AUTHOR'S NOTE: Characters' thoughts are in italics.

"Let's make sure we got everything," said Buffy and glanced at the two bags. "Spell?"

"Check," replied Oz and waved a sheet of paper. "One binding spell."

"And I've got the sealing spell." She put the paper in a bag. "Candles?" She counted the candles on the floor in front of her. "I've got nine: three white, three red, and three orange. You're supposed to have seven."

Oz quickly counted his candles. "Present. Also the pig testes." He grimaced as he carefully held up the item. "I feel kinda sorry for the pig."

Buffy looked at him in amusement. "Males and their manly parts!" She gathered several plastics bags. "Smelly herbs and stinky herbs. And look, there's even room for weapons."

Oz held up two plastic bags. "We're a go for smelly and stinky."

The blonde-haired girl wrinkled her nose. "Remind me. What's the difference between a smelly herb and a stinky herb?"

Oz raised an eyebrow. "One's smelly and one's supersmelly?" He shrugged. "I dunno. Weren't you and Giles one with the herbs a while ago?" He itched the whiskers on his face.

"Well, yeah, but … my job is to slay. That's what I'm good for. Willow and Giles are the ones who—" aren't here. Buffy sat down heavily on the floor and felt the tears well in her eyes. Not crying. No more crying. I will not cry. She buried her head in her hands.

"Hey," whispered Oz as he sat beside her. He put one arm around her shoulders.

"I'm okay," said Buffy as she lifted her head. "I'm just…"

"Dealing? Adjusting? Existing? Being?" Oz deadpanned rapidly.

"I was gonna go with 'here', but now I'm leaning towards 'all of the above." Buffy wiped the tear streaks from her face and kissed Oz on the cheek. "In case I don't get the chance later, thank you. You made Will so happy. And that made me happy. And well, just for everything. Thank you."

Oz nodded his head. "You're welcome."


They sat in two broken chairs in the courtyard. Wesley's body was out of sight.

"So, assuming we do the deed, what are your plans for after?" Oz casually tossed out the question as he sharpened a stake and added it to the pile between them.

Buffy shrugged. "Well, it was UC Sunnydale. But well, no Sunnydale. Think Northwestern will still take me?" She examined the stake in her hand. Still too long.

"Did you already tell them no? If you haven't, you could probably still go. Your dad'll pay, won't he?" Oz selected another piece of wood.

"Money. Hadn't thought about." Too busy thinking about actually living. "I guess he'll pay. Although I don't know how I'll explain Mom to him." I don't know if I can explain Mom to me. "What about you?"

"Music, I think. Maybe a roadie. Haven't really thought about it either. Kind of assumed college, Willow, Dingoes. What about you and Angel?"

Buffy was suddenly fascinated by the patterns on the wood in her hand. "Angel?" she squeaked.

"Yeah. I thought that since you can do what you can do, you'd just do it."

The Slayer shot her friend a bewildered look. "Now, that was a Willow statement." She smiled to soften the blow.

"It was," he chuckled. "But I'm still not hearing an answer."

Buffy stared at her stake. I don't know about Angel. A wave of panic began to swell. They hadn't discussed "them" at all. For all she knew, he was still leaving. He hasn't said he's staying. "We haven't… There really hasn't been any time to… Who really knows what's going to happen?" she finally stammered.

Oz nodded his head sagely. "Might wanna shoot that elephant."

What? "Huh? What elephant? Nobody said anything about elephants. Big ugly snake, yes. Elephant, no. I would remember the part about the elephant." Buffy stood abruptly and dumped the half-finished stakes off her lap. She clenched her fists and was about to pace when Oz gently tugged her arm. She looked down at his face and saw a tentative smile.

"It's an expression. It means there's something really obvious that you're avoiding."

"Oh." She sat down deflatedly. "That elephant would be me and Angel and what happens next?"

"That would be the one." Oz offered Buffy one of the half-carved stakes.

When Angel entered the mansion, the great room had been cleared of debris. Several bags and knapsacks were piled neatly by the fireplace. He heard Buffy's voice from the courtyard.

"No way! Cordelia was a virgin? I don't believe it. Wait a minute. How do you know?"

The world's about to end and she's talking about Cordelia's virginity? Angel strode into the courtyard.

"I take it you found the spells and got all the stuff?" He addressed Buffy but gazed at Oz's wolf eyes, elongated teeth, and clawed hands. "I thought it was just me, but it's getting worse, isn't it?"

Oz glanced from Angel to Buffy then stood quickly. "I think I'll go be elsewhere." Angel watched curiously as he disappeared into the mansion.

"Worse?"

Angel turned his attention back to Buffy. "What worse?"

"You said 'It's getting worse.' What's getting worse? Cuz between the snake and the elephant and the money, I don' think I can do worse."

Angel stared at her as if she'd suddenly grown another head. Buffy self-consciously touched her hair. "Angel?"

He took a step towards her and searched her face for any sign of insanity. "Buffy, what are you talking about?"

She stepped back and took a steadying breath. "You said. 'It's getting worse.' What did you mean?"

Angel continued to scrutinize her as he answered. "Oz is hairier than when I left. And the demon in me is getting louder. I, uh, beheaded a vamp. With my hands." Buffy took another step back. Angel let the guilt rush over him. "Buffy, I'm sorry. I think you're gonna have to do this on your own. I don't know if I can keep Angelus away."

""I see." The words were spoken softly and regretfully. She raised one hand to her mouth and absently chewed her thumbnail. Her gaze fastened on a clump of flowers.

"Something else you should know." There always is. "The Mayor's gonna sacrifice the Hellmouth beast."

A hopeful spark flared in Buffy's eyes. "Works for me. One less thing to worry about."

"Actually it's one more thing. If he does, he gets all that power." Angel watched the hope leach out of her face.

"Next stop: world domination. Okay, I can deal. What if the beastie eats the Mayor?" She was stretching, begging for any piece of good news.

"Buffy, I don't think you want this thing coming out of the ground. If it completely emerges, you're never gonna beat it. And I don't think you should count on Oz and me to help." Her body collapsed against the fountain. Giles' voice echoed through her head. In every generation there is a Chosen One. She alone will stand against the vampires, the demons, and the forces of darkness.

"One girl," she mumbled. In the end, you're always by yourself. You're all you got.

"Buffy?" Angel's cool fingers on her cheek broke into her thoughts. "You sure you want to do this? It's not to late for you to get out of here."

"Money." The word slipped out of her mouth before she could catch it.

Angel smiled at her. "You mentioned that earlier. Money and an elephant."

Sort of hoping you'd forget about the elephant. Buffy was suddenly nervous. She pulled away from his mesmerizing touch. I can't do this and get sidetracked at the same time.

"The elephant. In the room. With us." She looked at him expectantly. You've been around for centuries. Make the leap here, Angel. He looked back at her blankly. Shit. We're doing this the long way.

"It means—"

Angel reached for her hand. "I know what it means, Buffy." He kissed the palm of her hand. "Just tell me." He tilted her chin up. She was drawn into his eyes.

I could drown in these eyes forever. "If we kill the mayor, and if we kill the Hellmouth beast, and if we close the Hellmouth, and if we survive," the words rushed out and collided against her fear.

"That's a lot of ifs," Angel chuckled and kissed her forehead.

"What happens to us?" Buffy whispered the words into his chest. Angel's body stilled. His lips were motionless against her forehead. One hand rested on the curve of her back; the other hand stopped massaging her thumb. "Will you still leave me?"