(The door crashes to the floor, and a flood of multi-colored TRIBBLES spill into the room!)
(They swamp a few redshirts, who scream and are eaten alive. Scotty pulls Uhura's unconscious form away before she can be eaten, too.)
Spock: It appears that we are trapped.
Chekov: The horror! Man-eating Tribbles!
Scotty: Why is that so bad?
Chekov: What a stupid, embaressing way to die.
Sulu: What will we do, Mr. Spock?
Spock: We… *looks stumped, for once*
Chekov: *glances at a few, cowering redshirts* *exchanges a glance with Sulu*
Sulu: Let's walk across on the bodies of the Redshirts, and then go down to the sickbay to Dr. McCoy and the Captain!
(Everyone blinks.)
Sulu: *sg* Well, no one else was making any suggestions.
(They all shrug, then grab the Redshirts. The Redshirts kick and scream helplessly and are tossed on top of the tribbles in a line. The CREW walks on top of them and climb into the lift, escaping certain, embaressing death!)
(They hurry down to Sickbay. McCoy and Kirk look politely confused.)
Kirk: What's going on? Spock?
Spock: It appears Kahn survived the Genesis device.
McCoy: But… that's impossible!
Sulu: *wryly* Apparently not.
Chekov: Tribbles have invaded the ship, keptin!
(All over the ship, redshirts are eaten alive. All others are spared, due to things in the Tribbles' path or plot purposes.)
Kirk: *sighs* I hate Tribbles.
Uhura: What do we do, Captain?
Kirk: *grimly* We… go see if we can transport all the Tribbles off. Then we find calm.
Chekov: Ingenius, sir!
Sulu: …Hey, I thought up that plan!
Kirk: Be quiet. *to the rest* To the transporter room!
Scotty: Aye, captain!
(They make it halfway there, but then barricade in the sickbay as a flood of Tribbles swarm the hallway.)
McCoy: Jim, what'll we do!?
Kirk: Um…
(The Tribbles begin to viciously squeak, eating the door slowly. It soon resembles swiss cheese of a lightly cuter kind. Not to mention fuzzier kind.)
Kirk: Er…
(The mult-colored hord starts to spread, towards them.)
Kirk: Um—
Everyone Else: CAPTAIN!
Kirk: *grabs a random surfboard* We surf out!
Everyone Else: …
Spock: Captain, where did you get that device?
Kirk: Author. *smug*
Sulu: Does anyone know how to surf?
Kirk: It's easy, Mr. Sulu! Just set the board down and… do your thing!
(They all get surfboards, from some unknown place, and surf on the furry ocean of Tribbles. The Tribbles don't have time to eat them as they go by, so they're safe—for the moment.)
Kirk: *surfs through a few hallways* *notes that the Tribbles stop in a few feet* !!
Spock: Don't worry, Captain! Merely jump off!
(This is too much for Kirk he slides into a wall and crumples by his board. Spock neatly jumps off. McCoy and Sulu manage to do the same. Chekov and Scotty slam into each other, and then spin into another wall. Uhura rushes off her board to help Chekov.)
Uhura: Oh, Pavel!
(Spock helps Kirk to his feet. Kirk steadies himself, then…)
Kirk: *pained voice* To the transporter room immediately!