Battle and angst is upon us! Though not for long, of course. But anyway,
there was so much I wanted to establish between the characters before this
begun....but I fear that we have come to the point where the urgency of
battle sucks us into events and denies us for further delay. In any case, I
have dared one last chapter. The one after this will be delving directly
into the battle.
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An awkward silence set in and would not leave. Irulan's smile faded into confusion and she glanced to the other present company to understand whether she had missed something. She turned to look up at Haldir again, but he was focused on Eowyn, and the blonde woman was becoming more and more uncomfortable under his constant gaze.
Finally she could not take it any longer and Irulan slightly cleared her throat. The noise woke up Haldir. He blinked and swallowed softly, then turned to look at Irulan, as if remembering her presence for the first time. "Oh.......forgive me," he said softly a moment later and turned once again to Eowyn who was trying to figure out if there as something odd or terrible about her looks that day. "I lost speech, for I believed you to be an angel, Lady Eowyn." Haldir bowed slightly and Eowyn and Irulan snapped around to look at each other with widening eyes.
Finally Eowyn chuckled lightly (it came out a bit more forced than she wished it would, but this elf had truly surprised her with his odd behavior), "You are very kind, Master Haldir," she said, "but I know that I must look terrible at the moment."
Haldir seemed to have regained his coolness. Or so he looked to Irulan. She glanced quickly at Legolas hoping to see an expression on his face concerning the oddity of the matter, but the elf was just watching the scene before him with amusement. "You could not look terrible even if you intended to," the captain guard said softly, his blue eyes boring into hers.
Eowyn smiled and laughed a beautiful laugh. "Such kind words from an Eldar! I am certain that your eyes have settled on far brighter beauties."
Haldir did not blink. "I am certain that they have not, my lady," he said with a soft whisper.
Another tense silence. Irulan's eyebrows shot up at Haldir's open boldness. But then.......he had become close with her and like all elves, he seemed to be a fast learner. Besides, Haldir might have been accused of arrogance and coldness, yet never had he shown a lack of boldness or daring. Actually compared to Legolas, he was very straightforward and confident in his actions. She came back to the present when Gimli cleared his throat. Eowyn, too, jumped with relief, for she seemed to be very lost as to what to do with Haldir staring down at her like that. "I should return to check on the caves," she said hastily and smiled at the rooted company. Her eyes lingered a trifle longer on Aragorn, as always, and the man smiled back warmly.
"The caves?" said Haldir softly, the presence of everyone else seemingly forgotten to him.
"Yes. We are guiding the women and children into the caves. And I have to oversee that enough food and water is stored as well. We do not know how long this battle will last."
"I would very much like to see these caves," said Haldir with mild interest, "would you let me accompany you, Lady Eowyn?"
Eowyn blinked in surprise. "Certainly," she said a moment later and glanced at Irulan, then at Aragorn for guidance, but there was really nothing neither could do at the moment.
Haldir moved a step towards her and gently offered her his arm. "A tour of the city it is, then?" he said with a smile that only an elf could be capable of.
Eowyn seemed to be taken aback by his interest in her, but she grinned nevertheless. "My pleasure, Master Haldir," she said and took his arm, guiding him away towards the caves. Both did not turn to look at the rest of the company who could have passed for trees in their silence and stillness as they watched the elf trying to persuade Eowyn that she should call him only by his name, since it was the most beautiful pronunciation of his name that he had ever heard in his entire life.
"Well......that went well," said Irulan finally, simply for the sake of making a comment.
"It was.....surprising to say the least," Aragorn mumbled, scratching his chin.
"Hah! What is it with elves, I ask you?" said Gimli and he sounded a bit jealous. It was only normal, since Eowyn had always shown him close friendship and true interest in his life and tales.
Irulan smiled down at him. "It's only because they are taller than the rest," she said to him. "A real woman has enough sense in her to look down for greater treasures, Gimli." Gimli looked up at her for a moment and blinked with wonder. Irulan grinned back at him. "You should not go for someone less than that anyway, my friend."
He nodded with satisfaction. "Damn right! Elves! Hah!" He looked up at Legolas, who was smiling down at him with amusement, "Blocking the sun is all they do!"
"Irulan, you might have forgotten to mention the beauty and wisdom of my kind," he said, a grin spreading on his lips as he continued looking down at the dwarf.
"I see nothing that overshadows Gimli here," she said and leaned down to kiss him heartily on his cheek.
Legolas watched them with his grin spreading even further and his eyebrows arching slightly in surprise. "Should I feel jealous, I wonder?" he said softly.
"For more than one reason!" boomed Gimli and they all laughed at that.
Irulan looked out into the night. "How much longer?" she said. Legolas stood by her side. "I neither see nor hear their approach yet. It must be still a few hours further."
"The later they come, the better," Aragorn said from behind them. "It will buy us time for Gandalf's arrival."
They remained silent for a moment. Finally Irulan said "Should we take our positions now?"
"No, too early yet," said Aragorn with a sigh. "This is stolen time. I suggest you use it until the very last moment." With that, he strode off, lost in thought once more.
Gimli sighed and walked off in the opposite direction, probably wishing to be alone, himself. 'Perhaps he will bid a silent farewell to his memories and his own family,' she thought watching him.
She felt Legolas taking her hand and turned to look up at him. He smiled and tugged her along, guiding her towards the fortress. "Let us go up to our room, Irulan," he said softly, "I want to talk to you."
She let herself be guided away from the sounds of swords and armor. An odd wish erupted in her........and she wished Legolas would continue walking and take her away from all this. She wished he would guide her away from the fortress, through Rohan, away from all lands that were on the threshold of war. Unfortunately their trip once more ended in their room. Legolas gently led her to the mattress and she sat down, her back leaning on the wall, and he sat next to her, holding her hand.
He caressed her cheek for a while, smiling at her. "How are you feeling?" he said finally.
Irulan sighed and played with his hand in her lap. "Not like I thought I would," she said softly. "Except feeling tired, of course."
Legolas grinned. "Again?!"
Irulan rolled her eyes. "I have not really rested, Legolas."
"Pray tell me then.......what will happen when we travel through Middle Earth?" he said in amusement.
"IF we travel, Legolas," Irulan said and she sounded a little desperate.
"Of course we will!" he whispered and kissed her hand. "Tell me, how does your heart feel?"
"My heart?" said Irulan with surprise. Legolas nodded. "Well........I don't really know."
Legolas thought about how to put it, and then tried again: "Do you feel confused?"
Irulan laughed. "Torn and confused.........always, Legolas!"
"Is your confusion in your heart or in your head?" he whispered.
Irulan thought about that. "In my head, I think," she said finally.
Legolas nodded and kissed her hand again. "That is good, for it means that your heart has healed a lot, my love," he whispered and touched her chest where her heart was. He sighed softly and then chuckled, shaking his head.
"What is it?"
"I just wished for more time. And then realized that I had never wished such a thing before," he said and caressed her cheek again.
"I wish that a lot, actually," said Irulan, her eyes glazed and not seeing.
"It is a needless wish," Legolas said then, "for we shall have it. We shall have many years together, Irulan."
"I certainly hope so."
Legolas leaned in and kissed her softly. It was not a kiss of passion. Nor was it a kiss of desperation. It was a kiss of tenderness and devotion. "I love you," he whispered, taking her face into his hands. "No matter what happens tonight, I can not lose. For I love you. I will find you again."
"Yes," she whispered back, "you must. In this life or another, Legolas. I do not wish to be anywhere else but with you."
"Even if I die, Irulan, I shall part oceans of time and find you again. I have done it before. I will do it again."
"Yes, I know. Yet, I certainly hope you'll recognize me earlier the next time," she said with amusement.
"Yes," he whispered and kissed her again. "Tell me," he said a moment later, "how did Eomer propose you?"
Irulan sighed and looked up at him. Odd enough, he did not have the blue fire in his eyes. "He just.......did," she said, trying to read his expression and failing.
"Yes, but what were his words?" he said, playing with her hair.
"Legolas, don't you think that is kind of private?"
"I am only curious. I have never heard a proposal amongst humans."
"No two proposals are the same, really. There is no certain code to it," she said, a little disturbed by the issue.
"You have received many, yes?" he said. She looked but he looked perfectly calm, still playing with her hair absent-mindedly.
"I have received my share," she said dryly and looked away again.
"So tell me," he said a moment later.
"Well......it's basically 'I love you.......will you marry me?' sort of thing," she said finally.
Legolas blinked in surprise. He looked at her for a long moment. "And mortal women accept such........soulless........offers?" he said and the last word came out with open distaste.
Irulan laughed heartily at his expression of utter horror. "Legolas," she began, but could not continue and waved her hand, still laughing.
His expression changed from confusion to amusement and he smiled. "Why are you laughing?" he said softly, intrigued.
Irulan laughed some more and waved her hand again. "Nothing. I just......." she sighed and calmed down, and added with a big smile, "I don't think there's much else to say, really."
It was Legolas' turn to laugh and her own turn to smile with curiosity. "What?" she said, mocking irritation.
"I can tell you this," he said softly with amusement, "such a proposal would be considered a calamity amongst my kind." He began playing with her hair again. "We value the bonds between people very much. And we value the bond of marriage most of all. It is no light issue."
"Of course it is not," she said and then looked away with irritation. "Though I do not see the point of it."
Legolas looked at her for a long moment and then sat up slowly, not turning away. "What do you mean?"
"Well.......if people are together, they are together. I mean what's the point of an 'official' bond? I think people should just be together. I don't understand why the marriage issue means so much."
"It has official reasons, for one. But more important than that.......you took an oath with the Druids. Then you took one with us. Did you not feel the connection......the difference?"
"Well yes, I did........" she said, thinking about it.
"That is because words make a difference, Irulan," he said softly. "They have power over the spirit. They are not mere utterances.........not compilations of sounds. It is a magic that is at work every day, in the smallest of conversations all around the world. Yet many never realize its impact on them." Legolas looked into her eyes and tried to understand if she followed. "Words weave spells, words break spells, Irulan. Words give courage to fight impossible battles; they give consolation to those who have lost all hope; they can reach out and change the view and therefore, the live of some forever. Either written or spoken, used in the right way words can take you to places and amongst people that you have never seen and these things can move you more than perhaps actual experiences." Irulan smiled, thinking about her times in the library. She was sitting with a book in her lap, but in fact she was fighting evil dragons with mere swords; she was walking amongst elves, or sailing in uncharted territories.
"Yes, you are right," she whispered, lost in her memories.
"I have long thought about the words I wish to say to you," he said finally and Irulan woke up. She hastily sat up a little and took a slow breath.
"Legolas......maybe we should go back now," she said and to her surprise he only laughed softly and kissed her hand again.
"Do not worry, Irulan. I will not ask for any kind of commitment from you. I know how much you fear it." Legolas watched her features giving in to relaxation. 'At least not tonight,' he added to himself in silence.
She slumped back a little. "Legolas, I........" she began, but he touched her lips with his fingers and hushed her.
"I thought about us and our future," he said finally, "and all the things I would love to do with you." He sighed and remained silent for many moments. "And I realized that there was nothing specific that I wanted to do.........as long as I do it with you."
Irulan smiled down at him. "Perhaps you should start planning, then. I certainly would not want to perch on a tree branch for all eternity, Legolas. Or rather, wait till after the battle," she said with amusement.
Legolas sat up again and looked her in the eye. "Irulan, do not stray far from me when the battle starts," he said and although he tried to sound calm, the worry in his voice was obvious.
"I'll try, Legolas. But you should know that I can not make plans or promises for such a thing. Besides..........if I am to Shift, I should be outside the fortress, if you ask me."
"Outside?!" he said with horror.
"Yes. You know.........in case......." she said and looked down.
"In case of what?" Legolas said coldly.
"Just in case," she added a moment later. "It would be better if I were surrounded ONLY with the enemy."
Legolas cupped her chin and forced her to look up. "Irulan, you will not fall. Your heart has changed. Your mind has changed. The shadow on you has lifted. You have given up being a Darma Druid for being a part of this Fellowship. You are not the same woman any longer. You can NOT fall."
Irulan nodded gravely. "That may be true. Yet, even if I do not fall to the Fever, I can die, you know that."
"Yes, I know. We all can," he said matter-of-factly.
"If I die, Legolas," she said with a careful tone, "I want you to do something for me."
Legolas stiffened and looked away. "I do not wish to talk about such a thing at the dawn of battle," he said. 'Some warrior elf, indeed!' thought Irulan with irritation. 'Isn't he supposed to be less sentimental about this?'
"Legolas," she said with a tired sigh and tugged at his hand. He did not turn around, but kept staring at the wall ahead. "Fine. I'll say it anyway. It is my wish. Do it or don't do it - you'll decide for yourself." She glanced at him again, but he had not moved a hair. "I want you to go wherever the fellowship goes. Wherever Aragorn goes, Legolas." He pursed his lips and turned his head completely, hiding his face from her. "I want you to continue fighting for Middle Earth till the end. And if you remain after all is done, I want you to sail to the Undying Lands." Irulan rolled her eyes and tugged at his hand again, but he refused to turn around.
"I would not live that long, either way, Irulan," he said finally after a long silence.
"Well just in case," she said softly and smiled.
Legolas turned around then and he looked both incredibly furious and at the same time deeply saddened. "I will do as you wish. However, then you must promise to do the same if I should fall."
Irulan's eyes widened. "Don't be foolish. You can not fall," she said with irritation.
"It is a battle. Anyone can fall today," he said matter-of-factly, his blue eyes boring into hers. "Will you follow Aragorn and continue to serve this cause?"
Irulan felt sickened by the idea. Legolas........dead? She tried to imagine it, but failed bitterly. She tried to imagine one day without him by her side. She tried to think of herself waking up the next morning without Legolas, with only Gimli or Aragorn (or worse, even without them!), continuing this war and her duties towards the fellowship even after he was gone........gone forever. Irulan swallowed hard. "I can not," she whispered with horror. She tried to think of what she would do, instead, and that, too, evaded her. There would be absolutely no reason to continue living. Her eyes widened with the realization of that. She would rather die and join Legolas and the others in death, than continue living with the painful memory.
"Then NEVER ask me of such a thing again, Irulan," Legolas said with fury and embraced her fiercely.
It was then that the horn sounded, alarming them of the appearance of the Uruks. Irulan did not move away. Neither did Legolas. The remained in that embrace for long moments, denying the deep brass sound of the horn filling the air again and again, denying the sound of hasty footfalls on the stone corridors; the shouting and panic around them. Finally Legolas stood up and gently helped her up and they went to the high window, overlooking much of the scenery below. Indeed, even Irulan's eyes could see the flicker of distant torches that the Uruk army was carrying. Legolas did not let go of her hand as they stood watching for many more moments. A part of her felt elevated. Her body responded to the cry of battle with a feeling that she could only describe as lust. Another part of her wanted to stay here hand in hand with Legolas as long as she was given the chance to.
"Life is but only a dream, Irulan," Legolas said softly, and turned to smile down at her. She could see that he, too, was prepared for battle now. A calmness and a sense of surrender had settled on his features. "Neither the beauty nor the foulness of this world truly exists," he added a moment later, his arm reaching out and gently including the view from the window in one graceful move. And odd enough, as she was standing there, holding his hand and following his gaze into the night, Irulan felt that indeed, nothing held value and nothing penetrated reality. For an absurd moment, she DID feel as if she was dreaming and that death would only wake her up. "Nothing is real, Irulan," she heard Legolas whisper and once more he turned to smile down at her, "except for the imprint these things leave on our eternal souls. I fear neither images nor visions or dreams, for what you have given me, none can take away."
Irulan smiled up at him, the sensation of a soft surrender claiming her. "Legolas," she said with a sly grin, "you took the words right out of my mouth."
Legolas grinned back in amusement and not looking away from him, she turned and led him out of the room.
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An awkward silence set in and would not leave. Irulan's smile faded into confusion and she glanced to the other present company to understand whether she had missed something. She turned to look up at Haldir again, but he was focused on Eowyn, and the blonde woman was becoming more and more uncomfortable under his constant gaze.
Finally she could not take it any longer and Irulan slightly cleared her throat. The noise woke up Haldir. He blinked and swallowed softly, then turned to look at Irulan, as if remembering her presence for the first time. "Oh.......forgive me," he said softly a moment later and turned once again to Eowyn who was trying to figure out if there as something odd or terrible about her looks that day. "I lost speech, for I believed you to be an angel, Lady Eowyn." Haldir bowed slightly and Eowyn and Irulan snapped around to look at each other with widening eyes.
Finally Eowyn chuckled lightly (it came out a bit more forced than she wished it would, but this elf had truly surprised her with his odd behavior), "You are very kind, Master Haldir," she said, "but I know that I must look terrible at the moment."
Haldir seemed to have regained his coolness. Or so he looked to Irulan. She glanced quickly at Legolas hoping to see an expression on his face concerning the oddity of the matter, but the elf was just watching the scene before him with amusement. "You could not look terrible even if you intended to," the captain guard said softly, his blue eyes boring into hers.
Eowyn smiled and laughed a beautiful laugh. "Such kind words from an Eldar! I am certain that your eyes have settled on far brighter beauties."
Haldir did not blink. "I am certain that they have not, my lady," he said with a soft whisper.
Another tense silence. Irulan's eyebrows shot up at Haldir's open boldness. But then.......he had become close with her and like all elves, he seemed to be a fast learner. Besides, Haldir might have been accused of arrogance and coldness, yet never had he shown a lack of boldness or daring. Actually compared to Legolas, he was very straightforward and confident in his actions. She came back to the present when Gimli cleared his throat. Eowyn, too, jumped with relief, for she seemed to be very lost as to what to do with Haldir staring down at her like that. "I should return to check on the caves," she said hastily and smiled at the rooted company. Her eyes lingered a trifle longer on Aragorn, as always, and the man smiled back warmly.
"The caves?" said Haldir softly, the presence of everyone else seemingly forgotten to him.
"Yes. We are guiding the women and children into the caves. And I have to oversee that enough food and water is stored as well. We do not know how long this battle will last."
"I would very much like to see these caves," said Haldir with mild interest, "would you let me accompany you, Lady Eowyn?"
Eowyn blinked in surprise. "Certainly," she said a moment later and glanced at Irulan, then at Aragorn for guidance, but there was really nothing neither could do at the moment.
Haldir moved a step towards her and gently offered her his arm. "A tour of the city it is, then?" he said with a smile that only an elf could be capable of.
Eowyn seemed to be taken aback by his interest in her, but she grinned nevertheless. "My pleasure, Master Haldir," she said and took his arm, guiding him away towards the caves. Both did not turn to look at the rest of the company who could have passed for trees in their silence and stillness as they watched the elf trying to persuade Eowyn that she should call him only by his name, since it was the most beautiful pronunciation of his name that he had ever heard in his entire life.
"Well......that went well," said Irulan finally, simply for the sake of making a comment.
"It was.....surprising to say the least," Aragorn mumbled, scratching his chin.
"Hah! What is it with elves, I ask you?" said Gimli and he sounded a bit jealous. It was only normal, since Eowyn had always shown him close friendship and true interest in his life and tales.
Irulan smiled down at him. "It's only because they are taller than the rest," she said to him. "A real woman has enough sense in her to look down for greater treasures, Gimli." Gimli looked up at her for a moment and blinked with wonder. Irulan grinned back at him. "You should not go for someone less than that anyway, my friend."
He nodded with satisfaction. "Damn right! Elves! Hah!" He looked up at Legolas, who was smiling down at him with amusement, "Blocking the sun is all they do!"
"Irulan, you might have forgotten to mention the beauty and wisdom of my kind," he said, a grin spreading on his lips as he continued looking down at the dwarf.
"I see nothing that overshadows Gimli here," she said and leaned down to kiss him heartily on his cheek.
Legolas watched them with his grin spreading even further and his eyebrows arching slightly in surprise. "Should I feel jealous, I wonder?" he said softly.
"For more than one reason!" boomed Gimli and they all laughed at that.
Irulan looked out into the night. "How much longer?" she said. Legolas stood by her side. "I neither see nor hear their approach yet. It must be still a few hours further."
"The later they come, the better," Aragorn said from behind them. "It will buy us time for Gandalf's arrival."
They remained silent for a moment. Finally Irulan said "Should we take our positions now?"
"No, too early yet," said Aragorn with a sigh. "This is stolen time. I suggest you use it until the very last moment." With that, he strode off, lost in thought once more.
Gimli sighed and walked off in the opposite direction, probably wishing to be alone, himself. 'Perhaps he will bid a silent farewell to his memories and his own family,' she thought watching him.
She felt Legolas taking her hand and turned to look up at him. He smiled and tugged her along, guiding her towards the fortress. "Let us go up to our room, Irulan," he said softly, "I want to talk to you."
She let herself be guided away from the sounds of swords and armor. An odd wish erupted in her........and she wished Legolas would continue walking and take her away from all this. She wished he would guide her away from the fortress, through Rohan, away from all lands that were on the threshold of war. Unfortunately their trip once more ended in their room. Legolas gently led her to the mattress and she sat down, her back leaning on the wall, and he sat next to her, holding her hand.
He caressed her cheek for a while, smiling at her. "How are you feeling?" he said finally.
Irulan sighed and played with his hand in her lap. "Not like I thought I would," she said softly. "Except feeling tired, of course."
Legolas grinned. "Again?!"
Irulan rolled her eyes. "I have not really rested, Legolas."
"Pray tell me then.......what will happen when we travel through Middle Earth?" he said in amusement.
"IF we travel, Legolas," Irulan said and she sounded a little desperate.
"Of course we will!" he whispered and kissed her hand. "Tell me, how does your heart feel?"
"My heart?" said Irulan with surprise. Legolas nodded. "Well........I don't really know."
Legolas thought about how to put it, and then tried again: "Do you feel confused?"
Irulan laughed. "Torn and confused.........always, Legolas!"
"Is your confusion in your heart or in your head?" he whispered.
Irulan thought about that. "In my head, I think," she said finally.
Legolas nodded and kissed her hand again. "That is good, for it means that your heart has healed a lot, my love," he whispered and touched her chest where her heart was. He sighed softly and then chuckled, shaking his head.
"What is it?"
"I just wished for more time. And then realized that I had never wished such a thing before," he said and caressed her cheek again.
"I wish that a lot, actually," said Irulan, her eyes glazed and not seeing.
"It is a needless wish," Legolas said then, "for we shall have it. We shall have many years together, Irulan."
"I certainly hope so."
Legolas leaned in and kissed her softly. It was not a kiss of passion. Nor was it a kiss of desperation. It was a kiss of tenderness and devotion. "I love you," he whispered, taking her face into his hands. "No matter what happens tonight, I can not lose. For I love you. I will find you again."
"Yes," she whispered back, "you must. In this life or another, Legolas. I do not wish to be anywhere else but with you."
"Even if I die, Irulan, I shall part oceans of time and find you again. I have done it before. I will do it again."
"Yes, I know. Yet, I certainly hope you'll recognize me earlier the next time," she said with amusement.
"Yes," he whispered and kissed her again. "Tell me," he said a moment later, "how did Eomer propose you?"
Irulan sighed and looked up at him. Odd enough, he did not have the blue fire in his eyes. "He just.......did," she said, trying to read his expression and failing.
"Yes, but what were his words?" he said, playing with her hair.
"Legolas, don't you think that is kind of private?"
"I am only curious. I have never heard a proposal amongst humans."
"No two proposals are the same, really. There is no certain code to it," she said, a little disturbed by the issue.
"You have received many, yes?" he said. She looked but he looked perfectly calm, still playing with her hair absent-mindedly.
"I have received my share," she said dryly and looked away again.
"So tell me," he said a moment later.
"Well......it's basically 'I love you.......will you marry me?' sort of thing," she said finally.
Legolas blinked in surprise. He looked at her for a long moment. "And mortal women accept such........soulless........offers?" he said and the last word came out with open distaste.
Irulan laughed heartily at his expression of utter horror. "Legolas," she began, but could not continue and waved her hand, still laughing.
His expression changed from confusion to amusement and he smiled. "Why are you laughing?" he said softly, intrigued.
Irulan laughed some more and waved her hand again. "Nothing. I just......." she sighed and calmed down, and added with a big smile, "I don't think there's much else to say, really."
It was Legolas' turn to laugh and her own turn to smile with curiosity. "What?" she said, mocking irritation.
"I can tell you this," he said softly with amusement, "such a proposal would be considered a calamity amongst my kind." He began playing with her hair again. "We value the bonds between people very much. And we value the bond of marriage most of all. It is no light issue."
"Of course it is not," she said and then looked away with irritation. "Though I do not see the point of it."
Legolas looked at her for a long moment and then sat up slowly, not turning away. "What do you mean?"
"Well.......if people are together, they are together. I mean what's the point of an 'official' bond? I think people should just be together. I don't understand why the marriage issue means so much."
"It has official reasons, for one. But more important than that.......you took an oath with the Druids. Then you took one with us. Did you not feel the connection......the difference?"
"Well yes, I did........" she said, thinking about it.
"That is because words make a difference, Irulan," he said softly. "They have power over the spirit. They are not mere utterances.........not compilations of sounds. It is a magic that is at work every day, in the smallest of conversations all around the world. Yet many never realize its impact on them." Legolas looked into her eyes and tried to understand if she followed. "Words weave spells, words break spells, Irulan. Words give courage to fight impossible battles; they give consolation to those who have lost all hope; they can reach out and change the view and therefore, the live of some forever. Either written or spoken, used in the right way words can take you to places and amongst people that you have never seen and these things can move you more than perhaps actual experiences." Irulan smiled, thinking about her times in the library. She was sitting with a book in her lap, but in fact she was fighting evil dragons with mere swords; she was walking amongst elves, or sailing in uncharted territories.
"Yes, you are right," she whispered, lost in her memories.
"I have long thought about the words I wish to say to you," he said finally and Irulan woke up. She hastily sat up a little and took a slow breath.
"Legolas......maybe we should go back now," she said and to her surprise he only laughed softly and kissed her hand again.
"Do not worry, Irulan. I will not ask for any kind of commitment from you. I know how much you fear it." Legolas watched her features giving in to relaxation. 'At least not tonight,' he added to himself in silence.
She slumped back a little. "Legolas, I........" she began, but he touched her lips with his fingers and hushed her.
"I thought about us and our future," he said finally, "and all the things I would love to do with you." He sighed and remained silent for many moments. "And I realized that there was nothing specific that I wanted to do.........as long as I do it with you."
Irulan smiled down at him. "Perhaps you should start planning, then. I certainly would not want to perch on a tree branch for all eternity, Legolas. Or rather, wait till after the battle," she said with amusement.
Legolas sat up again and looked her in the eye. "Irulan, do not stray far from me when the battle starts," he said and although he tried to sound calm, the worry in his voice was obvious.
"I'll try, Legolas. But you should know that I can not make plans or promises for such a thing. Besides..........if I am to Shift, I should be outside the fortress, if you ask me."
"Outside?!" he said with horror.
"Yes. You know.........in case......." she said and looked down.
"In case of what?" Legolas said coldly.
"Just in case," she added a moment later. "It would be better if I were surrounded ONLY with the enemy."
Legolas cupped her chin and forced her to look up. "Irulan, you will not fall. Your heart has changed. Your mind has changed. The shadow on you has lifted. You have given up being a Darma Druid for being a part of this Fellowship. You are not the same woman any longer. You can NOT fall."
Irulan nodded gravely. "That may be true. Yet, even if I do not fall to the Fever, I can die, you know that."
"Yes, I know. We all can," he said matter-of-factly.
"If I die, Legolas," she said with a careful tone, "I want you to do something for me."
Legolas stiffened and looked away. "I do not wish to talk about such a thing at the dawn of battle," he said. 'Some warrior elf, indeed!' thought Irulan with irritation. 'Isn't he supposed to be less sentimental about this?'
"Legolas," she said with a tired sigh and tugged at his hand. He did not turn around, but kept staring at the wall ahead. "Fine. I'll say it anyway. It is my wish. Do it or don't do it - you'll decide for yourself." She glanced at him again, but he had not moved a hair. "I want you to go wherever the fellowship goes. Wherever Aragorn goes, Legolas." He pursed his lips and turned his head completely, hiding his face from her. "I want you to continue fighting for Middle Earth till the end. And if you remain after all is done, I want you to sail to the Undying Lands." Irulan rolled her eyes and tugged at his hand again, but he refused to turn around.
"I would not live that long, either way, Irulan," he said finally after a long silence.
"Well just in case," she said softly and smiled.
Legolas turned around then and he looked both incredibly furious and at the same time deeply saddened. "I will do as you wish. However, then you must promise to do the same if I should fall."
Irulan's eyes widened. "Don't be foolish. You can not fall," she said with irritation.
"It is a battle. Anyone can fall today," he said matter-of-factly, his blue eyes boring into hers. "Will you follow Aragorn and continue to serve this cause?"
Irulan felt sickened by the idea. Legolas........dead? She tried to imagine it, but failed bitterly. She tried to imagine one day without him by her side. She tried to think of herself waking up the next morning without Legolas, with only Gimli or Aragorn (or worse, even without them!), continuing this war and her duties towards the fellowship even after he was gone........gone forever. Irulan swallowed hard. "I can not," she whispered with horror. She tried to think of what she would do, instead, and that, too, evaded her. There would be absolutely no reason to continue living. Her eyes widened with the realization of that. She would rather die and join Legolas and the others in death, than continue living with the painful memory.
"Then NEVER ask me of such a thing again, Irulan," Legolas said with fury and embraced her fiercely.
It was then that the horn sounded, alarming them of the appearance of the Uruks. Irulan did not move away. Neither did Legolas. The remained in that embrace for long moments, denying the deep brass sound of the horn filling the air again and again, denying the sound of hasty footfalls on the stone corridors; the shouting and panic around them. Finally Legolas stood up and gently helped her up and they went to the high window, overlooking much of the scenery below. Indeed, even Irulan's eyes could see the flicker of distant torches that the Uruk army was carrying. Legolas did not let go of her hand as they stood watching for many more moments. A part of her felt elevated. Her body responded to the cry of battle with a feeling that she could only describe as lust. Another part of her wanted to stay here hand in hand with Legolas as long as she was given the chance to.
"Life is but only a dream, Irulan," Legolas said softly, and turned to smile down at her. She could see that he, too, was prepared for battle now. A calmness and a sense of surrender had settled on his features. "Neither the beauty nor the foulness of this world truly exists," he added a moment later, his arm reaching out and gently including the view from the window in one graceful move. And odd enough, as she was standing there, holding his hand and following his gaze into the night, Irulan felt that indeed, nothing held value and nothing penetrated reality. For an absurd moment, she DID feel as if she was dreaming and that death would only wake her up. "Nothing is real, Irulan," she heard Legolas whisper and once more he turned to smile down at her, "except for the imprint these things leave on our eternal souls. I fear neither images nor visions or dreams, for what you have given me, none can take away."
Irulan smiled up at him, the sensation of a soft surrender claiming her. "Legolas," she said with a sly grin, "you took the words right out of my mouth."
Legolas grinned back in amusement and not looking away from him, she turned and led him out of the room.