DISCLAMER:
Katie: *sobs uncontrollably and hugs Legolas action figure and anything else she has having to do with him.* I..don't…own…ANY OF THEM!!! WAHHHHH!!!!!!
Emily: *pats Katie's shoulder, look of terror on her face* She'll be fine…I think…
Legolas: *_* Get on with it crazy fangirl.
Katie: *stops sobbing and looks up.* Oh yeah. Well, here it is. R&R peeps. Remember, if you don't, you must sleep sometime!! *cackles evilly* This is my first fanfic so don't be too harsh…Hey…COME BACK HERE ELF!!
Legolas: *tries to get away. Katie attacks and stuffs him in her backpack.*
Emily: *looks at Katie* How come I can't do that to Aragorn?
Aragorn: Because I'll kill you if you do.
Emily: Okay…*shifty glance. Stuffs unsuspecting Ranger in her backpack.*
Special Note From the Author: This fanfiction is a hazard to your health and if you are a pregnant woman or are a very small child I suggest you not read this because it may just get scary…I know the begin is a little boring, but work with me. I'll have more random outbursts and such as I go along. I hope. Oh, and, "Good morning sunshine daisies, say hello to the thunder heads waiting to strike you dead!"
This also doesn't follow the movie or story plot. It's a little bit of both really. Sometimes I just add in whatever I feel like. You don't like it, DON'T READ IT.
Chapter Twelve: Tolkien Never Saw It Coming
"Lalalalalalala…"
'Back again?'
"You betcha. Well? What is the verdict?"
'Can I stay for now?'
"What's that supposed to mean?"
'Well…for a little while? Then, you know, we can strike a deal later?'
"Who said I would agree to any deals?"
'No one…Please?'
"Alright, alright…"
'AWESOME! See, I always told everyone you were forgiving and merciful and nifty and cool and so on and so on.'
"Well, it's nice to know you appreciate me."
'Isn't it though?'
"I'll speak with you in the future, Kaitlin."
'Okies. One thing.'
"Again?"
'Yeppers. Can I call you Billy Bob?'
"…No."
'Why not?'
"Because."
'Because why?'
"Do you WANT to be struck with a lightning bolt?"
'Not really…'
"Then accept the facts and move on."
'I can do that.'
"Glad to hear it. See yah."
'Later, dude.'
"Toodles."
"Well, Neon Nazi resistors, I now demand you welcome one of the newest citizens to Middle Earth," I said and received four blank stares from Man, Elf, Dwarf, and Valar. "That means I'm staying, nitwits." Legolas's face lit up. Holy cow, that's a first. He suddenly grabbed me and hugged me tightly. I glared at him, but found I didn't really mind.
"Elf Boy...Katie needs to breathe...Please?" I said and he let go, looking slightly embarrassed. "I hope you know that I will make you regret this day for the rest of your miserable lives. And Elf Boy, if you die any time soon before I can unleash my ultimate annoyance drill, then you will be sorry." He grinned wryly at me.
"Well, Wallace, shall you desert your life long friend—Or at least for as long as I've known you—and stay in Tolkien Land, or will you 'diminish, and go into the West, and remain Galadriel!'" I said, mimicking Galadriel's voice in the movie. She glared at me, and seemed to be thinking for a minute.
"I—I'm staying," she said finally and slowly, looking up. I clapped and hugged her, attempting to suffocate her.
"Elf Stalker...Emily needs to breathe...Please?" she mimicked me and I let go to hit her on the head. Lights blinked in front of my eyes.
"Stop hitting Emily."
'Okay, okay, sorry…God…'
"Yeah, I AM God, and you better remember it, pal."
"I wish He wouldn't do that," I mumbled and blinked several times to clear my eyesight. "Listen, kids, if I die and I don't go back, then Emily you get PC. And if Emily dies, then Legolas gets to take care of the cat. And if he dies then—"
"We understand, little r'aug," Legolas assured me and grinned. I swiped my hand at him. Aragorn stepped over and placed his hand on Emily's shoulder.
"I am over-joyed that you are both staying with us," he said and looked up quickly at his expression to see if he was telling the truth. He was. "But we must press onward. I fear we may never catch up to Merry and Pippin if we do not hurry." He smiled slightly at Emily and I, then he, with Gimli at his side (who wanted to get a head start since he was such a slow runner) started to walk away. Legolas followed, then Emily and I.
I walked in some what of a daze. When I replayed the scene in my mind, I noticed that I didn't feel the weight of my decision then. Now I did. Slowly, I let my tears trickle down, only to shove them away impatiently. I also finally came to realize that I wasn't such an annoying tag-a-long on this quest any more. Another thing that I knew even without being told that people like Legolas and Aragorn and Gimli aren't friends with you one minute, then shunning you into a corner the next. No one in Middle Earth it seemed could do that, especially one of them. Some might, I mean, but the people here were so different from what I knew.
You didn't hide your happiness, thinking that you wouldn't look "cool" showing that emotion. When you were sad, people would tell you to grow up and get over it. Most accepted you the way you were. So different from a lot of folks I knew back home. It was a welcomed change.
I knew I had made the right choice. I was born to live in a place like this. Who knows, maybe even they'll warm up to the idea of hamburgers. I could always call them Cow Patties and make a living off of the money I earned selling them. Just kidding. But hey, I can dream. I hope Tolkien doesn't come out of his grave and try to kill us for mentally harming his characters.
Legolas looked over his shoulder. "Hurry up, mortal girl," he taunted. "Even though you're not an Elf, I don't expect you to be THAT slow!" I sped up quickly and yanked a handful of his hair.
"At least my head's not messed up," I replied mildly and he glared. Emily moaned.
"Aragorn, can't we just throw them both off the cliff? I can predict many poking-slash-hair pulling-slash-hitting fits to come," she complained.
"Firstly, they are not called whatever you called them, they are called 'Katie is Showing Domination Over The Cocky Elf—'" I hand to duck as Legolas reached over to pull MY hair. "—and secondly, we can only do that if you do too." Yep, I bet Tolkien never saw this coming.
When I got tired of thinking, I sidled innocently over to Emily. Making sure no one would really hear me, I said quietly, "So, Wallace, are you still going to hit on Billus?"
"Billus?" she asked, confused.
"It's our new nickname for him," I said, jerking my head in Aragorn's direction. She immediately began to scowl.
"NO! I never was!"
"It's the Spanky story all over again..."
"You need to pipe down youngster, or else you may just be hanging from a tree soon..." she warned.
"What if I don't want to?"
"That's too bad."
"Hey, Emily?"
"Emily is currently not in right now. Please leave a message after the beep. BEEEEP!"
"What's with you and the phones? And you know what we should have asked Yavanna for?" I asked her with an evil smirk.
"Phones are cool. What?"
"Croutons are better than phones. And we should have asked for duct tape."
"No, phones are the best. Especially fuzzy blue ones. And who would the duct tape be for exactly?"
"Well fuzzy croutons are better than fuzzy phones! We could use it for anyone really; Legolas, Aragorn, you, me, Gimli...did I mention you?"
"You like croutons with fuzzy mold on them? Ew...And why would you want to use duct tape on sweet little me?" she asked innocently.
"I didn't say that. Fuzzy croutons might mean a crouton stuffed toy. And you're far from sweet."
"Who would want a crouton plushie? And I am the sweetest thing in the world!"
"Nuh uh! I would want one!" I objected. "And no, chocolate is the sweetest."
"Of course you would. And that's false advertisement, I've the sweetest."
"Did you know we're carrying on two conversations at once?"
"No...hey, we're probably the first ones to do that!" she exclaimed and we both started to snicker at our idiocy. Things were DEFINITELY normal again. For one, bright things hadn't popped out at me for a half an hour. And second, we were holding weird conversations again.
Legolas looked over his shoulder suddenly. We were slightly behind from our "conversation" and the other three were a ways ahead of us. "Hurry up, mortal girl," he taunted. "Even though you're not an Elf, I don't expect you to be THAT slow!" I sped up quickly and yanked a handful of his hair.
"At least my head's not as sensitive. And don't provoke me into tying you up in a tree," I replied mildly and he glared. Emily moaned.
"Aragorn, can't we just throw them both off the cliff? I can predict many poking-slash-hair pulling-slash-hitting fits to come," she complained.
"Firstly, they are not called whatever you called them, they are called 'Katie is Showing Domination Over The Cocky Elf—'" I hand to duck as Legolas reached over to pull MY hair. "—and secondly, we can only do that if you do too."
"I feel very bad for Merry and Pippin," Aragorn said suddenly.
"Why'd that Bob?" Well, I blew that cover. He ignored the nickname though.
"Because we're they're only hope, and when I see you attacking Legolas and Emily complaining and Gimli huffing behind us, I have to wonder what good we will actually do if we save them." Alright, his turn to be attacked.
Yep, Tolkien never saw this coming.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
NEW AN FROM THE REWRITING OF THIS CHAPTER
Yeah, I'm Christian…I've decided that God needs an appearance. *nods wisely* Sorry if I offended anyone in my adding of him in. He's my God, and if you gots a problemo with that, I'm sorry about that. And if I offended anyone in the way I showed him, sorry you feel like that. *shrug* Anyway, happy trails my little muffins!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
I'm sorry, but I must congratulate myself on that ending...I can't help but love it.
Okay, since this is my first fanfic, I can't help but be a little worried over it. PLEASE, my faithful reviewers, this isn't Mary-sue or boring, is it? I might take a few days break before starting on TTT (sure I will. Once I get start I usually don't stop though *grin*). Anyway, what'd you guys think of the whole over all story? Not too bad for a first timer at least?
It wasn't too short either was it? *chants "Katie is not worried, Katie is not worried, KATIE IS NOT FLIPPIN WORRIED A BIT!"*
Flames go to Bob of course.
Okay, I do admit I was kidding around with you guys when I said I might not do sequels...Just messin wit your minds a little. ^_^ Forgive the small one, she wants cliffies to happen sometimes.
And I stayed up till 11 so I better be rewarded with happy peoples. *glares and runs to find her nice soft bed*
*sobs* Night children! UNTILL I WRITE AGAIN!! MUHAHAHAH!!!
Namaari
~*~ Katie ~*~
Devil's lil' imp: lol! I wouldn't go that far...but...if you want to worship me, go ahead! I expect human sacrifice every Tuesday. *smirk* Just kidding. ^_^
Dy: *gives into the Frodo eyes* You didn't think I'd give up pestering Leggy, did ya? Lol. I must confess, I don't know if I could really stay there if I could see my family again. Maybe under the some certain circumstances but...*shrugs*
TASAKAPEOTKAUU: *cackles at the insults* These are my kind of insults! Lol. The thought sounds tempting, she'd be the only one to do it! But no, the story must go on and we must have the MOST important person survive. After all, I AM important, no? Tee hee, jking. However, your off to go after Leggy is tempting...Does that mean I have to give him a head start though? *gestures to the Legolas Safe which she is sitting on. Screams are still heard.* *whistles innocently* Do you hear something?
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
KATIE'S ENDING PART BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T REALLY WANT TO GO TO BED BUT SHE'S STILL TIRED
KATIE: Okay peeps, landmark moment. I'm letting the Elf out, but only because he needs to breathe and I'm a kind loving soul. *lets out Leggy but handcuffs him to her*
LEGOLAS: What did I do to deserve this?
KATIE: Hmm...You were cute? If you had been uglier a lot of people might leave you alone...BUT NOT ME!! Bows and arrows are nifty! Don't you feel LOVED? *hugs Leggy*
LEGOLAS: Yes...Very...*gasps for air*
*Emily walks in with Aragorn being brought in (strapped to a chair with large chains) by large men with squirt guns.*
EMILY: Don't move, honey, or else they'll squirt you with water! BWAHAHAHA!!
ARAGORN: I'll be good. *sweet smile*
EMILY: *almost faints but only sits on his lap.* Okay, now you can't go anywhere.
KATIE: Why is yours so obedient?
EMILY: Because...um...I dunno.
LEGOLAS: *muttering sarcastically under breath* Now there's a smart one...
KATIE: *beams* YAY! Leggy is learning so well!!
ARAGORN: Yeah. LEGGY! *laughs insanely until Katie slaps him*
EMILY: Now, Argy, don't make fun of the other kids.
LEGOLAS + KATIE: *starts cackling evilly*
KATIE: Okay children, Katie is going to bed now because she can hardly keep her little eye lids open. C'mon Leggy, you can sleep on the end of my bed! Good doggie! But I want to say something first:
THE NEON NAZIS!! THEY'RE COMING!!! AHHHH!!!
I am a person, but you are not.
Please do not smoke pot.
This is a poem
But it's still er...from Migoem!
And it taste like Kentucky Fried Chicken!
LEGOLAS: That was scary. *grudgingly follows Katie* Why is your room so purple? MY EYES!! THEY BURN!!
KATIE: Because it's better than pink and blue, which are Mary Sue colors. And I like purple. PURPLE RULES!
LEGOLAS: Good point
EMILY: Argy, darling, close the curtain please.
ARAGORN: *closes curtain until only Emily and him are standing on stage.*
EMILY: Thank you for reading Katie's fanfic, even though I thought she really should have cut the wizard of oz quotes.
ARAGORN: I agree!
EMILY: Good, you're learning well young grasshopper. I think I'll untie you now. *unties Aragorn*
ARAGORN: YAY!! FREEDOM!!! *laughs happily and dances*
EMILY: Good night folks...
ARAGORN: Night!
LEGOLAS: SAVE ME!!! Nighty night...
ARAGORN: "Nighty night?"
LEGOLAS: What? I like saying that...
KATIE: (shouting) NIGHT NIGHT! No, bad Elf, SIT!! STAY!! KEEL OVER!!! I mean roll over...WAIT!!! LEGGY!!! I meant ROLL over! Yes, there's a good little Elf.