The Silmarillion Simplified

by Taffia

Ever get confused with all those names and places and more names and more places with more names? If you still don't understand the Silmarillion after this, I cannot help you. (for humour...no insult to the beauty of the original intended)

1. Ainulindalë

The Silmarillion (Simplified)

Disclaimer: It's the Silmarillion. It and everything mentioned herein are property of J.R.R. Tolkien. Any half-wit knows that.

Ainulindalë

(For those not blessed with the knowledge of the language of the elves, it's 'The Music of the Holy Ones'…poor unenlightened humans that you be…)

Ainur

::sing sing sing::

Ilúvatar

Oooh…pretty, pretty music!

Ainur

::sing sing sing::

Ilúvatar

But, um, is that all you do?

::pokes head::

You listening in there?

Ainur

::sing sing sing::

Ilúvatar

A…ha.

Ainur

::sing sing sing::

Ilúvatar

Yes, it's pretty! Very pretty! But, here. I want you to sing this.

::telepathic communication::

Ainur

Ooooh. Okay.

::sing sing sing and stuff actually happens::

Ilúvatar

Yay! Pretty, pretty world! I'll call it Eä--funky accent mark included for linguistic effect. Hmm, but, Melkor? Did you hit a sour note or something? I knew those voice lessons for you would have been a good idea.

Melkor

::cough::That'sbecausemyversionisbetterthanyours::cough::

Er…sorry.

Ilúvatar

No matter. Look, Ulmo! Melkor's mess-up makes your water do other things than just…be there! That's snow, and those are clouds. Oh! Look at the misty bits! Pretty, pretty!

Ulmo

Dude! I'm gonna have to tell Manwë about this!

Manwë

Can we live there? Can we? Can we?

Ilúvatar

Not all of you. I'd still like to hear pretty, pretty music, but the greatest of you may. The rest need voice lessons anyhow. I don't need them scaring off my Firstborn whose own melodies are to be surpassing sweet.

Valar

Yay!

::toddle down to Arda and take on forms that would make even the elves jealous::