Ned, Nedd and Neddy
"A'right Ned, ye got the papers?" Neddy asked
"Aye Neddy, ah've got 'em. Like 6 apples in a pod." Ned replied.
"Riiiight. Um, Nedd, ye got that grass ready?" Neddy asked.
"Neddy, ye canna rush this. I mean we're pretty much copyin' Ed, Edd and Eddys scam for tacos, ain't we?" Nedd observed.
"Aye, but the kids dinnae know that. Plus, in Niddrie, cigarettes are the only thing that really sells."
"Aye Neddy, ye've got, like, a point there," Nedd admitted
"Thuree fer the home team by the way!"
Nedd and Neddy looked at each other. "Shut up Ned!"
Ah, there's echoes in them thar hills. Echoes of "Honour thy Ed", no? Yes, of course, the taco scam, but with a devious twist. Take: 1 matchbox; 10 bits of newspaper and a bit of grass in the middle (soaked in Bucky to give it that certain Je Ne Se Quois). Roll up said bits of paper, put in box and sell for 2 quid a packet. Simple. The Neds first scam, and not their last.
A girl in a tiny miniskirt was walking along, humming a tuneless little song. Her movement was irregular, as groups of boys wolf-whistled and she ran after them to give them a quick knee in the balls, but there was one she didn't notice, a strange, red headed boy with a bent cap and Kappa trainers and trousers tucked into his socks. He slowly sidled up closer to the girl and then pinched her butt and moved around in front of her. "So Skazz, like, do you wanna go tae Mcdonalds, hae a bite tae eat and catch a movie, then, you know."
She sighed and shook her blond head, then said; "Kevin, I said no unless you got 50 quid. Ye know ma faither wouldnae be happy if I came home without mah earnings."
"But Skazz, I'm really horny and a'. I just got mah first underarm hair, like, and I, well, I wanna be with you." Skazz punched him. He fell over, his nose bleeding.
"Kevin, ye know I'm in trouble with mah faither!" she screamed, beginning to sob. "I like ye, but mah dad would kill me if I went on a date without a boy paying an outrage - o'er the top fee. Ah'm sorry like." She sighed and walked off, seemingly regaining her cheerful composure as a car drove up beside her and a head leaned out to talk. She nodded a few times then got in the car. Kevin watched all this in horror as he heard moaning as the car went by. He shook his head and walked off, worried.
"So Ned hows sales in your sector?" Nedd asked.
"Happy, like." The big Ned beamed.
".I'll take that as pretty good, by the way. Neddy?" Nedd asked, turning to Neddy.
"Fuckin amazin'. Rashid bought like, six packs to feed tae his chickens, cos' he's a, total fuckin' weirdo foreigner and Chantelle bought the other four." NB: These aren't my views, they're merely appropriate for the story and will slowly be changed as it progresses
"Neddy, I'll get in shit if mum finds oot Chantelle smokes, she'll tell dad and he'll say "Get fucked woman, where's ma tea?" Ned said.
"HEY! NEDS! YA FUCKIN' FREAKS! GET OOT HERE! THESE CIGS ARE BULLSHIT!"
"Uh-oh. Chantelle ain't fuckin' happy man," Nedd said nervously." I advise, um, like, running, her air gun hurts"
"Good idea. BYEE"
"A'right Ned, ye got the papers?" Neddy asked
"Aye Neddy, ah've got 'em. Like 6 apples in a pod." Ned replied.
"Riiiight. Um, Nedd, ye got that grass ready?" Neddy asked.
"Neddy, ye canna rush this. I mean we're pretty much copyin' Ed, Edd and Eddys scam for tacos, ain't we?" Nedd observed.
"Aye, but the kids dinnae know that. Plus, in Niddrie, cigarettes are the only thing that really sells."
"Aye Neddy, ye've got, like, a point there," Nedd admitted
"Thuree fer the home team by the way!"
Nedd and Neddy looked at each other. "Shut up Ned!"
Ah, there's echoes in them thar hills. Echoes of "Honour thy Ed", no? Yes, of course, the taco scam, but with a devious twist. Take: 1 matchbox; 10 bits of newspaper and a bit of grass in the middle (soaked in Bucky to give it that certain Je Ne Se Quois). Roll up said bits of paper, put in box and sell for 2 quid a packet. Simple. The Neds first scam, and not their last.
A girl in a tiny miniskirt was walking along, humming a tuneless little song. Her movement was irregular, as groups of boys wolf-whistled and she ran after them to give them a quick knee in the balls, but there was one she didn't notice, a strange, red headed boy with a bent cap and Kappa trainers and trousers tucked into his socks. He slowly sidled up closer to the girl and then pinched her butt and moved around in front of her. "So Skazz, like, do you wanna go tae Mcdonalds, hae a bite tae eat and catch a movie, then, you know."
She sighed and shook her blond head, then said; "Kevin, I said no unless you got 50 quid. Ye know ma faither wouldnae be happy if I came home without mah earnings."
"But Skazz, I'm really horny and a'. I just got mah first underarm hair, like, and I, well, I wanna be with you." Skazz punched him. He fell over, his nose bleeding.
"Kevin, ye know I'm in trouble with mah faither!" she screamed, beginning to sob. "I like ye, but mah dad would kill me if I went on a date without a boy paying an outrage - o'er the top fee. Ah'm sorry like." She sighed and walked off, seemingly regaining her cheerful composure as a car drove up beside her and a head leaned out to talk. She nodded a few times then got in the car. Kevin watched all this in horror as he heard moaning as the car went by. He shook his head and walked off, worried.
"So Ned hows sales in your sector?" Nedd asked.
"Happy, like." The big Ned beamed.
".I'll take that as pretty good, by the way. Neddy?" Nedd asked, turning to Neddy.
"Fuckin amazin'. Rashid bought like, six packs to feed tae his chickens, cos' he's a, total fuckin' weirdo foreigner and Chantelle bought the other four." NB: These aren't my views, they're merely appropriate for the story and will slowly be changed as it progresses
"Neddy, I'll get in shit if mum finds oot Chantelle smokes, she'll tell dad and he'll say "Get fucked woman, where's ma tea?" Ned said.
"HEY! NEDS! YA FUCKIN' FREAKS! GET OOT HERE! THESE CIGS ARE BULLSHIT!"
"Uh-oh. Chantelle ain't fuckin' happy man," Nedd said nervously." I advise, um, like, running, her air gun hurts"
"Good idea. BYEE"