My beloved readers!
Another chapter. It seems like Helm's Deep is taking longer than I thought it would be. I do not know how much longer this will continue..but I think at least two more chapters would be a fair number.
As usual, I have received incredible mails, shouting of support and love. It is beyond any other feeling to know that my attachment and love for this story is shared by so many! I will not let you know of my decision until the end - since it would give away too much. For now, just read the story and enjoy the moment! And once more, though I wished to write personal thanks and answers to everyone, I had to choose between doing that and using that time to write the story itself. Needless to say that I chose the other. Perhaps I will have more time for the next chapter and find the opportunity to try to reply to your kind mails. Thank you once more. The number of the reviews has reached incredible limits and I know that this fact alone is drawing many new readers amongst us. I have received mails from them, too, and I consider them nothing else but new additions to our wonderful family.
The battle rages, angst continues. Ah...and the Haldir issue! Sigh...I HAD to kill him, my friends. And don't think I enjoyed it, cause that bold elf had earned my love, believe me! But think of it...his survival would bring a LOT of confusion to the issue of Eowyn and Faramir. After all, she will end up marrying the captain of Gondor. So why did I put in that small romance right there? Well...I am trying to establish something between mortals and elves and it might become clearer with later events. So, try to be patient. Besides, as much as we all loved him, Haldir would play no further part in this story, so as I have said before, his death does not change anything in the flow of the story. I, too, wish that they had granted a greater part to him. Alas....we are all like falling leaves, immortal or not, we fall and vanish.
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When they reached the site of the incident, her heart sank. The outer wall was indeed breached and the Uruks were storming in. Nothing would prevent the inevitable now. Nothing, except perhaps Gandalf. Her eyes scanned the dark horizons unconsciously, hoping to see his appearance. He had said that he would come at dawn on the fifth day. Maybe there was a chance that he would join them sooner than that? The dark seemed infinite and Gandalf's white glamour was nowhere to be seen. 'I guess he won't, then,' Irulan thought darkly as she sprinted towards the ruins of the wall.
Hope was leaving her like the tide leaving, kissing the rocks it has crept on for the last time and returning to the ocean. She would join Chemarit and Boromir, after all. And even though a part of her was sickened by the thought of it, Eomer, Eowyn, Theoden, Haldir, Aragorn, Gimli, Theodred, Legolas and Haldir would be with her. 'This day, a great many great men and women will leave Middle Earth never to return. This world is cursed!' she thought bitterly.
Irulan threw herself into the darkness and ran faster, ending lives to save other lives. This game of life and death had taken a very different turn ever since she has been on this quest. Where would the killing stop? When would the hate end? Nowhere and never. The world had witnessed countless battles before her. Millions had died for this or that cause. It would witness others after her memory was long lost. What was the point of fighting? What was the point of trying?
Unknown to her, Legolas was sharing very similar thoughts as he was trying to keep up with her while she disappeared and re-appeared, leaving him behind ever further. He was in Rohan, this very day, in a battle in Helm's Deep. Yet in his mind, Legolas was recalling all his seemingly endless years back in Mirkwood and all the other places he had been to. The battle did not taste the same. The slaying had no edge to it. Where was the purpose? What was the retribution? The world seemed to fall apart under his very own fingers and he was incapable of putting it together! And why should he? It obviously did not mean anything to anyone else.
Once more the wish to leave overcame him. He could not remember this desire calling out to him before as often as it was now. He felt the urge to throw away his bow, take Irulan's hand and run off with her somewhere where they could be alone and careless. More than that, he felt like sailing off with her from this very world itself. For it bore no peace any longer. It was not a good enough place for the precious bond they were sharing. This world had forgotten love and devotion - it did not welcome such values any longer. Maybe they were better off gone from it altogether.
"To the Keep!" shouted Aragorn over the tumult and brought him back to the present. He sighed unconsciously and once more postponed the fulfillment of his wishes. Maybe after this chaos he would get his chance. Irulan, too, heard Aragorn and turned around to see the last of the men running back. Her eyes locked with those of Legolas and she pointed in Gimli's direction, and yelled for him to take the dwarf back to the Keep. Gimli was so lost in his frenzy, he obviously had no intention of retreating. Even if he was still calm and sane, he would not retreat. Legolas nodded and jogged towards the dwarf. He found someone else to help him drag Gimli towards the Keep.
Irulan was just about to join them, when she caught Haldir with the corner of her eye and turned halfway to repeat Aragorn's words to him. But she never got that far. Haldir fell slowly and gracefully on his knees in front of her eyes and at that moment, Irulan could swear that she saw life leaving his beautiful eyes. For the first time ever, she Shifted without intending to or without being aware of it. One moment later she was by his side, spotted by the blood of the Uruk-hai who had dealt him the killing stroke that who now was falling to pieces behind her.
"Haldir," she said gently and caught him before he would collapse backwards. His head fell slightly back, no sign of pain or conflict on his features, only perhaps a slight confusion. "Haldir," she whispered again, her voice shaking with a mixture of feelings that were simply too much for her to comprehend at the moment. He blinked and turned to look at her. Despite all, he was beautiful - gifted with a grace that was simply a part of him. A flower amongst ruins. A flickering flame against the cold and dark tide.
"Irulan," he whispered and brought up his fingers to caress her cheeks. "Why are you so sad?"
"Haldir..I beg you..do not leave me!" she said hoarsely, feeling weak and useless in the face of Fate. She wished she could fight Fate. She wished she could confront this fickle creature with her staff and fight a decent battle. At least she would have a chance. But Fate, it seems, would not bother to change her ways for a mortal woman tonight. Oh no..Fate was only concerned about a grander scale of things; about a universe in which neither Irulan's name, nor the name of any other meant anything. A universe which was given birth to for much greater purposes...for things that surpassed all that would die here today and all who would continue to live. Fate had no intention of delving into as light matters as the life or survival of insignificant beings, or even their entire species.
"And I beg you...not to join me," Haldir said and he actually smiled. Irulan closed her eyes and touched his forehead with hers, begging for time, begging for a second chance, begging for a single way to change things. No, Fate was not interested. She felt the slight tremors of pain rising up in her, shaking her like some stupid leaf, left alone in the entire tree and refusing to fall to its inevitable destiny.
Irulan felt his soft cool fingers touching her cheek again and she snapped awake to look down to him once more. Only then did she see that Aragorn had joined them, crouching beside the elf he had known for far longer and trying to understand how such a thing was possible at all. "Irulan," said Haldir and smiled again. He looked like someone who would fall asleep soon, not someone who would die and thereby do something that ironically his entire kind was never meant to do. "Our ways part here." She continued her silent crying, tears rushing down to wet her tunic. "Alas, we shall meet again. You must take care of Legolas, Irulan," he said then, and surprised her by doing so. She swallowed softly and nodded, knowing not what he meant but only that she was in no state to talk. Haldir smiled, and she felt the odd sensation that he would have grinned if he could have. "I have never seen a more fitting couple."
"Aragorn," he said to the ranger, to which the other replied by leaning in closer.
"Yes, my friend?"
"You must return to this world what has been taken from it." The elf locked eyes with the king. "All who gaze upon you shall find it, Estel."
And with that, Haldir was gone. His body was still there, lying suspended in Irulan's arms, still warm from the battle. But the essence that had made him who he was, was gone. It was taken from them to be replaced to a far better place. Irulan cried harder, still not making a sound, and refused to let go of him. She clung harder and gently placed her forehead on his again. 'No,' said a voice in her, 'I will say no more farewells! I simply refuse to!'
Aragorn grabbed her forearm, first gently, and then harder when she did not react. He pushed himself up, his eyes scanning his surroundings for incoming attacks as his brain was still trying to grasp what had happened here in the blink of a few moments. Irulan, he realized, was not following. He pulled her harder, until she looked up, her brown eyes smudged with fury. "Get up, Irulan," he said gently, trying not to do anything that would push her into a drastic reaction. He unconsciously knew that if she decided not to follow him, Aragorn was incapable of making her do so. Irulan possessed a power that was far beyond his. The only thing that kept her tied to his will was the little bond she had established with him and her love and respect for him. It was the only reason she had stubbornly bent to his will.
Aragorn looked into her eyes and realized a sudden truth that he had been blind to, before. This was not a lovable, trustable, respectable girl. This was not the funny, adorable and often quite confusing princess that he had come to know. The truth was, before him a Darma Druid was kneeling. She was a legendary being. The only Darma Druid that had agreed to attend battle since long forgotten centuries. She was a bundle of dark and mysterious powers. And she was not bound to anyone. Irulan could shake him off this instant and walk away, and Aragorn -though he might try- would definitely fail to stop her.
Her eyes softened suddenly and she rose. "Aragorn," she whispered, looking back at the body that once belonged to a friend Aragorn would miss very much in the upcoming years. She swallowed softly and tried again. "Aragorn....so much death....so many partings. My heart will not take it any longer."
Aragorn walked up to her then and taking her face into his hands, surprised her by kissing her forehead. He looked like he was about to cry, himself. Irulan suddenly remembered the last time they had cried together, in the open and harsh plains of Rohan, under the setting sun, with the memory of a dying Arwen and Legolas haunting them. Uruk-hai, elves and men were in battle around them, but for Irulan, that had all stopped. She was painfully aware of the moment, and yet also distant from it. "Your heart is stronger than you think. It will take this and much more," whispered Aragorn and his words were like steel.
He took her hand then, and began running towards the Keep, pulling her behind him. Irulan did not resist or fight. She glanced back to see Haldir one last time, but in the frenzy of war, he was lost to her eyes. She ran with Aragorn, not really knowing where he was taking her. A new feeling was slowly swirling in the dark abyss of her torn feelings. She felt Rage raise her beautiful head, the red flames of her hair dancing with the winds of a silent storm. Irulan loved Rage. Rage was good. She was not treacherous or fickle like the other feelings. She was plain, open and clear-cut. Rage made her forget everything else and that was always good. Rage would lift the veil of desperation and sadness that had been threatening to suffocate her and Irulan would breathe once more.
Aragorn let go of her hand when they reached one of the smaller walls that encircled the inside of the Keep. Unconsciously her eyes danced around her .. 'So few made it,' she thought, not feeling really bitter or desperate any longer. She gritted her teeth and set her jaw.
"What is it, my love?" said Legolas from beside her and shot another deadly arrow. He could see the clouds in the dark skies of her irises, floating by and blocking the sun in there. That was not a good thing. If there was anything he found more painful a sight than Irulan's hurt, it was her despair.
"Haldir has parted from us," she whispered and turned to lock eyes with a stunned Legolas. They exchanged a long unreadable glance with each other, during which Legolas seemed to have forgotten all existence of the bow in his grasp, drawn to shoot. Finally he tore his eyes away, looking down to the Uruk-hai who were once more attempting to raise their ladders to the wall they were standing on.
He closed his eyes for a moment and exhaled softly. When he turned to look at her again, the stern and unforgiving look of war had replaced it. No doubt, Legolas was stabbed by the news, but had carefully blocked that route and would only let himself delve into that thought after all was over. Irulan smiled with admiration. Though she might have superior skills, Legolas was obviously much more experienced and he displayed it with every move.
She extended her staff and leaned over the wall to look down. The dark tide was coming back. It knew no wall, no barrier, no obstacle strong enough to stop its advance. No doubt that this wall would not hold it back, either. 'Eighty-two,' she thought absent-mindedly. 'I am far from reaching the number I have desired for this night!' Rage smiled and looked her in the eyes. Irulan smiled back. 'Oh no...I am VERY far from it,' she thought with sick amusement.
Suddenly she saw Aragorn and Gimli down there, amongst the Uruks. Her eyes widened with disbelief and she grabbed Legolas' arm so fast and so strong, he quickly turned to follow her gaze, to see what the matter was. "How the hell can they be outside?!" she yelled and it came out more like a desperate cry of fear, rather than a question. Legolas, too, looked pretty amazed at that.
He blinked and a moment later leaned closer to say "They are buying time for the men to repair the fallen gates, Irulan!" Irulan followed the direction his arm was pointing at and realized that he spoke the truth. Obviously the gates were breached.
"How dare they?!" she hissed between clenched teeth and shoved a raised ladder back so hard, it fell backwards, to the utter horror of the many Uruks perched on it.
She moved as to walk towards a closer spot, above Aragorn and Gimli, but Legolas grabbed her arm and forced her to look at him. "Irulan!" he shouted and slightly shook her to make sure that his message is reaching her. "Do not attempt anything foolish! Aragorn knows what he is doing. Let us find a rope to pull them back." To his surprise Irulan blinked and seemed to wake up. She nodded softly, a moment later again her arm shot out to turn the staff and slash another ladder leant against the wall. Legolas followed her movement, but did not delve on it too much, in fear that it would break the focus between them. He tentatively let go of her, but she did not run off. "I will find a rope. Stay here, Irulan!" he said and gave her another suspicious look. Irulan looked back with a blank expression and as much as he had come to hate that look on her beautiful face, it was still better than her wild side taking control of her senses.
He dared not linger longer and dashed away, leaving her alone with the rest of the men and elves on the wall. Irulan returned to her fight and tried to ignore the unbelievable urge to jump down and join the ranger and the dwarf who were right beneath her, now. She swirled her staff and kept hacking while she also tried to follow their state. An admiration rose in her. And pride. As ridiculous as it was, she felt like bloating with the thought that she was a close friend and actually a part of the fellowship these incredible men belonged to.
Suddenly Legolas was beside her and he threw the end of the rope down. Irulan stabbed another Uruk and sent him flying down before she cut through his ladder enough to make it collapse back. It had no use...for one ladder she sent down, three more were raised. She looked back over her shoulder and saw Aragorn trying to reach for the rope. However, the Uruks seemed to have grown wise to the intention of the two men and were charging now more persistently, determined not to give them the chance to escape. She observed Aragorn letting go of the rope once more, and returning to the battle. He grabbed Gimli by his armor and tried to pull him back again, but the incoming Uruks were upon them too quickly once more. Finally, the third time, Aragorn lifted up Gimli and decided to risk a jump.
Too late. The Uruks had already almost encircled them completely and he received a nasty punch on the side of his head before he found the chance to make the jump. His eyes widened with the anticipation of the coming blow of steel and his feet felt rooted, unable to move any longer. He felt Gimli squirming in his arms, trying to break free. And he was about to let go of the dwarf, surrendering to the moment, knowing that he would never find the time to raise his sword in defense, when something very odd happened. Suddenly the Uruks encircling him turned into a sprinkle of warm blood, that landed on his forehead, gently trickling down. Then another sprinkle hit him, and by the third one, he was so stunned, he forgot all about the jump.
A woman was standing before him a moment later, and she looked nothing like Irulan. Yes, she had Irulan's appearance and her attire..yet, her eyes spoke of a different spirit. The understanding grasped his mind, rather than the other way around and Aragorn shivered for no apparent reason. She had her staff on her left hand, held leisurely, while her right hand came up, palm facing him. Irulan took a step towards him, as if meaning to press him back, but remained with a safe distance between them. At the corner of his eyes he could see the front line of Uruks hesitating to continue with the attack in the face of what they had witnessed. Aragorn felt the sick need of laughing at the confusion on their ugly faces. 'They must look exactly like I do,' he thought. "Go," said Irulan, then, and her voice sounded flat and foreign. Instantly he remembered when he had heard it before...it was at the Falls of Rauros, right after Frodo had left. She had turned to him and said 'Lead, king of kings, and I shall follow,' and she had sounded like an inanimate object having found the power to speak.
"Leave!" said Irulan and the tone of command made his body move, although his mind shrieked for him to remain. He found himself leaping and his hands swiftly enclosed on the rope, with Gimli dangling from his arm. A part of him woke up then and screamed for him to instantly jump back. 'Fool!' it yelled to him, 'Fool! You left her behind! Go back, NOW!' He tried to turn his head to see her, but with his current position found that it was impossible to do so. His head went wildly up and down and he found Legolas at the end of the rope, pulling them in. The elf did not look better than Aragorn himself. His hands were frantically pulling the rope, working with others around him, but his blue eyes were glued on Irulan and the expression on his face spoke books.
"Let me down!" thundered Gimli and thrashed some more, "Aragorn! Irulan is back there, damn it!"
"I know!" was all he could find to yell back.
"Aaaarrggghh! That damn woman!" Gimli boomed and tried again. Fortunately they had almost reached the top of the wall and Aragorn forced his mind to stay clear as his arm encircled the dwarf even stronger to prevent his fall.
Irulan watched her friends being pulled away and only then did she slowly turn to face the Uruks. The fear and confusion that had set in on them was more delicious than any thing that she had tasted before. She had Shifted, yes, but in the tumult of the battle, not many had seen what was happening then. Now that she was the only person among them, her talent had become apparent and even orcs feared what their minds could not comprehend. Facing them, she turned her back to the fortress and shut it off from her world as if shutting off a distant memory. There were only herself and the Uruks, now. Her eyes glided over them, seeing their dense mass, but her brain did not wish to comprehend the number, any longer. It meant nothing. It was over. She could not escape. She would not die trying. She would Shift and face whatever came with that. She heard Legolas shouting her name frantically over and over again, but it was so distant and so unrelated to the moment, she quickly shut that voice off as well. The calmness caressed her like a gentle breeze, whispering pleadings for her to let it in.
'It is time, Irulan,' said the voice in her head then, 'and I can not deny that I have long waited for this moment. Your Fate awaits you.'
'I have dreamt of this,' Irulan said softly, reverting once more to a dialog with her alter ego.
'So you have,' it said back, 'and for far longer than you think. I remember, Irulan,' it whispered with slight excitement, 'since the very first day you have been given this gift, you have yearned for its loss. Since your first pace on this road, you have wished for the last step. Since the moment you broke your oath to the Sisters, you have desired the punishment. It is finally here. We shall have what we have come to find.'
'Yes!' she said softly and smiled an evil smile. The Uruks in the first row shot her another uneasy look.
'Ah, the pleasure of being complete! The lightness of reaching an ending! So much was denied us, Irulan! Now is the time to rise and shine for what we are.'
Irulan held up her staff horizontally in front her. 'Let the dance begin!' she thought with amusement and excitement taking a hold of her.
'Dance with me, Sister!' said the voice in her, and it sounded exactly like Hetaire.
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THE EDGE
The woman is perfected.
Her dead
Body wears the smile of accomplishment,
The illusion of a Greek necessity
Flows in the scrolls of her toga,
Her bare
Feet seem to be saying:
We have come so far, it is over.
Each dead child coiled, a white serpent,
One at each little
Pitcher of milk, now empty.
She has folded
Them back into her body as petals
Of a rose close when the garden
Stiffens and odors bleed
From the sweet, deep throats of the night flower.
The moon has nothing to be sad about,
Staring from her hood of bone.
She is used to this sort of thing.
Her blacks crackle and drag.
. Sylvia Plath
Another chapter. It seems like Helm's Deep is taking longer than I thought it would be. I do not know how much longer this will continue..but I think at least two more chapters would be a fair number.
As usual, I have received incredible mails, shouting of support and love. It is beyond any other feeling to know that my attachment and love for this story is shared by so many! I will not let you know of my decision until the end - since it would give away too much. For now, just read the story and enjoy the moment! And once more, though I wished to write personal thanks and answers to everyone, I had to choose between doing that and using that time to write the story itself. Needless to say that I chose the other. Perhaps I will have more time for the next chapter and find the opportunity to try to reply to your kind mails. Thank you once more. The number of the reviews has reached incredible limits and I know that this fact alone is drawing many new readers amongst us. I have received mails from them, too, and I consider them nothing else but new additions to our wonderful family.
The battle rages, angst continues. Ah...and the Haldir issue! Sigh...I HAD to kill him, my friends. And don't think I enjoyed it, cause that bold elf had earned my love, believe me! But think of it...his survival would bring a LOT of confusion to the issue of Eowyn and Faramir. After all, she will end up marrying the captain of Gondor. So why did I put in that small romance right there? Well...I am trying to establish something between mortals and elves and it might become clearer with later events. So, try to be patient. Besides, as much as we all loved him, Haldir would play no further part in this story, so as I have said before, his death does not change anything in the flow of the story. I, too, wish that they had granted a greater part to him. Alas....we are all like falling leaves, immortal or not, we fall and vanish.
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When they reached the site of the incident, her heart sank. The outer wall was indeed breached and the Uruks were storming in. Nothing would prevent the inevitable now. Nothing, except perhaps Gandalf. Her eyes scanned the dark horizons unconsciously, hoping to see his appearance. He had said that he would come at dawn on the fifth day. Maybe there was a chance that he would join them sooner than that? The dark seemed infinite and Gandalf's white glamour was nowhere to be seen. 'I guess he won't, then,' Irulan thought darkly as she sprinted towards the ruins of the wall.
Hope was leaving her like the tide leaving, kissing the rocks it has crept on for the last time and returning to the ocean. She would join Chemarit and Boromir, after all. And even though a part of her was sickened by the thought of it, Eomer, Eowyn, Theoden, Haldir, Aragorn, Gimli, Theodred, Legolas and Haldir would be with her. 'This day, a great many great men and women will leave Middle Earth never to return. This world is cursed!' she thought bitterly.
Irulan threw herself into the darkness and ran faster, ending lives to save other lives. This game of life and death had taken a very different turn ever since she has been on this quest. Where would the killing stop? When would the hate end? Nowhere and never. The world had witnessed countless battles before her. Millions had died for this or that cause. It would witness others after her memory was long lost. What was the point of fighting? What was the point of trying?
Unknown to her, Legolas was sharing very similar thoughts as he was trying to keep up with her while she disappeared and re-appeared, leaving him behind ever further. He was in Rohan, this very day, in a battle in Helm's Deep. Yet in his mind, Legolas was recalling all his seemingly endless years back in Mirkwood and all the other places he had been to. The battle did not taste the same. The slaying had no edge to it. Where was the purpose? What was the retribution? The world seemed to fall apart under his very own fingers and he was incapable of putting it together! And why should he? It obviously did not mean anything to anyone else.
Once more the wish to leave overcame him. He could not remember this desire calling out to him before as often as it was now. He felt the urge to throw away his bow, take Irulan's hand and run off with her somewhere where they could be alone and careless. More than that, he felt like sailing off with her from this very world itself. For it bore no peace any longer. It was not a good enough place for the precious bond they were sharing. This world had forgotten love and devotion - it did not welcome such values any longer. Maybe they were better off gone from it altogether.
"To the Keep!" shouted Aragorn over the tumult and brought him back to the present. He sighed unconsciously and once more postponed the fulfillment of his wishes. Maybe after this chaos he would get his chance. Irulan, too, heard Aragorn and turned around to see the last of the men running back. Her eyes locked with those of Legolas and she pointed in Gimli's direction, and yelled for him to take the dwarf back to the Keep. Gimli was so lost in his frenzy, he obviously had no intention of retreating. Even if he was still calm and sane, he would not retreat. Legolas nodded and jogged towards the dwarf. He found someone else to help him drag Gimli towards the Keep.
Irulan was just about to join them, when she caught Haldir with the corner of her eye and turned halfway to repeat Aragorn's words to him. But she never got that far. Haldir fell slowly and gracefully on his knees in front of her eyes and at that moment, Irulan could swear that she saw life leaving his beautiful eyes. For the first time ever, she Shifted without intending to or without being aware of it. One moment later she was by his side, spotted by the blood of the Uruk-hai who had dealt him the killing stroke that who now was falling to pieces behind her.
"Haldir," she said gently and caught him before he would collapse backwards. His head fell slightly back, no sign of pain or conflict on his features, only perhaps a slight confusion. "Haldir," she whispered again, her voice shaking with a mixture of feelings that were simply too much for her to comprehend at the moment. He blinked and turned to look at her. Despite all, he was beautiful - gifted with a grace that was simply a part of him. A flower amongst ruins. A flickering flame against the cold and dark tide.
"Irulan," he whispered and brought up his fingers to caress her cheeks. "Why are you so sad?"
"Haldir..I beg you..do not leave me!" she said hoarsely, feeling weak and useless in the face of Fate. She wished she could fight Fate. She wished she could confront this fickle creature with her staff and fight a decent battle. At least she would have a chance. But Fate, it seems, would not bother to change her ways for a mortal woman tonight. Oh no..Fate was only concerned about a grander scale of things; about a universe in which neither Irulan's name, nor the name of any other meant anything. A universe which was given birth to for much greater purposes...for things that surpassed all that would die here today and all who would continue to live. Fate had no intention of delving into as light matters as the life or survival of insignificant beings, or even their entire species.
"And I beg you...not to join me," Haldir said and he actually smiled. Irulan closed her eyes and touched his forehead with hers, begging for time, begging for a second chance, begging for a single way to change things. No, Fate was not interested. She felt the slight tremors of pain rising up in her, shaking her like some stupid leaf, left alone in the entire tree and refusing to fall to its inevitable destiny.
Irulan felt his soft cool fingers touching her cheek again and she snapped awake to look down to him once more. Only then did she see that Aragorn had joined them, crouching beside the elf he had known for far longer and trying to understand how such a thing was possible at all. "Irulan," said Haldir and smiled again. He looked like someone who would fall asleep soon, not someone who would die and thereby do something that ironically his entire kind was never meant to do. "Our ways part here." She continued her silent crying, tears rushing down to wet her tunic. "Alas, we shall meet again. You must take care of Legolas, Irulan," he said then, and surprised her by doing so. She swallowed softly and nodded, knowing not what he meant but only that she was in no state to talk. Haldir smiled, and she felt the odd sensation that he would have grinned if he could have. "I have never seen a more fitting couple."
"Aragorn," he said to the ranger, to which the other replied by leaning in closer.
"Yes, my friend?"
"You must return to this world what has been taken from it." The elf locked eyes with the king. "All who gaze upon you shall find it, Estel."
And with that, Haldir was gone. His body was still there, lying suspended in Irulan's arms, still warm from the battle. But the essence that had made him who he was, was gone. It was taken from them to be replaced to a far better place. Irulan cried harder, still not making a sound, and refused to let go of him. She clung harder and gently placed her forehead on his again. 'No,' said a voice in her, 'I will say no more farewells! I simply refuse to!'
Aragorn grabbed her forearm, first gently, and then harder when she did not react. He pushed himself up, his eyes scanning his surroundings for incoming attacks as his brain was still trying to grasp what had happened here in the blink of a few moments. Irulan, he realized, was not following. He pulled her harder, until she looked up, her brown eyes smudged with fury. "Get up, Irulan," he said gently, trying not to do anything that would push her into a drastic reaction. He unconsciously knew that if she decided not to follow him, Aragorn was incapable of making her do so. Irulan possessed a power that was far beyond his. The only thing that kept her tied to his will was the little bond she had established with him and her love and respect for him. It was the only reason she had stubbornly bent to his will.
Aragorn looked into her eyes and realized a sudden truth that he had been blind to, before. This was not a lovable, trustable, respectable girl. This was not the funny, adorable and often quite confusing princess that he had come to know. The truth was, before him a Darma Druid was kneeling. She was a legendary being. The only Darma Druid that had agreed to attend battle since long forgotten centuries. She was a bundle of dark and mysterious powers. And she was not bound to anyone. Irulan could shake him off this instant and walk away, and Aragorn -though he might try- would definitely fail to stop her.
Her eyes softened suddenly and she rose. "Aragorn," she whispered, looking back at the body that once belonged to a friend Aragorn would miss very much in the upcoming years. She swallowed softly and tried again. "Aragorn....so much death....so many partings. My heart will not take it any longer."
Aragorn walked up to her then and taking her face into his hands, surprised her by kissing her forehead. He looked like he was about to cry, himself. Irulan suddenly remembered the last time they had cried together, in the open and harsh plains of Rohan, under the setting sun, with the memory of a dying Arwen and Legolas haunting them. Uruk-hai, elves and men were in battle around them, but for Irulan, that had all stopped. She was painfully aware of the moment, and yet also distant from it. "Your heart is stronger than you think. It will take this and much more," whispered Aragorn and his words were like steel.
He took her hand then, and began running towards the Keep, pulling her behind him. Irulan did not resist or fight. She glanced back to see Haldir one last time, but in the frenzy of war, he was lost to her eyes. She ran with Aragorn, not really knowing where he was taking her. A new feeling was slowly swirling in the dark abyss of her torn feelings. She felt Rage raise her beautiful head, the red flames of her hair dancing with the winds of a silent storm. Irulan loved Rage. Rage was good. She was not treacherous or fickle like the other feelings. She was plain, open and clear-cut. Rage made her forget everything else and that was always good. Rage would lift the veil of desperation and sadness that had been threatening to suffocate her and Irulan would breathe once more.
Aragorn let go of her hand when they reached one of the smaller walls that encircled the inside of the Keep. Unconsciously her eyes danced around her .. 'So few made it,' she thought, not feeling really bitter or desperate any longer. She gritted her teeth and set her jaw.
"What is it, my love?" said Legolas from beside her and shot another deadly arrow. He could see the clouds in the dark skies of her irises, floating by and blocking the sun in there. That was not a good thing. If there was anything he found more painful a sight than Irulan's hurt, it was her despair.
"Haldir has parted from us," she whispered and turned to lock eyes with a stunned Legolas. They exchanged a long unreadable glance with each other, during which Legolas seemed to have forgotten all existence of the bow in his grasp, drawn to shoot. Finally he tore his eyes away, looking down to the Uruk-hai who were once more attempting to raise their ladders to the wall they were standing on.
He closed his eyes for a moment and exhaled softly. When he turned to look at her again, the stern and unforgiving look of war had replaced it. No doubt, Legolas was stabbed by the news, but had carefully blocked that route and would only let himself delve into that thought after all was over. Irulan smiled with admiration. Though she might have superior skills, Legolas was obviously much more experienced and he displayed it with every move.
She extended her staff and leaned over the wall to look down. The dark tide was coming back. It knew no wall, no barrier, no obstacle strong enough to stop its advance. No doubt that this wall would not hold it back, either. 'Eighty-two,' she thought absent-mindedly. 'I am far from reaching the number I have desired for this night!' Rage smiled and looked her in the eyes. Irulan smiled back. 'Oh no...I am VERY far from it,' she thought with sick amusement.
Suddenly she saw Aragorn and Gimli down there, amongst the Uruks. Her eyes widened with disbelief and she grabbed Legolas' arm so fast and so strong, he quickly turned to follow her gaze, to see what the matter was. "How the hell can they be outside?!" she yelled and it came out more like a desperate cry of fear, rather than a question. Legolas, too, looked pretty amazed at that.
He blinked and a moment later leaned closer to say "They are buying time for the men to repair the fallen gates, Irulan!" Irulan followed the direction his arm was pointing at and realized that he spoke the truth. Obviously the gates were breached.
"How dare they?!" she hissed between clenched teeth and shoved a raised ladder back so hard, it fell backwards, to the utter horror of the many Uruks perched on it.
She moved as to walk towards a closer spot, above Aragorn and Gimli, but Legolas grabbed her arm and forced her to look at him. "Irulan!" he shouted and slightly shook her to make sure that his message is reaching her. "Do not attempt anything foolish! Aragorn knows what he is doing. Let us find a rope to pull them back." To his surprise Irulan blinked and seemed to wake up. She nodded softly, a moment later again her arm shot out to turn the staff and slash another ladder leant against the wall. Legolas followed her movement, but did not delve on it too much, in fear that it would break the focus between them. He tentatively let go of her, but she did not run off. "I will find a rope. Stay here, Irulan!" he said and gave her another suspicious look. Irulan looked back with a blank expression and as much as he had come to hate that look on her beautiful face, it was still better than her wild side taking control of her senses.
He dared not linger longer and dashed away, leaving her alone with the rest of the men and elves on the wall. Irulan returned to her fight and tried to ignore the unbelievable urge to jump down and join the ranger and the dwarf who were right beneath her, now. She swirled her staff and kept hacking while she also tried to follow their state. An admiration rose in her. And pride. As ridiculous as it was, she felt like bloating with the thought that she was a close friend and actually a part of the fellowship these incredible men belonged to.
Suddenly Legolas was beside her and he threw the end of the rope down. Irulan stabbed another Uruk and sent him flying down before she cut through his ladder enough to make it collapse back. It had no use...for one ladder she sent down, three more were raised. She looked back over her shoulder and saw Aragorn trying to reach for the rope. However, the Uruks seemed to have grown wise to the intention of the two men and were charging now more persistently, determined not to give them the chance to escape. She observed Aragorn letting go of the rope once more, and returning to the battle. He grabbed Gimli by his armor and tried to pull him back again, but the incoming Uruks were upon them too quickly once more. Finally, the third time, Aragorn lifted up Gimli and decided to risk a jump.
Too late. The Uruks had already almost encircled them completely and he received a nasty punch on the side of his head before he found the chance to make the jump. His eyes widened with the anticipation of the coming blow of steel and his feet felt rooted, unable to move any longer. He felt Gimli squirming in his arms, trying to break free. And he was about to let go of the dwarf, surrendering to the moment, knowing that he would never find the time to raise his sword in defense, when something very odd happened. Suddenly the Uruks encircling him turned into a sprinkle of warm blood, that landed on his forehead, gently trickling down. Then another sprinkle hit him, and by the third one, he was so stunned, he forgot all about the jump.
A woman was standing before him a moment later, and she looked nothing like Irulan. Yes, she had Irulan's appearance and her attire..yet, her eyes spoke of a different spirit. The understanding grasped his mind, rather than the other way around and Aragorn shivered for no apparent reason. She had her staff on her left hand, held leisurely, while her right hand came up, palm facing him. Irulan took a step towards him, as if meaning to press him back, but remained with a safe distance between them. At the corner of his eyes he could see the front line of Uruks hesitating to continue with the attack in the face of what they had witnessed. Aragorn felt the sick need of laughing at the confusion on their ugly faces. 'They must look exactly like I do,' he thought. "Go," said Irulan, then, and her voice sounded flat and foreign. Instantly he remembered when he had heard it before...it was at the Falls of Rauros, right after Frodo had left. She had turned to him and said 'Lead, king of kings, and I shall follow,' and she had sounded like an inanimate object having found the power to speak.
"Leave!" said Irulan and the tone of command made his body move, although his mind shrieked for him to remain. He found himself leaping and his hands swiftly enclosed on the rope, with Gimli dangling from his arm. A part of him woke up then and screamed for him to instantly jump back. 'Fool!' it yelled to him, 'Fool! You left her behind! Go back, NOW!' He tried to turn his head to see her, but with his current position found that it was impossible to do so. His head went wildly up and down and he found Legolas at the end of the rope, pulling them in. The elf did not look better than Aragorn himself. His hands were frantically pulling the rope, working with others around him, but his blue eyes were glued on Irulan and the expression on his face spoke books.
"Let me down!" thundered Gimli and thrashed some more, "Aragorn! Irulan is back there, damn it!"
"I know!" was all he could find to yell back.
"Aaaarrggghh! That damn woman!" Gimli boomed and tried again. Fortunately they had almost reached the top of the wall and Aragorn forced his mind to stay clear as his arm encircled the dwarf even stronger to prevent his fall.
Irulan watched her friends being pulled away and only then did she slowly turn to face the Uruks. The fear and confusion that had set in on them was more delicious than any thing that she had tasted before. She had Shifted, yes, but in the tumult of the battle, not many had seen what was happening then. Now that she was the only person among them, her talent had become apparent and even orcs feared what their minds could not comprehend. Facing them, she turned her back to the fortress and shut it off from her world as if shutting off a distant memory. There were only herself and the Uruks, now. Her eyes glided over them, seeing their dense mass, but her brain did not wish to comprehend the number, any longer. It meant nothing. It was over. She could not escape. She would not die trying. She would Shift and face whatever came with that. She heard Legolas shouting her name frantically over and over again, but it was so distant and so unrelated to the moment, she quickly shut that voice off as well. The calmness caressed her like a gentle breeze, whispering pleadings for her to let it in.
'It is time, Irulan,' said the voice in her head then, 'and I can not deny that I have long waited for this moment. Your Fate awaits you.'
'I have dreamt of this,' Irulan said softly, reverting once more to a dialog with her alter ego.
'So you have,' it said back, 'and for far longer than you think. I remember, Irulan,' it whispered with slight excitement, 'since the very first day you have been given this gift, you have yearned for its loss. Since your first pace on this road, you have wished for the last step. Since the moment you broke your oath to the Sisters, you have desired the punishment. It is finally here. We shall have what we have come to find.'
'Yes!' she said softly and smiled an evil smile. The Uruks in the first row shot her another uneasy look.
'Ah, the pleasure of being complete! The lightness of reaching an ending! So much was denied us, Irulan! Now is the time to rise and shine for what we are.'
Irulan held up her staff horizontally in front her. 'Let the dance begin!' she thought with amusement and excitement taking a hold of her.
'Dance with me, Sister!' said the voice in her, and it sounded exactly like Hetaire.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
THE EDGE
The woman is perfected.
Her dead
Body wears the smile of accomplishment,
The illusion of a Greek necessity
Flows in the scrolls of her toga,
Her bare
Feet seem to be saying:
We have come so far, it is over.
Each dead child coiled, a white serpent,
One at each little
Pitcher of milk, now empty.
She has folded
Them back into her body as petals
Of a rose close when the garden
Stiffens and odors bleed
From the sweet, deep throats of the night flower.
The moon has nothing to be sad about,
Staring from her hood of bone.
She is used to this sort of thing.
Her blacks crackle and drag.
. Sylvia Plath