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Ok guys I'm gonna start writing back to those who review me at the start of
each chapter so here goes. Oh and P.s. I'm making it so that lord Wyldon
isn't married and has no children.
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Princess Niobe, Lady of the Shadows, Dragon Girl Revlis, Pyromaniac: Thanks
for all your support guys. It really means a lot to me and I'm gonna keep
writing because of your reviews so thank you SOOOO much!
Major: I don't know if I can get the king's own in anymore but I'll try and have a few scenes with Dom in O.K? Oh and thanks for the review!
Yashako: Sorry 'bout the name thing, I don't actually know any Japanese so I wasn't aware of that. But would you mind if I kept saying Chis? 'cause it would be really hard to go back and change it every time I said Chis and that's how everyone knows her so it might be confusing if her name was suddenly different.
Mnitr: o.k. first of all, sorry about that thing in Tkaa's class, I forgot that Neal had the gift. Next, Why is the dialogue stiff and the characters unrealistic? And what can I do to change that? Also the story does have a plot it just hasn't really unfolded yet, I know that sounds weird after I've written sixteen chapters but it's true. And uh.thanks for liking the story.
Chapter 17. The second day of midwinter. Joren lay back in his father's private carriage, the same question going round in circles in his head. Why had his father wanted him back home two days before the ball? Earlier that morning lord Wyldon had sent for him and told him that his father's carriage had arrived to take him back home. He said he had no details apart from the fact that his father was insistent on having him home today. Bored he looked out the window at the rolling green countryside going past him. After a while he spotted a grey blur far off in the distance that looked like his father's manor, well it was more like a castle really. The lord of Stone Mountain was one of the richest, most feared and powerful nobles in the whole of Tortall and one day Joren would be too.
He looked disgustedly to the corner of the carriage where a small, slim man with thinning grey hair and spectacles sat, cowering away from Joren's glare. This was supposed to be his father's personal valet? Well if he wasn't mistaken his father had changed a lot in the past few years that he had been working in Scanra. Joren would never have let a shrivelling little weed like this be even a member of his staff! And why couldn't his father have come and collected him in person? Well it wouldn't be long before he found out anyway, the carriage was drawing up to his house, he could ask his father all the questions in a minute.
Joren got out of the carriage along with the wimpy man. He started walking up the gravel path to the castle but suddenly stopped short. A woman was coming out to greet them; she was very thin and was wearing a long, pale blue dress. She had a lot of paint on her face. Her eyes were outlined thinly in black; she had a coloured powder on her cheeks and a glossy, deep crimson coloured paint on her lips. She had dark brown hair which was piled up on top of her head. She would've been extremely pretty if it wasn't for the cold look in her eyes and the frosty smile on her face. She walked quickly up to Joren and embraced him tightly.
"Mother! Do not hug me in public, I've told you before!" Joren told her in annoyance. "Am I not allowed to be pleased to see my son after three years? I couldn't come up to the palace when your father went the other day and I haven't seen you for so long!" she said. "Even so, it embarrasses me and it makes us look like weak fools, you don't want to cast that name on our family" Joren replied through gritted teeth. It wasn't a question, it was an order and Lady Katriana (his mother) accepted it meekly with a bow of her head as if she were used to being reprimanded and had been taught to take it without giving trouble. "Yes Joren, I am sorry, I will not do it again. Now to present matters, come, David here (she indicated a servant) is to be your valet, he will show you to your rooms and you will see your father after you are settled in.
Joren was shown to his bedroom by David, his valet. After Joren had changed from his travelling clothes into more suitable ones and had left the servants to unpack his clothes, he joined his parents in the lecture room. (It was the room where Joren's dad took people he wanted to yell at inside as it had spells on it to keep anyone from hearing what was happening inside) This was a large room with a long shiny, wooden table in it, stretching from one end of the room to another.
Joren's father acknowledged him with a nod of his head and a smile which was supposed to be nice but would have made the bravest people tremble. "Ah Joren! Come in, your mother and I need to talk to you." Joren sat down on a high chair and turned to face his father. "That girl is in the way of our job Joren, Keladry of Mindelan must be stopped." His father got straight to the point. "What is wrong father? What is she doing that is in your way? And how do I stop her?" Joren asked. "The girl is powerful and strong. Of course you know that what we've been trying to do the past few years is setting up this war. We need to get rid of the powerful and strong people or the people who might be a nuisance in helping Tortall, so we need you to help us cause a few.um.accidents!" Joren's father said. Joren blinked, his father wanted him to kill Keladry?! Well, of course he would do it, his father would disown him if he didn't, but...it would be so strange with no one to jeer at, no archenemy, of course he could always content himself with doing that to her friends but.still.
Katriana looked shocked and reproachfully at her husband. "You didn't tell me any killing of innocent people would be involved, Kain" she said hesitantly, addressing her husband by his first name. "I did not think it would matter to you Katriana," Kain said coldly, "and I most certainly hope it doesn't as I would be very put out if it did." "No.no it doesn't matter" Katriana muttered. "Good! Well let's get on to the list then shall we?" Kain said briskly, "These people are the most important to get rid of Joren, now listen carefully. Keladry of Mindelan and that scum The Lioness with her, Lord Raoul and Lord Wyldon -"
Katriana looked up sharply and gave an inaudible gasp. Kain carried on without hearing her. "All the experienced mages especially Numair Salmalin he will be very difficult. Those types of people, you get my drift. You'll know all the good fighters among the squires and some of the knights. You can tell us those names, oh and there is one that I am forgetting, what is it now? He's a Captain in the king's own his name is.oh yes! It's Domitan I believe he is known as Dom to his friends, he is a tricky one, watch him. Also, you won't have to cause any of the actual accidents, that's too hard, you just pass us information, you're my personal spy. He looked at Joren ad if he were doing him a huge favour so Joren tried to look gratified. You'll be staying with us for two days and then we'll all go to the ball and feast together on the same night.
********* Katriana sat at her dressing table, combing her long brown hair. She gazed sadly out the window and thought, 'if my father could see me now maybe he would realize what a monster he married me off to' When Katriana was 19 her father had married her to the lord of Stone Mountain's son, Kain. He had done it because the money in her family was running out and the Stone Mountain's were extremely wealthy and powerful. She hadn't wanted to marry him, she had been in love with another man and had screamed, thrown things and locked herself in her room for days without eating but she still was forced to marry Kain. She didn't love him and she knew she never would, but there was nothing she could do. Only her powerful gift kept Kain from harming her as he was afraid of nothing so much as magic. She sighed, lost in thought. She had once been a beautiful young woman, happy, kind, strong willed and carefree. Now look at her, plotting wars and listening to people talk of murder without doing anything to stop them! She had been turned into a monster. At one time she would have blasted anyone who tried to harm someone else with her gift, but now. She loved her son and it nearly killed her to see him become so bad, so awful, and so.evil.
She had to find a way to stand up to her husband but.how??? If she divorced him under the authority of the temple of unfortunate women he would-oh why was she even thinking about this? It was ridiculous; it wasn't even as if she was going to do it. It was no use; she was stuck with him for the rest of her life. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* There you go guys and sorry it's taken me so long to put this chapter up and that it's so short. I've been really busy and oh let's just say I had a slight case of writers block!!! Oh and any guesses on who it was Katriana was in love with??? By the way you pronounce her name cat-ree-ah-na. It isn't just a case of me not being able to spell! ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Major: I don't know if I can get the king's own in anymore but I'll try and have a few scenes with Dom in O.K? Oh and thanks for the review!
Yashako: Sorry 'bout the name thing, I don't actually know any Japanese so I wasn't aware of that. But would you mind if I kept saying Chis? 'cause it would be really hard to go back and change it every time I said Chis and that's how everyone knows her so it might be confusing if her name was suddenly different.
Mnitr: o.k. first of all, sorry about that thing in Tkaa's class, I forgot that Neal had the gift. Next, Why is the dialogue stiff and the characters unrealistic? And what can I do to change that? Also the story does have a plot it just hasn't really unfolded yet, I know that sounds weird after I've written sixteen chapters but it's true. And uh.thanks for liking the story.
Chapter 17. The second day of midwinter. Joren lay back in his father's private carriage, the same question going round in circles in his head. Why had his father wanted him back home two days before the ball? Earlier that morning lord Wyldon had sent for him and told him that his father's carriage had arrived to take him back home. He said he had no details apart from the fact that his father was insistent on having him home today. Bored he looked out the window at the rolling green countryside going past him. After a while he spotted a grey blur far off in the distance that looked like his father's manor, well it was more like a castle really. The lord of Stone Mountain was one of the richest, most feared and powerful nobles in the whole of Tortall and one day Joren would be too.
He looked disgustedly to the corner of the carriage where a small, slim man with thinning grey hair and spectacles sat, cowering away from Joren's glare. This was supposed to be his father's personal valet? Well if he wasn't mistaken his father had changed a lot in the past few years that he had been working in Scanra. Joren would never have let a shrivelling little weed like this be even a member of his staff! And why couldn't his father have come and collected him in person? Well it wouldn't be long before he found out anyway, the carriage was drawing up to his house, he could ask his father all the questions in a minute.
Joren got out of the carriage along with the wimpy man. He started walking up the gravel path to the castle but suddenly stopped short. A woman was coming out to greet them; she was very thin and was wearing a long, pale blue dress. She had a lot of paint on her face. Her eyes were outlined thinly in black; she had a coloured powder on her cheeks and a glossy, deep crimson coloured paint on her lips. She had dark brown hair which was piled up on top of her head. She would've been extremely pretty if it wasn't for the cold look in her eyes and the frosty smile on her face. She walked quickly up to Joren and embraced him tightly.
"Mother! Do not hug me in public, I've told you before!" Joren told her in annoyance. "Am I not allowed to be pleased to see my son after three years? I couldn't come up to the palace when your father went the other day and I haven't seen you for so long!" she said. "Even so, it embarrasses me and it makes us look like weak fools, you don't want to cast that name on our family" Joren replied through gritted teeth. It wasn't a question, it was an order and Lady Katriana (his mother) accepted it meekly with a bow of her head as if she were used to being reprimanded and had been taught to take it without giving trouble. "Yes Joren, I am sorry, I will not do it again. Now to present matters, come, David here (she indicated a servant) is to be your valet, he will show you to your rooms and you will see your father after you are settled in.
Joren was shown to his bedroom by David, his valet. After Joren had changed from his travelling clothes into more suitable ones and had left the servants to unpack his clothes, he joined his parents in the lecture room. (It was the room where Joren's dad took people he wanted to yell at inside as it had spells on it to keep anyone from hearing what was happening inside) This was a large room with a long shiny, wooden table in it, stretching from one end of the room to another.
Joren's father acknowledged him with a nod of his head and a smile which was supposed to be nice but would have made the bravest people tremble. "Ah Joren! Come in, your mother and I need to talk to you." Joren sat down on a high chair and turned to face his father. "That girl is in the way of our job Joren, Keladry of Mindelan must be stopped." His father got straight to the point. "What is wrong father? What is she doing that is in your way? And how do I stop her?" Joren asked. "The girl is powerful and strong. Of course you know that what we've been trying to do the past few years is setting up this war. We need to get rid of the powerful and strong people or the people who might be a nuisance in helping Tortall, so we need you to help us cause a few.um.accidents!" Joren's father said. Joren blinked, his father wanted him to kill Keladry?! Well, of course he would do it, his father would disown him if he didn't, but...it would be so strange with no one to jeer at, no archenemy, of course he could always content himself with doing that to her friends but.still.
Katriana looked shocked and reproachfully at her husband. "You didn't tell me any killing of innocent people would be involved, Kain" she said hesitantly, addressing her husband by his first name. "I did not think it would matter to you Katriana," Kain said coldly, "and I most certainly hope it doesn't as I would be very put out if it did." "No.no it doesn't matter" Katriana muttered. "Good! Well let's get on to the list then shall we?" Kain said briskly, "These people are the most important to get rid of Joren, now listen carefully. Keladry of Mindelan and that scum The Lioness with her, Lord Raoul and Lord Wyldon -"
Katriana looked up sharply and gave an inaudible gasp. Kain carried on without hearing her. "All the experienced mages especially Numair Salmalin he will be very difficult. Those types of people, you get my drift. You'll know all the good fighters among the squires and some of the knights. You can tell us those names, oh and there is one that I am forgetting, what is it now? He's a Captain in the king's own his name is.oh yes! It's Domitan I believe he is known as Dom to his friends, he is a tricky one, watch him. Also, you won't have to cause any of the actual accidents, that's too hard, you just pass us information, you're my personal spy. He looked at Joren ad if he were doing him a huge favour so Joren tried to look gratified. You'll be staying with us for two days and then we'll all go to the ball and feast together on the same night.
********* Katriana sat at her dressing table, combing her long brown hair. She gazed sadly out the window and thought, 'if my father could see me now maybe he would realize what a monster he married me off to' When Katriana was 19 her father had married her to the lord of Stone Mountain's son, Kain. He had done it because the money in her family was running out and the Stone Mountain's were extremely wealthy and powerful. She hadn't wanted to marry him, she had been in love with another man and had screamed, thrown things and locked herself in her room for days without eating but she still was forced to marry Kain. She didn't love him and she knew she never would, but there was nothing she could do. Only her powerful gift kept Kain from harming her as he was afraid of nothing so much as magic. She sighed, lost in thought. She had once been a beautiful young woman, happy, kind, strong willed and carefree. Now look at her, plotting wars and listening to people talk of murder without doing anything to stop them! She had been turned into a monster. At one time she would have blasted anyone who tried to harm someone else with her gift, but now. She loved her son and it nearly killed her to see him become so bad, so awful, and so.evil.
She had to find a way to stand up to her husband but.how??? If she divorced him under the authority of the temple of unfortunate women he would-oh why was she even thinking about this? It was ridiculous; it wasn't even as if she was going to do it. It was no use; she was stuck with him for the rest of her life. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* There you go guys and sorry it's taken me so long to put this chapter up and that it's so short. I've been really busy and oh let's just say I had a slight case of writers block!!! Oh and any guesses on who it was Katriana was in love with??? By the way you pronounce her name cat-ree-ah-na. It isn't just a case of me not being able to spell! ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*