softly, then continued: "I know it is foolish in so many ways and there are countless reasons why you should not. And yet...be with me," he whispered. "You shall never regret that decision."
"Say yes, Irulan," said her heart. 'Yes, yes, yes!'
'Alas, I can not,' she thought with frustration.
'Yes, you can. Say yes and step out of this shadow right now. Step out of solitude, Irulan. Step out of fear, anxiety, worry. Step out of yourself, Irulan, to become something better'.
'I can not!' she protested and swallowed hard.
'You can! You must! End it now! I am tired. I am done. I can not go on any longer. I am wasted Irulan. I fear. I fear an entire lifetime of what we have behind us. I can not, I will NOT go any further.'
'I can NOT!' she yelled back at it.
'Then I shall die. Then it was in vain - all hope you have given me was in vain. Then there is no rescue for me any longer. I shall die bitter and clutched like an angry fist. I shall stop, for I see no point in the effort of beating any longer.'
'You can not die!' she protested, knowing very well that it was pure stupidity, but unable of keeping herself from doing so, 'What will I do without you?'
'What you did all these years of course, Irulan! You will go and live with your brain. You will build those nice tall walls around you again. You will run faster than the fasted suitor, further than the closest friend. You will find another rock to lie beneath and sleep again. You do not need me. I am only an obstruction for that sort of life. I have hindered you before in your aims, have I not?'
Irulan remained silent. She had run out of answers. She had not clue what to say.
'You have broken oaths for me, Irulan. You have broken hearts of the ones dear to you for me. All was in vain, for you can not carry me any longer. You do not have the strength, Irulan. You do not have the wish. I shall leave you. Forever.'
She suddenly realized that they were still standing, facing each other, hand in hand. She had not idea how long she had been standing there like that but if her eyes were not failing her, the convoy of people had moved ahead a good distance. She looked up at Legolas who was smiling warmly down at her.
"I..." she said and swallowed. "I.." she began again but could go no further.
Legolas slowly let go one of her hands and touched her cheek. "Tell me what your heart says," he whispered.
'Now I am doomed for all eternity. I might as well surrender, and spare myself the struggle,' she thought bitterly.
"My heart says..yes," she whispered with the softest voice, and not in her entire lifetime had any sentence been so hard to utter.
Legolas remained solid and calm, but inside, he was pure joy and light. He was the essence of creation. He was not from this world any longer. His spirit was soaring in him, frantically banging on his body, wishing to be released out into the world. He had never felt such elevation, such fierce life in him. It was as if the whole life in Middle Earth had been stuffed into this shell known as Legolas and he would burst with it any moment. He would explode and roam over Middle Earth, animating everything that has been dead and waiting for his life-bearing touch. He swallowed and blinked away the tears.
"But..but," said Irulan so softly, his fine ears hardly picked it up, "but...Legolas I need..some time," Irulan finished with incredible difficulty and almost moaned at her own inefficiency.
"You shall have it," Legolas whispered, still caressing her cheek, his head slightly cocked, looking at her with a unique expression on his face. He looked very stunned and yet relieved; amazed and incredibly happy; very surprised but also oddly tranquil.
She looked away and swallowed softly again. Another moment passed, slowly and torturous - like an entire century. "And I....I need," she began stammering again.
"You shall have that, too," whispered Legolas.
Irulan swallowed and bit her lower lip. Why was it so hard to breathe?! 'I possibly can NOT have agreed to this! I can NOT!' she thought over and over again, but the moment was incredibly real.
"Legolas I..."
"And that too."
Legolas let go of her hand and closed the distance between them. He softly held her face between his hands and gently pulled it up. "And everything else you wish, everything you need, everything you ask. And anything beyond that," he said, caressing her cheeks. She realized suddenly that she was trembling like a little girl. Now that had not happened in a very long time! 'How did we end up here?' she thought, truly baffled. 'How did we get this far? I came here to die, only to realize that I have died a long time ago and to find someone who revived me. I came here to win a battle, only to lose another one. All hopes had left these ruins, and yet I found the seed and promise of a new life as I walked amongst them.'
She looked up at Legolas, who was looking down at her with pure love on his face. He looked exactly like he did the night he had held her hand and told her that he loved her. The night the world changed forever. 'I might die tomorrow. My story might end as swiftly as it has begun, forgotten, washed away by the waters of time. Yet it was not in vain - for I have stirred a heart,' she thought with a deep breath of relief and contentment.
Legolas leant down very slowly, fearing that she might take flight and fade away like some spell when his lips touched her. Never had he felt such contentment. Never had he felt so complete. He felt like he had been continuously walking for millennia, and had not been aware of it. A tiredness like no other fell down on him instantly, along with an incredible feeling of relief. 'I have come' he thought, 'I have arrived. I have survived this terrible march. I am here. I am complete.'
Though they had kissed before, and would kiss yet again, the kiss they shared that day would always be remembered by both, for it closed the door of an era of confusion, struggle, defiance, and open another. It was a threshold in many ways and forms. It was the instant when two souls stopped their wild thrashing and turned to one another, for the first time realizing that if nothing else, they could continue thrashing in unison and together. And it was the first time Irulan actually kissed Legolas. Legolas would never forget it, for he could not remember anything more incredible happening to him before. If he was lost, now he was found. If he was dead, now he was revived. If he was fallen, now he was restored. He forgot about Middle Earth. He forgot about elves and humans. Those things seemed minor details in comparison to this moment. There was only Irulan and himself. There always had been and always would be.
Irulan held his hand as she began her descent towards the camp that was visible in the distance with the fires that were flickering in the setting night. 'I have returned. I shall remain,' said her heart. She shook her head and smiled. 'I very much thought you would' she said, 'I very much thought so...'
This phantasm
Of falling petals vanishes into
Moon an flowers....
OKYO