Title: Watchful Eyes
Author: Archangel
Pairing: SenRu
Genre: Angst, good for SenRu fans, not for Sakuragi fans!!!
Disclaimers: I don't own them.
Watchful Eyes
By Archangel
Sakuragi's POV
No one could ever be as jealous as I am right now.
No one could ever be as devastated as I am right now.
No one could ever be as lonely as I am right now…
…right now when I have just seen with my own watchful eyes the love that Rukawa Kaede and Sendoh Akira share.
Yes I admit, I am so desperately in love with that baka kitsune. I may have insulted him, mocked him…made fun of him in the public's eye, but then I guess I just don't know how to handle the surge of emotions I have…every time I lay my eyes on him.
And Sendoh. I have felt his longing for Kaede from the first time he met him. I know because I noticed. Maybe because I was too possessive…possessive without a point, possessive without a right. I suppose it's just normal to have this extreme sensitivity for the hot eyes that pierce through the soul of the one you love.
Love. That's right, I just saw the love emanating from those stares. Along with the whistling of the wind, their song of passion clearly heard, wrecking my eardrums from the tremble I feel inside, from the tremendous force I exert…to fight the tears that well up my eyes. And they were right, I am a bad loser - an obvious understatement.
Kaede, never did I expect us to be together, I only dreamt and still continue to dream…you don't even know how I feel because I didn't have the courage to tell you straightforwardly without any hesitation. But I also never expected the two of you to end up like this. I have done all that I could to destroy whatever it was that you were sharing. From simple gossips to scandals, from death threats to actual murder attempts, from plain trash talk to true physical assaults, I've done it all, I believe…but then again it was not in my power to stop you…and him.
And I know it was a shameless thing to do. Even more pathetic than what is literally pathetic.
…and now, what I see is enough to tell me that I lost. Lost to him, lost to you…even if I didn't really give in for a fight. Unknowingly you're telling me to stop…completely forget about you, erase the final traces of you in my memory…as if I could do so. But since you're telling me to, I guess that leaves me no choice…is that right?
Sendoh is a great man, you said. He treats you well like no other. I guess I am in no position to object. I've seen it once more…with my watchful eyes, the kisses that make your knees weak, the soft caresses that make you moan with pleasure, wanting more of what your lover has to offer. The gentle strokes and loving stares…express so much assurance that you'll never be hurt because you'll only be loved. The undivided attention and unending thoughtfulness on your demands and pleads…guarantee you of eternity, an unending happiness in his presence…of Sendoh Akira's presence.
I have been alive for 17 years, and I know myself well enough to tell that I am not capable of such affection…of such unrestricted and unconditional love. The one that he presents to you without any trace of shame or apprehension. A love that knows no boundaries, willing to take up any obstacle that comes along the way. I only know of one thing, I only know of unrequited love…the one that you present to me.
So now I hear your soothing laughter over a funny story of your lover. I would have to laugh as hard if not for the fact that I'm in no mood to celebrate the miracle of cheerfulness and the ignorant blissfulness of this shallow world. How envious am I to be stuck in frustration for not having to even make you smile…and how jealous am I to him who have done so effortlessly.
I would have to catch my uneven breath now that you've laid down beside your lover as you tickle him for placing a joke on you. I thought that closing my eyes would have lessened the damage, but shutting my eyes still leaves an open ear to hear your limitless excitement and vigor…still leaves a sensitive sense of touch to feel the cold wind that embraces me whole, leaving me empty…the way it has always been. Closing my eyes would never heal the wound inflicted upon my already broken soul.
So never did I close my eyes for it's useless to do so when there is no means of escape from this trap I set for myself. I continued to watch the two of you as you hold each other in your waiting arms, kiss each other under the moonlit sky…legs, hands, body intertwined. I hold up my eyes as I watched both of you stare into each others souls, I gathered all my courage to hear your loving words, hear the cute stories of your little cats and dogs in the house, how they play and sleep beside each other as if they were you and your Akira. I hear your enthusiasm as you narrate your plans for the day, like cooking Akira's favorite dinner and watch the latest basketball show on midnight TV. I hear your plans with Akira this coming Saturday, plans to go to the cinema to watch the most recent Hollywood version of your favorite marvel comic heroes. I hear the way you dreamt of making love to your lover and hear his reply of trying it all out with you and pleads you to remember them. In which you told him in detail…I would have to let my tears fall as I unblinkingly kept a watchful eye on the things you did to him, and him to you.
Hot kisses showered in the right places, clothes unwanted, completely ignored. Despite the coldness of the night, your intense lovemaking showed enough passion that turns chilling wind to scorching flame. Hands of no exact coordination but of fine skill make you scream out loud pleading for him to go on. Your flawless white complexion slowly turning red from so much heat that you only wanted release. Every second, every touch, you whimper for more. And he grants it with so much fervor you'd never want to stop. Pulling him close as if he'd disappear, kissing him deeply and asks for him to move on…and how gently did he prepare you, how lovingly he gave you his assurance, how passionate did you give your trust. Knowledgeable enough to have thought that the one he holds is of so much perfection that a break would be unforgivable, he held you well, treated you well, the way you once told me. And with every push the louder you cry with pleasure…with every pull the louder you cry for more…the eternal dance of pleasure you loved the most, is the everlasting dance you have with Sendoh Akira.
…and how kind of him to have thought of your release before his own…
…I could not have done such a thing…
…a perfect man for a perfect Kaede, which happened to be Sendoh Akira.
I would have to shut my hearing in any way possible…for I can't take your scream of pleasure as he brings you to different heights you've never been before.
I would have to catch my breath, hold it or I'll die…for I can't stand your bodily perfection, of which your features show a different expression, conveying sexuality to its maximum.
I would have to stand the coldness of this night…if not I'll go crazy…again, I am alone.
…and I would have to act as blindly as I could muster in any means I could think of...to finally depart from this mind that wanders within its own limits, playing this agony I see again and again.
…and before I finally say goodbye…I silently say…
I love you. Those were the words Sendoh Akira said, keeping you in his warmth the moment the both of you have had the time to breathe. I can discern the words from your mouth even if in a distance such as this, you said back the words I dreamt of for so long…the one that you would tell me and now I tell you. And as I move all the more farther from you and your lover, the more I wanted to stay away…to teach my watchful eyes to forget the things they saw and to close forever.
Goodbye Rukawa Kaede.
The End
March 1, 2003
A/N: Reviews and constructive criticisms please!!!
Author: Archangel
Pairing: SenRu
Genre: Angst, good for SenRu fans, not for Sakuragi fans!!!
Disclaimers: I don't own them.
Watchful Eyes
By Archangel
Sakuragi's POV
No one could ever be as jealous as I am right now.
No one could ever be as devastated as I am right now.
No one could ever be as lonely as I am right now…
…right now when I have just seen with my own watchful eyes the love that Rukawa Kaede and Sendoh Akira share.
Yes I admit, I am so desperately in love with that baka kitsune. I may have insulted him, mocked him…made fun of him in the public's eye, but then I guess I just don't know how to handle the surge of emotions I have…every time I lay my eyes on him.
And Sendoh. I have felt his longing for Kaede from the first time he met him. I know because I noticed. Maybe because I was too possessive…possessive without a point, possessive without a right. I suppose it's just normal to have this extreme sensitivity for the hot eyes that pierce through the soul of the one you love.
Love. That's right, I just saw the love emanating from those stares. Along with the whistling of the wind, their song of passion clearly heard, wrecking my eardrums from the tremble I feel inside, from the tremendous force I exert…to fight the tears that well up my eyes. And they were right, I am a bad loser - an obvious understatement.
Kaede, never did I expect us to be together, I only dreamt and still continue to dream…you don't even know how I feel because I didn't have the courage to tell you straightforwardly without any hesitation. But I also never expected the two of you to end up like this. I have done all that I could to destroy whatever it was that you were sharing. From simple gossips to scandals, from death threats to actual murder attempts, from plain trash talk to true physical assaults, I've done it all, I believe…but then again it was not in my power to stop you…and him.
And I know it was a shameless thing to do. Even more pathetic than what is literally pathetic.
…and now, what I see is enough to tell me that I lost. Lost to him, lost to you…even if I didn't really give in for a fight. Unknowingly you're telling me to stop…completely forget about you, erase the final traces of you in my memory…as if I could do so. But since you're telling me to, I guess that leaves me no choice…is that right?
Sendoh is a great man, you said. He treats you well like no other. I guess I am in no position to object. I've seen it once more…with my watchful eyes, the kisses that make your knees weak, the soft caresses that make you moan with pleasure, wanting more of what your lover has to offer. The gentle strokes and loving stares…express so much assurance that you'll never be hurt because you'll only be loved. The undivided attention and unending thoughtfulness on your demands and pleads…guarantee you of eternity, an unending happiness in his presence…of Sendoh Akira's presence.
I have been alive for 17 years, and I know myself well enough to tell that I am not capable of such affection…of such unrestricted and unconditional love. The one that he presents to you without any trace of shame or apprehension. A love that knows no boundaries, willing to take up any obstacle that comes along the way. I only know of one thing, I only know of unrequited love…the one that you present to me.
So now I hear your soothing laughter over a funny story of your lover. I would have to laugh as hard if not for the fact that I'm in no mood to celebrate the miracle of cheerfulness and the ignorant blissfulness of this shallow world. How envious am I to be stuck in frustration for not having to even make you smile…and how jealous am I to him who have done so effortlessly.
I would have to catch my uneven breath now that you've laid down beside your lover as you tickle him for placing a joke on you. I thought that closing my eyes would have lessened the damage, but shutting my eyes still leaves an open ear to hear your limitless excitement and vigor…still leaves a sensitive sense of touch to feel the cold wind that embraces me whole, leaving me empty…the way it has always been. Closing my eyes would never heal the wound inflicted upon my already broken soul.
So never did I close my eyes for it's useless to do so when there is no means of escape from this trap I set for myself. I continued to watch the two of you as you hold each other in your waiting arms, kiss each other under the moonlit sky…legs, hands, body intertwined. I hold up my eyes as I watched both of you stare into each others souls, I gathered all my courage to hear your loving words, hear the cute stories of your little cats and dogs in the house, how they play and sleep beside each other as if they were you and your Akira. I hear your enthusiasm as you narrate your plans for the day, like cooking Akira's favorite dinner and watch the latest basketball show on midnight TV. I hear your plans with Akira this coming Saturday, plans to go to the cinema to watch the most recent Hollywood version of your favorite marvel comic heroes. I hear the way you dreamt of making love to your lover and hear his reply of trying it all out with you and pleads you to remember them. In which you told him in detail…I would have to let my tears fall as I unblinkingly kept a watchful eye on the things you did to him, and him to you.
Hot kisses showered in the right places, clothes unwanted, completely ignored. Despite the coldness of the night, your intense lovemaking showed enough passion that turns chilling wind to scorching flame. Hands of no exact coordination but of fine skill make you scream out loud pleading for him to go on. Your flawless white complexion slowly turning red from so much heat that you only wanted release. Every second, every touch, you whimper for more. And he grants it with so much fervor you'd never want to stop. Pulling him close as if he'd disappear, kissing him deeply and asks for him to move on…and how gently did he prepare you, how lovingly he gave you his assurance, how passionate did you give your trust. Knowledgeable enough to have thought that the one he holds is of so much perfection that a break would be unforgivable, he held you well, treated you well, the way you once told me. And with every push the louder you cry with pleasure…with every pull the louder you cry for more…the eternal dance of pleasure you loved the most, is the everlasting dance you have with Sendoh Akira.
…and how kind of him to have thought of your release before his own…
…I could not have done such a thing…
…a perfect man for a perfect Kaede, which happened to be Sendoh Akira.
I would have to shut my hearing in any way possible…for I can't take your scream of pleasure as he brings you to different heights you've never been before.
I would have to catch my breath, hold it or I'll die…for I can't stand your bodily perfection, of which your features show a different expression, conveying sexuality to its maximum.
I would have to stand the coldness of this night…if not I'll go crazy…again, I am alone.
…and I would have to act as blindly as I could muster in any means I could think of...to finally depart from this mind that wanders within its own limits, playing this agony I see again and again.
…and before I finally say goodbye…I silently say…
I love you. Those were the words Sendoh Akira said, keeping you in his warmth the moment the both of you have had the time to breathe. I can discern the words from your mouth even if in a distance such as this, you said back the words I dreamt of for so long…the one that you would tell me and now I tell you. And as I move all the more farther from you and your lover, the more I wanted to stay away…to teach my watchful eyes to forget the things they saw and to close forever.
Goodbye Rukawa Kaede.
The End
March 1, 2003
A/N: Reviews and constructive criticisms please!!!