A/N: One more chapter after this.
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This chapter is called "Missing You".
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DISCLAIMER: I don't own any of the characters or anything.
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A couple weeks had passed. Jake hadn't seen much of Penny. Sure, she was at work, but she never visited him in his office anymore. In fact, she was actually working now. Jake had always wished that she would actually do her job, but now he wasn't so sure. He missed her. He missed her insults, her jokes, her smile, her. Not having her there was killing him. He needed her friendship.
A few days ago, Dylan had come to ask him what had happened with Penny. He had just told her things didn't work out. She sort of placed the blame on Penny, but Jake told her it was his fault. He messed up. But for some reason, he wasn't so sure she believed him.
Jake was mad at himself for messing things up. He was mad at himself for still liking Dylan, for hurting Penny, for everything. And he was paying the price.
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Penny hadn't really talked to Jake that much lately. She didn't know what to say to him. Was she supposed to pretend like nothing had ever happened? Like she was fine? Well, that's what the old Penny would've done. She had hid her feelings for Jake and when he had talked of how much he loved Dylan, she pretended it didn't matter to her.
But it had. And this did too. She just couldn't go back to the way things were no matter how much she missed him. She wanted their friendship back, but she couldn't get past her resentment for what he had done to her.
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Jake knew he should go talk to Penny and try and make things better. He also knew that if he did so, he'd somehow mess things up even more. He didn't want to do that, but he wasn't sure he had another choice. He wanted Penny back, and he had to make the first step. He goes and opens the door.
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Penny sort of liked her job. She had always hated it, but now that she was actually doing the work, it wasn't so bad.
Of course, there was one thing that would make it better: if she could just feel comfortable around Jake again. But since he wasn't talking to her either, she'd have to make the first move. She stands up and walks towards his office door, just as he opens it.
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Jake was surprised to see Penny standing at his door.
"Hey," he says.
"Hey," she replies. "Um, mind if I come in?"
"Not at all," says Jake. He lets her in and closes the door after her. He watches her as she sits on his couch and looks at the floor. There was an awkward silence.
"I'm sorry," they both say, looking up at each other.
"Wait, why are you sorry?" asks Jake, surprised.
"Because," says Penny. "I shouldn't have expected you to get over her so fast."
"Penny, it was my fault. If I wasn't over Dylan, I shouldn't have started anything with you. I messed up," Jake tells her.
"Well, yeah, you did, but I should've known that it was gonna happen. I mean, we couldn't last," she replies.
"Why not?" asks Jake curiously.
"Because, I mean, look at us. We're completely opposite. I think I just got a little bit ahead of myself. So I'm sorry for making such a big deal about it," Penny says.
"Alright." says Jake, a little confused. "I guess."
"You guess what?" asks Penny.
"I just," he begins, but doesn't continue. He didn't see a reason why him and Penny couldn't last other than the fact that he still liked Dylan. But he wasn't gonna be so stupid as to say anything about it. He doesn't want to upset her or make her think that he wants to try dating with her again. He doesn't want to. at least, he thinks he doesn't. No.
"You just.?" Penny interrupts his thoughts.
"Oh, um, nevermind," he says.
"Okay," says Penny, suspiciously. "Well, anyway, we're cool".
"Okay, great," says Jake, smiling. "I just want you to know that, in the future, when I mess up at get you mad at me, I'll be much quicker to attempt at a good apology".
Penny smiles. "Good thinking. So, I guess I'll be going then". She stands up and walks towards the door.
"Wait," says Jake, "Come sit for a bit. I want to ask you something".
"Okay," says Penny. She takes a seat on the other side of his desk. He sits across from her. "What do you wanna ask me?"
"Um, was Dylan bothering you about what happened between us?" he asks her.
"Why?" asks Penny annoyed. 'More Dylan,' she thinks. 'Doesn't Jake know when to shut up?'
"Well, because, when she asked me what happened, I told her things didn't work out. And I kind of got the feeling that she thought it was your fault, so-"
"Didn't bother to tell her otherwise?" asks Penny.
"No, I did tell her otherwise. I told her that it was my fault, but I don't think she believed me. So if she bothers you or anything, tell me, and I'll tell her to stop".
Penny shakes her head. "Yes, because I can't tell her to stop by myself. Sometimes I think you don't even know who I am".
"What do you mean?" he asks her, confused.
"Just, nevermind," she replies. She decides to not get into it right now. "Is there anything else you need to ask me before I leave?"
"Um, yes, actually," replies Jake.
"What?" she asks, waiting for another Dylan question.
"What is it that you wanted?" Jake asks her.
"What are you talking about?" asks Penny, confused.
"A while back. you told me that I didn't know what I wanted, and you said that you did. What did you want?"
"I told you," says Penny, looking at him.
"No you didn't. You told me what you didn't want," replies Jake.
"Exactly," says Penny, "and by telling you what I didn't want, you should know what I did".
"Oh," says Jake, looking at the floor.
"Yeah," says Penny, doing the same.
"So is that what you still want?" he asks her, looking up.
"That's all I've ever wanted," replies Penny, meeting his eyes. There is a long pause. "But, it doesn't matter, because I'll never get it," she says, standing up.
"Yes you will," says Jake, also standing. "Penny, you're so. so."
"So what?" she asks him.
"Beautiful," he answers her with a smile.
"Yeah, right," says Penny, breaking the stare, beginning to pace around his office.
"No, really. Penny, you're so wonderful. I mean-"
"Can you not do this?" asks Penny, turning to him.
"Do what?" asks Jake obliviously.
"Start with your compliments, and your romance. I'm sick of just being played around with. I'm a person too, Jake. I have feelings, even if I don't always show them. You just can't change your mind about me every time you think you've given up on Dylan".
"Penny, that's not what I'm doing," Jake tells her.
"Look, Jake, I wanted to be with you. But you couldn't accept the fact that I'm not the perfect girl who is always wonderful. The one who always says the right thing. The thoughtful, pretty one who is so perfect that she doesn't even realize that she is anything special to anyone. You couldn't get past it that I'm not that girl, and I'm not Dylan. So if you think I'm going to change and become that girl, then just stop it, because no matter how much I hate myself for being so stupid as to fall in love with you, I will not change the person I am".
Penny looks really upset. Jake steps towards her and kisses her. She knew that she should push him away, but she couldn't. She didn't want to be hurt again, killed again by the only man she's ever loved, but she just couldn't pull away. She wasn't strong enough. She needed him after all.
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A/N: The thing that Penny told Jake she didn't want is in Chapter 3, "Blue". What she didn't want was to be somebody's second choice.
---------------------------
This chapter is called "Missing You".
---------------------------
DISCLAIMER: I don't own any of the characters or anything.
---------------------------
A couple weeks had passed. Jake hadn't seen much of Penny. Sure, she was at work, but she never visited him in his office anymore. In fact, she was actually working now. Jake had always wished that she would actually do her job, but now he wasn't so sure. He missed her. He missed her insults, her jokes, her smile, her. Not having her there was killing him. He needed her friendship.
A few days ago, Dylan had come to ask him what had happened with Penny. He had just told her things didn't work out. She sort of placed the blame on Penny, but Jake told her it was his fault. He messed up. But for some reason, he wasn't so sure she believed him.
Jake was mad at himself for messing things up. He was mad at himself for still liking Dylan, for hurting Penny, for everything. And he was paying the price.
---------------------------
Penny hadn't really talked to Jake that much lately. She didn't know what to say to him. Was she supposed to pretend like nothing had ever happened? Like she was fine? Well, that's what the old Penny would've done. She had hid her feelings for Jake and when he had talked of how much he loved Dylan, she pretended it didn't matter to her.
But it had. And this did too. She just couldn't go back to the way things were no matter how much she missed him. She wanted their friendship back, but she couldn't get past her resentment for what he had done to her.
---------------------------
Jake knew he should go talk to Penny and try and make things better. He also knew that if he did so, he'd somehow mess things up even more. He didn't want to do that, but he wasn't sure he had another choice. He wanted Penny back, and he had to make the first step. He goes and opens the door.
---------------------------
Penny sort of liked her job. She had always hated it, but now that she was actually doing the work, it wasn't so bad.
Of course, there was one thing that would make it better: if she could just feel comfortable around Jake again. But since he wasn't talking to her either, she'd have to make the first move. She stands up and walks towards his office door, just as he opens it.
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Jake was surprised to see Penny standing at his door.
"Hey," he says.
"Hey," she replies. "Um, mind if I come in?"
"Not at all," says Jake. He lets her in and closes the door after her. He watches her as she sits on his couch and looks at the floor. There was an awkward silence.
"I'm sorry," they both say, looking up at each other.
"Wait, why are you sorry?" asks Jake, surprised.
"Because," says Penny. "I shouldn't have expected you to get over her so fast."
"Penny, it was my fault. If I wasn't over Dylan, I shouldn't have started anything with you. I messed up," Jake tells her.
"Well, yeah, you did, but I should've known that it was gonna happen. I mean, we couldn't last," she replies.
"Why not?" asks Jake curiously.
"Because, I mean, look at us. We're completely opposite. I think I just got a little bit ahead of myself. So I'm sorry for making such a big deal about it," Penny says.
"Alright." says Jake, a little confused. "I guess."
"You guess what?" asks Penny.
"I just," he begins, but doesn't continue. He didn't see a reason why him and Penny couldn't last other than the fact that he still liked Dylan. But he wasn't gonna be so stupid as to say anything about it. He doesn't want to upset her or make her think that he wants to try dating with her again. He doesn't want to. at least, he thinks he doesn't. No.
"You just.?" Penny interrupts his thoughts.
"Oh, um, nevermind," he says.
"Okay," says Penny, suspiciously. "Well, anyway, we're cool".
"Okay, great," says Jake, smiling. "I just want you to know that, in the future, when I mess up at get you mad at me, I'll be much quicker to attempt at a good apology".
Penny smiles. "Good thinking. So, I guess I'll be going then". She stands up and walks towards the door.
"Wait," says Jake, "Come sit for a bit. I want to ask you something".
"Okay," says Penny. She takes a seat on the other side of his desk. He sits across from her. "What do you wanna ask me?"
"Um, was Dylan bothering you about what happened between us?" he asks her.
"Why?" asks Penny annoyed. 'More Dylan,' she thinks. 'Doesn't Jake know when to shut up?'
"Well, because, when she asked me what happened, I told her things didn't work out. And I kind of got the feeling that she thought it was your fault, so-"
"Didn't bother to tell her otherwise?" asks Penny.
"No, I did tell her otherwise. I told her that it was my fault, but I don't think she believed me. So if she bothers you or anything, tell me, and I'll tell her to stop".
Penny shakes her head. "Yes, because I can't tell her to stop by myself. Sometimes I think you don't even know who I am".
"What do you mean?" he asks her, confused.
"Just, nevermind," she replies. She decides to not get into it right now. "Is there anything else you need to ask me before I leave?"
"Um, yes, actually," replies Jake.
"What?" she asks, waiting for another Dylan question.
"What is it that you wanted?" Jake asks her.
"What are you talking about?" asks Penny, confused.
"A while back. you told me that I didn't know what I wanted, and you said that you did. What did you want?"
"I told you," says Penny, looking at him.
"No you didn't. You told me what you didn't want," replies Jake.
"Exactly," says Penny, "and by telling you what I didn't want, you should know what I did".
"Oh," says Jake, looking at the floor.
"Yeah," says Penny, doing the same.
"So is that what you still want?" he asks her, looking up.
"That's all I've ever wanted," replies Penny, meeting his eyes. There is a long pause. "But, it doesn't matter, because I'll never get it," she says, standing up.
"Yes you will," says Jake, also standing. "Penny, you're so. so."
"So what?" she asks him.
"Beautiful," he answers her with a smile.
"Yeah, right," says Penny, breaking the stare, beginning to pace around his office.
"No, really. Penny, you're so wonderful. I mean-"
"Can you not do this?" asks Penny, turning to him.
"Do what?" asks Jake obliviously.
"Start with your compliments, and your romance. I'm sick of just being played around with. I'm a person too, Jake. I have feelings, even if I don't always show them. You just can't change your mind about me every time you think you've given up on Dylan".
"Penny, that's not what I'm doing," Jake tells her.
"Look, Jake, I wanted to be with you. But you couldn't accept the fact that I'm not the perfect girl who is always wonderful. The one who always says the right thing. The thoughtful, pretty one who is so perfect that she doesn't even realize that she is anything special to anyone. You couldn't get past it that I'm not that girl, and I'm not Dylan. So if you think I'm going to change and become that girl, then just stop it, because no matter how much I hate myself for being so stupid as to fall in love with you, I will not change the person I am".
Penny looks really upset. Jake steps towards her and kisses her. She knew that she should push him away, but she couldn't. She didn't want to be hurt again, killed again by the only man she's ever loved, but she just couldn't pull away. She wasn't strong enough. She needed him after all.
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A/N: The thing that Penny told Jake she didn't want is in Chapter 3, "Blue". What she didn't want was to be somebody's second choice.