Disclaimer: Still not me.

Warning: Mmmmm.......some noncon situations. Not as bad as you may think, trust me...

Dedication: This is still for Tara! I hope you're enjoying it...

Author's Note: This isn't going to be as bad as you're all expecting. Don't worry about it. Those who were considering not reading, it's safe. :-) And Sirius is so mean! Bad doggy, no biscuit!

Body and Blood

Chapter Four

Pale Redemption

Peter quivered in the corner of the room, blood dripping over his eye and obscuring his vision. He swallowed hard, his eyes stinging from tears as well as blood. He hunched over himself, his mind a chaotic whirlwind of bleakness. He couldn't think. He didn't know what to think.

"Ah...you're not playing..."

Peter whimpered, turning his head. He didn't know exactly what was coming, but he knew it would be unpleasant. He felt the tip of a blade caressing his cheek, softly. The cold stung, but not as much as the bite would. He strained away from it, soft sobs rising up in his throat. Why was James doing this to him? A part of him hoped desperately that this was all just an act, that the real James was in there somewhere. Maybe...maybe this was some sort of revenge?

"You know you like this." James hissed, crouching down in front of Peter. "I bet you want it..."

"No..." Peter mumbled, shaking his head.

"You just don't want to admit it." James continued. "Here...have some of this..." He held out the container of blood. Peter buried his face in his knees, feeling the blade digging into his skin. He was half certain he was going to die.

'Aw shit..."

The blade was withdrawn, and Peter risked a glance at the room. James was shaking his head, sword held at his side. "Looks like our lord wants an audience. Guess we'll have to postpone this till later. And I was looking forward to hearing you scream."

Peter sighed. It looked like he was being spared, at least for the moment. He took a deep breath, eyes following James as he waltzed out of the room, humming.

What had happened? What had gone wrong? How had Voldemort so completely brainwashed James? Peter had done what he could, but it obviously hadn't been enough. He couldn't do anything more, he wasn't strong enough. He couldn't fight James, and he couldn't change him. *He* couldn't...

//They wouldn't listen to me...// Peter sighed, wiping away blood and tears from his cheek. //They'd never believe me. Well...I don't know. Sirius...maybe. He loved James. Maybe he's help...and maybe he could fix James...or at least...well, take care of things.//

Something had to be done. Peter knew that. James was dangerous. To everyone. Especially Peter. //He'll kill me faster then Voldemort would. I can tell. He's like...I don't even know. He's demented. He isn't James.// That was all Peter could think. This thing, this man, wasn't James. He was sort of a creature, a monster. Voldemort had changed him, somehow. And he hadn't told Peter. Which wasn't anything new. Peter was often kept out of the loop, just in case. His loyalty was still questioned. Still.

//After all I've done...// He cradled his right hand close to his chest, not bearing to look at it. He hated it. He decided he'd rather have no hand then the thing Voldemort had given him. It was a constant reminder of what he was, what he had done. He didn't want to be reminded, he wanted to forget! But forgetting wasn't an option. He had to live with it, live with the pain and the scars.

//This is it.// He knew he had to make a choice now. If he went to Sirius, he would be turning his back on Voldemort. Could he really do that? He had been Voldemort's hound for so long, could he truly run from his master?

//They'll kill me. But so will half the people here.// He was damned, either way. //I'm going to die. I might as well do it trying to make up for things.// He knew he wasn't brave, or strong, or even a good person. But he knew what was right and wrong, and it was time to start doing the right thing.

//If Voldemort is with James, they'll be busy for a while. Voldemort plans a lot.// He could Apparate to near Hogwarts, and transform to get in. He could find Sirius, and hope to explain everything to him before he was killed out right. He wished it had been Remus who was in love with James. Remus was the calmer of the two, the one who would at least listen to Peter before killing him.

//This is it.// Peter took a deep breath, knowing if he thought about it too much, he'd change his mind. He closed his eyes, and Apperated.

***

Hogwarts. It brought back memories. Some of them good, some of them very, very bad. He crawled along the edge of the wall, keeping out of sight as best he could. It was a weekend, and students were going here and there. Peter paused at a turn, wanting to wait until the way was clear before he darted out into the open. He hugged the corner, hoping no one noticed him.

"Oh ew..."

Peter winced. Voices were always so loud when he was a rat. He chanced looking up, and saw two of the last people he wanted to see. Even from such a low vantage point, Ron Weasley and Harry Potter were very recognizable.

"What?"

"It's a rat!"

Peter swallowed hard, wondering if he had time to run. But he couldn't. Something wouldn't let him. His little legs were frozen, and his breathing was coming very quickly. He was afraid his tiny rat heart would burst.

"A rat?" Peter scrunched closer to the wall as Harry Potter moved closer, watching him. "You don't see too many rats in Hogwarts..." There was suspicion in that voice. //Run!// Peter yelled at himself, but he didn't have it in him. Well, if he was caught, maybe they'd take him to Sirius...or Dumbledore!

"I hate rats." Ron said, crossing his arms and taking a step back. If Peter were human, he would have let out a sad little sigh. He actually liked Ron, quite a bit. He felt badly for what had happened to him.

"You don't think...?" Harry trailed off, bending down.

"He wouldn't be that stupid." Ron responded. "Would he?"

Something inside of Peter kicked into gear. He squeaked, and ran. He didn't know where, only that he had to get out of there. He didn't even realize he wasn't being chased. He just ran, as fast and far as his little legs would carry him. Until he felt a pressure on his tail, and someone picked him up rather roughly. There was no warning, and no voice to help him identify who had grabbed him. He twisted and turned, squealing madly. But he was being held down low, so all he could see was denim clad hip.

"I'd stop that if I were you."

Low, gravelly, dangerous. Well, Peter had found Sirius it seemed. He went quiet, and allowed himself to be carried and thrown roughly onto a table top. He shook himself off, looking around. He was in a bedroom, and he was alone with Sirius. Who, Peter noticed, was looking much better then the last time they'd met.

'Transform. Now."

Peter didn't need to be told twice. He transformed, and hopped off of the table, keeping it between Sirius and himself. //Stay calm. Don't cry. Explain.//

"What the hell are you doing here? And it better be to turn yourself in..."

"Just listen to me!" Peter said, quickly. "Voldemort...he...he shouldn't have! it wasn't right..." //Wonderful! You're making a whole lot of sense. Try again, Sirius is ready to kill you.//

"Oh, found out your lord wasn't as kind as he claimed?" Sirius hissed.

"No!" Peter shook his head. "He's...he did something, something you need to know about! He's going to use it against you!"

"What are you talking about?" Sirius was still suspicious, but it seemed like he was at least going to listen. "And if you're lying, I swear to god..."

"I'm not!" Peter said. "Give me veritasium. Cut off my other hand!"

"Talk." Sirius said, folding his arms.

"Voldemort...he's been messing with dark magic. Really dark magic! He...he can bring people back from the dead." Peter was horrified to realize his voice was a soft squeak.

"He what?" Sirius asked.

"He can bring people back! And he shouldn't...it doesn't matter. Dead is dead, and it's forever for a reason, and I think I know why cause he's all messed up now, and he likes pain and hurting people and..."

"Who, Voldemort?" Sirius sounded confused, and Peter wished he could put his thoughts in order. He was too terrified to be coherent though, or narrate things in the right order.

"No, James."

"What?" Sirius' voice was dead calm. Peter knew he had about five seconds to live, unless he could explain things properly.

"Voldemort brought James back, but now he's evil." peter said, amazed that he could put it properly.

"I don't believe you." Sirius said, in the same flat voice.

"It's true!" Peter insisted. "Give me truth potions, torture me, anything..."

"Why James?"

"Because he can use him!" Peter said. "As a bargaining chip, as a secret weapon...but he made James like him. He didn't have any memory when he came back.. I tried...I tried to tell him everything, but he didn't believe me. Then Voldemort told him he was a Deatheater, and then I don't know what happened. But...he...he came into my room, and he wanted werewolf blood, and then..." Peter couldn't go on.

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Because! It's not right...and you...I can't do anything." Peter took a deep breath. "Send me to Azkaban. I don't even care anymore. I just...I know I'm going to die before this is all over. I figured I might as well do something right before I died."

"It's a little late for nobility Peter."

"I'm not trying to be noble!" Peter nearly screamed. "I'm just doing what I think is right! I'm sorry, for everything I did, okay? I did it for all the wrong reasons, even though I thought they were right. I messed up. I'm a weak, stupid, sad little person! But I'm not an idiot. James...he's dangerous like this. The things he likes...you didn't see what I did." Peter shuddered.

"What did you see?" Sirius didn't even address Peter's outburst.

"Him and Lucius Malfoy." Peter began, and Sirius held up a hand.

"You don't have to go into detail." Sirius sat down. "So why are you here?"

"To find you. I couldn't make him remember..I thought..." Peter sucked in his lower lip.

"You want me to try?" Sirius asked.

"I know if you can't make him remember..you'll...I'm not strong enough...I already killed him once Sirius, I can't do it again."

"Yeah." Sirius nodded. "Yeah, all right. You've got yourself a few days, at least. I need you to help me get in. But afterwards..."

"I go to Azkaban." Peter didn't even care. Maybe he'd get lucky, and they'd give him the Dementor's Kiss, and it would all be over with. He wouldn't' have to hurt anymore.

"Yeah. I'd feel better if we could kill you, but I promised Harry." Sirius rose, running his hands through his hair. "And I still almost don't believe you. So lead the way...I want to get this over with."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~