Disclaimer: I do not own anybody. I do not own anything (except the contents of this document). Every- thing (again, except for this document) and -one belongs to Gene Roddenberry or whoever he's sold them to. In any case, someone other than me.
Archiving: Yes, but email me at prouder_reader@softhome.net first.
A/N: This occurred to me during a long lecture in Civics. Maybe I'll rework it so it actually has a plot, maybe not. It all depends on your reviews. Yes, YOUR reviews. So don't complain if I don't update; I'll be attaching review quotas to the end and if I don't update YOU are not reviewing enough.
And on with the play:
Chapter One - In which Harper delivers a shocking message
Scene opens. Rommie should be standing at the right, staring at Harper, who should stand on the left. Rommie's arms should be crossed and her expression annoyed. If possible, Rommie should have normal hair and a nice dress uniform (ie, NOT that horrible blue plastic one).
Rommie - I'm not in the mood, Harper.
Harper - I'm serious!
Rommie - Harper...
Harper - Would I lie about something as important as this?
Rommie - [arches eyebrow]
Harper - Well, I would, but I'm not this time.
Rommie - ...
Harper - Honest!
Rommie - Okay, I'll bite.
Harper - The Prime Minister sent a message. On an encrypted disk. [big grin]
Rommie - The Prime Minister of what?
Harper - Nazbulia. [bigger grin] You know, the planet we've been negotiating with for the past seven days or so?
Rommie - Don't play games with me, Harper, or I'll play very upsetting games with your Sparky Cola and an s-space amplitude resonator.
Harper - Ooh, that hurts, Rom-doll. That really hurts.
Rommie - [silence]
Harper - Okay, I have the disk. Intercepted the messenger in the bay and told the kid I was the comm officer and would be taking all messages.
Rommie - Good for you, Harper. Now give it to Dylan.
Harper - Well, you see, it's not addressed to Dylan. I checked the router information.
Rommie - Aren't encrypted disks supposed to be secret?
Harper - Don't doubt the Harper, Rom-doll. The Harper is good!
Rommie - So you hacked a private message. Congratulations to you. Use your own programs to edit them this time, and leave out the bloody gorynx organs. When can I expect the first broadcast? Next morning on the cafeteria screen? Just make sure you restore the original programming; I had to completely rewrite half the drivers for the last screen you messed around with.
Harper - Rom-doll, I'd never cut your drivers out and just leave them out there. As for broadcasting it in public, you know I'd never do that. Not when the contents of this message are as juicy as this one is.
Rommie - Why do I sense this is not an official communiqué?
Harper - Ask, and ye shall receive.
Rommie - Fine. What did the Prime Minister say?
Harper - [huge grin] What you should be asking is, who did the Prime Minister say whatever he said to?
Rommie - [starting to realize] Me?
Harper - You guessed it!
Rommie - Why would the Prime Minister of Nazbulia send me a message?
Harper - You know how he kept trying to talk to you at the reception?
Rommie - He was interested in the technology I represented and the way I could manifest myself through an android avatar.
Harper - That's one way to look at it, yeah.
Rommie - I hope you don't mean to imply he's trying to steal me or something equally idiotic.
Harper - No...Nothing like that...Do you recall how he kept on looking at your feet?
Rommie - Harper, that's supposed to be sign of respect. Dylan got it too. I'm not surprised you didn't.
Harper - No, the respect part is when they look at the ground in front of you. He was looking at your feet.
Rommie - He did express some interest at the intricacy of the machinery needed to accurately reproduce the human foot; his planet hasn't gotten very far with miniaturized machinery. They're still messing around with some sort of piezoelectric gel. It has promise, but it needs a lot of work, and right now the good old-fashioned chemical expansion/contraction packets work just fine.
Harper - He has a lot more than just scientific curiosity in you, Rom-doll.
Rommie - Are you going to tell me what's in the message or not?
Harper - He says ... [evil smile] he wants to know how far your skin goes and whether your clothing was part of your body.
Rommie - Excuse me?
Harper - Come on, Rom-doll, he's got the hots for you and you know it.
Rommie - [puzzled expression]
Harper - Good God, Rommie, did I completely neglect your education?
Rommie - Education? Oh! Actually, I just deleted that whole folder. And then I put tags into the nearby sectors to make sure I would skip over that area if I searched for anything.
Harper - [Outraged] Rommie! Do you know how much time I put into those files?!
Rommie - Harper, why would the Prime Minister of Nazbulia send me a message that would require anything in that dirty little folder of yours?
Harper - [Snort] Anyway, he...lusts - is that innocuous enough for you? - for you, Rom-doll.
Rommie - I'm sure a man of his position would never express something so base and crude, Harper. Now just give me the message and go away before I get creative with your shower piping.
Harper - I'm serious, Rom-doll. He more or less inquired whether you could perform lap dances.
Rommie - Harper ...
Harper - What do I have to do, cross my heart and hope to die? He
Rommie - Harper, I am not touching the wave-shifted free particle clouds of that folder with a ten-light year remote drone.
Harper - But, Rom-doll, that was my crowning glory!
Rommie - Harper!
Harper - Okay, here's the message. You know how the Nazbulians are so paranoid about everything; there are probably a million different forms of verification on this disk.
Rommie - All of which you can fake.
Harper - Well, there's that. But I didn't. Cross my heart and swear not to touch Sparky Cola for a week.
Rommie - Okay, well, let me have a look at it.
Harper - Knew you'd listen to reason, Rom-doll. [hands over disk]
Rommie - If you made this up... [sticks disk into nearby wall slot]
[long pause]
Rommie - I don't believe it...
Harper - [big smirk]
Rommie - If this is some sort of depraved prank ... [threatening tone]
Harper - Hey, Rom-doll, not even the Harper is that sick.
Rommie - I will make your life living hell, Harper.
Harper - So...[winks] How are you gonna reply, Rom-doll?
Rommie - [slap!]
Harper - Hey, no need to get violent!
Exit Rommie, stage right.
Harper - [big laugh]
Scene closes.
A/N: If I can get five reviews, I'll post the next chapter, in which Rommie confronts Dylan about it. Btw, flames count as reviews too, just try to keep the cursing down the make it constructive. Thanks, people.