*THE TWISTED TALES OF SHAKESPEARE*

~The Lawyer of Venice~

Note: Ahem. I am truly sorry for anyone out there that is a lawyerI just needed something to go into the story. Other than thatheh hehit's not one of my best works. Not better than the Romea and Julian story, this one is just something I finished up when I was bored-not sugar high.


~*~

I was a lawyerI've always been a lawyerthat's when I saw her. She walked into my office with her boyfriend.

"I need help"

The lass said, okay. So she was my daughterand so she had a guy. Boy, I hated that boyfriend. Wish I could have choked the guy. Not that he wasn't a nice guy, he had his faults though. He'd bring home the sickest socks after a really long tennis match and leave them on my favorite chair, if that wasn't enough to make you puke. He'd eat garlic bread and anchovies.

He'd use my razor to shave the hair in between his toes. He'd 'forget' to wear deodorant. He'd squeeze the toothpaste from the middle of the tube. He'd crashed my computer about a thousand times. He'd burned down a few of my former houses. And he always seemed to be hanging on my daughter. But other than that, he was a fairly decent guy.

How my daughter could like him was beyond me, but that's another story.

"Charlie here has to give a pound of flesh to this guy, okay?"

"Okay." Boy, I'd like that. I'd hope that 'Charlie' would loose his blood from that big ol'flesh wound and die. Boy, life would be great.

"You get it?" He asked, (Charlie, I mean.)

"Yes."

"Eh?"

"Yes."

"Eh?"

"Yes."

"Eh?"

"YES YES YES! I GET IT OKAY?!?!?!??!?!!?!?!?!??!!?" Boy, that guy could make you loose your patience.

"And so" He paused, as though he was thinking very hard. My daughter whispered something in his ear. His face lit up, "I really to be killed? Okay?"

"Okay."

"Get it?"

"Yes."

"Eh?

"Yes."

"Eh?"

"Yes."

"Eh?"

"Yes!"

"Eh?"

"I GET IT!!!!!!!"

"You don't have to scream so loud pops" He whined.

Then, I started cackling, not because he was whining, oooooh nooo. I'd had enough of the whining. It was getting on my nerves.

I was laughing because I had suddenly rememberedI WAS THE ONE HE OWED THE POUND OF FLESH!

It stumped me on how the big lug had forgotten already just exactly WHO he owed that pound of flesh too. A person, normally, wouldn't forget something like that. I shrugged and turned to my daughter.

"He ate your moldy carrot collection and blew up my prized platinum coffee cup!" I told her, "I'm the one he owes a pound of flesh!"

Horror spread across her face, "He ATE my moldy carrot collection!?!?!?!?!"

"Don't forget the coffee cup." I added.

"He ate it?"

"Nohe blew it up with a nuke."

"Oh."

She then turned, and slapped her boyfriend.

I gurgled down the scene, like a thirsty squirrel in a river.

"HOW COULD YOU?!?" She screamed at him.

He finally reacted after 15.8 second, "Huh?"

Then, my daughter and I proceeded in a normal Father-Daughter activity in which we got our pound of flesh.

Lawsuits? I handled them. Remember, I'm a lawyer.