DISCLAMER:
Katie: *sobs uncontrollably and hugs Legolas action figure and anything else she has having to do with him.* I..don't…own…ANY OF THEM!!! WAHHHHH!!!!!!
Emily: *pats Katie's shoulder, look of terror on her face* She'll be fine…I think…
Legolas: *_* Get on with it crazy fangirl.
Katie: *stops sobbing and looks up.* Oh yeah. Well, here it is. R&R peeps. Remember, if you don't, you must sleep sometime!! *cackles evilly* This is my first fanfic so don't be too harsh…Hey…COME BACK HERE ELF!!
Legolas: *tries to get away. Katie attacks and stuffs him in her backpack.*
Emily: *looks at Katie* How come I can't do that to Aragorn?
Aragorn: Because I'll kill you if you do.
Emily: Okay…*shifty glance. Stuffs unsuspecting Ranger in her backpack.*
Special Note From the Author: This fanfiction is a hazard to your health and if you are a pregnant woman or are a very small child I suggest you not read this because it may just get scary…I know the begin is a little boring, but work with me. I'll have more random outbursts and such as I go along. I hope. Oh, and, "Good morning sunshine daisies, say hello to the thunder heads waiting to strike you dead!"
This also doesn't follow the movie or story plot. It's a little bit of both really. Sometimes I just add in whatever I feel like. You don't like it, DON'T READ IT.
Chapter Eleven: Do They HAVE to Be That Great?
Chapter Eleven: Do They HAVE to Be That Great?
"I feel an extremely big urge to start shouting random things," I said nonchalantly as we trudged through the forest. We had been walking (at least that's what Aragorn called it. We were REALLY running-slash-walking) for at least a few hours.
"Please don't," Emily groaned.
"THE NEON NAZIS ARE AFTER US!!"
"What did I say about getting into the sugar and caffeine store? And it's Orcs, not neon nazis."
"They don't HAVE, sugar or caffeine in Middle Earth, Emily dear," I said and let out a dry, fake sob. Emily clamped her hand over my mouth and I bit her finger. She drew her hand away in a hurry, sending me a disgusted look.
"I'm hanging up," she said and turned her nose up,
"For the last time, WE'RE NOT ON THE PHONE," I said firmly and forcefully. I really need to invest in a straight jacket for her. You never know when those kinds of people can get...violent.
"Would you both hold your tongues?" Gimli grumbled.
"If you give us a good reason."
"There's always the fact that there might still be Orcs following us," he growled and I shut up. Yes, I annoyed at all costs, except my life. That I need to save or else my attempts to make the world strange and demented would be worthless. So we traveled in silence for the next fifteen minutes, before I couldn't stand it any longer.
"Do you think the Neon Nazis are behind us still?" I asked. Legolas reached over and clamped his hand over my mouth.
"Bite me, and you'll be sorry," he warned. I nodded and he took his hand away, frowning at my smirking face. Words are not the only way to pest, Elf Boy.
I did keep my silence a whole hour. To amuse myself, I casually went from Emily, to Legolas, to Aragorn, to Gimli, doing small things (like poking for example) to get on their nerves. I was careful not to let them see me do anything, but of course, they suspected me. Darn it.
"Do I need to tie you up again?" Legolas asked sweetly. Emily began to furiously nod her head.
"Emily did it," I lied, putting on the most innocent face I could muster.
"I did not! How can I poke myself in the head?"
"By simply reaching back and poking yourself maybe? Seriously, Elf Boy, it was her. She's always doing to really evil things. I do the evilest things. Wait. I just admitted, didn't I?" Legolas was about to reply when I saw a bright flash of light erupt in front of our company. I shielded my eyes against the sudden source of light in front of me, squinting to see what it was. Slowly, I blinked away the lights in my eyes. Someone's blinding me…How rude.
Before us was a flashing…rip in the air. There was no other way to explain it. It seemed to give off an ethereal glow. I raised my eyebrows at Emily, who shrugged. It looked like a normal portal people usually got. Except this one had a flashing sign suspended over it, saying, "This Way To Modern Earth. Small Rodents And Pencil Shavings Not Allowed Inside Portal. Please Don't Follow The Lights." Uh…okay?
"Dude, it's like…a portal…" Emily said in awe. I blinked again. This must be a sign from God or something. Suddenly, another sign popped up over the other one. It read, "Actually, it's not just any sign. It's a flashing sign." AK! SOMEONE'S READING MY MIND! This time a voice entered my mind. Sort of like Galadriel's. Only not so girly… "I'm God. I know all and see all. What'd you expect?"
'A warning, that'd be nice. Who is messing with my mind anyway?'
"I'm not messing with your mind. I'm giving you a choice. I thought I made you smarter than that, Kaitlin."
'Dude, only my mom and dad call me Kaitlin…Do I have a stalker in Middle Earth that some how knows everything about me?'
"I know a lot of things, Kaitlin. I created you, after all."
'Uhhh…'
"I also sent you here."
'I'm going insane. How lovely…'
"Why are you so quick to not believe me?"
'Well, ever since that one person sat on my head when I was four, I've never really liked people. Emily doesn't count because she's an alien.'
"That was your fault. I gave you a mouth to speak. You could have told the girl to get off, you know."
'It was not my fault!'
"It was too."
'Why am I arguing with myself?'
"I dislike it when people try to say they are me, you know. It's not very appreciated when people impersonate them."
'What? Oh nevermind…So, if you really ARE God, then what's this choice deal you're talking about?'
"It's a portal to Earth. Think about it."
'You're rude, you know that, right?'
"Sorry, long day."
'Bummer.'
"Yep. Had to deal with more people popping up in the other universes."
'Other universes?'
"I had two today… One was that wizard place…Warthog?"
'Hogwarts.'
"You mortals think up such odd names for these places."
'Thank you. Anyway, so, if we wanna go home, we gotta go through the portal?'
"What do you think."
'Yes?'
"Brilliant child you are. It comes naturally…"
'Yeah. Do we gotta choose to stay or go now?'
"It'd be nice. I'm a very busy guy."
'How busy?'
"Busy."
'Uh…can you pop it up again in another two hours or so? So we can decided and stuff?'
"Oh fine…sometimes I regret creating you people finicky."
'Your fault, not ours.'
"You don't have to remind me."
'Yes I do. It's my job.'
"No it's not. I should know. I'll be back later. Think about it hard, Kaitlin. And for heaven's sake, leave the poor Elf alone for a while."
'I'll think about it.'
"Good."
'One question…'
"What?"
'What's with the no-flying rule on penguins?'
"Well, the test flights didn't go too well…Let's just say I've still got people cleaning up the splats."
'Oh…I see…Well, later.'
"Toodles."
"Dude, that's so cool, God says 'toodles' too!" I exclaimed and clapped my hands happily. There was no doubt in my mind I was having a conversation with God…I never envisioned Him so…normal though. Oh well.
"Uhhh…Katie, I really worry about what you do when we go out into La La Land," Emily said with raised eyebrows.
"Who is this god you speak of?" Gimli asked suspiciously.
"It's God. Not god. He's special so He gets His name capitalized."
"Are you speaking of Eru?" Legolas inquired.
"Uhhhh…no?" I didn't explain. It would not be good to try and change the little Middle Earthians' religion. No it would not. So I won't. I pulled Emily aside, ignoring the other three's questions. The portal was still blinking and flashing. I quickly explained my conversation. She was skeptical and didn't believe me at first. But she had nothing else TO believe, so in the end she listened to me.
"So…are we going or not?" she asked slowly. I sighed and cast my gaze upward.
"Why does my life get difficult in the worst places? I was happily poking—crud, I just admitted being guilty again—and then He's gotta pop up and tell me I either have to leave or stay," I moaned and laid down. Legolas's head appeared in front of me, holding a frown on his face.
"Come. We cannot stop and rest. We must continue after Merry and Pippin," he said and I started to protest, but he stopped me. "You and Emily can decide among the two of you as we go along. We shall not bother you." I sighed and scrambled to my feet, dusting myself off.
"Then why do I find myself envisioning me being tied up and then hung over a tall cliff?" I said sarcastically and fell back to walk with Emily. She let out a long breath.
"Well, what now?" she asked gingerly. Jack let out a little whine, sensing that neither of us were very happy.
"I don't know. I don't want to leave but I don't want to stay," I told her. She nodded knowingly. We lapsed into silence. I weighed my options carefully. True, I was already eighteen and had only half a year till I graduated from high school. Then I guess I would go off to college. I found myself wondering how I could deal with the fact that I'd passed up the chance of living in Middle Earth.
If I stayed I would definitely miss my family. I would have to suffer from the fact that I'd never see them again. I realized now more than ever that I would have a hard time leaving my family no matter what; whether I stayed in Middle Earth, went to college, got a job and a new home...There were too many ways of leaving them. I was soon confused and deep within my thoughts.
Emily suddenly grabbed arm and yanked me back on track. I had almost ran into a tree. I grumbled and glared at her grinning face. I heard deep laughter in my head. Grrr…He shouldn't laugh at His peoples. It's rude. Emily didn't say anything though, and continued going along in quiet solitude. Aragorn then called for a break up ahead. Emily trotted up to join the three others and I followed slowly, still thinking. Small tidbits of food were passed out as a late lunch and an early dinner.
"What to do, what to do," I murmured, then realized I had thought out loud.
"No matter which course of action you chose, we'll understand," Legolas assured me. Why do these guys have to be so great? They do know how hard they were making it. I realized that, through all my mindless random talk and near death experiences, they'll always be my friends. Despite the fact that I was younger and more inexperienced, and insane, and annoying they went past all that.
In my head I listed all the things I would miss from home. Computer. Books. Family. Cats. Movies. Food. I lost count after a while. I wondered where I'd be fifteen years from now if I went back to my home. I don't know why, but I suddenly saw an image of an older me, an older version of my brother Andy sitting around next to me. A small boy and a girl were standing in front of me, looking at the book I had in my hands. Lord of the Rings. Would I ever get through this thing?
'Maybe I could toss myself off a mountain and get it over with,' I mused absently. Suddenly, I knew what my decision was. It was it or I would die knowing I had made the wrong choice. How could I even have thought to chose that life over the other?
~~~~~~~~~~~~
AN FOR REWRITTEN PART
Yeah…I rewrote this one and the next chapter cause they (quite frankly) sucked. Plus I needed them to fit with the story line. Sorry if anyone is offended for some reason by the whole part with God. And, God, if YOU'RE offended, sorry too…But He needed an appearance. Seriously…
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Even I don't know what will happen...okay, maybe I do. *evil laughter* I may have to change something from the last chapter. I dunno if I'll be doing a TTT and RoTK seeing as how this may turn out.
As always, flames will be sent to revive Bob.
Minor note, I know I said before that Emily and Katie in the story are 17 but for my purposes now, I have magiclly with my my surperior author powers have changed them into 18 year olds. Just thought I ought to explain that...
O.B.I.M: Are you sure you're as insane as I am? I find that highly unlikely. You might be nearly as insane though. ^_^
TASAKAPEOTKAUU: Hmm...I never thought about that. Let's say he was too preoccupied. With Man-Freak—Excuse me, BOROMIR, dying and Merry and Pippin being carried off, it's hard not to be preoccupied...right? NO CHILD!! NEVER ADMIT TO THE POSSIBLITY THAT LEGGY IS NOT REAL!! For, young grasshopper, he lives in Tolkien Land, which is in another dimension where he and his other LOTR buddies reside in peace away from the insane fangirls (and the pervy, annoying, *cough* MARY SUE *cough* ones). But soon they shall be doomed...bwhahahaha...And Man-Freak (not even gonna TRY correcting myself) deserves a vacation...
Dy: YAY!!! Go forth and spread the name "Fuzzy Monkeys!"
Katani Petitedra: Bendy straws? WHERE? NOOOO!!! THEY'RE IN LEAGUE WITH THE NEON NAZIS FROM NEPAL!!! Hmmm...*raises eyebrow* Have you ever knock yourself out for a lolly pop? Put an electric mixer in the dishwasher? Dyed your own mouth black with multiple colors of food color? I thought so. But I am happy to inform you that your still wonder and insane! ^_^ *runs off muttering about bunny slippers launching an attack on Berma*
Surfer-Gurl: Me loves Gollum! I can sing his whole song!! YAY!!!
saiyan-girl-cheetah: OOPS. Katie is such a bad girl...You put Catz in after that so I thought that's what you signed it. FORGIVE ME!! Lol. You're such a loyal person...I don't mind as long as you stay away from the Lego Safe. *sits on her safe. Screams are heard from inside.* Excuse me, I must comfort my Elf. *evil laughter*